Mooooooo … that's the sound the Houston Texans' logo made as the team was roped and branded by the New England Patriots on "Monday Night Football." At rodeos, the steer puts up a fight. On prime-time television, the Texans, entering the contest with the league's best record, didn't even put up a fight.
The New England defense exceeded expectations in its 42-14 blowout, using a college-style "50 front" to frustrate Houston stretch plays on expected run downs, then rushing five on expected passing downs. Teams that face Houston will study film of how the Flying Elvii shut the Texans down, forcing them to play from behind, which Houston isn't built to do. Holding the ball -- New England recorded 27 first downs -- also kept the Moo Cows' offense on the sidelines, causing the Texans to press when they did have possession.
Which brings us to the New England offense.
In 2007, the Patriots set the NFL's single-season scoring record, averaging 37 points per game. This year's New England offense is nearly as good, averaging 36 points per game. By some measures this year's Patriots are superior -- plus-24 for turnovers versus plus-16 in 2007, 28 first downs per game versus 25 per in 2007. The 2007 New England offense featured quick-strike deep passes; the 2012 iteration is seventh in the NFL in rushing, and therefore controls the ball better. New England is on pace for 444 first downs. The current record, set by New Orleans in 2011, is 411.
Right now, the New England offense rules the NFL. Yet it starts more undrafted free agents (Wes Welker, Ryan Wendell, Danny Woodhead) than first-round choices (Nate Solder, Logan Mankins). The quarterback is a sixth-round selection who ousted the first overall choice in the draft. Against Houston, the Patriots got long touchdown catches from two players shown the door by the rest of the league (Brandon Lloyd, cut by four teams; Donte' Stallworth, cut by five teams). How does the New England offense do it?
The starting point is offensive line play. The Patriots throw a lot, yet have allowed just 20 sacks, fourth-best in the league. In an NFL in which firing assistant coaches is a New Year's Day tradition, Dante Scarnecchia has been the Pats' offensive line coach since Bill Belichick arrived.
Watch Patriots line film, and what you won't see is an offensive lineman standing around doing nothing. On almost any NFL snap, even on good teams, there's at least one offensive lineman who brushed his man then just stood there looking at the play. When an offensive lineman stands watching the play, that team's offense is functioning 10-on-11. New England offensive linemen never stand around doing nothing. New England always plays 11-on-11.
From many years of staring at the New England offense, your columnist is convinced this is its most fundamental advantage. Everybody runs slants, curls and hitches like the Patriots do; many teams have sophisticated, accurate quarterbacks like Tom Brady; alone in the NFL, the New England Patriots have offensive linemen who never stand around doing nothing. This is an edge any team could seek. Only the Patriots have attained it.
Next, Brady has a near-perfect three-second mental clock. At three seconds, the ball is either gone or he rolls into the flat. Back in the 1980s, when Dan Marino was renowned for his three-second release, the quick release was seen as his personal gift: conventional tactics were for a quarterback to stand in the pocket till someone got open or he got sacked. "Standing in" was seen as proof of quarterback manhood. Marino showed that the quick release is the smarter way -- just get rid of the ball to the first guy who's open, or get rid of the ball, period. Many NFL teams now use the quick release. The Patriots employ it to near-perfection. Close your eyes when New England snaps. Count "one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three" and then open your eyes and the ball will already be out of Brady's hand.
In the 2007 offense, New England was at the bow wave of the fast-snap no-huddle, which today is used by many NFL and NCAA teams.This year's iteration is at the bow wave of the fad to using two tight ends with basketball-style athletic ability, a fad Belichick began. Many coaches, at least back to Hank Stram, have known that covering the tight end, especially a tall tight end, is a weakness of any football defense. Many teams have gone double-tight in rushing situations. New England's innovation is to go double-tight in passing situations, presenting the defense with two unusually big receivers who are athletic. Rather than use the tight end as a blocker who once in a while grabs a short turn-in, Belichick uses the tight end as a primary receiver.
Aaron Hernandez's first touchdown catch against Houston seemed almost effortless -- he lined up as a fullback then ran a simple flare in front of a linebacker. Most teams send a tight end deep once or twice a game; the Patriots send Hernandez or Rob Gronkowski deep a dozen times a game. Since Belichick drafted Gronkowski and Hernandez in April 2010, this combo has caught 54 touchdown passes. New Orleans, the NFL's second best in tight end use, has 26 tight end touchdown receptions in the same period. Most NFL head coaches obsess over glamor positions such as running back. Belichick obsesses over offensive linemen and tight ends, resulting in the league's best offense.
The Patriots change looks both between games and during games. Against Houston, sometimes New England went fast-snap no-huddle, sometimes huddled up and featured the run. In the third quarter, the Texans grew desperate and began to play press corners with a blitz; Brady responded by throwing deep, for a 63-yard touchdown that made the game a rout.
The New England offense is so confident and proficient that often the primary receiver isn't covered by anyone. Against the Jets on Thanksgiving, no one covered Welker -- one of football's all-time most productive receivers -- at the goal line. Against Houston, no one covered Hernandez at the goal line. The football gods are smiling on this offense.
Will they smile in the playoffs? Belichick won his three Super Bowl rings with balanced teams heavy on defense; his high-scoring offenses of 2007 and 2011 lost the ultimate game. Many high-scoring offenses -- the Oregon Ducks in 2010, the 2005 Colts, the Jim Kelly Buffalo Bills -- are unstoppable in the regular season when defenses are giving 90 percent, then cool off in the postseason, when defenses give 100 percent. We'll see if the Patriots' attack is once again unstoppable during the regular season, then declines in January.