Scariest / Hardest looking NBA Players

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MDLzera
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Sep 27, 2016
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We had a nomination:
I wouldn't want to meet a guy who looks like Poirier at 2 am in a back alley in Marseille.
To that I'll add Steven Adams - between the tattoos, ponytail, and arms bigger than my waist, if he's running, I'm running the other way.

Who else is scary? NBA players, being physical freaks, often are just funny-looking on top of being huge. And there's always the classics:




Who else ya got?
 

Light-Tower-Power

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Also, Brad Miller. More of a subtle scary. Someone who looks like they'd cause problems at a sketchy bar at 1 am.

 

Riconway3155

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Scary: Kenyon Martin (He scared the crap out of me when I was in high school)

25052


Ugly: Eric Williams

25053


That should be the entire list.
 
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cheech13

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Charles Oakley still scares me and he's been out of the league for 15 years.
 

PedroKsBambino

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If I told you Rick Mahorn enjoyed eating his fellow man with fava beans and a nice Chianti would you doubt it?

25054
 

Kliq

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Ugliest is Popeye Jones

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Adams is widely regarded as being the strongest, toughest guy in the league; a guy who accidentally hurts people simply by setting screens or committing routine fouls.
 

BaseballJones

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Coming here to post this. No one fucked with Oakley.
Funny story - not sure if it really happened or is apocryphal, but here goes...

Barkley is with the 76ers or Suns and he's playing at New York. A fan yells out, "Hey Barkley! Oakley could kick your ass!" To which Barkley replied, "Maybe. But I can kick yours."

Apparently the fan shut up at that.
 

moondog80

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Sep 20, 2005
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We had a nomination:


To that I'll add Steven Adams - between the tattoos, ponytail, and arms bigger than my waist, if he's running, I'm running the other way.

Who else is scary? NBA players, being physical freaks, often are just funny-looking on top of being huge. And there's always the classics:




Who else ya got?
That has to be an optical illusion -- SVG isn't a small guy. Who is that?
 

Bunt4aTriple

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I spent some time on google images, but i couldn't find a photo that accurately represented how imposing I found Rodney Rogers (I also didn't know he's now a quadriplegic). The thought of that guy staring you down loosens ALL the sphincters.
 

The Mort Report

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Are we all forgetting about our boy KG? He’s scary in the “I’ll literally do anything I need to” way.

Years ago I was bartending in Faneuil Hall, and we hosted half of the team for I believe the children’s hospital charity. He comes in, sits at the bar, despite his height didn’t seem all that intimidating, almost unassuming. He’s talking to someone next to him, then just glances at me mid sentence. I’m pretty sure that one glance bore a hole so deep into my soul it’s still there and a cause of most of my nightmares
 

Kliq

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I used to belong to the gym that the Celtics practiced at before they built the Auerbach Center. Maybe two years ago I was walking down the stairs and at the bottom of the stairs was Marcus Smart; just standing there (probably waiting for someone) and staring off into space. I walked by and considered just saying hi, maybe dapping him up and telling him how much I appreciated watching him play. When I got closer he just had this dull, Terminator face with a slight kind of snarl to it, he just looked like he would knock you out if you dared to approach him. So I just kept on walking and never said anything. Even when he was doing nothing, his presence was scary enough.
 

Jed Zeppelin

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As a DMX doppelgänger I feel that The Glove deserves some love here. His on-court personality just always struck me as a Denzel-in-Training-Day type who would be a great hang for like 5 minutes before making a joke that would have you spending the rest of the day wondering if he was joking with you or testing your mettle.
 

mwonow

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How old is he in this picture?
Born January 1929 and the card is from 1966, so 37.

There's actually some interesting stuff about this card in this piece: https://cardboardgods.net/2010/06/15/don-mossi/. It includes (and why wouldn't it?) analysis from Bill James: "Mossi’s ears looked as if they had been borrowed from a much larger species, and reattached without proper supervision. His nose was crooked, his eyes were in the wrong place, and though he was skinny he had no neck to speak of, just a series of chins that melted into his chest. An Adam’s apple poked out of the third chin, and there was always a stubble of beard because you can’t shave a face like that. He looked like Gary Gaetti escaping from Devil’s Island. "
 

Marciano490

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Born January 1929 and the card is from 1966, so 37.

There's actually some interesting stuff about this card in this piece: https://cardboardgods.net/2010/06/15/don-mossi/. It includes (and why wouldn't it?) analysis from Bill James: "Mossi’s ears looked as if they had been borrowed from a much larger species, and reattached without proper supervision. His nose was crooked, his eyes were in the wrong place, and though he was skinny he had no neck to speak of, just a series of chins that melted into his chest. An Adam’s apple poked out of the third chin, and there was always a stubble of beard because you can’t shave a face like that. He looked like Gary Gaetti escaping from Devil’s Island. "
37? Damn. Whatever that man drank, ate, smoked or snorted I need to stay away from. I would’ve guess late 40s and was wondering how he was still playing. Dude looks like he was the big fella in The Goonies.
 

cheech13

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Born January 1929 and the card is from 1966, so 37.

There's actually some interesting stuff about this card in this piece: https://cardboardgods.net/2010/06/15/don-mossi/. It includes (and why wouldn't it?) analysis from Bill James: "Mossi’s ears looked as if they had been borrowed from a much larger species, and reattached without proper supervision. His nose was crooked, his eyes were in the wrong place, and though he was skinny he had no neck to speak of, just a series of chins that melted into his chest. An Adam’s apple poked out of the third chin, and there was always a stubble of beard because you can’t shave a face like that. He looked like Gary Gaetti escaping from Devil’s Island. "
You left out the even better line from Bill James:

Don Mossi was the complete five-tool ugly player. He could run ugly, hit ugly, throw ugly, field ugly, and ugly for power. He was ugly to all fields. He could ugly behind the runner as well as anybody, and you talk about pressure... man, you never saw a player who was uglier the in clutch.
 

mwonow

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37? Damn. Whatever that man drank, ate, smoked or snorted I need to stay away from. I would’ve guess late 40s and was wondering how he was still playing. Dude looks like he was the big fella in The Goonies.
Could be Devil's Island...could be formaldehyde and/or corpses... "[Narleski and Mossi] always reminded me of two small-town undertakers who, having found the world at large a particularly cold and hardhearted place to do business in, have banded together in a desperate and distrustful partnership for the purposes of mutual self-preservation. Narleski with his sly little-boy grin and the darting, fishy eyes of the small-time criminal handles the customer relations, and Mossi with his loving-cup ears and the dark hulking presence of one newly dead or resurrected does all the dirty work"
 

InstaFace

MDLzera
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Marciano490

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37? Damn. Whatever that man drank, ate, smoked or snorted I need to stay away from. I would’ve guess late 40s and was wondering how he was still playing. Dude looks like he was the big fella in The Goonies.
I’m revising my take. My man looks like Vincent D’Onofrio’s character in Men In Black.
 

reggiecleveland

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Two scary dudes. I was on a summer team with aguy that played for the Jazz he said Karl Malone was bitching at the refs when Larry Smith said, "That's enough Karl" and Karl stopped talking the rest of the night.

Anyway this was a real nba fight.