Focuses on Jared's murder of his wife.
https://deadspin.com/jerry-remy-on-his-sons-unforgivable-crime-1836210139
https://deadspin.com/jerry-remy-on-his-sons-unforgivable-crime-1836210139
My recollection was that both Remy and his wife urged her not to press charges, but I couldn't find an article specifically outlining that in a few-minute search. Then they followed that up by going to court against the parents of the woman their kid killed to try to get full custody of their granddaughter. I don't have an ounce of sympathy for him.I think Remy's wife contacted the fiance and tried to get her not to press charges in previous cases, at least that's what I recall, and that is pretty indefensible. But Remy it seems pretty clear just adores his wife and he was gone A LOT and probably feels guilty that she had to raise the kids and does not want any blame put on her. I do think sometimes it's clear that parents are raising a-holes because they want to be their friend or they don't want to the hassle of disciplining them or whatever reason, but ultimately Remy's son was a grown ass man who chose to murder someone and that is all on him it just is. My heart really hurts for Remy, I remember watching him be honored at Fenway last year and he was just so happy to have that day it made me very happy the Red Sox didn't cut him loose after this happened.
As someone who was pretty involved in the Boston DV scene in the early 1990s, I will say that the timeline of what happened is horrific to me, particularly considering the description that his lawyer, Peter Bella gave (see https://masslawyersweekly.com/2014/03/28/longtime-remy-lawyer-peter-bella-responds-to-criticisms/).I’d place the most blame here on the courts which routinely (like every few months) CWOFed him or let him out on cheap bail for violent and violent domestic incidents. Read the legal timeline on Wikipedia. It’s fucking crazy. He should’ve been locked up years before this happened.
Parents are going to help their children to a fault. Would any of your parents totally bail on you?
It's implied over and over than Jerry and Phoebe were funding his lifestyleThough he said he made only $10 an hour at Fenway, he quickly produced the $3,000 bail to free himself that night. In court in Waltham for his arraignment the next morning, he ignored a restraining order and strode over to McMahon, according to a police report, and accused her of cheating. She forced him to examine her black-and-blue face. “Remy put his head down and said it was the Anedrol [Anadrol, a steroid],” police wrote in the report. According to the report, Remy told McMahon “that he was going to miss her . . . and said sorry.”
He was fired from his security guard job with the Red Sox because another guard who was caught with steroids cited him as the supplier. So maybe he was dealing?If nothing else, the guy was obviously on a massive amount of steroids. Where was he getting the extra thousand or so a month to run the kindnof cycles he was on?
I don't know, as I reread stuff about this case, re-remembering just what enablers Jerry and Phoebe Remy were really bothers me. Obviously, in hindsight, they'd have done things differently. Reading the except, with the recognition that this is ghostwritten, I get the impression Jerry Remy feels a lot of guilt about what happened. But they went *way* beyond trying to help their son to full-on shielding him from even the slightest consequences of his actions, and it's fair to point that out.But I'll tell you, and I'm a bit ashamed to admit it, that back in 2013, I wanted Remy gone. I wanted him to pay for the sins of his son. And now, I think that's the wrong take to have. I think that Remy lets himself and his wife slide a lot in this excerpt. I'm not sure exactly what I wanted him to write, maybe nothing would have satisfied me.
Peter Bella fulfills a lot of defense attorney stereotypes, he really should be a character on Law and Order.As someone who was pretty involved in the Boston DV scene in the early 1990s, I will say that the timeline of what happened is horrific to me, particularly considering the description that his lawyer, Peter Bella gave (see https://masslawyersweekly.com/2014/03/28/longtime-remy-lawyer-peter-bella-responds-to-criticisms/).
The system clearly failed. I will note, however, that the system was never designed to deal with intimate partner violence and for a lot of reasons, the system isn't equipped to deal with such issues.
Which is sad for a lot of women.
I agree with this assessment, I really do. But I wonder (and this isn't on you to answer), as a parent, what do you do? It's easy for me (a father of two kids under 12-years-old) to say "Fuck Jared, they should have let him rot." but honestly, I don't know if I could do that to one of my children. I don't think that a lot of people can step outside themselves and see their children for who they really are. I mean we all grew up or knew of boys who were complete psychos or girls that were promiscuous. And while we are able to see those kids for what they are, do their parents? And if they do, what can you do about it? Get them treatment, push them towards rehab. Sure. But what if they don't want to or refuse to go? Then what?But they went *way* beyond trying to help their son to full-on shielding him from even the slightest consequences of his actions, and it's fair to point that out.
100% nailed what I was trying to say. It's really easy to disown someone else's kid.I agree with this assessment, I really do. But I wonder (and this isn't on you to answer), as a parent, what do you do? It's easy for me (a father of two kids under 12-years-old) to say "Fuck Jared, they should have let him rot." but honestly, I don't know if I could do that to one of my children. I don't think that a lot of people can step outside themselves and see their children for who they really are. I mean we all grew up or knew of boys who were complete psychos or girls that were promiscuous. And while we are able to see those kids for what they are, do their parents? And if they do, what can you do about it? Get them treatment, push them towards rehab. Sure. But what if they don't want to or refuse to go? Then what?
And I'm not letting Remy off the hook, or at least I'm trying not to. But it's hard enough to raise a kid, I'd imagine it's ten times more difficult when he's a roided-up, uncontrollable psychopath. Jared Remy could rip his parents apart if he wanted to. Is he going to listen when you say, "Jared, that wasn't a good choice. Let's rethink what we just did."? As far as helping them, yeah the Remys messed up huge -- there's no denying that. But to anticipate that your own son would murder someone, especially his fiancé? Man, that's really dark. I don't know if I could go there.
I believe they went to court just to assure they would still be able to have contact with their granddaughter, not gain custody of her.My recollection was that both Remy and his wife urged her not to press charges, but I couldn't find an article specifically outlining that in a few-minute search. Then they followed that up by going to court against the parents of the woman their kid killed to try to get full custody of their granddaughter. I don't have an ounce of sympathy for him.
I agree that it's not the fault of the parents when the kid does something horrific but I do hope they look in the mirror to see what they could have done better.I agree with this assessment, I really do. But I wonder (and this isn't on you to answer), as a parent, what do you do? It's easy for me (a father of two kids under 12-years-old) to say "Fuck Jared, they should have let him rot." but honestly, I don't know if I could do that to one of my children. I don't think that a lot of people can step outside themselves and see their children for who they really are. I mean we all grew up or knew of boys who were complete psychos or girls that were promiscuous. And while we are able to see those kids for what they are, do their parents? And if they do, what can you do about it? Get them treatment, push them towards rehab. Sure. But what if they don't want to or refuse to go? Then what?
And I'm not letting Remy off the hook, or at least I'm trying not to. But it's hard enough to raise a kid, I'd imagine it's ten times more difficult when he's a roided-up, uncontrollable psychopath. Jared Remy could rip his parents apart if he wanted to. Is he going to listen when you say, "Jared, that wasn't a good choice. Let's rethink what we just did."? As far as helping them, yeah the Remys messed up huge -- there's no denying that. But to anticipate that your own son would murder someone, especially his fiancé? Man, that's really dark. I don't know if I could go there.
On November 7, 2005 police responded to a domestic disturbance at Remy's home in Waltham, Massachusetts. Police stated that Remy had grabbed McMahon by her hair, dragged her down the stairs, threw her to the ground, threw a cell phone at her, and kicked her in the back, stomach, and face. She was beaten so badly, that she suffered a broken nose, a bloodied lip, and had a welt around one eye.[2][7] She was taken to Newton-Wellesley Hospital. Remy was arrested at his father's home in Weston, Massachusetts, and charged with assault, battery, and resisting arrest.[7] Remy admitted to police that he had "slapped her around", but dismissed the likely consequences as just "another year of probation".
I don't really disagree, I'm a father of youngster too and you find new depths of love and willingness to protect them. But when your teenage son's pregnant girlfriend is crying to you that he tried to throw her out of a moving car, how are you continuing to protect this kid in every possible way? It doesn't have to be putting them in the justice system (not that it was equipped to provide boundaries to Jared anyway). Therapy, reasserting control of his finances (since I believe he was being funded by Jerry), something. The mutant who showed up in a courtroom with a gash above his head, inflicted by a girlfriend fighting for her life, that guy may terrified Jerry and Phoebe Remy, but 19 year old Jared wasn't that size yet. He wasn't Aaron Judge on the juice, teenage Jared judging by the one photo that I've seen of him looks like he was a chip off the old block in height and build.I agree with this assessment, I really do. But I wonder (and this isn't on you to answer), as a parent, what do you do? It's easy for me (a father of two kids under 12-years-old) to say "Fuck Jared, they should have let him rot." but honestly, I don't know if I could do that to one of my children. I don't think that a lot of people can step outside themselves and see their children for who they really are. I mean we all grew up or knew of boys who were complete psychos or girls that were promiscuous. And while we are able to see those kids for what they are, do their parents? And if they do, what can you do about it? Get them treatment, push them towards rehab. Sure. But what if they don't want to or refuse to go? Then what?
And I'm not letting Remy off the hook, or at least I'm trying not to. But it's hard enough to raise a kid, I'd imagine it's ten times more difficult when he's a roided-up, uncontrollable psychopath. Jared Remy could rip his parents apart if he wanted to. Is he going to listen when you say, "Jared, that wasn't a good choice. Let's rethink what we just did."? As far as helping them, yeah the Remys messed up huge -- there's no denying that. But to anticipate that your own son would murder someone, especially his fiancé? Man, that's really dark. I don't know if I could go there.
Actually, people in the profession/system probably should have seen it coming. One thing they teach you during DV trainings is that the violence almost always escalates and someone who is able to break the nose of a partner is definitely able to kill her.Sure, anticipating your son would brutally murder his fiancé, nobody sees that coming.
Before we go further, here are two things that I think:But when your teenage son's pregnant girlfriend is crying to you that he tried to throw her out of a moving car, how are you continuing to protect this kid in every possible way? It doesn't have to be putting them in the justice system (not that it was equipped to provide boundaries to Jared anyway). Therapy, reasserting control of his finances (since I believe he was being funded by Jerry), something. The mutant who showed up in a courtroom with a gash above his head, inflicted by a girlfriend fighting for her life, that guy may terrified Jerry and Phoebe Remy, but 19 year old Jared wasn't that size yet. He wasn't Aaron Judge on the juice, teenage Jared judging by the one photo that I've seen of him looks like he was a chip off the old block in height and build.
Sure, anticipating your son would brutally murder his fiancé, nobody sees that coming. But should they have been as surprised were Jared a passionate gardener who enjoyed writing poetry and became a vegan for animal rights reasons? Of course not. He was violent and had a DV trail a mile long.
I think what some of this comes to is who to blame, and I think what I come back to is the fact that all three of their kids have been arrested in some sort of violent event. I think there can be the one kid in the family that just turns out as a sociopath despite the kids best efforts, but we're talking about now the Remy kids are 3 for 3, and that probably under reports the incidents they have actually had considering they are white, wealthy and related to a local celebrity. I don't think I blame Jerry or Phoebe for trying to always help their kids. I blame them for raising really shitty human beings.I agree with this assessment, I really do. But I wonder (and this isn't on you to answer), as a parent, what do you do? It's easy for me (a father of two kids under 12-years-old) to say "Fuck Jared, they should have let him rot." but honestly, I don't know if I could do that to one of my children. I don't think that a lot of people can step outside themselves and see their children for who they really are. I mean we all grew up or knew of boys who were complete psychos or girls that were promiscuous. And while we are able to see those kids for what they are, do their parents? And if they do, what can you do about it? Get them treatment, push them towards rehab. Sure. But what if they don't want to or refuse to go? Then what?
Off topic, but yes. When I was 19, my mother threw me out of the house I had grown up in because I was not following the tenets of her religion (JWs) under "her roof". She had a friend come over and change the locks while I was out one night. This action came less than a year after my father's suicide (they had divorced and he had remarried). We never reconciled. I spoke to her on the phone a few times and saw her once before I moved out of the state about four years later. And three years after that, she died of cancer. For several reasons, I did not go back and see her before she passed away.Would any of your parents totally bail on you?
Somewhat off-topic, and I enjoy your posts most of the time JMOH, including the majority of your content in this thread, but I feel like conflating male psychosis/violence with female promiscuity is problematic. I mean, I think I get your point that some girls/women were raised in a way that encourages risky behavior (poor choice of sexual partners, not using protection, etc.), but promiscuity in and of itself isn't morally wrong. I mean, male promiscuity is comparatively rarely frowned on by comparison. And there's nothing wrong with liking sex or having it with lots of people if everyone's a consenting, informed adult. Certainly compared to violence.I mean we all grew up or knew of boys who were complete psychos or girls that were promiscuous.
Quoted for truth.I work with a lot of DV clients (the accused). There are some that I look at and think it's just a matter of time before they kill someone, and some that I see are totally salvageable with the right intervention. In both cases, sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong. I long ago gave up trying to predict these things.
Thank you for posting this. I tried to write a response to his post a couple of times and ended up just deleting it because it was more confrontational than I wanted to convey, but I think you got it right here.Somewhat off-topic, and I enjoy your posts most of the time JMOH, including the majority of your content in this thread, but I feel like conflating male psychosis/violence with female promiscuity is problematic. I mean, I think I get your point that some girls/women were raised in a way that encourages risky behavior (poor choice of sexual partners, not using protection, etc.), but promiscuity in and of itself isn't morally wrong. I mean, male promiscuity is comparatively rarely frowned on by comparison. And there's nothing wrong with liking sex or having it with lots of people if everyone's a consenting, informed adult. Certainly compared to violence.
I think that you're right that comparing someone who likes to have sex to a person who beats people up is wrong. After rereading my original post, I can see how you could think that though it wasn't my intent.Somewhat off-topic, and I enjoy your posts most of the time JMOH, including the majority of your content in this thread, but I feel like conflating male psychosis/violence with female promiscuity is problematic. I mean, I think I get your point that some girls/women were raised in a way that encourages risky behavior (poor choice of sexual partners, not using protection, etc.), but promiscuity in and of itself isn't morally wrong. I mean, male promiscuity is comparatively rarely frowned on by comparison. And there's nothing wrong with liking sex or having it with lots of people if everyone's a consenting, informed adult. Certainly compared to violence.
Dad of two teenagers here. This is well said and represents where I am.I agree with this assessment, I really do. But I wonder (and this isn't on you to answer), as a parent, what do you do? It's easy for me (a father of two kids under 12-years-old) to say "Fuck Jared, they should have let him rot." but honestly, I don't know if I could do that to one of my children. I don't think that a lot of people can step outside themselves and see their children for who they really are. I mean we all grew up or knew of boys who were complete psychos or girls that were promiscuous. And while we are able to see those kids for what they are, do their parents? And if they do, what can you do about it? Get them treatment, push them towards rehab. Sure. But what if they don't want to or refuse to go? Then what?
And I'm not letting Remy off the hook, or at least I'm trying not to. But it's hard enough to raise a kid, I'd imagine it's ten times more difficult when he's a roided-up, uncontrollable psychopath. Jared Remy could rip his parents apart if he wanted to. Is he going to listen when you say, "Jared, that wasn't a good choice. Let's rethink what we just did."? As far as helping them, yeah the Remys messed up huge -- there's no denying that. But to anticipate that your own son would murder someone, especially his fiancé? Man, that's really dark. I don't know if I could go there.