And this: There's a Starbucks in downtown Indy, on the circle surrounding the Soldiers and Sailors Monument, and I pulled up behind an Indianapolis police officer in front of it, put my flashers on, and ran in to get coffee. On my way out, five minutes later, the officer rolls down his window and says to me, "That your car?''
"Yes,'' I said.
"Need your driver's license,'' he said. "I can't believe you did that, right behind a cop. You parked in front of the hydrant.''
"My God,'' I said. "It was only five minutes. Cut me a break!"
He took my license, wrote out the ticket, handed it to me, and I said, "Gosh, it was only five minutes!''
I got in the car, and as I started to pull into traffic, the officer got out of his car again and gave me the stop sign, walking to the passenger window. I rolled it down.
"Give me that ticket,'' he said. "I'm doubling your fine. You just pulled out into traffic without using your blinker.''
"Are you kidding me?'' I said. "First a parking ticket, now a moving violation??''
And I started to realize: Two harmless violations, with no obvious victims, and all of a sudden this $5.95 Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino was going to cost me more than $250.
Play idiot cop much?
Officer: "And be sure to pay this promptly. I don't want to have to hunt you down."
Me: "Hey, thanks a lot. Don't think for a second you won't hear about this in my next MMQB!"
Bono of the Indianapolis Police Department he was not.
Again, I'm not defending the guy, it's pretty obvious that I believe that he's history's greatest monster. BUT, enough people have a high opinion of him which is interesting.And by his own admission he took a foul ball away from a kid, he treats service workers abominably, and pulls the "Do You Know Who I Am" card all the time.
OK, so he's nice to his colleagues. Big deal. I'm sure some of Ron Borges' co-workers tolerate him too. But by and large, by his own words, he's an enormous asshole.
Weird too.Again, I'm not defending the guy, it's pretty obvious that I believe that he's history's greatest monster. BUT, enough people have a high opinion of him which is interesting.
Daaaaaaamn--SJH just went all Matthew 25 up in his grill!And by his own admission he took a foul ball away from a kid, he treats service workers abominably, and pulls the "Do You Know Who I Am" card all the time.
OK, so he's nice to his colleagues. Big deal. I'm sure some of Ron Borges' co-workers tolerate him too. But by and large, by his own words, he's an enormous asshole.
Also, real runners would never have the mindset to make up a spot and put on the hazards . They'd find a parking space and walk to the stupid Starbucks. Doesn't this guy claim to have run a half marathon?Yeah--if you're leaving your hazards on, aren't you kind of admitting you're not in a parking spot?
Isn't that pretty much the basis of all observational humor writing though? I don't really think, say, David Sedaris or Bill Bryson are quite so funny in their internal monologues until the second revision either.I also have no doubt that his "Can you believe this guy/girl?" stories are 80% bullshit, and are in fact written with all the snappy, self-serving, reactions that only hindsight can bring. In fact, the righteous indignation almost certainly stems from the fact that he's frustrated with himself for not saying something he wish he had.
Read More: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2012/writers/peter_king/11/20/colin-kaepernick-alex-smith/index.html#ixzz2CojSSrVsColin Kaepernick has just made life as a 49ers beat writer very difficult. I don't agree with Harbaugh, and if I'm Smith, I'm supremely ticked off. But I wanted to give you a view of Harbaugh's mindset and why he's thinking the way he is.
Seeing a Bryson/King comparison, even a marginal one, hurt my soul. I will now crawl away and die.A) Bryson is 10 times as smart as PK
B) Bryson is very funny
C) Bryson makes fun of himself as much as anyone else
― Bill Bryson, on travelling in Europe.“But that's the glory of foreign travel, as far as I am concerned. I don't want to know what people are talking about. I can't think of anything that excites a greater sense of childlike wonder than to be in a country where you are ignorant of almost everything. Suddenly you are five years old again. You can't read anything, you have only the most rudimentary sense of how things work, you can't even reliably cross a street without endangering your life. Your whole existence becomes a series of interesting guesses.”
-Peter King on travelling in Europe.Fun vacation. Strange coincidence.
My wife and I went to Dachau, the concentration camp outside Munich, and then moved on to Venice.
Once in Venice, we lined up to take a water taxi to our hotel. That’s right; there are no cars allowed in the busiest part of Venice. You either walk or take a boat.
In line, a man approached me and said he liked my work and was glad to meet me. We small-talked about his Ravens for a minute until a taxi-boat driver approached. “Want a ride to your hotel? Where are you staying?” he asked.
“The Westin,” my new acquaintance said.
“So are we,” I said. “Want to share it?”
So we did, Randy Amon and his wife, Marlene, me and my wife. In the boat, Randy asked me where we were going from here.
“New Hampshire,” I said. “We’re going to a place called Mount Washington for a few days.”
Randy looked stunned. His wife looked stunned.
“We’re going to Mount Washington too,” he said.
We got to the hotel. Checked in side by side. “Mr. Amon, we have your reservation,” the clerk said. “You’ll be with us for three nights.”
We were staying for three nights.
On the third night, the last night, we ran into Randy and Marlene in the outdoor bar and had a drink. They were flying in the morning. Leaving at 6:15, he said.
We were flying in the morning. Planning to leave at 6:30.
“Want to share a taxi?” he said. So we did.
Turns out they were headed home to Baltimore for a few days before going to Mount Washington. The day we left Mount Washington, they arrived.
Same hotel in Bretton Woods, N.H.
Now that’s weird. Same train. Same hotel, for the same number of nights. Same end site for vacation halfway across the world in a place that I’m certain only two parties in Venice would be going to as the end of their vacations.
Well they also both hate women.It's like comparing Joyce to Simmons because they are both wordy.
Everyone here hates that book. We hate it only second to how much we hate the Simpsons Australia episode.Read Bryson's "In a Sunburned Country" and you'll see the full effect of his self-deprecation and sublime appreciation for Australia. He might be an asshole at times, but he at least realizes it and lacks the moralizing that King has turned into a high art form.
Does anyone there like the Simpsons episode? And if they do, is it a bootable offense? If you don't know, are you going to scream out to your MP, who is no doubt lounging in his mudhole?Everyone here hates that book. We hate it only second to how much we hate the Simpsons Australia episode.
Happy Thanksgiving1: On this day of gratitude, a special nod to Rams center Scott Wells+wife Julie for their incredible act of humanity
Happy Thanksgiving2: Seven years ago on Thanksgiving Day, Julie gave birth to stillborn twin sons. It crushed them, obviously ...
Happy Thanksgiving3: So this year, already w/2 children of their own, strong Christians Scott+Julie went to Uganda to adopt 2 ...
Happy Thanksgiving4: Near the end of the adoption, they discovered a sibling, a 3d child in the family. They'd only wanted 2, but ...
Happy Thanksgiving5: They felt they couldn't leave the 5-yr-old girl behind. They went to Africa wanting 2. They returned with 3 ...
So Happy First Thanksgiving to the new Wells family of 7 in St. Louis.
One correction: The Wells family has 3 biological children, making it Happy Thanksgiving for 8 Wellses. My apologies for the error
It was very funny to hear Collinsworth with the media equivalent of a drive-by shooting on last night's telecast.
Post-game, while NBC was setting up their horribly-contrived Madden Turkey Day awards (complete with mutant bird), Collinsworth made sure to voice his concern that Peter King might swoop in and destroy the place-setting before they had a chance to distribute the awards. Totally uncool, but hysterical nonetheless.
ENOUGH ABOUT ALLAGASH WHITE.k. Beernerdness: Thanks, Ommegang (Cooperstown, N.Y.) for making your White beer available throughout Manhattan. I don't like it as much as Allagash White, but any port in a storm when you're jonesing for some Belgian beer is a good thing.
Who is the more moronic: the moron, or the moron who quotes him?Pittsburgh-Baltimore, the rematch, Sunday at The Big Crabcake. (I think that's Chris Berman's invention, so I'll give him naming rights.)
1. New England (8-3). Pats have averaged 47.5 points per game the last four weeks. Tom Brady's on pace for 35 touchdowns and four interceptions. Occasionally they show signs of being defensively competent. And Thursday, they won by 30 without their two best offensive linemen, best tight end and best defensive end. How they have three losses, I have no idea.
Oh bull fucking shit.Goat of the Week
Ron Winter, referee, Pittsburgh-Cleveland game. As horrible as the Steelers were Sunday -- and turning the ball over eight times is sufficient to lose 100 percent of the time -- Winter made an incredible non-call with two minutes left in the fourth quarter and Cleveland trying to run out a 20-14 lead. Cleveland running back Trent Richardson ran into a clogged line, got stoned and stripped at the same time, and the Steelers jumped on the fumble. Though no whistle was audible, and Winter was staring at the play as it happened, no fumble was ruled, and the Steelers lost a last legitimate chance to catch up. You just can't miss those calls.
SEE! Even he admits it! In your column! Right there! He concedes that he knew the rule, so you can't let him off the hook by saying "Well, that's such a stupid rule that nobody would think of it." (a position which would still force the question: "how can a HC of an NFL football team not be expected to know the challenge rules by now? That's a crucial part of his in-game job responsibilities")Quote of the Week IV
"I know the rule: You can't challenge on a turnover or a scoring play, but I was so mad that I overreacted. I had the flag in my hand before he even scored because he was obviously down. It's my fault. I overreacted in that situation and cost us a touchdown.''
It doesn't fucking matter if it's a dumb rule! He admitted that he knew the rule, and ignored it so he could act like an ass, thereby fucking his team out of a win. The Head Coach! The validity of the rule has nothing to do with it! Completely irrelevant, as is the fact that the league will likely remove/revise it in the offseason.-- Detroit coach Jim Schwartz, who threw a challenge flag after a Houston touchdown he wanted to challenge Thursday, preventing the challenge from taking place because of the dumb NFL rule that negates an automatic replay if a coach throws the flag after a scoring play or turnover. The league, thankfully, will erase the non-replay of the challenge by 2013, and maybe sooner.
Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week
Not mine. Ian Eagle's. What the CBS football/YES Network basketball/Dial Global sports radio football announcer has done in the past week:
Ok. So, after having Saturday (and, presumably, at least Friday as well, and maybe Thursday...I mean, what, are we supposed to gasp because this is on a Sunday? As if working on a weekend is unthinkable, even when you don't work a normal work week?) off, ol' Ian has to work for 4 hours on Sunday and then fly home, gets home late. No biggie. Also, I'm sure the guy is flying first class, courtesy of the network.Sunday, Nov. 18: Flew from St. Louis to New York after doing Jets-Rams game for CBS. Arrived at his New Jersey home at 11:15 p.m
Hm. So he had, basically, all of Monday off to hang out at his house. Doesn't sound too rough. Again: flying first class. King doesn't say when he landed, but I'm guessing it was around 10 PM or so.Monday: Flew from Newark to Los Angeles at 8 p.m.
Again, Ian had almost the entire day to do...whatever he it is does...around L.A. until about 5:00 or so to get ready for the game. Then he flies the (relatively) short flight to S.F. This schedule does not sound very rough. I mean, it's not nothing, but he's working, at most, 8 hour days, with large chunks of that just sitting on an airplane. I should be so lucky.Tuesday: Did the Nets-Lakers game in Los Angeles for YES Network.. Flew on Nets' charter with team from Los Angeles to San Francisco. In bed by 2 a.m. Wednesday.
Once again, had all day to hang out in San Francisco (what an awful place to have to kill a day!), and then worked for 4 hours, then flew on a plane, presumably in something akin to first class again so he could sleep. Then got to go home. Yea, that sounds mildly shitty, but nothing to write home about.Wednesday: Did the Nets-Warriors game in Oakland for YES Network. Flew on Nets' charter with team from San Francisco to Newark after the game. In bed in his New Jersey home by 9 a.m. Thursday.
So around 6:30 (after having, again, all day to do whatever) he had to drive 30 minutes to Giants Stadium, did his usual work routine, and then drove home. Not exactly a rough day. Maybe "worked" for 5 hours.Thursday: Did the Patriots-Jets game for Dial Global Radio. Home by midnight.
Maybe "worked" 4 hours.Friday: Did the Clippers-Nets game from Brooklyn for YES Network. Home by midnight.
Oh come on! So he got up at a typical time (probably 6:00) to catch a mid-morning flight, then went from the airport to an office to have a meeting? Big fucking deal! There are, literally, people who do this shit every day. Regardless, he was probably done for the day around 2:30. Cry me a fucking river.Saturday: Flew to San Diego at 8:20 a.m. Did CBS production meeting with Chargers at noon at their team facility.
Sunday: Got to sleep in until 10:00, had a breakfast of sweet cream and croissants with almond butter with french-press coffee. Paid for by network. strolled around by the ocean for some air. Had company driver take him to the stadium. Makeup and prep for 45 minutes. Did game. Back to hotel around 5:00. Paid for hooker. Fucked hooker until 6:30. Washed up. Hired fishing charter for 90 minutes. Caught bluefin. Had driver take me to the airport. Sat at airport bar, had 2 martinis. Got into first class seating, fell right asleep.Sunday: Did the Ravens-Chargers game for CBS at 1 p.m. Pacific Time. Returned to San Diego hotel. Rested. Flew to Newark at 9:30 p.m., with the redeye due to deliver him home just after dawn today.
"At some point in my life, I forgot what it was like to have a real job.""At one point on the flight to San Diego Saturday,'' Eagle reported Sunday night, "I napped for about seven minutes and woke up and I thought I was flying to Buffalo to do a Bills game. Then again, I also thought at one point I was an orthodontist."
I am honestly struggling to figure out why this is profound or notable in any way, and I can't figure it out. This defines "bland."Tweet of the Week III
"I HATE LOSING!"
-- @TerrellePryor, after the 3-8 Raiders lost their fourth straight game, in Cincinnati on Sunday.
Well, given that Brady threw for 36 TDs and 4 INT's 2 years ago....and 50 TDs and 8 INT's 5 years ago.... I'd say that stats don't bear that out. Still great? Yes. Getting better? No.b. Tom Brady, on pace for 35 touchdown passes and four interceptions. Is it possible he's getting better with age?
Wait. On what fucking planet is Bradley Cooper an Oscar favorite? Because he stars in a rom com? Seriously?3. I think the league overreacted, and that's putting it mildly, by censoring Rich Eisen's interview with Oscar favorite Bradley Cooper and yanking it from Eisen's Thanksgiving special on NFL Network. "The segment was pulled because the movie included content related to gambling on NFL games," the statement from NFL Network said.
I know, King, you must be so fucking busy, what with your Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays basically wide open aside from a TV interview here and there.b. Controversial: Mike Florio says he was bored by Lincoln. I have to carve out three hours, and soon, to see it.
I didn't even know who he was, so I googled. It appears that "favorite" is certainly an overstatement, but columns like this one have him likely to get nominated. I think the classic King thing here is his inclination to blow everything out of proportion so it sounds better. He could have just said something like "buzzed-about actor" or "possible Oscar nominee," but he elevated Cooper to "Oscar favorite" because isn't that just delicious?Wait. On what fucking planet is Bradley Cooper an Oscar favorite? Because he stars in a rom com? Seriously?
"any port in a storm... is a good thing"??? Yeah, man, that's what 'any port in a storm' means. This is like saying "well all's well that ends well if the final outcome is good!!!" Peter King don't get language.ENOUGH ABOUT ALLAGASH WHITE.
Shouldn't this be in the "Why Do I Continue to Read drleather2001" thread?Silver Linings Playbook is getting a lot of positive attention--I saw it; the movie and Cooper are both great. Considering Mo'nique won an Oscar a couple years ago I think we're firmly in ridiculous-land calling him out for that. So he said "favorite."
I mean all that "YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS"; it ain't a rom-com or that crazy a thing to say. Its the fucking Oscars they're stupid too by definition.
This is like saying Jay Cutler is the "MVP favorite." Is it possible he'll win? Sure. Is it at all reasonable to call him the favorite? No. There are 100 ways to appropriately convey the situation other than to say that Cooper is an "Oscar favorite."Silver Linings Playbook is getting a lot of positive attention--I saw it; the movie and Cooper are both great. Considering Mo'nique won an Oscar a couple years ago I think we're firmly in ridiculous-land calling him out for that. So he said "favorite."
He's so fucking lazy. To him, stats are these weird number things that exist to complement the miniature narratives of his quaint world. It's all so interesting! One thing I think I think is he realizes on some level that his observations and insights are utterly banal, so this is his effort to dress them up and look cute. 'Tom Brady is still pretty damn good' becomes 'It's the Curious Case of Benjamin Brady!' Is anyone really surprised that Brady is still playing at an MVP level? "MMQB" might as well be "NFL Week [12] For Dummies" where any thought that pops into his head is noteworthy.Well, given that Brady threw for 36 TDs and 4 INT's 2 years ago....and 50 TDs and 8 INT's 5 years ago.... I'd say that stats don't bear that out. Still great? Yes. Getting better? No.b. Tom Brady, on pace for 35 touchdown passes and four interceptions. Is it possible he's getting better with age?
You should KNOW this.
... against the Browns, Titans, Dolphins, Jaguars, and Bills. That's some impressive shit right there. These are all teams that are in the bottom half, most in the bottom third, of offensive production by a variety of metrics. Yet again, he should know this. Additionally, his cherry-picked sample starts the week after an ass-to-face Jets offense scored 35 on them. He also bluntly excludes Indy's game against the Patriots a week ago, who of course scored 59 fucking points on them (38 of those given up by the defense). So the one time during this stretch that Indy's defense faced a good offense (granted, the NFL's best offense), they were dominated. But sure, it's easier to avoid any real analysis and instead convert a rather pointless 'The Colt defense has played well lately against these bad offenses' into 'Look at this defensive domination - the numbers speak for themselves! Chuck on three!'q. Indy's defense. In winning five of its last six, the D has allowed 13, 13, 20, 10, and 13 points in the five wins.
Can't figure that one out? You mention a reason in the very next sentence, dumb-ass-opotamus. Not only is there this strange "Cyber Monday" thing, on some obscure online shopping sites like Amazon it lasts for an entire fucking week. Couple that with Black Friday, which is really Black Friday Weekend for numerous vendors, and there are about ten straight days of deals that can be found on this peculiar thing called the Internet where people can purchase shit without ever leaving the comfort of their homes. Perchance that's a reason why Black Friday isn't as busy as it once was? You obtuse sack of lard.c. Black Friday. One of the lightest traffic days of the year, because I had to drive quite a bit Friday. Can't figure that one out.
d. Dope that I am, I never heard of "Cyber Monday" until Friday.
Now see if anyone cares.Now see if Cooper wants to do anything with the NFL again.
Plus, the day is totally spread out, to the point where the stores open on Thursday now. Offices are closed, the day lasts 24 hours, people are sleeping off Thanksgiving and he's surprised the traffic is light? And how has he never heard of Cyber Monday? Seriously.The obvious reason traffic is light on Black Friday is that many (if not most) offices, businesses, schools, courts, etc. are closed, so far fewer people have to commute to work.
The obvious reason traffic is light on Black Friday is that many (if not most) offices, businesses, schools, courts, etc. are closed, so far fewer people have to commute to work.
Good points. I misread what he wrote, because he structured that poorly. I thought he was comparing this Black Friday to past ones. It's even dumber that he can't fathom why traffic is light then.Plus, the day is totally spread out, to the point where the stores open on Thursday now. Offices are closed, the day lasts 24 hours, people are sleeping off Thanksgiving and he's surprised the traffic is light? And how has he never heard of Cyber Monday? Seriously.
Just awesome.Can't figure that one out? You mention a reason in the very next sentence, dumb-ass-opotamus.
Look, the point here is, conceivably, to rag on Peter King for the many, many dumb things he says, right? Drleather does an awesome job of this. I check this thread often for that reason. In my humble opinion, what makes it less awesome is calling him on a thing like this.This is like saying Jay Cutler is the "MVP favorite." Is it possible he'll win? Sure. Is it at all reasonable to call him the favorite? No. There are 100 ways to appropriately convey the situation other than to say that Cooper is an "Oscar favorite."
I can only assume your going from "you're wrong" to "agree to disagree" was an homage to King's frequent refusal to take a position on things. Well done.Look, the point here is, conceivably, to rag on Peter King for the many, many dumb things he says, right? Drleather does an awesome job of this. I check this thread often for that reason. In my humble opinion, what makes it less awesome is calling him on a thing like this.
You're wrong. "Favorite" could mean so many things to him here, and at worst you're ribbing him for not knowing the forecasting between "he could get nominated" and "he'll likely win" for the Oscars that don't happen for what, 3 months? Its all about ad campaigns and some capricious set of moving-goalpost narratives given the set of stars in question. My roommate gets Entertainment Weekly in the mail, and they forecast the Oscars all year long. They had a thingy on their review of the movie that stated he was good odds for Best Actor. What's really the big deal with "favorite" there? I mean he's definitely stretching to beef up his anecdote, and I guess that's quintessentially King, but his inability to have his ear finely tuned to anything pop culture isn't so bad. As DrL pointed out, he clearly knows nothing about movies, but he wasn't really talking about movies.
This isn't that funny an enterprise if that is the sort of thing he gets lambasted for, just saying. It just gets silly.
That said, it just drew a semantic reaction to what I thought was an otherwise awesome DrL effort, so agree to disagree, etc.