Kyrie Irving: Hardwood Magician

[Patriot_Reign]

I'm 6'6" and have played ball my entire life. Always wanted to play 1v1 against an established NBA player just to see how great the difference is in ability. I mean when watching on TV you can get that feeling sometimes like you could do a better job (obviously not reality).

For years I played in a pickup men's league game at the Y in Central Square and word got around that there was a competitive game every Wednesday and more people started to show up. There were some really good players and a couple times these two guys who played in the D league participated, they were both 6'-8"+ and could drain 3s, pass, dunk and make it look effortless yet they never scratched the actual NBA.
Also remember when T&R hosted that challenge where people could 1v1 Brian Scalabrine and he just utterly destroyed them all.

 

[PedroKsBambino]

It won't be as close as this one: https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/king-triumphs-in-battle-of-sexes

 

[DisgruntledSoxFan77]

I’d root for Kyrie.

View attachment 65812

I’d root for the asteroid

 

[John Marzano Olympic Hero]

This reminds me of when dudes talk shit to women college hoop players. There’s nothing good in this for Kyrie (I can’t believe I’m taking his side).

If he destroys him, he’s supposed to do that. He’s an NBA player. If Portnoy liucks into a basket or two, that’s a huge win for him. If it’s a one-in-a-billion shot and Portnoy wins, Irving is humiliated forever.

The only person that this would reflect well on is Portnoy. If I was Kyrie I would’ve told him to fuck off and not engage with this dude. But that’s not going to happen.

 

[HomeRunBaker]

This reminds me of when dudes talk shit to women college hoop players. There’s nothing good in this for Kyrie (I can’t believe I’m taking his side).

If he destroys him, he’s supposed to do that. He’s an NBA player. If Portnoy liucks into a basket or two, that’s a huge win for him. If it’s a one-in-a-billion shot and Portnoy wins, Irving is humiliated forever.

The only person that this would reflect well on is Portnoy. If I was Kyrie I would’ve told him to fuck off and not engage with this dude. But that’s not going to happen.

Portnoy wouldn't even get a shot off if Kyrie didn't want him too. This isn't the Scallange where you had actually playground studs going up against a retired end of bench guy.....this is a rec league hockey player going up against an NBA All-Star level player.

 

[Caspir]

Portnoy wouldn't even get a shot off if Kyrie didn't want him too. This isn't the Scallange where you had actually playground studs going up against a retired end of bench guy.....this is a rec league hockey player going up against an NBA All-Star level player.

Exactly. Portnoy is a 5’6 nobody. Kyrie is small by NBA standards and is still an elite scorer. At 6’2, 195, he would get to 21 in about five minutes against this clown. I’d be cheering for him to break Portnoy’s ankles.

 

[BigSoxFan]

Is Portnoy really only 5’6? I had no idea.

 

[CarolinaBeerGuy]

I think he’s 5’10”. Either way, his height doesn’t matter here.

 

[BigSoxFan]

I think he’s 5’10”. Either way, his height doesn’t matter here.

It matters, if I want to mock him properly.

 

[Caspir]

Is Portnoy really only 5’6? I had no idea.

I definitely exaggerated a bit based on his need to stand on his tippy toes anytime he takes pictures with adult men. It’s also weird that he is so defensive about it, which makes me think 5’10 is when he wears his overly large sneakers with lifts. Since he’s a liar, I’d demand a tape measure for any claim above 5’7.

 

[CarolinaBeerGuy]

I definitely exaggerated a bit based on his need to stand on his tippy toes anytime he takes pictures with adult men. It’s also weird that he is so defensive about it, which makes me think 5’10 is when he wears his overly large sneakers with lifts. Since he’s a liar, I’d demand a tape measure for any claim above 5’7.

Good point. The tiptoes thing is some seriously insecure behavior for a guy who is actually 5'10". I bet you're on to something.

 

[hube]

I went to Northeastern in the late 90s. Even though it's a D1 school, the basketball team wasn't exactly competitive - these weren't players that would sniff the pros (Barea was slightly after my time there). Some of the team would play pickup around campus and would routinely smoke anyone who showed up - men against boys. It's not just the height advantage (I'm sure we've all played against 6'6"+ guys who can't do anything on the floor), but the speed/skill/quickness of decision making that shocks you when you're up against someone playing at that level, with that level of athletic ability.

 

[Humphrey]

I went to Northeastern in the late 90s. Even though it's a D1 school, the basketball team wasn't exactly competitive - these weren't players that would sniff the pros (Barea was slightly after my time there). Some of the team would play pickup around campus and would routinely smoke anyone who showed up - men against boys. It's not just the height advantage (I'm sure we've all played against 6'6"+ guys who can't do anything on the floor), but the speed/skill/quickness of decision making that shocks you when you're up against someone playing at that level, with that level of athletic ability.

Got to play pickup ball in several games involving Bob Bigelow, who had a "journeyman" 5 year NBA career. It was only 2-3 years after his pro career was over, and he was still in very good shape.

Besides the difference in ability, having him out there raised the pace of the action considerably. He forced people to run with him, there was really no other option. The games were at lunchtime; often returned to work completely burned out.

Bob (RIP) had a very influential career lecturing and writing about the ills of youth sports. In games involving adults, he didn't suffer any fools.

 

[JCizzle]

Portnoy doesn't have an athletic bone in his body. We're not even talking about a below-average, let alone average, rec league player.

 

[JohnnyTheBone]

Portnoy doesn't have an athletic bone in his body. We're not even talking about a below-average, let alone average, rec league player.

Holy pajeezus, that made me feel a heck of a lot better about my game.

 

[joe dokes]

Portnoy would be lucky to score one point more than Kyrie did in the 2023 playoffs.

Stick to pizza reviews and cashing out of Barstool.

Winner pays $500,000 to charity. Loser pays $5million.

 

[Jimbodandy]

Something about the Kyrie thread getting polluted more by Portnoy conversation...makes me smile.

 

[P'tucket rhymes with...]

It won't be as close as this one: https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/king-triumphs-in-battle-of-sexes

I think it will be closer to something like this one: View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tkix60xjUC8&ab_channel=pixeltoy

 

[joe dokes]

Or maybe it goes the way of the Connie Hawkins - Paul Simon matchup on one of the first SNL episodes. (same episode when Art Garfunkel strolled onto the stage in an apparent surprise visit) With Marv Albert on pbp.
Simon & Garfunkel The Boxer SNL 1975 - YouTube
Still looking for the Hawkins-Simon vid.

 

[Philip Jeff Frye]

Got to play pickup ball in several games involving Bob Bigelow, who had a "journeyman" 5 year NBA career. It was only 2-3 years after his pro career was over, and he was still in very good shape.

Besides the difference in ability, having him out there raised the pace of the action considerably. He forced people to run with him, there was really no other option. The games were at lunchtime; often returned to work completely burned out.

Bob (RIP) had a very influential career lecturing and writing about the ills of youth sports. In games involving adults, he didn't suffer any fools.

I remember somebody here telling a story about Jerry Sichting absolutely destroying people during pickup games. He was only 6 feet tall or so and looking more like a mild mannered accountant than an NBA title winner with the 1986 Celtics.

 

[Auger34]

Portnoy doesn't have an athletic bone in his body. We're not even talking about a below-average, let alone average, rec league player.

Jesus. If Kyrie was really trying, I don’t think Portnoy would be able to even dribble the ball once let alone score a basket

 

[PedroKsBambino]

One thing that isn't as obvious on TV is just how strong everyone is in the NBA....even Jerry Sichting is jacked relative to the average person. So on top of all the other ways Kyrie would school Portnoy, he also is going to be able to physically push around at will.

 

[joe dokes]

One thing that isn't as obvious on TV is just how strong everyone is in the NBA....even Jerry Sichting is jacked relative to the average person. So on top of all the other ways Kyrie would school Portnoy, he also is going to be able to physically push around at will.

If portnoy got hacked while trying to shoot, he might have to use his other arm to shoot for the rest of the game.

 

[Humphrey]

One thing that isn't as obvious on TV is just how strong everyone is in the NBA....even Jerry Sichting is jacked relative to the average person. So on top of all the other ways Kyrie would school Portnoy, he also is going to be able to physically push around at will.

Anyone remember when the Patriots had a winter basketball team that played benefit games at local schools? Probably abolished it because of the risks of some player going down with a freak injury.

Talk about physically dominating.

 

[Patriot_Reign]

Portnoy doesn't have an athletic bone in his body.

Wasn't he an all star baseball player before suffering a serious injury?

 

[chilidawg]

Who the fuck is Portnoy? (Rhetorical question, really don't want an answer)

 

[Was (Not Wasdin)]

Anyone remember when the Patriots had a winter basketball team that played benefit games at local schools? Probably abolished it because of the risks of some player going down with a freak injury.

Talk about physically dominating.

Yup. I was telling my kids about this the other day. In the 70s they’d come to Worcester and play the police/firefighters/teachers as a fundraiser. Guys like Steve Nelson and Julius Adams would show up.

 

[InstaFace]

Who the fuck is Portnoy? (Rhetorical question, really don't want an answer)

Indeed, the Karim Garcia of lowest-common-denominator sports media.

 

[edoug]

Or maybe it goes the way of the Connie Hawkins - Paul Simon matchup on one of the first SNL episodes. (same episode when Art Garfunkel strolled onto the stage in an apparent surprise visit) With Marv Albert on pbp.
Simon & Garfunkel The Boxer SNL 1975 - YouTube
Still looking for the Hawkins-Simon vid.

https://fb.watch/l7jEOgVQxq/

 

[Kenny F'ing Powers]

Yup. I was telling my kids about this the other day. In the 70s they’d come to Worcester and play the police/firefighters/teachers as a fundraiser. Guys like Steve Nelson and Julius Adams would show up.

Into the 90s and early 2000s at least, as well.

Bledsoe and Law played at the local high school against kids/staff.

 

[Kliq]

Anyone remember when the Patriots had a winter basketball team that played benefit games at local schools? Probably abolished it because of the risks of some player going down with a freak injury.

Talk about physically dominating.

They still have the team, they came to Waltham High School a few years ago and played a charity game. They had a combo of active and retired players, I remember it was Joe Thuney, James Jones, James White, some others.

 

[Jimbodandy]

Yup. I was telling my kids about this the other day. In the 70s they’d come to Worcester and play the police/firefighters/teachers as a fundraiser. Guys like Steve Nelson and Julius Adams would show up.

A buddy of mine in the 80s played in a class A slow pitch softball league with a rostered Patriots safety. Fairly big name guys in all sports would sign autographs and cut ribbons on the cheap back then. Money was so different.

 

[HomeRunBaker]

Anyone remember when the Patriots had a winter basketball team that played benefit games at local schools? Probably abolished it because of the risks of some player going down with a freak injury.

Talk about physically dominating.

Yes we played them one time in a tournament when I was just out of HS. The only player I recall was Steve Grogan, his balky knee brace, and his adams Apple which was scary as fuck.

 

[Humphrey]

A buddy of mine in the 80s played in a class A slow pitch softball league with a rostered Patriots safety. Fairly big name guys in all sports would sign autographs and cut ribbons on the cheap back then. Money was so different.

Flutie played slow pitch in Framingham in his CFL days, right up to when he made his NFL comeback w/the Bills.

 

[wade boggs chicken dinner]

One thing that isn't as obvious on TV is just how strong everyone is in the NBA....even Jerry Sichting is jacked relative to the average person. So on top of all the other ways Kyrie would school Portnoy, he also is going to be able to physically push around at will.

This. That's also why hand-checking was such a big part of defense. NBA guy puts a hand on the average guy's hip, and the average guy isn't moving.

 

[joe dokes]

https://fb.watch/l7jEOgVQxq/

Thanks. I can be 14 again!

 

[edoug]

Thanks. I can be 14 again!

Cool!

 

[koufax32]

I remember one of those Pats basketball games in the mid 80’s in Westford. One of the players tried to pants a cop/fireman who was shooting free throws and accidentally got everything to come down.