Interpersonal player battles/bullying

[Saints Rest]

So my son is on a competitive club soccer team, U11. They are playing in the top level for CT soccer teams. He is one of two keepers. Most of the team has been together (via another club) since they were 6 or 7. My won (and one other field player) joined this core this past September, which was the first time with this club for any of them.

As it turns out, the other keeper has taken to bullying my son on a semi-regular level, mostly verbally, but he did punch my son one time back in September. All the incidents back in September were reported to the team and the club's management, who at the time addressed it only via a group chat about team spirit and supporting each other. The verbal bullying/taunting seems to stop, until this last couple weeks when it has started up again, largely in the "Your mother's a whore" vein.

It has seriously soured my son on soccer in general, and this team in particular as he always wants to skip practices now because he dreads the confrontations.

After things tarted up again earlier this month, my wife gave our son permission to stand up to this bully, which seems to have helped a bit. But there's an incident at almost every practice now. At practice last week, our son told the other boy to stop and then told their Coach. The Coach told them both to knock it off and got the other boy to apologize to my son and shake hands. But at the very next practice, the other boy started up again, so my son told him to shut the hell up. Which seemed to throw off the other kid, at least for the rest of that practice.

Today at 6pm, we have a meeting with the club's second in command, the man in charge of the younger divisions (U11, and U12), and my son's coach. AFAIK, this will not involve the other boy or his family.

My question is what we should be asking for from the club/team/coach in terms of policing this behavior.

 

[DJnVa]

If this happens every practice, is the coach claiming to not have seen or heard it?

 

[Just a bit outside]

So my son is on a competitive club soccer team, U11. They are playing in the top level for CT soccer teams. He is one of two keepers. Most of the team has been together (via another club) since they were 6 or 7. My won (and one other field player) joined this core this past September, which was the first time with this club for any of them.

As it turns out, the other keeper has taken to bullying my son on a semi-regular level, mostly verbally, but he did punch my son one time back in September. All the incidents back in September were reported to the team and the club's management, who at the time addressed it only via a group chat about team spirit and supporting each other. The verbal bullying/taunting seems to stop, until this last couple weeks when it has started up again, largely in the "Your mother's a whore" vein.

It has seriously soured my son on soccer in general, and this team in particular as he always wants to skip practices now because he dreads the confrontations.

After things tarted up again earlier this month, my wife gave our son permission to stand up to this bully, which seems to have helped a bit. But there's an incident at almost every practice now. At practice last week, our son told the other boy to stop and then told their Coach. The Coach told them both to knock it off and got the other boy to apologize to my son and shake hands. But at the very next practice, the other boy started up again, so my son told him to shut the hell up. Which seemed to throw off the other kid, at least for the rest of that practice.

Today at 6pm, we have a meeting with the club's second in command, the man in charge of the younger divisions (U11, and U12), and my son's coach. AFAIK, this will not involve the other boy or his family.

My question is what we should be asking for from the club/team/coach in terms of policing this behavior.

If your son insists on staying on the team I would ask that they talk to the other player individually and if it happens again he is suspended and then the punishments escalate until he is kicked off the team. This probably won't happen.

In all honesty I would find your son another team even if it is at a lower level. Sports are supposed to be fun and if his attitude is moving in a negative direction you want to stop it as soon as possible.

My son was on a team with a coach who made him feel terrible and I was of the old school attitude that he should play through it. My wife, who did not growing up playing sports, convinced me that he should leave the team or he might stop playing altogether and that sports are supposed to be fun. He left the team midyear and it was the best decision we ever made as far as competitive sports went in our household. He ended up taking a season off, his positive attitude returned, and he has gone on to be a very good high school player. I don't think he would have ever played again if we made him play the rest of that season with that coach.

 

[Saints Rest]

If this happens every practice, is the coach claiming to not have seen or heard it?

Correct. But kids are sneaky, they know how to do things to adults see. Plus, as the only two keepers, they often end up off on their own doing GK stuff while the coach is with the rest of the field players. (There's no assistant coach.) It's why we told our son to address it by saying very loudly "WHY ARE YOU SAYING THESE THINGS?"

 

[Bergs]

Have him memorize 15-20 Shoresie lines from Letterkenny and tell him to go at it.

 

[OfTheCarmen]

Does the team have any kind of "code of conduct" or other "Team rules" document that all players/parents have to sign/acknowledge at the beginning of a year/season? If so, go back over it and find out what the "documented" repercussions are for this type of behavior, if there are any. At the very least, that's where I would start with the coach/second in the meeting.

 

[Morgan's Magic Snowplow]

In the meeting, I would stress that the other kid is a bully, that talking to the team in general about team spirit hasn't worked, and begin by asking the coaches what they plan to do about the situation because the other kid simply isn't stopping. Rather than making a demand up front, I would press them to say themselves what they will do if the kid simply doesn't listen and keeps up with the behavior, such that hopefully any ideas about threatening a suspension or kicking him off the team come from them.

In general, while I would see how the meeting and the aftermath goes, I would also be thinking about finding a new team for your son as well. If the other kid keeps up the behavior and gets kicked off the team, I'm not sure its going to leave your son in a great place with the rest of the team given that he is relatively new, the other kid has been playing with them for years and probably has a lot of friends, and they are competing for the same position. And if the other kid keeps up the behavior and doesn't get kicked off, then its obviously not a good situation. So the only way it really works out for your son is if the problem goes away, which still seems possible but I wouldn't bank on it.

 

[Hiller]

Leave the team. If your son is not having any fun, the coach has no assistant help and by extension your son is not getting any goalie specific training, and you have addressed the problem and nothing is getting done, why is he there? I have had kids on club teams that couldn't find a goalie (obviously not the top level teams), so try to find a new team. Goalie clinics and town youth soccer sound better than putting a U11 kid through this experience.

 

[benhogan]

Tough spot @Saints Rest, sorry to hear that. Can you talk with the bully's parents?

They have big problem on their hands and they may not be aware of it

 

[Saints Rest]

Leave the team. If your son is not having any fun, the coach has no assistant help and by extension your son is not getting any goalie specific training, and you have addressed the problem and nothing is getting done, why is he there? I have had kids on club teams that couldn't find a goalie (obviously not the top level teams), so try to find a new team. Goalie clinics and town youth soccer sound better than putting a U11 kid through this experience.

They do get goalie-specific training one session per week. So 2 full-team practices each week, plus one GK only practice (with all the keepers from U11-U14 participating with a dedicated GK coach or two). Plus one game each week.

 

[nayrbrey]

I’ll add another vote for find another club team. As for his coach, it’s on him to create an inclusive atmosphere. All the USSF courses and yearly certifications go through the bullying aspect of sports.

I get that club soccer is hyper competitive compared to what Im familiar with coaching (u11/u12 town travel team), but that particular club sounds like a bad fit for any kid.

 

[Hiller]

They do get goalie-specific training one session per week. So 2 full-team practices each week, plus one GK only practice (with all the keepers from U11-U14 participating with a dedicated GK coach or two). Plus one game each week.

Well, I guess that helps a bit. But if it was my kid, I would
1. talk to my son about not playing soccer anymore this season or switching teams to make sure he was on board with whatever happens
2. go to the meeting and tell them the problem hasn't been resolved so we need to move my son to another team (assuming they have multiple teams in the same age group)
3. and then find a new club next year/season that doesn't let one of their top keepers drive away another


I don't have tons of experience, but the few club teams my kids were on were always short on keepers.

 

[joe dokes]

This is awful.
I dont think you're under an obligation to ask for anything in particular up front, other than "what are you going to do about this?" But, as a practical matter, I can see why you'd want to have something ready. Since it appears that nothing else has worked, I think you should start with "it's time to suspend/kick the other kid off the team" and let the team respond to that. That puts the onus where it should be -- on them -- to do more than what they've done, even if it's short of kicking him off. At the same time, the point made above, that this could in some undeserving way "make things worse," is true. I simply hate to let the bully "win" by suggesting you have your son change teams. Although there's a pretty good chance that if you do switch teams and he's happier, your son wont see it as the bully winning. (that's really an adult construct).
The best thing is that he knows you're in his corner. Good luck.

 

[Fred not Lynn]

Correct. But kids are sneaky, they know how to do things to adults see. Plus, as the only two keepers, they often end up off on their own doing GK stuff while the coach is with the rest of the field players. (There's no assistant coach.) It's why we told our son to address it by saying very loudly "WHY ARE YOU SAYING THESE THINGS?"

I presume based on your description of the team, you’re paying pretty good money for a service (coaching, team organization, etc…) and there’s not enough coaches to ensure coverage for all players during the course of every practice?

To me that’s a serious dereliction of duty-of-care. I’d it was a strictly volunteer based local level team, you might be able to let it slide, but in no way is it acceptable for a professionally run organization to take your money, and then leave eleven year-olds unsupervised during the time you’re paying for service!

If they’re going to treat this like a business transaction when it’s time to take your payment, they’d better expect you to treat it like a business transaction when it’s time to provide the service!

 

[Red(s)HawksFan]

One thing I don't see mentioned, or if it was, it's not clear: have the other kid's parents been involved at all? Are they aware that their son is causing a problem? That might be the first thing I'd ask for in the meeting with the club folks, for them to speak to his parents. If they're in the dark, that means the people in the best position to truly address the problem aren't able to do it.

Otherwise I agree with the others suggesting taking your son off the team, so long as he's fully aware and on board with it. It's supposed to be fun for him, and if it isn't fun, it's not worth it.

 

[Omar's Wacky Neighbor]

Is the other kid an only child? Reason I ask is that after 12++ years of volunteer coaching and administrating, there can often be a disconnect between an only child and his parents, and the real world (READ: team), and that makes solving the problem even harder.

 

[wade boggs chicken dinner]

Today at 6pm, we have a meeting with the club's second in command, the man in charge of the younger divisions (U11, and U12), and my son's coach. AFAIK, this will not involve the other boy or his family.

My question is what we should be asking for from the club/team/coach in terms of policing this behavior.

Let me echo the others by saying tough situation, so I'm sorry you have to go through this. I have an 11 year on a soccer team and a VB team and he's going through something like that (but not to your level) so it struck a chord with me.

If your club is like my club, then I wouldn't count on them to help. Yes we are paying a lot of money, but the people who run these things are more into the sports side than the behavioral side of things. The other problem that I've thought about is that making it an issue at the club level tells the other kid that he's gotten under your son's skin; as you note, kids are good at doing things that adults can't see so it may empower the other kid to bully him when they are alone or what not.

At the end of the day, the only resolution that is in your complete control is to leave the team. So when you meet with the team, if it were me, I'd probably say some good things about the program but how disappointed you are that something like this can happen. I don't know if the team will care if your kid goes somewhere else but I would mention that's a possibility. Listen to what they say but don't count on their ability to make it better unless they've successfully addressed the problem before. And definitely start looking for another team.

If your son really like this team, before you actually leave the team, you might want to try to figure out a way to talk to the other kids' parents about it. Given that the other kid is an ass, I wouldn't go in expecting that the other parents are going to do anything about it (and they might be offended so be careful) but if nothing else works and you're going to leave the team anyways, it might be worth a try. As mentioned upthread, the parents may not know anything about this so maybe that would work.

Would be interested in hearing what the team had to say.

 

[Saints Rest]

I've held off on writing an update on last night's meeting until this morning because I was so angry. But since that hasn't diminished much, I figured it was time to let it out.

In attendance at the meeting were the team coach, his immediate boss (the coaching director of the U11 and U12 teams), and the second in command of the whole club, along with my wife and me.

Some bullets:

• They asked first if we had had any interactions with the other boy's parents. (Our response was that interactions with them had been minimal and cordial, with no discussion of these incidents as we wanted to go thru channels.)
• They all said that they had not witnessed any incidents, even when they had gone there to watch for such things. (Our response was that kids know how to make sure the adults can't see when they are doing something they know they shouldn't. I pointed out that when I had to get coaching certification for baseball, we were required to take a course on identifying sexual abuse, and it said to ALWAYS believe the accuser, even when you don't see any evidence. And in this case, they were not believing the accuser, simply because they hadn't seen anything.)
• They said that maybe this team is too competitive for our son and he is saying these things to justify why he doesn't fit in. (Our response was that in his first half evaluations the coaches had specifically said that our son clearly likes to compete. To quote from the evaluation:

  PLAYERS TOP TWO STRENGTHS:
  1st Strength
  Riley is a very competitive player. He works hard to get to every single shot. He is an excellent keeper with natural talent. With more training Riley will be getting even better.
  2nd Strength
  One of Riley's strengths is that he accepts the challenge. Especially when it comes to other competitive teams. He enjoys close games and works well under presser.

  "
• They suggested that he might be happier playing on another team (they did not say whether that meant in their system or outside it.) (Our response was "so the bully gets rewarded in that his competition is removed.")
• We asked them if they would address this with the other boy's parents. They said "not at this time."
• Their final action plan was to put the onus on our son to report anything to a coach or club leader as soon as it happens, even in mid-practice. (Our response was that our son hates "tattle-tales" and would never do this. Their response "Well, this can be a learning opportunity for him then.")
  
  
  I think that's about it. If I think of anything more, I'll add it in.

 

[joe dokes]

• Their final action plan was to put the onus on our son to report anything to a coach or club leader as soon as it happens, even in mid-practice. (Our response was that our son hates "tattle-tales" and would never do this. Their response "Well, this can be a learning opportunity for him then.")
  

They deny anything happened yet the coach wrote the email to the whole team when it first happened? You're getting gaslit.

 

[Saints Rest]

They deny anything happened yet the coach wrote the email to the whole team when it first happened? You're getting gaslit.

Actually, they won't come out an deny that anything happened. Just that they have "no visual evidence." And they didn't email the team, they had a general chat about how the club won't tolerate bad language in general especially about a teammate. But nothing specific to the bully in question.

 

[Phil Plantier]

Who is their sanctioning body? Sounds like the choice is either to leave or to escalate.

 

[Doug Beerabelli]

Can you put a stationary camera pointed where the goalies train alone and film it? Or watch practice from afar and do that yourself with a little more stealth?

Kind of a ridiculous suggestion, I know. Might give you a better understanding of what’s going on, too.

 

[Just a bit outside]

I'm sorry the meeting went the way it did but I am not surprised. I would pull my kid and find him a new team, preferably with his friends.

 

[KiltedFool]

They wrote a generic email to cover their own ass because if they made too specific a denial they risk someone coming out and contradicting it, or even someone having it on their phone. Or they may (justifiably) be afraid if they vehemently deny and then you spring the voice activated recorder your son had in his pocket... The other goalie is afraid he can't measure up so he's trying to hamstring your son by another means to address the threat. And kids are feral anyway, and this is an established clique, so it's always going to be an uphill fight. There's probably ways you could go nuclear but basically you're going to be facing the suburban soccer version of the thin blue line closing ranks. Find another place for him.

 

[wiffleballhero]

Who is their sanctioning body? Sounds like the choice is either to leave or to escalate.

This is correct.

I'd quit. And ask for money back.

Alternatively, if your son is clearly better -- and from what you have written it seems he might be -- I'd start looking for the figurative kill shot to bury this other kid.

IDK, a clearly superior player can sometimes be a patronizing dick, but this sounds like a kid looking for a way to establish dominance against someone he can see is outplaying him.

Since the coaches seem to be fond of a Lord of the Flies approach to childhood development, if you are not going to quit, the only real recourse is for your son to ruthless start mocking the other kid for sucking. Then let your son rub it in his face when your kid outplays this little punk. Return fire.The other kid might be a bully, but it is sort of true: ball don't lie. If he can out play him and then rip him, he'll win in the end.

It is probably not worth it just because it drags your kid into the mud and there are other soccer teams. It would be way better, ethically, and maybe even more gratifying, to just go to another team and then beat them.

And yet... I'm not exactly Michelle Obama about this kind of thing. I wouldn't judge if you opted to push the issue. Indeed, I'd enjoy a delicious little victory at the end of this story.

 

[Old Fart Tree]

They deny anything happened yet the coach wrote the email to the whole team when it first happened? You're getting gaslit.

Yeah. Fuck these guys.

 

[BroodsSexton]

He’s 11 and not under contract. Find another team. Explain to him that some adults suck, just like some kids suck, especially around “competitive” sports.

 

[Gdiguy]

This is correct.

I'd quit. And ask for money back.

Yeah, I think this is kind of the only real option

Going nuclear I think would maybe be worthwhile if it was something you didn't really have an option with (like a similar situation in a high school class or something); but in this case, even if you 'win' and you get the other kid in trouble / removed from the team, it's very likely your kid is ultimately in a worse situation than just joining another team

I'll admit that I'm spiteful enough that afterwards I might still look for an opportunity to mention to other parents this team's disinterest in taking bullying seriously; but I'd first and foremost focus on 'what is the optimal situation I want my kid in at the end of this' and it doesn't sound like that involves this team and these coaches

 

[YTF]

Yeah, I think this is kind of the only real option

Going nuclear I think would maybe be worthwhile if it was something you didn't really have an option with (like a similar situation in a high school class or something); but in this case, even if you 'win' and you get the other kid in trouble / removed from the team, it's very likely your kid is ultimately in a worse situation than just joining another team

I'll admit that I'm spiteful enough that afterwards I might still look for an opportunity to mention to other parents this team's disinterest in taking bullying seriously; but I'd first and foremost focus on 'what is the optimal situation I want my kid in at the end of this' and it doesn't sound like that involves this team and these coaches

I've been kinda' following along here and while there's been a lot of great input here, I think Gdiguy has put this extremely well. Now that Saint's Rest has the experience of the less than ideal encounters that he's had with the main players in all of this, moving on seems to be in the best interest of his son. Props for the way that SR handled all of this. Showing restraint and trying to work through proper channels while your kid is being bullied can't be easy.

 

[YTF]

NM

 

[graffam198]

He’s 11 and not under contract. Find another team. Explain to him that some adults suck, just like some kids suck, especially around “competitive” sports.

Only partially true...

At least when it comes to US Soccer affiliated club teams, you are "under contract" until May 31st OR if the club agrees to release you. You are free to join a recreational team, but no other club teams if the club decides that. Depending on the level of petty, they absolutely can lock a player out. Additionally, other clubs cannot recruit you until Open Tryouts, which generally open up May 15th or so. If another club approaches a parent/child/etc. and is deemed recruiting, that offending club can be sanctioned, fined, stripped of affiliation.

That being said, what is that team doing carrying 2 keepers? Yes, high level soccer, but it is still 2011/2010 birth year kids...My keeper barely gets any action and we are one of the top teams in the area...

How many coaches are there on the team? I have a roster of 13 girls and no assistant. I miss about 80% of the interactions between the girls. I try to keep an ear open for chirping and malaise, but I honestly miss most of it. I did have an issue between two girls that I caught the tail end off and handled it by singling both girls out, making them talk it out, shake hands and then partner up for the next two weeks. When one messed up they both had laps. etc. But girls might be different...

Honestly, I would look for another team. Leadership has shown you that they don't care / support your son or your concerns. They only care about the financial support. It is a huge miss on AD, Assistant, and coach to actually teach some life skills to both players. I.e. it's not cool to be a bully and to be brave enough to advocate for yourself and not view it as tattling. (not placing ANY blame on your son, he for sure is the victim and should be heard out, just pointing out that the coach isn't really coaching just teaching). Plus, if you can find a program lacking a keeper, your son will get more minutes AND be happier. Sports are meant to be fun, especially at this age and should 100% be a safe place for kids to learn, fail, grow.

 

[BroodsSexton]

Only partially true...

At least when it comes to US Soccer affiliated club teams, you are "under contract" until May 31st OR if the club agrees to release you. You are free to join a recreational team, but no other club teams if the club decides that. Depending on the level of petty, they absolutely can lock a player out. Additionally, other clubs cannot recruit you until Open Tryouts, which generally open up May 15th or so. If another club approaches a parent/child/etc. and is deemed recruiting, that offending club can be sanctioned, fined, stripped of affiliation.

That being said, what is that team doing carrying 2 keepers? Yes, high level soccer, but it is still 2011/2010 birth year kids...My keeper barely gets any action and we are one of the top teams in the area...

How many coaches are there on the team? I have a roster of 13 girls and no assistant. I miss about 80% of the interactions between the girls. I try to keep an ear open for chirping and malaise, but I honestly miss most of it. I did have an issue between two girls that I caught the tail end off and handled it by singling both girls out, making them talk it out, shake hands and then partner up for the next two weeks. When one messed up they both had laps. etc. But girls might be different...

Honestly, I would look for another team. Leadership has shown you that they don't care / support your son or your concerns. They only care about the financial support. It is a huge miss on AD, Assistant, and coach to actually teach some life skills to both players. I.e. it's not cool to be a bully and to be brave enough to advocate for yourself and not view it as tattling. (not placing ANY blame on your son, he for sure is the victim and should be heard out, just pointing out that the coach isn't really coaching just teaching). Plus, if you can find a program lacking a keeper, your son will get more minutes AND be happier. Sports are meant to be fun, especially at this age and should 100% be a safe place for kids to learn, fail, grow.

Had no idea. That’s insane for 11 year old kids. Non-competes for 11 year olds? What is this world coming to.

 

[graffam198]

Had no idea. That’s insane for 11 year old kids. Non-competes for 11 year olds? What is this world coming to.

not to derail further, but it's even more insane for coaches. I took my team from one club to another and have been "coaching" a U6 team for the past year while I sit in "time out" b/c the league was petty and wouldn't release me. My coaching director is listed as the head coach (but obviously doesn't). All about that revenue stream...

I'm not saying I support it, I understand the principle (trying to keep it fair, not centralizing talent, etc.) but yeah, club team soccer is crazy. And the people leading it are crazier.

 

[Saints Rest]

Update: On Monday, another incident (albeit tiny) occurred, but my son both stood up for himself, and reported it.

Here was how I alerted the club, and their response:

As per your instructions at our meeting, when Mateo started in again on Riley at the most recent GK training, Riley brought it to Coach Javier’s attention right away.

As I understand the interaction, it went like this:
Riley misplayed a shot.
Mateo laughed at him.
Riley told him to shut up.
Mateo said “Fuck you.”

Taken alone, it doesn’t amount to anything, but since you didn’t seem willing to believe us based on what we see as a long history of comments, including a punch, we just wanted you to be aware that Riley did exactly what you requested.

Thank you.

And here was their response:

Joe,

Here is what I can say from our last conversation:

Coach Javon and I spoke to Riley after our parent meeting, and told him to make us aware of any bad language being said to him ASAP. I’m glad he spoke up on Monday.

Coach Javier, cc above addressed both Riley and Mateo at GK training, regarding the swearing, which Mateo denied. It is clear that something of that nature was said.

Mateo’s family will be contacted, and made aware of his swearing, and specifically the incidents in relation to Riley.

I’m making it known now to both families that if incidents of this nature continue, from anyone, players will be removed from Beachside Soccer Club immediately.

It is not my goal to remove a player of their age from Beachside mid season, but it looks like this will be the outcome to whomever doesn’t choose to improve their actions while at Beachside activities.

The coaches cc to this email and I have spoken in great lengths regarding Riley, Mateo, and these unfortunate incidents and the distractions it’s causing for the team.

Coach Javon & Omar will follow up with a players meeting at Thursday practice, re-enforcing our stance of suspending and or expelling players should these incidents arise from anyone. I will follow up with an email to the parent group stating the same.

I strongly recommend you advise Riley to avoid any urge of emotional reactions from any player, including Mateo to where Riley will jeopardize his roster spot in Beachside this season.

Thank you,

 

[BroodsSexton]

So basically, the next time your kid loses his cool he's off the team. Nice.

 

[wade boggs chicken dinner]

That sucks. Sorry you and your son have to go through this. Are you looking for another club?

I hope your son can at least learn something from this.

 

[Myt1]

“We absolutely plan on retaliating against your kid for handling the situation exactly as we insisted he handle it.”

At this point, I probably tell my kid to make it worth it on his way out the door. Because it’s obviously coming.

 

[Myt1]

“I strongly recommend you advise Riley to avoid any urge of emotional reactions from any player, including Mateo to where Riley will jeopardize his roster spot in Beachside this season.”

I’m not going to shit on the syntax, because it seems like English might be this coach’s second language, but “Tell your kid to have a less punchable face,” looks so fucking weird with all this doublespeak.

 

[nayrbrey]

It’s just them doing the bare minimum regarding the situation.

As with any club team, follow the money. If the other kid gets pushed out, the club is worried his group of friends will leave too.

Have Riley concentrate on the game, and whatever happens will help him in his next destination.

good luck SR.

 

[Saints Rest]

So basically, the next time your kid loses his cool he's off the team. Nice.

I feel like they are treating this the way an umpire with warm both benches after Team A pitcher throws at the head of Team B batter.
That the next incident, regardless of history or antecedent, will bring immediate punishment.

 

[Saints Rest]

That sucks. Sorry you and your son have to go through this. Are you looking for another club?

I hope your son can at least learn something from this.

Planning to look for another club for the fall, but I don’t think there is any other option for the spring. Maybe I’m wrong

 

[Doug Beerabelli]

Would getting kicked off this team adversely affect his chances of joining another team?

 

[Saints Rest]

Would getting kicked off this team adversely affect his chances of joining another team?

I have no idea.
My wife and I just sent this reply:

Thank you for your reply.

Elizabeth and I would like to make clear to everyone at Beachside, that we never intended for our complaints about Mateo’s words and actions to be the catalyst for an expulsion situation; we simply wanted the behavior to be addressed with a goal toward eliminating it.

We understand that competition is good, when it is part of a healthy environment. But when it descends to belittling and abusive language, and physical altercations, it has stepped over the line. I’m sure you can agree, as both a coach and a parent, that these boys are 10; they need coaching in these aspects of sport just as much as they need coaching for their soccer skills.

To that end, we would be more than willing to participate in a discussion, led by the Beachside leadership —however you see fit — with Riley and us as well as Mateo and his parents.

Thank you.

 

[BroodsSexton]

Brilliant response, @Saints Rest.

 

[Humphrey]

So, this is 9 on 9 (8 field players and a sub) and they have how many on the team?

Trying to determine if the 30 minutes your son is not the keeper, is he on the bench or playing out there somewhere? Which is pretty much what I would expect or downright insist on; all the foot skills needed to be a higher level keeper are not being enhanced by watching half the game.

Aside from those side issues, I'd be shopping around while this plays out. What you don't want to have sneak up on you is "Dad, I don't want to play soccer any more" when it's abundantly clear that the most likely reason he'd say that is because of this mess.

 

[tonyandpals]

“We absolutely plan on retaliating against your kid for handling the situation exactly as we insisted he handle it.”

At this point, I probably tell my kid to make it worth it on his way out the door. Because it’s obviously coming.

Exactly...future email will be:

"Hey SR, we had a reported incident with your son. As you were informed, we have a zero tolerance policy and your son is now expelled from the team."

 

[graffam198]

Exactly...future email will be:

"Hey SR, we had a reported incident with your son. As you were informed, we have a zero tolerance policy and your son is now expelled from the team."

Given club rules, that might be the best outcome. Frees him up to join another club…

 

[Saints Rest]

Update: Tryouts for next season were this week. Guess who is the only kid who didn't get asked back? Not even to the B team.

Fortunately, we had him try out for another club and he made that team. He has another tryout this week for a third team. Both these other teams play in the same division. So he/we will likely have options.

Personally, I'm mad at myself (and the team) because I feel fairly certain that he wasn't asked back because his parents deigned to challenge the administration about the bullying. It's clearly not the on the field play over the season. I only started tracking GAA in the last 3 games since the Spring season started, but in those 3 games, with exactly equal playing time (one half for each goalie in each game), my son allowed 0, 1, and 1 (2 total). The other kid allowed 1, 2, and 2 (5 total). My son punts better by a significant margin and they are about equal in the other areas. My son was on time or early for every game and practice (except one); the other kid is regularly late (I think one time since March, did the other kid beat my son to practice or a game).

My biggest fear going forward is that he will take this whole thing personally and not want to play anymore.

 

[BroodsSexton]

@Saints Rest We had to switch “travel teams” for our kids in a couple different sports over the years. Each time it was more anxiety for us as parents than for the kids, and each time it worked out better. Chalk it up as experience and move on.

 

[Saints Rest]

@Saints Rest We had to switch “travel teams” for our kids in a couple different sports over the years. Each time it was more anxiety for us as parents than for the kids, and each time it worked out better. Chalk it up as experience and move on.

Can I ask you how you decided on the new team? Having been burned once, we are now twice shy, with two teams potentially in play.