CSI Nevermind--Excuses for Why Patriots Opponents Lose

2SeamLockup

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There was a time when I seriously considered the notion that Belichick is behind all of these false accusations in order to create motivation for the squad that has it all to win another title. I mean, it's no less ridiculous than anything else I've heard.
 

dcmissle

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BB doesn't have the time for this bullshit. Which scares me cause he is the only one there with the intelligence to deal with it. Papa Kraft spends his time with the purple pill; Jonathan chest thumps on WEEI.
 

PedroKsBambino

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The stories I've read seem to move towards the Jets looking like morons and the league looking obsessed.  In my estimation these are both undeniable truths that should have been recognized more than a year ago, so perhaps one more of these ridiculous, baseless stories will really get the national tide turned.
 
Or not.
 

Devizier

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PedroKsBambino said:
The stories I've read seem to move towards the Jets looking like morons and the league looking obsessed.  In my estimation these are both undeniable truths that should have been recognized more than a year ago, so perhaps one more of these ridiculous, baseless stories will really get the national tide turned.
 
You forgot who drives the national tide, especially with regards to football:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHJbSvidohg
 

GeorgeCostanza

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I wonder how many takes they did before they said fuck it, let's leave the part with Clevon cracking up in the movie.

Apropos of nothing, if you're into autobiographies, Gene Wilder's (kiss me like a stranger) is fantastic. Goes fairly deep into his professional relationship with Pryor.
 

DaveRoberts'Shoes

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dcmissle said:
BB doesn't have the time for this bullshit. Which scares me cause he is the only one there with the intelligence to deal with it. Papa Kraft spends his time with the purple pill; Jonathan chest thumps on WEEI.
 
How bad do you think Mr. Kraft's reflux is?
 
Nexium is the little purple pill.  I think the joke you were going for here involves a blue pill.
 
Carry on, $10, etc....
 

DJnVa

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What is the possible benefit to the Patriots even if the employee fucks with the refs in-stadium microphone?
 
They Jets guy realizes that if that mic goes out the penalties still count right? Aren't we just talking about the mic that informs the crowd of penalties here?
 

amarshal2

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DrewDawg said:
What is the possible benefit to the Patriots even if the employee fucks with the refs in-stadium microphone?
 
They Jets guy realizes that if that mic goes out the penalties still count right? Aren't we just talking about the mic that informs the crowd of penalties here?
I think he just thought it sounded like a cover story for some other nefarious behavior involving...batteries...
 

garzooma

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norm from cheers said:
  And the 2 NFL yahoo's who were at the game put the Pat employees thru a grilling and then called for clarity?  I am curious what those two do during the rest of the week between games
 
They're deciding which charities to steal from.
 

Bleedred

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If BB was suspended for a year for some bullshit trumped up charge, would that be enough for Kraft to go nuclear on the league?  I have my doubts
 

soxhop411

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Bleedred said:
If BB was suspended for a year for some bullshit trumped up charge, would that be enough for Kraft to go nuclear on the league?  I have my doubts
yes.. I would think that or a one year TB suspension would be enough for him to go nuclear
 

Spelunker

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DaveRoberts'Shoes said:
 
How bad do you think Mr. Kraft's reflux is?
 
Nexium is the little purple pill.  I think the joke you were going for here involves a blue pill.
 
Carry on, $10, etc....
Well, there's also the red pill. Gobbling both will end up being purple in your stomach.
 

singaporesoxfan

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joe dokes said:
 
No, this is why they should just keep doing what they're doing. which is nothing wrong and which is making people look stupid by shitting their pants instead of playing football.
It's all fun and games till someone's paranoia causes you another first round draft pick.

I take it as a good sign that the Patriots have thought through the possibility of someone planting "evidence" of cheating in their locker room, but I'd still hope they are getting some one other than the NFL for that verification.
 

tims4wins

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Basically the plot summary is the same as DFG & the Ravens "illegal" ineligible play
 
1) Opposing team doesn't know what the rule is (or in the case of DFG, "science")
2) Complain loudly to the league Pats are doing something wrong
3) Everyone gets all up in arms are cheating
4) Come to realize Pats did nothing wrong, much ado about nothing
5) Except the damage to the reputation is already done
 
Every one of these cases is Ready, Fire, Aim.
 

ifmanis5

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With an actual commissioner with a brain in their head, this is how it should have gone:
 
Jets: There was a man with a headset on the sidelines. We felt threatened. You should look into it.
Actual Commish: That's a person doing their job like they're supposed to. You keep bringing this garbage up and wasting my time, I'm taking away draft picks. Now, fuck off.
 
And now with Goodell:
Jets: There was a man with a headset on the sidelines. We felt threatened. You should look into it.
RG: Oh yes, I hear you loud and clear, we take the integrity of the game very seriously and will look into it very carefully. We would of course do this with every team because we take complaints against all teams equally (wink).
Jets: Shall we leak this to the press or should you?
RG: Make it both. :)
 

Van Everyman

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Trollin' Volin with this tidbit in today's column:

And as for the in-game questioning of Patriots employees, the Patriots are suspicious that the Jets asked NFL security to get involved, the Jets declined to comment, an NFL source insisted that the Jets had nothing to do with it, and then Pro Football Talk obtained an internal e-mail stating, “Jets security director Robert Mastroddi made an inquiry with NFL security regarding the presence of two individuals wearing headsets and Patriots attire.” Two sources who witnessed it told me they heard a Jets coach say, “We got that [expletive], cheating again.” NFL security found nothing and closed the matter.
 

Harry Hooper

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Be nice if the national media would finally go with just about everything out of NFL HQ is a lie.
 

Leather

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The thing I find most concerning, but hardly surprising, is that people who work for the Jets actually believe that the Patriots and Bill Belichick are "cheaters". All this time I naively thought it was all gamesmanship gone wrong.
 

Hoya81

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drleather2001 said:
The thing I find most concerning, but hardly surprising, is that people who work for the Jets actually believe that the Patriots and Bill Belichick are "cheaters". All this time I naively thought it was all gamesmanship gone wrong.
Especially with Pepper Johnson on staff.
 

djbayko

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TheWizard said:
Good article. This sums it up for me:

Were seven games into the season. After one, the other teams head coach intimated the Patriots screwed with their radio frequencies. He was wrong. After another, the opposing teams director of security got the league to crawl all over the Patriots sideline and around their facility looking for something, anything. They found nothing.

There should be a point at which the league declares it needs some probable cause. Otherwise, these monthly, franchise-wide colonoscopies will continue until -- inevitably -- someone finds something that really isn't anything and the NFL is out another $10 million. Non-existent evidence -- like a lack of air pressure -- the NFL's crack security team is great at seizing. It's the existing stuff -- like elevator videos mailed directly to their offices -- which prove elusive.
 

luckiestman

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drleather2001 said:
The thing I find most concerning, but hardly surprising, is that people who work for the Jets actually believe that the Patriots and Bill Belichick are "cheaters". All this time I naively thought it was all gamesmanship gone wrong.
Well, they were actually violating a rule in the whole spygate thing. I wouldn't call that cheating and I think it was overblown but the jets weren't paranoid about that. It should have been a "hey stop it, we just had a memo about this" and not "spy gate"


I just don't know how much this stuff goes on to form an opinion. What if some teams have general anti espionage policies but we heard about this because "Pats cheat"

It is also true that Woody is moron, so he might think the pats win because they cheat. I'll never defend that fool.
 

HowBoutDemSox

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There has to be a limiting principal on when a complaint leads to an investigation. What if a team suggests to the league that an opposing QB has a communication device in his jock strap that is giving him calls after the headsets shut off, via pulsing morse code? Will they stop the game and have the QB strip on the sideline to check? I fully expect crap like that to start unless someone in league HQ gets their act together and requires some kind of evidence.
 

Harry Hooper

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djbayko said:
Good article. This sums it up for me:
 
 
 
Go back and read the Wells report section on the kicking ball fiasco and all the NFL staff and game officials stepping all over each other. They have learned absolutely nothing from that goat rodeo.
 

dcmissle

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The mighty Steelers will be forever stained by this douchebaggery. You know, the tough Steelers. The physical Steelers. The do-it-the-right-way Steelers.

Tomlin is a passive-aggressive fool. So are the canonized Rooneys.
 

Myt1

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DaveRoberts said:
 
How bad do you think Mr. Kraft's reflux is?
 
Nexium is the little purple pill.  I think the joke you were going for here involves a blue pill.
 
Carry on, $10, etc....
Yeah, but if you combine Viagra and the red pill that Morpheus gives you . . .

Edit: Damnit. Beat.
 

Eddie Jurak

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How long before the Jets or the Dolts accuse the Pats of spiking the team's water with massive amounts of Viagra?
 

Jed Zeppelin

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dcmissle said:
The mighty Steelers will be forever stained by this douchebaggery. You know, the tough Steelers. The physical Steelers. The do-it-the-right-way Steelers.

Tomlin is a passive-aggressive fool. So are the canonized Rooneys.
The next generation of football players will have grown up not stealing lunch money but rather crying that the nerd had produced counterfeit bills.

I don't know when it happened or if it's always been this way but it sure feels like a sudden change to discover that the NFL is no longer about winning but instead making sure nobody can blame you for losing.
 

Marciano490

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Jed Zeppelin said:
The next generation of football players will have grown up not stealing lunch money but rather crying that the nerd had produced counterfeit bills.

I don't know when it happened or if it's always been this way but it sure feels like a sudden change to discover that the NFL is no longer about winning but instead making sure nobody can blame you for losing.
Cross-reference this in the why do so many teams suck thread.
 

snowmanny

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It says they won 19/25 which has less than 3/4 of 1% probability of occurring naturally.  That's not exactly right of course, in part because there are lots of 25 coin-flip sets to choose from. But it is still way way way better evidence of cheating than the incredibly moronic 538 fumble "calculations." 
 

Import78

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So they Jedi mind trick the visiting team into guessing wrong, and get most of them right on the road?  Or does that 19/25 only include away games?  The link doesn't seem to say.
 

Ferm Sheller

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Import78 said:
So they Jedi mind trick the visiting team into guessing wrong, and get most of them right on the road?  Or does that 19/25 only include away games?  The link doesn't seem to say.
 
Visiting team captain calls the toss.
 

EricFeczko

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snowmanny said:
It says they won 19/25 which has less than 3/4 of 1% probability of occurring naturally.  That's not exactly right of course, in part because there are lots of 25 coin-flip sets to choose from. But it is still way way way better evidence of cheating than the incredibly moronic 538 fumble "calculations." 
No it isn't. In fact, it is even dumber.

The writer is relatively correct (its closer to 0.7 percent) that such accuracy or greater is very unlikely by random chance alone. However, one is more likely to see uneven coin flip ratios at small sample sizes and we have 32 teams. Therefore, the odds that a single team wins 3/4ths of 25 coin flips are actually much higher (closer to 21 percent).
This becomes less likely as the sample gets larger. At 50 samples the odds of seeing such accuracy drops to about 0.01 percent. If this effect remains at 50 coin flips, then the odds of a single team with an accuracy greater than 0.76 is only about half a percent.


EDIT: Yes, I'm aware that all of the articles discussing this phenomenon have been tongue-in-cheek. They mostly dig at the average NFL whiner fan.
 

Toe Nash

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Yeah, I mean, I don't think people are actually saying they are cheating but that has about a 1-137 chance of occurring randomly, which doesn't really seem that crazy. Much less "an impossible clip."
 
One could call it weird. Not impossible.
 

Stitch01

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I know this is half joking, but this is brought to us by the same type of statistical illiteracy as the lol fumble study.
 

EricFeczko

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Toe Nash said:
Yeah, I mean, I don't think people are actually saying they are cheating but that has about a 1-137 chance of occurring randomly, which doesn't really seem that crazy. Much less "an impossible clip."
 
One could call it weird. Not impossible.
This is wrong. It has a 21 (technically 0.2084 +/- 0.0001) percent chance of occurring randomly in the NFL.
 

EricFeczko

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Lukiewerle said:
Why is 25 coin flips the cutoff point?  Why not the Pats last 35 coin flips? 40? 
Probably because this doesn't happen at larger sample sizes. At 50 samples, there is about a 35 percent chance that one team will win 76 percent of coin tosses over 60 sets of NFL teams.
 

Eddie Jurak

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EricFeczko said:
This is wrong. It has a 21 (technically 0.2084 +/- 0.0001) percent chance of occurring randomly in the NFL.
Who did the original abortion of an analysis and will they retract... Or will the NFL, not having been aware of "probability", commission a law firm to do a $5 million dollar hit job on Belichick and the patriots.
 

Reverend

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EricFeczko said:
No it isn't. In fact, it is even dumber.

The writer is relatively correct (its closer to 0.7 percent) that such accuracy or greater is very unlikely by random chance alone. However, one is more likely to see uneven coin flip ratios at small sample sizes and we have 32 teams. Therefore, the odds that a single team wins 3/4ths of 25 coin flips are actually much higher (closer to 21 percent).
This becomes less likely as the sample gets larger. At 50 samples the odds of seeing such accuracy drops to about 0.01 percent. If this effect remains at 50 coin flips, then the odds of a single team with an accuracy greater than 0.76 is only about half a percent.


EDIT: Yes, I'm aware that all of the articles discussing this phenomenon have been tongue-in-cheek. They mostly dig at the average NFL whiner fan.
 
This reminds me of the specified complexity argument in Intelligent Design. I mean, if something happens enough times, eventually something is going to get weird.
 

djbayko

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singaporesoxfan said:
Isn't this the classic multiple endpoint fallacy?
How so? Coin flip is win/loss, sink didn't see many possible end points, unless you are extending this to NFL activities outside of the coin flip.

As Eric Feczko points out, it's closer to the rule of large numbers...but in this case, really just everyday statistical probability.
 

singaporesoxfan

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djbayko said:
How so? Coin flip is win/loss, sink didn't see many possible end points, unless you are extending this to NFL activities outside of the coin flip.

As Eric Feczko points out, it's closer to the rule of large numbers...but in this case, really just everyday statistical probability.
 
As in, the selection of the Patriots and 25 games represent specially selected end points to make the point.
 

edmunddantes

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It's just funny/sad that a joke article can even get this much discussion. 
 
Funny because it's really actually come to this, and sad because you know there is someone in 345 Park Ave going "we got those f**kers this time" right about now.