PFT Commenter's got the Hottest Takes

The Gray Eagle

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It's about time there was a thread about the best football writer in the business: PFT Commenter.
 
His writing captures what the NFL and football fandom are all about like no one else out there. If you want to know what cutting-edge football punditry is, then you read PFT Commenter, period. Literaly period.
 
From his most recent piece, a strong examination of Earl Thomas's comments about Aaron Rodgers: "On the surface theres nothing wrong with what Thomas said but on farther reflection there is a huge obvious problem with it. Sure its a complement- but Im offended by the fact that I woudnt be allowed to be offended by it if I was offended by it. If I said that like, Im impressed by the fact that Earl Thomas dosent have a illegal exhaust system on his car, I would be called a racist even though Im not offended by it when he completemented Aaron Rogers. Goes both ways.
 
The ironic thing is that the media hasnt said a word about it probably. Wheres the outrage that Im assuming dosent exist? Can you imagine what would happen if a White QB was asked about Earl Thomas and repsonded by comparing him to Adam Archuleta? Thered be riots all across the globe. Same thing. Point blank- its not fair that Im not offended by this.
 
If you don't like his strong takes, then theres the door.
 

The Gray Eagle

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Today's strong take:
"So the Pats used underinflated balls, big deal. Maybe if the Colts werent sucking so much every time they got their hands on the ball thered be more air left in it. Hey free idea for the Colts- maybe if you didnt have a owner who thinks every inflatable object within his eyesite is a whippet thered of been plenty of air to go around- just a thought."
 

LogansDad

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The Gray Eagle said:
Today's strong take:
"So the Pats used underinflated balls, big deal. Maybe if the Colts werent sucking so much every time they got their hands on the ball thered be more air left in it. Hey free idea for the Colts- maybe if you didnt have a owner who thinks every inflatable object within his eyesite is a whippet thered of been plenty of air to go around- just a thought."
Oh this is gold.
 

jschip1

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Jul 16, 2005
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He went to Super Bowl media day and got some good questions in for Belichick:
 
 
-Who are you going to cut this year the night before the Superbowl?
-Have you told your mom your a cheater yet (classic journalism trick to get him to admit hes a cheater)
-New England hasnt won a Superbowl since the Bush administraton is this just an other case of Obama hating true Patriots?
-Anythoughts to bringing Aaron Hernendez back after his acquittal? Maybe getting him in the Patriot way would be great way to straighten him right out.
-Sherrif Joe Makes crimnals wear pink and so does the NFL I dont really have a question
-Do you think Roger Goodell would of tried harder to find the Ray Rice tape if Rice had been accused of deflating a football in the elevator?
-I just basicaly asked if I could have a million of his dollars
 
I laughed at two or three.
 

Average Reds

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The mistakes he makes with basic grammar make my eyes bleed.  (And no, he does not get a pass for saying "spelling mistakes are intentional" when he uses phrases like "would of.")
 
He's neither as smart nor as clever as he thinks.
 

nattysez

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Average Reds said:
The mistakes he makes with basic grammar make my eyes bleed.  (And no, he does not get a pass for saying "spelling mistakes are intentional" when he uses phrases like "would of.")
 
He's neither as smart nor as clever as he thinks.
 
For the life of me, I can't figure out if you're being sarcastic or not.  Just in case you're not, the "would of" thing is a variation of a long-running Twitter joke.  See, e.g., the 4/27 11:45 a.m. comment here or Jonah Keri's comments in this thread
 

Alcohol&Overcalls

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nattysez said:
 
For the life of me, I can't figure out if you're being sarcastic or not.  Just in case you're not, the "would of" thing is a variation of a long-running Twitter joke.  See, e.g., the 4/27 11:45 a.m. comment here or Jonah Keri's comments in this thread
 
Yeah - plus as something that signifies the (for lack of a better term) "Wal-Mart Fandom" he's mocking, it's a pretty straightforward part of the schtick.
 
I'll say that he's risen to the top of the alt-twitter pile for me at this point - nobody makes me laugh more consistently. I doubt there's a long shelf life on the act, but it's killing me today.
 

Corsi

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Average Reds said:
The mistakes he makes with basic grammar make my eyes bleed.  (And no, he does not get a pass for saying "spelling mistakes are intentional" when he uses phrases like "would of.")
 
He's neither as smart nor as clever as he thinks.
 
holy crap, stop taking yourself so seriously.  
 

Average Reds

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Corsi said:
 
holy crap, stop taking yourself so seriously.  
 
Uh ... there are people here taking this much more seriously than I am. 
 
I had no idea who this guy was and looked at his stuff.  I don't get it.  Sorry if that's hard to grasp.
 

Mooch

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Jul 15, 2005
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PFTCommenter @PFTCommenter
· Jan 27
"How many aderallls woud it take to make Russell Wilson interesting?" ...... "No comment"
 
Awesome.
 
 

Corsi

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Average Reds said:
 
Uh ... there are people here taking this much more seriously than I am. 
 
I had no idea who this guy was and looked at his stuff.  I don't get it.  Sorry if that's hard to grasp.
 
Sorry, I shouldn't of jumped down you're throat.
 

Blacken

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Average Reds said:
Uh ... there are people here taking this much more seriously than I am. 
 
I had no idea who this guy was and looked at his stuff.  I don't get it.  Sorry if that's hard to grasp.
Of all the jokes to not get, you choose the one that wraps itself in caution tape and waves big flashing lights around?
 

Average Reds

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Corsi said:
 
Sorry, I shouldn't of jumped down you're throat.
 
 
No worries.  I just realized that you were quoting from my first post, which is the one where I basically outed myself as being not in on the joke.
 
My subsequent reference to myself as not being "one of the cool kids" was meant as self-deprecation, because my reaction proves that I'm not the target.
 
Carry on.
 

Corsi

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https://twitter.com/PFTCommenter/status/514153090669240320
 
https://twitter.com/PFTCommenter/status/515178405978181632
 

Marciano490

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Corsi said:
https://twitter.com/PFTCommenter/status/514153090669240320
 
https://twitter.com/PFTCommenter/status/515178405978181632
 
Am I missing a joke or is he in a 30 person league?
 

The Gray Eagle

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He's got all gritty, lunchpail hardhat gamers on his team-- no lazy, me-first, selfish showboats. It's just pure coincidence that they all have the same complexion.
 
Goes both ways. Theres the door.
 

The Gray Eagle

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Some strong takes in his post from Monday.
 
On Winston possibly being drafted by Tampa: "it would allmost be too perfect if for the Bucs to make a guy with character concerns the face of the franchise since they already literally have red flags on their helmets... The main red flag is I queston his toughness. Your most important ability is your durability in the NFL and Jameis is more use to getting his bell rung by a DA then a DE folks. Hes what most scouts think of as a docket passer more than a pocket passer."
 
And then he does a lengthy exploration of the app for bros to meet bros, Wolfpack. He is the perfect reporter to explore that.  
 

Turrable

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People forget that math was basicaly invented under the Abassid Caliphate and is therefore literaly Sharia Law. No thanks.  Do we want a MLB where players get there hands cut off for stealing or a NFL where a player besides Josh Gordon can be literaly stoned to death? Also if your in a front office why would you ever want to discgourage a player from taking a paycut and thereby denying the importance of the prophet? Talk about doesnt add up.
 
http://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2015/3/2/8132213/mmbm-sports-analytics-just-dont-add-up-folks
 

dynomite

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That was incredible.

"6. The Browns made some major moves in free agency by singing 35-year old Josh McCown to a 3 year contract. The Cleveland Clowns must be one of those analystics types, because McCowns career YPA is basicaly 3.14 you talk about a pi in the face folks."
 

The Gray Eagle

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PFTC has some inciteful takes on Brady's punishment:
 
"Bradys biggest crime in this whole deal is refusing to provide his cell phone to NFL investigators. I dont really care about what he may or may not of texted to the equipment guys, but the very fact that Tom likley has hot nude pictures of his wife that he is refusing to share with the fans who literally pay his salary is disrespectful at least. By not providing his cell phone it truly tells us that he dosent even trust Roger Goodell to look at his wife naked, as is his right as Bradys boss.
Im force to conclude that it is more probable than not that Tom Brady either doesn't trust the league enough to not share nude pics of him and his wife from his cell phone, or he doesnt have them to begin with- and I can't decide which is worse."
 

dynomite

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Hahahah. I almost don't want to post it, but in case people don't click on the link I want them to see it:

Remember, it was circumstantal evidence and a destroyed cellphone that put Aaron Hernandez in jail. What Brady is accused of doing is, arguably, worse than Hernandez. With DeflateGate, it was the integrity of the shield that was put in Jeopardy, and Brady basically drove the competitive balance of the league to a quiet office park in the middle of the night.
 
M

MentalDisabldLst

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Turrable said:
 
I enjoyed this little aside:
 


3. All anyones talking about is whats on this Dez Bryant video. Hes supposely in a WalMart parking lot doing something nasty like asking for directions to Boston Market. The story behind this videotape has been more about the media battle over trying to get access to it. The video itself may exist or maybe it dosent, but the fact that Roger Goodell hasnt said or done anythin about it makes me think its worse then you can imagine.
 
He's like Tom Ricardo with some comedy-writing chops.
 

nattysez

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He is doing work in Cleveland tonight. Be sure to check his Twitter feed.
 

The Gray Eagle

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A hot take in response to Cris Carter telling rookies that they need to have a fall guy:
 
"So instead of teaching these impressonable young men that hey- maybe you shouldnt smoke drugs until the NFLPA can come up with a arbitrary concession that will make the NFL enough money to agree to stop testing for marijuana- he just says "if your going to smoke then have a guy whose job it is to take the charge." Well I dont know about you folks, but I've already got my fall guy- Jesus Christ...
 
...if Christ is away for the afternoon helping someone to win a baseball game or having a private conversation with Ted Cruz, your going to have to improvise- which is why I would now personally like to offer up my services as a fall guy for any professonal athelte, preferably NFL. My rates are reasonable- all I require is a 2-day orientation period where me and you just catch a few hangs and talk some football and I just kind of pick your brain about the NFL and stuff. As for my prices, they go on a a la carte basis:
-DUI: 10 autographed footballs
-Possesion of marijuana: You have to record my answering machine message and refer to me as your "cool friend" on it. Plus you have to drive me to my ex-girlfriends house and honk your horn while we sit in your bitchin car blasting tunes until she calls the cops then speed away flipping her off and tossing your half-drank slurpee on her driveway
-Solicitation of prositution the night before a superbowl: Cant help you on this since it would technically be double-jeopardy for me.
-Murder: Game-worn jersey
-Dogfighting: I get to keep one of the (winning) dogs
-Threatening a TSA agent: You have to hold up a sign after you score a TD that says "Jane, he loves you give him another shot" with my picture on it
-Deflating footballs: No can do. A mans got to have a code."
 

The Gray Eagle

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PFT Commenter blows the lid off the whole Cheater Cheater Patriots scandal. The takes are hotter than something that is really hot on a hot day in the hottest part of the planet when it's hot out. 
 
On the "Patriots" and 911: "For example- on September 11th 2001, the vast majorty of New England Patriots did not report to work. This is a fact. Some reports put this number as high as 80% with the only exceptions being players who were seeking medical treatment. This is indisputable, yet underreported in the mainstream media. What did they know and why did they stay home that day? We can only speculate, but all signs point to the fact that they were complicit with the terrorist attacks that would be taking place that day. 
And although their dubious absence from work may seem harmless considering Tuesday is generally a off-day for NFL teams, in retrospect knowing the Patriots reputation, it actually makes alot of sense. What better way for Belichick to proactivley distract the prying eyes of congress away from the cheating he was surely plotting on committing over the next seven years than to distract them with a war against Al-Qaeda and a eventual invasion of Iraq. Belicheat's fingerprints are all over Bin Ladens rise to power as well- Americas foreign policy in the 80s was basically to send Mo Lewis over to Afghanistan to deliver a body shot to the USSR, thinking that if they could knock the big immobile guy with a strong arm out, it would be easier to deal with there untested backup. Straight out of the Kraft/Belichick playbook. So then 9/11 happened and the Patriots won there first Superbowl with Belichick in the same season. Coincidence? All signs point to "no.""
 
People forget that we were attacked by terrorists on September 11, 2001.
 
It's not clear if this Roger Goodell replica jersey is available for sale yet, but when it is, they will go fast. Who wouldn't want to rep the Ginger Hammer? The NFL is all about this guy:
 

 
An excellent observation about Goodell: "What we've learned about Commissioner Roger Goodell is that he love's the NFL and the shield so very deeply that he's willing to make himself look like a huge incomptent idiot just to protect it."
 
Beyond the biggest scandal of our lives, PFTC keeps on nailing it. What is the only thing that could make watching football with friends even more awesome? A contract that spells out the rules, that's what:
 

 
That is only the first half of the contract. You can see why Seahawks Super Fans are the best fans.
 
More scalding hot takes:
"Its time for affirmative action for Christians."
"There are no shortcuts when your a sperm."
"The Preident is black- people forget that. "
"And how come when I break political news no one ever suggests that Im having a three-way with the Bush twins?"
 
And more, like sharing this well-reasoned rant from some deep thinker:
 

gtg807y

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Maybe someone will provide a public service that copies and pastes his taeks to a different site to avoid giving Barstool clicks.