#DFG: Canceling the Noise

[mauidano]

I have to go take a pee right now.  And I feel compelled to time it.
 
EDIT: 75 seconds.

I got 80 seconds and the only ball bags handled were mine.

 

[triniSox]

Belichick's press conference on the science behind urination times is going to EPIC.

He also really needed to go so assume full bladder => greater than average urination time length.

 

[riboflav]

Wells' team has to be telling the NFL there's no way to prove tampering beyond a reasonable doubt and avoid a lawsuit from either Kraft or the NFLPA on behalf of Brady.

 
I keep hoping that Wells is actually trying to understand how this all came about. Who alerted the refs? Who tipped off Kravitz? Etc. But, then, realism takes over.

 

[Corsi]

 
The Twitter theory is now that there was another bag of properly deflated balls already stashed in the bathroom with the officials' forged marks on them.

 
Who the fuck was the ball boy, Criss Angel? 

 

[Doctor G]

comments from ARod coming up on the Mike Francesa Show after Mink's 20 20.

 

[scottyno]

Also, FFS.

https://mobile.twitter.com/sinow/status/559933055260180481

good thing I had no plans on watching the pregame coverage anyway, just keep him far away from the actual game

 

[Gambler7]

Credit to Jeff Howe. He was on Felger and Mazz when the Glazer "report" broke. He brought up that the bathroom was right there in that area. Everyone laughed it off but he was pretty serious.

 

[Buster Olney the Lonely]

I want to see Goodell get pelted with urine cakes from that bathroom. 

 

[catomatic]

I have to go take a pee right now.  And I feel compelled to time it.
 
EDIT: 75 seconds.

69.66 seconds w/o 24 footballs to lug around and negotiate in and out of the bathroom door. Also, did not lock the door against harmless wife and child who are asleep.

 

[theapportioner]

 
Belichick's press conference on the science behind urination times is going to EPIC.

 
I expect Sumner to come up with a plausible theory based on the Navier-Stokes Equations.

 

[Kull]

He also really needed to go so assume full bladder => greater than average urination time length.

 
You are onto something. He didn't have to empty his whole bladder, just a few PSIs worth.

 

[riboflav]

The question isn't how fast can you take a piss. It's how fast can you deflate 11 footballs in a zipped bag, and do it accurately to 1 or 2 psi without accidentally deflating one to a point where you will totally get busted?

 
In fairness, the guy's been practicing this feat 10 times a day every day for months.

 

[AardsmaToZupcic]

#UrinateGate

#defegate

 

[steveluck7]

 
You are onto something. He didn't have to empty his whole bladder, just a few PSIs worth.

"Mike, he weighed 2 lbs less!! you telling me no one noticed?!?!
/Tony Mazz

 

[Ferm Sheller]

I got 80 seconds and the only ball bags handled were mine.

I took 89 seconds, but I also checked my look in the mirror as if I was a 20 year old kid who was going to be hanging near cheerleaders in front of a crowd of 65,000 people on national tv.

 

[Kull]

#defegate

 
Holy shit! Tears baby, tears! Thanks

 

[doc]

Maybe he pee'd on the Colts balls

 

[soxhop411]

RT @mikefreemanNFL: All men of Twitter: go time yourself peeing and then report back. Let's compile a national average.
 
FFS

 

[mascho]

This thread needs a discussion of optimal tip to tip efficiency. 

 

[soxhop411]

RT @mikefreemanNFL: All men of Twitter: go time yourself peeing and then report back. Let's compile a national average.

 

[DJnVa]

The question isn't how fast can you take a piss. It's how fast can you deflate 11 footballs in a zipped bag, and do it accurately to 1 or 2 psi without accidentally deflating one to a point where you will totally get busted?

 
It took one guy 1.2 seconds to deflate a ball 2 PSI. And you have to go 11 for 11 here. You go too short, there's no time to measure and it'd be tough to nail it trying a second time.

 

[DennyDoyle'sBoil]

He was also probably bundled up for the weather so needed some time to get zipped and unzipped. Fuck you NFL and Glazer, I mean seriously.

 

[nattysez]

Credit to Jeff Howe. He was on Felger and Mazz when the Glazer "report" broke. He brought up that the bathroom was right there in that area. Everyone laughed it off but he was pretty serious.

 
He immediately tweeted the same thing.  
 
BTW, there is zero chance BB and Kraft didn't already know about this.  I'll bet that's what really angered Kraft -- this "investigation" is a nothingburger and Ginger's mishandling of it is causing the Pats to get attacked for no reason because of these ridiculous leaks.  I wonder if he wrote his statement on the plane after that Glazer leak.

 

[theapportioner]

 
You are onto something. He didn't have to empty his whole bladder, just a few PSIs worth.

 
Did the refs properly check the urinary bladder pressures pre-game, though?
 
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/2113529-overview

 

[Tito's Pullover]

I'm at the point now where fixing this league would be a lost cause. Win this Super Bowl and then go 19-0 next year. Then Brady and Belichick can retire together as undisputed GOAT QB and coach and I can start watching the fucking CFL or some shit.

 

[steveluck7]

Maybe he pee'd on the Colts balls

If he had peed on his own, the cleanup alone would have taken more than 90 seconds

 

[BroodsSexton]

 
It took one guy 1.2 seconds to deflate a ball 2 PSI. And you have to go 11 for 11 here. You go too short, there's no time to measure and it'd be tough to nail it trying a second time.

 
So plenty of time, you're saying?

 

[koufax32]

Is it okay to ride the ROFLCOPTER yet?

 

[Kull]

 
It took one guy 1.2 seconds to deflate a ball 2 PSI. And you have to go 11 for 11 here. You go too short, there's no time to measure and it'd be tough to nail it trying a second time.

 
And why would he be racing to complete the task in 90 seconds? It's not like there was a ticking bomb that had to be defused. The whole 90 seconds thing is going to be even more ridiculous when it turns out they didn't need them on the field for another 10 to 20 minutes.

 

[Gambler7]

All you need to know about this is how the info was leaked to Glazer and what was left out of that info. It's a smear campaign. It's unimaginable.

 

[Ed Hillel]

RT @mikefreemanNFL: All men of Twitter: go time yourself peeing and then report back. Let's compile a national average.

He then called them cheaters.

 

[DennyDoyle'sBoil]

It took one guy 1.2 seconds to deflate a ball 2 PSI. And you have to go 11 for 11 here. You go too short, there's no time to measure and it'd be tough to nail it trying a second time.

That's needle in time, right? That leaves seven second per ball to find the valve and insert the needle, plus zip and unzip the bag. And why would he have rushed? Take two minutes. No way you could do this in 90 seconds.

 

[OnWisc]

Advance footage of Goodell discussing the authenticity of the video in court.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ejiSCSafHxM

 

[triniSox]

Did someone from the Colts see him enter/exit the bathroom with the footballs? Could be they saw it, got suspicious and that started this whole thing.

 

[nattysez]

He then called them cheaters.

 
I've lost all respect for Freeman during this incident.  I thought he was a solid Twitter follow until now, but he's been terrible through this whole thing.  And (I learned during all this) it turns out that he lied on his resume and lost a job because of it, so his calling the Pats cheaters is just pot kettle black.

 

[aksoxfan]

90 seconds in the washroom=enters puts the ball bags down, locks the door, unzippers, does his business, rezippers, washes hands, picks up bags and unlocks door. Certainly it would take that long.

Gotta spend a few seconds checking the hair out in the mirror....

 

[riboflav]

He then called them cheaters.

 
He's done a complete 180 since last Monday.

 

[cymbaline777]

Been watching this discussion for a week unfortunately. I feel as if Brady and the Pats going to Arizona for the Super Bowl will be like Rocky going to Moscow in Part IV.

 

[Hoya81]

 
The Twitter theory is now that there was another bag of properly deflated balls already stashed in the bathroom with the officials' forged marks on them.

There would have to be video of someone bringing in the unapproved balls and leaving them there. And someone removing the ref approved balls later. It sounds like from Jeff Howe this is a public bathroom. Whole thing is crazy.

 

[Gambler7]

Ha I'm there with you on Freeman. He blocked me for nicely calling him out on one tweet. I then found his past lying and cheating history.

 

[OnWisc]

Been watching this discussion for a week unfortunately. I feel as if Brady and the Pats going to Arizona for the Super Bowl will be like Rocky going to Moscow in Part IV.

It's going to be snowy and they'll be tailed by the KGB the whole time?

 

[Tito's Pullover]

There would have to be video of someone bringing in the unapproved balls and leaving them there. And someone removing the ref approved balls later. It sounds like from Jeff Howe this is a public bathroom. Whole thing is crazy.

Not if they went through the ducts, a la Jason Grimsley...

 

[NWsoxophile]

The Twitter theory is now that there was another bag of properly deflated balls already stashed in the bathroom with the officials' forged marks on them.

That show's just how invested people are in the idea that Boogeyman Bill and the Patriots are bad!bad!bad! It's not even possible to these people that there could be a perfectly mundane explanation.

 

[riboflav]

There would have to be video of someone bringing in the unapproved balls and leaving them there. And someone removing the ref approved balls later. It sounds like from Jeff Howe this is a public bathroom. Whole thing is crazy.

 
NO! YOU'RE CRAZY!

 

[Kull]

There would have to be video of someone bringing in the unapproved balls and leaving them there. And someone removing the ref approved balls later. It sounds like from Jeff Howe this is a public bathroom. Whole thing is crazy.

 
Exactly. If there's video, it's security cam stuff that probably runs over an extended period. So that means you'll capture other people entering the room, probably soon after the guy left with the ball bags. Are they in on it too? Perhaps special compartments in the walls or ceilings to hold the balls? There's a whole train of crazy for those who want to ride it.

 

[GeorgeCostanza]

do you have indoor plumbing???

Oh when I'm home forgetaboutit. Even if I'm just taking a piss, I grab the iPad, sit down, and relax for 10-15 min.

 

[Corsi]

Ha I'm there with you on Freeman. He blocked me for nicely calling him out on one tweet. I then found his past lying and cheating history.

 
He blocked me for asking why once of his "anonymous exec" sources didn't have the guts to put their name behind their words.

 

[cymbaline777]

It seems like they've attracted their attention! In a Stalinist touch I'd love to see Goodell edited out of any Lombardi trophy photos if we win! Off to the Gulag with you Goodell!

 

[TomTerrific]

Off topic slightly, but tonight I just happened to listen to the CBS Football Podcast recorded last Friday, or in other words, right after the Belichick and Brady PCs. Will Brinson and Ryan Wilson were completely and utterly reasonable about the whole mishegas. They've gone up several notches in my book.

 

[Harry Hooper]

That show's just how invested people are in the idea that Boogeyman Bill and the Patriots are bad!bad!bad! It's not even possible to these people that there could be a perfectly mundane explanation.

 
 
Sad they they can't let it go, but good news that they immediately recognize 90 seconds is inadequate for deflation.