I decided to break a little bit of a mental sweat today. I wanted to see how many things I could name that I hate more than the Montreal Canadiens. The list I came up with was somewhat illuminating:
Nothing
Honestly, this team is the biggest collection of garbage ever brought together on frozen water. Their only real competition is the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, which obviously takes place on the liquid form. Seriously. PK Subban? What the fuck, man? I get it, I really do. In middle school, you were probably embarrassed as fuck that your first name is Pernell. But grow the fuck up. You're a man now, or at least you're supposed to be one. Use your real name. Speaking of real names, oh hey there, Carey Price. Sounds like you lost your fucking dogs. Boo fucking hoo. Yeah, your whole city called the cops when Max Pacioretty got a bump on the head, but no one called the fucking Humane Society on you because no one gives a shit. And lastly, Renee Bourque. I mean, Rene Bourque. Heard you had the flu. Also heard that you're a whiny little bitch. Maybe you can talk to Michel Therrien about hairstyles for men with women's names that make them feel tougher and look like sea lions. It couldn't hurt.
In conclusion, fuck off.
Win.
