QUOTE (Blacken @ May 6 2010, 04:49 AM)
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Paste it. I'm begging you.
A lot of the stuff I said has been largely addressed here (I have to admit I stole the Cliff Lee stats straight off Red(s)HawksFan's post, which is lame and I apologize), but here it is. It's in reference to his entry called "High Anxiety", which was the subject of the e-mail I sent:
"Dear Mr. Cafardo,
There comes a time in every young man's life when he must exercise his right to be a pretentious jerk for the good of all mankind. Tonight, that time has come for me. Let's begin with the Jon Lester/Cliff Lee comparison you made. Cliff Lee in 2007 started the season on the DL, went 5-8 with a 6.38 ERA and a 1.53 WHIP in 16 starts, then went beserk on Sammy Sosa and our very own Victor Martinez. They sent him to Buffalo as much to fix his headcased-ness [interjection: I understand the hypocrisy of using a neologism in an e-mail to a sportswriter that includes a criticism of his grammar. but PBR is cheap, even for college kids] as his mechanics. Meanwhile, Lester has had three bad starts. Three. In what has historically been his worst part of the season (April-May). So on the subject of strong messages, perhaps the Globe should send you a "strong message" and fire your sorry ass given your much longer period of suckitude [there's another one].
Oh, and adorable potshot at UZR. You do realize a) The RedSox don't USE UZR, b) you're looking at a sample size of about ten games, and c) Cameron was hurt for some if not all those games (
you try doing anything with a torn stomach muscle, let alone play Center in Fenway).
I've come to the conclusion that it's in the best interests of everyone (yourself included, considering how joyless you must be to do such a terrible job) that you should absolutely quit writing. You're not only a horrifically untalented writer (as evidenced by this Chirnoble of a sentence:
Jacoby Ellsbury probably need a couple more games off, according to Francona, but Ellsbury said he could be ready as early as Wednesday. Now that's an optimistic viewpoint since Ellsbury said there was much difference between how he felt after his collision with Bill Hall Sunday in KC and now.) you also lean on the same two or three sources (really? Nobody cares about Gary freaking Sheffield, it is NOT NEWS when you report that he may consider signing with some team in some league at some point in the future) and write stupid uninformative fluff about Manny's HOF prospects and Tom Glavine's office jobs in the second week of the season (you have NOTHING better to write about than that?)
Please, stop. You're a hack. I'm aware this comes off as incredibly mean, but somebody needs to say this to you. And if you think I'm being a coward by e-mailing this to you, then I'll be happy to come by the office and tell it to your face when I get home from school.
Best,
Jim"
And his response was simply "Thanks for your input, James. I would never be as disrespectful to you." So now, I feel kinda badly about the whole situation.
Course, I'll feel much worse once the realization that I've shared this letter with a hundred other people arrives.