PFT Commenter's got the Hottest Takes

The Gray Eagle

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Aug 1, 2001
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I never go to barstool sports, but if he's going to write more often then it's a good move. Judging from the article comments, he's probably in the right place. I love all the comments that each smugly point out one single grammatical mistake. Did they miss the rest of them? Are they really that clueless and arrogant at the same time? Seems like a place that needs a huge dose of PFTC.
 
Dec 21, 2015
1,410
Come for the Ballghazi jokes, stay for the mormon puns:

5. Josh Normon in a victory for crybabies everywhere made a lot of money this weekend. But what we’re forgetting here is that this is going to be a net win for football fans who will now get to see Norman and Odell Beckham Jr basically reenact WestSide story twice a year. I had some fun and called him Josh Mormon because he just got a artificial profit.
 

slamminsammya

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Jul 31, 2006
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Aqib Talib snatched a necklace off Michael Crabtrees neck, which is technically a crime and destruction of property. A good recever should allways know where the chains are in any situation and Crabtree’s lack of awareness demonstrates exactly why he hasnt drawn any interest from any teams that dont live in cities renowned for not getting enough bang for your buck, But most of all thoughts and prayers to anyone who might try to use the jewel thief pickup line on Talibs daughters in the future. That ones going to backfire big time.
Great stuff. His twitter is amazing as well.
 

kelpapa

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Feb 15, 2010
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@PFTCommenter
I cal him Glock Osweiler because hes innacurate and not very high caliber
 

The Gray Eagle

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Aug 1, 2001
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From today's MMBM:
"Edelman, Amendola, and Hogan, and Develin are on the Mount Rushmore of grit and no ones taking them for Granite. There will be plenty of time to talk about these stone faced mans mens guys with there chiseled jaws, but for now lets check into the birds of prey that are nesting in there heads- the Falcons.

I call them the Milleneal Falcons because they feel entitled, still havent moved out of there previous owners basement, and play in the biggest safe space of all- the NFC South. Matt Ryan cares so much about particpation trophies that he literally wears gold stars on the front of his uniform. And while has quickly cemented himself as the most dynamic playmaker the Falcons have ever had at QB that hasnt killed dogs that we know of, we still dont know whether he is truly elite. He could be Schrodingers Matt both elite and not elite at the same time, but before we get to that we need to see if hes able to tie Joe Flacco for most times winning a Superbowl that people forget."
 

The Gray Eagle

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Aug 1, 2001
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PFTC answers the question everyone is asking: could Alabama beat the Patriots?

"The Pats looked awful in there Foxboro debut, and conversely the nation’s best college football program- Alabama has looked just about unstoppable. So one of the sweetest debates in sports reemerges- could the best NCAA Football team defeat the worst NFL team?

Lets look at the numbers objectively:

-Alabama had four 2017 first round draft picks. The Patriot’s had zero. That kind of talent gap is tough to bridge

-The Patriot’s best wide receivers played QB and lacrosse in college, Alabama’s best Wide Receivers play Wide Receivers

-Alabamas won titles with AJ McCarron, Greg McElroy, and Jake Coker. The Patriots are a system team desinged around Tom Bradys unique skillset. You lose him and the whole operation crumbles.

-Alabama runs a clean program. They are also the most scrutnized organization in professional amateur sports, given how so many of there players are arrested each offseason in witch hunts, but subsequently cleared to play as soon as the historicaly impeccable Alabama justice system weighs all of the evidence and realizes there’s no way a player with a 4.5 forty time could ever be caught by one of there officers.

-Alabama has more then 10 times as many wins as the Patriots this year.

-Not only are the Patriots in last place in the lowly AFC East, but they looked awful getting there. The defense against the Chiefs was among the worst I’ve ever seen. Florida State has players at every position that could lose a foot and develop sudden onset vertigo and still take better pursuit angles then Cassius Marsh. Meanwhile the Tide is sitting atop the SEC which ironicaly shares the acronym with the only organization that is yet to investgate Tom Brady.

Every year the Patriots only have to be better then 30 other professonal football teams and the New York Jets. Alabama however has to beat 127 colleges in order to win a national title. Just the name New England implies that olde england was something that needed to be replicated in the first place- its very derivitive. Alabama meanwhile is a culture all its own filled with people of all races and background’s who built a school so they could have a football team. In fact its been a longstanding theory of mine that Alabama Universty doesnt even exist. Tuscaloosa, AL and Morgantown, WV are just open-air kegger’s where rural kids go on a 4-year rumspringa- Tide fan’s are essentially amish except they’ve never been on a wagon, and Alabama kid’s never use zippers on account of the overalls."

The second sentence on how Alabama runs a clean program is my favorite sentence in a long time.

To review: "They are also the most scrutnized organization in professional amateur sports, given how so many of there players are arrested each offseason in witch hunts, but subsequently cleared to play as soon as the historicaly impeccable Alabama justice system weighs all of the evidence and realizes there’s no way a player with a 4.5 forty time could ever be caught by one of there officers."
 

The Gray Eagle

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And this has to be my favorite paragraph of the month so far:

"Dirk Koetter is waiting out Hurricane Irma from inside the Bucs training facilty like a real football guy. Its a old German traditon to bunker down in times of crisis but logic woud dictate that the safest place to be in this storm would actualy be on the pirate ship inside Raymond James stadium. In the event of a catastrophic flood it would act as a modernday Noahs Ark to repopulate the city of Tampa using two of every kind of citizen wether they be exotic dancers,retired professonal wrestlers, craft brewers, ponzi scheme startups, and fry cooks. Locking yourself in a film room without power is a great way to develop cabin fever and who know’s what type of mad sciencist schemes to misuse Jameis Winston will come out of this. People forget the wildcat offense was drawn up using feces on a tile wall over the course of a week where Tony Sparano was accdentally locked in a Miami bathroom with nothing but a mound of cocaine, a pair of sunglasses, and the all-22 of his current QBs."
 

kenneycb

Hates Goose Island Beer; Loves Backdoor Play
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Dec 2, 2006
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Tuukka's refugee camp
I have to assume he was a history major with a focus on WWII given how well he is able to seamlessly weave Hitler references in both written text and spoken word on PMT.
 

jcd0805

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He's freaking brilliant, I'm like a kid on Christmas every Monday, Wednesday and Friday when I see that new podcast.
 

JCizzle

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Dec 11, 2006
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Deadspin sucks. His response is awesome. Too bad he died in a RV accident and we won’t be getting anymore hot takes from him. I hope his brother (real name PFTCommenter) can fill in

https://www.barstoolsports.com/chicago/deadspin-just-doxxed-me-and-youll-never-believe-what-happened-next
Yeah, I don't really get deadspin anymore. I used to go there much more frequently, but lately everything just seems so over the top cynical without ever actually being funny (other than the rare Magary piece). I get that parts of barstool bigly suck, but blaming PFT for that is pretty dumb. His pseudonym existed long before going to barstool, it's not like he took it on to escape their stink. I don't really get the point of outing him and it just reeks of jealously. He's a cool dude. By all means go after Portnoy though.
 

luckiestman

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Jul 15, 2005
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Yeah, I don't really get deadspin anymore. I used to go there much more frequently, but lately everything just seems so over the top cynical without ever actually being funny (other than the rare Magary piece). I get that parts of barstool bigly suck, but blaming PFT for that is pretty dumb. His pseudonym existed long before going to barstool, it's not like he took it on to escape their stink. I don't really get the point of outing him and it just reeks of jealously. He's a cool dude. By all means go after Portnoy though.

Deadspin is made up of miserable fucks, what's not to understand? Their mission is: Someone somewhere is having fun, that cannot stand.
 

JCizzle

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Dec 11, 2006
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Deadspin is made up of miserable fucks, what's not to understand? Their mission is: Someone somewhere is having fun, that cannot stand.
That seems pretty accurate ha. They could just delete the articles and leave the comments, which usually end up being the better content now anyways. Maybe the only place on the internets where that's true.
 

InstaFace

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Sep 27, 2016
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Seems like Laura Wagner has a fairly legit gripe with Portnoy harassing her, and is directing it in strange places.
 

kelpapa

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Pft wrote a guest column for deadspin in 2014 under his real name. What a shitty company.

It's not like his name was a secret. It took about 5 clicks to find it before this article.
 

kenneycb

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Dec 2, 2006
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Tuukka's refugee camp
Regardless, the PMT opening is going to be great tomorrow. Thoughts and prayers to Eric or whatever and the RV crash that took his life.
 

Smiling Joe Hesketh

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May 20, 2003
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Seems like Laura Wagner has a fairly legit gripe with Portnoy harassing her, and is directing it in strange places.
I'm a regular reader and poster over at Deadspin and I generally like the site a lot, and Laura in particular. But here, I think you've nailed it. Portnoy is a reprehensible scumbag who's said unconscionable things to Wagner, so she has every right to be offended and disgusted by his behavior, but going after PFT by outing his real name (which apparently was a well-known secret anyway) doesn't seem to be the best approach.

And interestingly enough, the Deadspin comments section on that article is generally of the same bent.
 

Patriot_Reign

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Apr 21, 2011
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pft had actually made some comments a month or two ago about his real name being a 'soft secret' or something to that affect, in that plenty of people knew his real identity and it was only a matter of time
i doubt he cares much, seems like the type that stuff just rolls off him
 

John Marzano Olympic Hero

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Apr 12, 2001
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This is par for the course for Deadspin. I believe that they revealed Twitter superstar Karl Welzein's (@dadboner) real name four or five years ago too.

I believe his name is Mike Burns and he's a comedian, so I don't think that he gave too much of a shit.
 

Riconway3155

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Jul 15, 2005
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This is par for the course for Deadspin. I believe that they revealed Twitter superstar Karl Welzein's (@dadboner) real name four or five years ago too.

I believe his name is Mike Burns and he's a comedian, so I don't think that he gave too much of a shit.
I think he actually did give a shit at the time. I'm pretty sure he was pissed and asked them not to reveal his real name. I was just talking about how amazing that twitter account was and was so sad that it really doesn't pop up anymore. If I remember correctly, things started going downhill for that account shortly after the reveal.
 

allstonite

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Oct 27, 2010
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It was an open secret and could easily be googled. My sister said she knew it a few years ago when she first got into the podcast and looked it up but I never wanted to know it. It was part of the fun and why he kept it anonymous but of course Deadspin has to throw water on it. I think they used to be fun and different but the last couple years they have just become mean spirited.

DadBoner was the same but once his name got out he started promoting his comedy shows on the feed. Great for him to be able to capitalize on his popularity but it kind of ruined the feed for a while. He still pops up now and then
 

southshoresoxfan

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Jul 15, 2005
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I'm a regular reader and poster over at Deadspin and I generally like the site a lot, and Laura in particular. But here, I think you've nailed it. Portnoy is a reprehensible scumbag who's said unconscionable things to Wagner, so she has every right to be offended and disgusted by his behavior, but going after PFT by outing his real name (which apparently was a well-known secret anyway) doesn't seem to be the best approach.

And interestingly enough, the Deadspin comments section on that article is generally of the same bent.
Yikes. To this entire post.
 

NickEsasky

Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em
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Jul 24, 2001
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It's funny because much of Barstool is trash outside of PMT and a few others. While on the other hand, pretty much all of Deadspin is trash now outside of Magary.
 

John Marzano Olympic Hero

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Apr 12, 2001
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I think he actually did give a shit at the time. I'm pretty sure he was pissed and asked them not to reveal his real name. I was just talking about how amazing that twitter account was and was so sad that it really doesn't pop up anymore. If I remember correctly, things started going downhill for that account shortly after the reveal.
DadBoner was the same but once his name got out he started promoting his comedy shows on the feed. Great for him to be able to capitalize on his popularity but it kind of ruined the feed for a while. He still pops up now and then
You might be right about that, Riconway, I'm not 100% sure. I was listening to a podcast the other day with Burns on it from 2013 (Go Bayside! the Saved by the Bell podcast) where he was pretty upfront about being @dadboner. So maybe he had some sort of coming-to-Jesus moment where he reconciled that being known as Karl Welzein might be better for his career.

And allstonite is right, his feed did get kind of ruined once the curtain was drawn back. I used to read it pretty regularly, going back through his feed so that I could see exactly what he said about everything and I bought his book, but then I got a bit burnt out. I still like his stuff, but the magic is done.
 

Rusty13

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Nov 3, 2007
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Regardless, the PMT opening is going to be great tomorrow. Thoughts and prayers to Eric or whatever and the RV crash that took his life.
Just listened to it. He took a total pass and didn't mention the Deadspin doxxing hatchet job once. I think PFT specifically asked Portnoy not to go after Wagner either, which, surprisingly, Portnoy agreed to. Barstool is actually taking the high road in this, making Deadspin look even more petty.
 

johnmd20

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Dec 30, 2003
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Just listened to it. He took a total pass and didn't mention the Deadspin doxxing hatchet job once. I think PFT specifically asked Portnoy not to go after Wagner either, which, surprisingly, Portnoy agreed to. Barstool is actually taking the high road in this, making Deadspin look even more petty.
Imagine putting yourself in a position to be high roaded by Barstool? GJGE Deadspin, you hateful, spiteful jerks.
 

allstonite

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Oct 27, 2010
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There were some inside jokes if you read his article. He/They brought up doxxing, anonymity, and Sully the pilot (because they have a similar last name) in the hot seat/cool throne but yeah he said he doesn't want to even bother with them. It will go away faster and attacking back will just feed into what Deadspin wants