Pearl Jammin' with Grandpa, the Bill Simmons Thread

ifmanis5

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This series must be tearing Bill apart.

On one hand, the Celtics look fantastic.

On the other hand, Durant has played like shit and it looks like his handpicked roster (and potential juggernaut) is a flop and could self destruct any second…

I’m guessing there will be a lot of explaining away to make Durant look like a blameless victim, all while somehow taking pot shots at LeBron
He's also buddies with Nash so he'll blame it on Kyrie.
 

Mystic Merlin

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He's also buddies with Nash so he'll blame it on Kyrie.
He just posted a pod, and he squarely deflected attention from Nash and KD. All about he greatness of the Celtics D and Kyrie being an unreliable douche.

He ‘feels bad’ for Durant’s predicament in Brooklyn, even though it is ‘his fault’ for getting into it.
 

JCizzle

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I haven't listened yet, but Kyrie certainly deserves a fair (large) share of blame and I don't think it's a very controversial take. It was Kyrie's choice to miss most of the season, something Kyrie himself acknowledged is hurting the team right now due to a lack of chemistry.
 

ifmanis5

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He just posted a pod, and he squarely deflected attention from Nash and KD. All about he greatness of the Celtics D and Kyrie being an unreliable douche.

He ‘feels bad’ for Durant’s predicament in Brooklyn, even though it is ‘his fault’ for getting into it.
Yes, listening to it now. The excuse tree is:

Celtics are an elite D.
Tatum is doing a great job.
It's just a bad matchup for him.
Physical teams are his kryptonite.
They can't get him the ball correctly, no one can do entry passes anymore.
The Nets were just thrown together, not enough time to gel.
The lineups are too often KD and a bunch of scrubs.
Where's Kyrie?
Bill: "Now I sound like a Durant apologist."

RR did a decent job of pushing back on some of it. And then Bill did a whole segment crushing Kyrie, as expected. "Not reliable."
 

Kliq

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Yes, listening to it now. The excuse tree is:

Celtics are an elite D.
Tatum is doing a great job.
It's just a bad matchup for him.
Physical teams are his kryptonite.
They can't get him the ball correctly, no one can do entry passes anymore.
The Nets were just thrown together, not enough time to gel.
The lineups are too often KD and a bunch of scrubs.
Where's Kyrie?
Bill: "Now I sound like a Durant apologist."

RR did a decent job of pushing back on some of it. And then Bill did a whole segment crushing Kyrie, as expected. "Not reliable."
I think Durant should be getting a lot of crap for how this series has gone. But every single one of these things listed is true.
 

tbb345

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I think Durant should be getting a lot of crap for how this series has gone. But every single one of these things listed is true.
Those are all true but that’s the guy that Durant handpicked to be his running mate.

If you’re going to shit on “LeBron the GM”, which Bill does at literally every opportunity, then there needs to be some acknowledgement that the guy Durant wanted to play with had a well deserved reputation of being completely unreliable and Durant still chose him.
 

ifmanis5

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I think Durant should be getting a lot of crap for how this series has gone. But every single one of these things listed is true.
Agreed but when Bill later admitted he's a Durant apologist you realize that there's almost no sin Durant could commit without Bill making an excuse for it. Bill isn't hammering Durant, no matter what. For example, if Butler or Embiid only took 11 shots in a big playoff game, it would be a different Takequake tonight.
Also, good point above. Durant handpicked Kyrie and Harden and it's blown up in his face.
 

johnmd20

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Oof. I read this thread and was thinking to myself, "How bad could Simmons have been about Durant?"

Very bad. Whatever I thought, he was worse.
 

tbb345

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Oof. I read this thread and was thinking to myself, "How bad could Simmons have been about Durant?"

Very bad. Whatever I thought, he was worse.
Hahahah. I knew it was going to happen but even I have to admit that I NEVER expected the Durant apology tour to start within the first 2 minutes
 

Pablo's TB Lover

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Hahahah. I knew it was going to happen but even I have to admit that I NEVER expected the Durant apology tour to start within the first 2 minutes
Steve Nash might be the only one of the Nets principals that could get an apology tour, but I don't even really feel that poorly for him. The improvement of a well-groomed coach like Ime's team over the course of a single season vs the lack of improvement and haphazard decision-making by Nash at the end of his second season stands out. Also career earnings per B-Ref = $146,936,620 (so he's not losing his second house if canned after this season.)
 

tbb345

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Agreed but when Bill later admitted he's a Durant apologist you realize that there's almost no sin Durant could commit without Bill making an excuse for it. Bill isn't hammering Durant, no matter what. For example, if Butler or Embiid only took 11 shots in a big playoff game, it would be a different Takequake tonight.
Also, good point above. Durant handpicked Kyrie and Harden and it's blown up in his face.
100%. If anyone else did this he would be doing what he’s criticizing “the talking heads” and people in twitter for doing to Durant.

And honestly, I think it’s incredibly fair both ways. Celtics defense is incredibly dominant but if you’re one of the best players ever, you’re expected to be able to overcome that.

Overall, you nailed it above. Durant could do literally anything and Simmons would defend him (all while talking about how he’s not a Durant apologist).
 

GB5

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His podcast last night did exactly that. Not Durants fault he has to play against a historical defense. No blame whatsoever. Simmons maintains that he is still a top 10 all time player. I think I agree or he is that neighborhood, but the problem is that if you are a top 10 all time player you can have a bad game or maybe two, but if you have that lofty of a ranking you should be able to eventually score on anyone. Russillo gave him a tepid push back saying that Lebron got crushed for hanging a series like this vs Mavs in finals, Kobe had a few, vs Phoenix and a Finals, Magic chocked against Boston in 84, all the top players sans MJ, had a series like this and got excoriated, whereas this series disaster will fall upon “crazy” Kyrie, and “inept” Nash, as well as “selfish” Simmons now entering the debacle. Nothing will stick to Durant.
 

Senator Donut

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Oof. I read this thread and was thinking to myself, "How bad could Simmons have been about Durant?"

Very bad. Whatever I thought, he was worse.
I honestly didn’t think it was that slanted. They pointed out a lot of stuff Durant has done poorly including, but not limited to, not working hard enough to receive passes, being past his 2017 physical peak, acknowledging Giannis would not have played as poorly against the same Celtics defense, being the one ultimately responsible for roster construction.

By comparison, former guest Nash got off easy.
 

Kliq

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I don't really know what you can really say about Nash. I think he's trying everything he can, but it's one of those situations where he ultimately doesn't have a lot of authority over the team. He's tried different lineups, he's at least figured out a way to exploit the Celtics not guarding Bruce Brown; there is only so much he can really do if his two best players are laying eggs. The fact that is pretty much universally regarded as a nice, likeable personality makes it easier for people to just shrug off whatever has happened to this Brooklyn team as being beyond his control.
 

JCizzle

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The transition from Durant apologist in part one to CP3 apologist in part two was perfect. I got a decent laugh from that.
 

tbb345

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I honestly didn’t think it was that slanted. They pointed out a lot of stuff Durant has done poorly including, but not limited to, not working hard enough to receive passes, being past his 2017 physical peak, acknowledging Giannis would not have played as poorly against the same Celtics defense, being the one ultimately responsible for roster construction.

By comparison, former guest Nash got off easy.
But all of those points that you brought up were introduced and hammered home by Russillo.

Simmons finally relented after a good amount of RR push back, but without that Simmons was going completely with “Tatum’s now Kawhi, Celtics have a very good defense” and totally letting Durant off of the hook.

And as Russillo kept saying, it may not be fair, but when you reach the level that Durant has (top 10 ever as BS likes to continually say) if you suck for a series you’re going to get ripped. That just comes with the territory.

My main issue is with how he framed the whole conversation. He was trying to push the idea that if one of your main takeaways is that Durant has been bad this series then you’re a dumb hoops fan and just don’t get it. (He sent a tweet out to this effect and sent it to RR as something to talk about). That’s a complete joke and something he never even thinks, let alone tweets about, if it’s any other superstar.
(Also, his insistence that Durant is the only person who has ever got destroyed for switching teams in free agency is fucking absurd)
 

nattysez

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Rusillo saying, completely deadpan, "You're a much better percentages guy - always have been" after Simmons tried to pointlessly estimate at what % effectiveness Embiid is operating was incredible (around 16:45 into the most recent podcast).
 

JCizzle

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Rusillo saying, completely deadpan, "You're a much better percentages guy - always have been" after Simmons tried to pointlessly estimate at what % effectiveness Embiid is operating was incredible (around 16:45 into the most recent podcast).
He constantly ribs the percentages thing and usually ribs the mispronunciations. To his credit, Bill is normally a good sport about those.
 

m0ckduck

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Two other moments of weirdness / hilarity:
  • Bill offers a list of scariest Celtics playoff opponents (110 min) that somehow doesn't include 1984 Bernard King or 1986 Jordan. Those have to be two of the best offensive playoff series anyone's ever had. Maybe not for the entire series, because both guys had zero help whatsoever and eventually ran out of gas, but at peak awesomeness, I can't think of anything clearly better.
  • Bill and Ryen solemnly repeating over and over that there's no way Horford will be able to give the Celtics in game 4 what he gave them in game 3. Good times.
Edit: I did really respect Bill for being able to let it rip and complain bitterly about the reffing for a few min from the perspective of a Celtics fan, but then otherwise compartmentalize it and talk glowingly about Giannis for the rest of the broadcast. I wish I had that level of self-control.
 
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Pablo's TB Lover

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Two other moments of weirdness / hilarity:
  • Bill offers a list of scariest Celtics playoff opponents (110 min) that somehow doesn't include 1984 Bernard King or 1986 Jordan. Those have to be two of the best offensive playoff series anyone's ever had. Maybe not for the entire series, because both guys had zero help whatsoever and eventually ran out of gas, but at peak awesomeness, I can't think of anything clearly better.
  • Bill and Ryen solemnly repeating over and over that there's no way Horford will be able to give the Celtics in game 4 what he gave them in game 3. Good times.
To be fair, I was of the same mindset now that we are shifting to only one day off between games. What not very many people saw coming is the inner drive from Al being almost 36 and knowing he is in his last year or two hunting for a championship as a large contributor. I thought he'd already be phasing into a 15 minute veteran bench guy sometime this season, nevermind going from a 33.6% on 3.8 3-point attempts in the regular season to shooting 53.5% on 5.4 attempts in the playoffs.
 

Kliq

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Part of the reason for Al's stellar play this series has been that he has been a guy Milwaukee has conceded open threes to under the assumption that he won't make enough of them to justify scrambling over to cover him; and he has feasted on those wide-open looks. If Milwaukee recalibrates and decides they WILL cover Horford on those shots; it should open up more opportunities for the J's to take advantage when Al is the screener, or provide spacing as an outlet shooter. Al is playing so well on offense because Milwaukee has gambled on him not shooting the ball well, and he has killed them for it.
 

Leather

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The Rewatchables: Beverly Hills Cop II.

Perfect movie for him and Chris. But it's hilarious that Simmons posits near the beginning: "You know... in 1987, we weren't really doing sequels." He then mentions the Rocky movies as an exception, but dude... the mid 80s were FUCKING DEFINED BY SEQUELS! Star Wars! Star Trek! Jaws! Aliens! Back to the Future! Nightmare on Elm Street! European Vacation! Poltergeist! Caddyshack II!
 

8slim

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The Rewatchables: Beverly Hills Cop II.

Perfect movie for him and Chris. But it's hilarious that Simmons posits near the beginning: "You know... in 1987, we weren't really doing sequels." He then mentions the Rocky movies as an exception, but dude... the mid 80s were FUCKING DEFINED BY SEQUELS! Star Wars! Star Trek! Jaws! Aliens! Back to the Future! Nightmare on Elm Street! European Vacation! Poltergeist! Caddyshack II!
Hysterical.

Weekly box office leaders in 1987 included: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3, Police Academy 4, and Revenge of the Nerds 2.

Also, the week that BHC2 went into broad release, the #2 movie was Ernest Goes to Camp (a sequel) and #8 was Creepshow 2.
 

johnmd20

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It was a great episode but it is funny. You really can't say, "BHC2 invented the sequel," and then immediately say Rocky has already had 3 sequels.
 

SidelineCameras

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The part about “add a Lisa Bonet character so we could kill her off as motivation” made me uncomfortable. He was openly lamenting that they didn’t fridge a stripper. If that scene had been included, it would have been an easy candidate for “what’s aged the worst.”

I’m not calling for him to be canceled or anything ridiculous but not a great look.That exchange made me sorry that Fennessey wasn’t there to call them out.
 

Hoya81

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The Rewatchables: Beverly Hills Cop II.

Perfect movie for him and Chris. But it's hilarious that Simmons posits near the beginning: "You know... in 1987, we weren't really doing sequels." He then mentions the Rocky movies as an exception, but dude... the mid 80s were FUCKING DEFINED BY SEQUELS! Star Wars! Star Trek! Jaws! Aliens! Back to the Future! Nightmare on Elm Street! European Vacation! Poltergeist! Caddyshack II!
I think this is gives more credibility to the argument that Bill rarely, if ever, watched anything from the Scifi/Horror/Superhero genre.
 

trotsplits

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Bill's thing with anything in the 70's and 80's being influenced by cocaine really gets beat into the ground in the latest Rewatchables. I'm actually ok with Bill being a balance with more knowledgeable hosts, but his coke comments are almost as boring to me as the "on the list of the best ever" comments he makes about, well, everything.
 

johnmd20

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Bill's thing with anything in the 70's and 80's being influenced by cocaine really gets beat into the ground in the latest Rewatchables. I'm actually ok with Bill being a balance with more knowledgeable hosts, but his coke comments are almost as boring to me as the "on the list of the best ever" comments he makes about, well, everything.
I think they are funny and it's also very, very true.
 

ManicCompression

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His "Being the the best player in the NBA is like being the best wrestler... it's like Andre the Giant being the hardest to pin down for 8 years" take that he laid on Tjarks is one of the stupider things I've heard, even for him. Like why the fuck do you need to compare a real sport with a scripted sport? Is he under the impression that the WWE is not following predestined storylines?
 

Leather

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Bill's thing with anything in the 70's and 80's being influenced by cocaine really gets beat into the ground in the latest Rewatchables. I'm actually ok with Bill being a balance with more knowledgeable hosts, but his coke comments are almost as boring to me as the "on the list of the best ever" comments he makes about, well, everything.
Agreed. It's useful to mention it once per episode if it actually fits (because sometimes it actually does; a lot of these actors/directors were using a lot of cocaine in the 80s!) but it gets juvenile quickly, and is about as funny and illuminating as a sitcom flashback to "The 60s" where everyone is dressed in paisley shirts, purple pants, and says "Hey MANNNNN!" to start every sentence.
 

The Social Chair

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His "Being the the best player in the NBA is like being the best wrestler... it's like Andre the Giant being the hardest to pin down for 8 years" take that he laid on Tjarks is one of the stupider things I've heard, even for him. Like why the fuck do you need to compare a real sport with a scripted sport? Is he under the impression that the WWE is not following predestined storylines?
Simmons Principal

Use NBA for an analogy of any subject, but if it's the NBA than use wrestling, kid's soccer, or 1990s heteronormative relationship stereotypes ("Kyrie is the crazy ex-gf! He just is!")
 

Mystic Merlin

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Someone should ask him what he thinks the term ‘heteronormative’ means, that would be fun in and of itself.

Anyways, it’s seemingly 100 percent of the time that when he mentions a female character in a film or TV show it trends into a range of inappropriate dialogue with uncomfortable counterpart(s) (‘not hot enough’, ‘we really need this type to play this character’).
 

jezza1918

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kenneycb

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Embiid called out Bill in a presser yesterday.
View: https://twitter.com/sportingnews/status/1524230304856219648

"If you're going to allow these type of people to vote on these awards, that's not fair." Joel Embiid discusses Bill Simmons' remark on Jalen Green and how it impacts NBA award voting.
It's funny because he and Russillo probably spent 6 hours of podcast time talking about awards. He is the exact type of person you want voting on these awards.
 

JCizzle

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What's the better option anyways? Malik Monk and Josh Giddey received multiple All Star votes from players this year, so it would take a lot to convince me that players take it more seriously than the media. Andre Drummond got more player votes than Timelord. Kyrie more than Jaylen despite not playing by that point!

It's stupid that the supermax is tied to votes and everyone admits that, but there's no perfect solution for award voting.
 

ManicCompression

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Maybe not the right forum for this, but has any fanbase + player whined this much about not a winning an award? Why is he going on a one minute rant about a podcaster instead of just saying, "That doesn't matter, I'm more focused on us losing by 30 points and what we need to do to even the series"?
 

Vinho Tinto

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Maybe not the right forum for this, but has any fanbase + player whined this much about not a winning an award? Why is he going on a one minute rant about a podcaster instead of just saying, "That doesn't matter, I'm more focused on us losing by 30 points and what we need to do to even the series"?
Specific to player, I’m pretty sure we can find Mike Greenwell still making a case for 1988 AL MVP somewhere in Florida.
 

ifmanis5

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Bill got a promotion.
View: https://twitter.com/THR/status/1524790243634839557

Simmons will become Spotify’s head of global sports content and is tasked with growing and leading the audio giant’s sports content and strategy outside of the U.S. Simmons will continue to serve as the managing director of The Ringer, which was acquired by Spotify in 2020, and report up to Julie McNamara, Spotify’s head of talk studios.
Does this explain his sudden interest in F1?
 

John Marzano Olympic Hero

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"Leading the audio giant's sports content and strategy outside of the US"?

Simmons has never struck me as a particularly worldly guy, but congratulations to him.
 

Shelterdog

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Does this explain his sudden interest in F1?
I will not stand for people mocking those of us who got into F1 because we saw the netflix show during pandemic and thought it was awesome.

I do suspect that like his interest on soccer in the mid aughts this will be short lived.
 

moretsyndrome

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. I do suspect that like his interest on soccer in the mid aughts this will be short lived.
I can't believe I once had the time to digest an 8000 word blog full of offhand non-sequiturs that climaxed in a guy randomly choosing to adopt Tottenham. Maybe I could just read that much faster back then.
 

Marciano490

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Bill needs a new headshot. He’s been looking like Glamour Shots By Deb for a minute now.
 

ifmanis5

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Bill's ranking of the worst Celtics playoff losses was good. Notably he also completely ducked responding to Emiid's comments. He clearly wants to move on from that situation.