Watching the Jones: Dazed & Confused

Time to Mo Vaughn

RIP Dernell
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Mar 24, 2008
7,360
I think that we need to all stop speculating until TheoShmeo can stop by with the scoop on the real story from an inside source.
 

GeorgeCostanza

tiger king
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May 16, 2009
7,290
Go f*ck yourself
First Night I started my Ambien prescription was when the Celtics won the championship in 2008.
Police found me walking down the street at 330 am talking with Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen about them just winning the championship.
Of course I was actually alone talking to myself and completely fucked up on a sidewalk.
And yes I Had my doctor switch my meds right after that..
She would wake up to find him pissing in the wrong places. Closet, corner of the bedroom, bathtub. The best one (for me to hear about, not for her to clean up) was finding him pissing in the fridge.

He also had a not so funny episode when he fell forward while shitting and cracked his skull open good enough for a trip to the hospital, stitches, and what looked like a murder scene in his bathroom.

SOP I'd venture in some towns. Twice in the past few years in our small town, the cops failed to shut off the the stove/oven on ambulance calls/transports, which resulted in minor fire calls several hours later. Both times, the transports were for NOT for what most of us would consider physical/trauma issues (draw from that what you will).
The dispatch call says they found his keys inside and locked up so I feel pretty confident they were literally securing the place on his behalf. Just locking up.
 
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Van Everyman

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Apr 30, 2009
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Newton
So, I'm guessing that Lou has spoken to Chandler directly, then? Short of actually being at the scene himself, he seems pretty confident that he knows the whole story.
 

Leather

given himself a skunk spot
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Jul 18, 2005
28,451
The only thing Chandler ever touched of Belichick's was his hand, when he shook it. The truth is, nobody knows why Chandler Jones was at Walgreens naked that night except Chandler and Belichick. But when you scamps get together, you're worse than a sewing circle

 

bradmahn

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Apr 23, 2010
591
The only thing Chandler ever touched of Belichick's was his hand, when he shook it. The truth is, nobody knows why Chandler Jones was at Walgreens naked that night except Chandler and Belichick. But when you scamps get together, you're worse than a sewing circle

This... this is the winner.
 

Auger34

used to be tbb
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Apr 23, 2010
11,289
Might have been the best thing I've seen on the internet this week. Someone on the patriots subreddit linked to it as the best current operating theory, and when I followed the link, I see your trademark. Good work. Haha
Is there a link to see this master work?
 

Stitch01

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Jul 15, 2005
18,155
Boston
Is Jerod Mayo back at practice? Because there HAS to be some unifying theory between Chandler Jones, BB's black eye, and a missed practice. If its not Gronk, then Mayo almost has to have been involved.
 

( . ) ( . ) and (_!_)

T&A
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Feb 9, 2010
5,303
Providence, RI
Something strange happening to him because of Ambien could potentially explain why he went to the Walgreens. Especially if that is where he got his Ambien (I have no idea if the team supplies drugs like this to players or if they get their own script filled like everyone else). People walk into retail pharmacies with urgent medical questions/emergencies all the time. Pharmacists where lab coats, they must be doctors!
 
Dec 21, 2015
1,410
I assume TMZ is waiting until they get a hold of the Walgreens footage of a naked Jones wandering around getting some leftover christmas candy, dryer sheets, and maybe a hot pocket.
 

Trlicek's Whip

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Feb 8, 2009
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As mentioned earlier I could totally believe this being an ambien situation. Very glad that might just be all this is. And if it is, so much for Merloni's "all jammed up"
Merloni vaguetweeting isn't helpful, and since he's not officially a reporter he doesn't need to clarify much, so that's frustrating even if he's on top of the story and has iron-clad sources.

As for Ambien, "sleepwalking" doesn't adequately describe its side effects at all, but "zombie" does.

I had an ex-girlfriend that would get up and get on the computer or her smartphone in the middle of the night and buy stuff while asleep, completely forgetting the next morning. [Amazon one-click is extremely useful/not useful in this regard]. She even once she bought a plane ticket to London and tickets to a show there she was saying she couldn't afford when she was awake, then seeing the confirmation the next day at work checking email.

I totally believe that if there's no fire yet with this "smoke," and if it was Ambien/etc., that the story checks out the way it does with a visit to the PD or the Walgreens.
 

Trlicek's Whip

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Feb 8, 2009
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New York City
I assume TMZ is waiting until they get a hold of the Walgreens footage of a naked Jones wandering around getting some leftover christmas candy, dryer sheets, and maybe a hot pocket.
Or some TMZ "reporter" acting like a creeper trailing him in the store shouting off-screen "CHANDLER WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE KARDASHIANS HOW ABOUT THE OSCAR RACE BRO"
 

ilol@u

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Mar 2, 2009
4,309
Foxboro
SPORTS_HOTTAKEZ101:
I live in Foxboro and know the people at Walgreens. I jokingly asked the lady at the front cashier spot about if she heard anything. She said Chandler Jones was actually shirtless snooping around the Foxboro PD near the back where they keep the police cars early in the morning. He was acting like he was on drugs and he didn't turn himself in. The cops saw some guy was acting shady on the property and handcuffed him and brought him in. It wasn't until after, that the Patriots Organization representatives came to the PD and Chandler Jones was sent to Norwood Hospital.

Considering everybody else is throwing out scenarios that I might as well throw in my tidbit.

Edit: There were 5 news trucks at the Foxboro PD station and one news truck outside of Walgreens. Crazy.
 

dcmissle

Deflatigator
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Aug 4, 2005
28,269
This has to be frustrating the shit out of the Kensil crew.

Rules are spelled out in CBA. If you are in the program, they can test you randomly and frequently for rec drugs. If you are not, they cannot. Testing is confined to a defined period in the offseason, and you can be tested only once. That's why it's an intelligence test -- or addiction test -- more than anything else. The NFL really doesn't care about this unless the use is out of hand. Blind eye to weed.

As for the authorities, it is sensible and shrewd to have local police chief as director of stadium security. Treated as medical rather than law enforcement matter. So if NFL's retired FBI agents call, they laugh and say we've got nothing for you.
 

Stitch01

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Jul 15, 2005
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Boston
With everyone at practice and heading towards playing Saturday, this story seems like its going to be more of an oddity than anything material.
 

snowmanny

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Dec 8, 2005
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If it was Ambien at least he wasn't driving on it like Kerry Kennedy. Or Tiger Woods. Being out of bed on Ambien is a bad bad idea.
 

C4CRVT

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Feb 29, 2008
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Heart of the Green Mountains
I hadn't caught wind of all of this until just now. I read the thread and experienced a coaster of emotions. I'm pretty excited that this seems like something that actually might just blow over. Good times!!! Between the tapdancing Christ on a cracker gif and SJH's deadspin comment, this was some good, quality entertainment. A round of applause to you all.
 

allstonite

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Oct 27, 2010
2,549
So with information we have now, most likely scenarios:

Jones- Bad ambien reaction puts him in "zombie" state where he walks through Walgreens. Picked up by cops and sent to the hospital with no charges for anything. Wakes up, feels fine and is released.

Gronk- In Florida so has nothing to do with Jones' bad trip. Given maintenance day for full pads practice as a precaution coincidentally as this all comes out.

Belichick- motorboating accident (?)

That sound about right?