That column this morning was garbage. Like most of his pieces, it started off with an interesting premises: why is baseball failing to capture the youth of today? But then it devolves into a "What Are the Things That I, Nick Cafardo, Don't Like About Baseball" column. Aside from the first paragraph, does Cafardo reference the Globe poll? Did Nick bother to talk to anyone in the 25 and under bracket (probably not)? You know who may have been a good person to talk to about the Globe poll, the person who owns the Globe and the person who owns the Boston Red Sox. I wonder if Cafardo would be able to get either man on the phone?
It was bullshit.
And one of the worst parts was his logic that stats ruin the game argument. But in the next line he says, "The stats I used to follow were better!" I want to grab Cafardo by the jewels and say, "VORP and RBIs are both FUCKING statistics! You just like one better than the other." And Cafardo is usually one of the lead torch bearers when a baseball player attempts to color outside the line. "He's not respecting the unwritten rules! HOW DARE HE!" So his assertion that there aren't any colorful characters left in the game is bogus too.
And fuck him for bringing Barry Bonds' name into it. "Durrrr, whatever happened to cocky guys like Barry Bonds? That's what the kids liked!" Fuck and you. If I had the time or the inclination, I could go back and find the thousands of words that Cafardo and his brethren wrote about Bonds saying that he was the anti-Christ. If, in 1999, Cafardo happened to see a kid act like Barry Bonds, he would have lost his shit. There is no doubt in my mind, he's such a god damn hypocrite.
The shifts. Man, I was wondering how he'd shoehorn his anti-shift crusade. "Ted Williams? Bah, don't give me any of that crap. David Ortiz has to hit into a shift 500 times a year."
FIVE HUNDRED TIMES A YEAR! He does not, so fuck you, you over-exaggerating prick. And you know how you beat a god damn shift, hit it the other way. Do it a half-dozen times and I guarantee there won't be any more shifts.
Man. I don't know who wrote a worse column in the last 48 hours: Nick Cafardo or Bill "All of My Friends are WICKED FAMOUS, You Guys!" Simmons.