Koeman Feel the Noize: Everton 2016-17

ninjacornelius

Member
SoSH Member
Aug 18, 2005
584
Austin, TX
A partial list of people who were still alive the last time that Everton won at Anfield:
Aaliyah
George Best
Strom Thurmond
Katharine Hepburn
George Harrison
Alec Guinness
Big Pun
Yokozuna
Elliott Smith
Dale Earnhardt
Lou "The Toe" Groza

The Toffees could've trotted out that lineup today and come away with exactly as many points. Next year I'm sleeping in.
 

OCST

Sunny von Bulow
SoSH Member
Jan 10, 2004
24,483
The 718
After the first derby loss on November 19, I wrote here that Everton was what they appeared to be- the best of the rest, not quite good enough to climb above that.

After that game, Everton went on an 8-3-1 tear, and I and many others got irrationally excited about the Toffees' upside.

Yesterday's game showed that Everton, although moving in the right direction, is what they appeared to be.

It was a terrible day for just about everyone in blue.

Yes, the injuries to Coleman, Funes Mori, McCarthy, and Schneiderlin meant a painfully thin squad. The absence of half the starting back four required either an unfamiliar formation or the use of third-stringers. Unwisely, Koeman chose both. The back three, which Everton had used to some good effect earlier in the season, was a disaster. Although the Liverpool goals were quality, Everton's defenders were rarely where they needed to be. Pennington, notwithstanding his gift goal off a corner where Liverpool's men in the six-yard box were all ball-watching, was terrible. A 22-year-old kid who hasn't played in the PL this year and who spent last year on loan in League One - to put him up against Coutinho and Mane at Anfield is asking an awful lot and he wasn't up to it. Williams was not good. The only serviceable shift was put in by old man Jagielka, who headed away a ball on the far post that should have been a fourth goal. Origi's goal was a nice strike but there wasn't a blue shirt in the frame near him.

Robles was wrong-footed on all three goals - not saying he could or should have stopped all three but he didn't have a chance on any.

Koeman's 3-4-3 produced nothing good. The midfield was sclerotic all day. Service forward was terrible.

Gueye, who has been among the leaders all year in all of Europe in tackles and clearances, did nothing special. Davies, after an excellent run of form, chased the ball around the park to no effect. Holgate was halfway decent out wide and had a great strike that but had to spend too much time tracking back to cover up Pennington.

After having been whipped into fighting form by Koeman over the past couple of months, Barkley forgot that he was an exceptional talent and potentially dominant player, and reverted into the petulant, unproductive douchebag he has so often been. He did little to help the effort and should have been sent off - I will not defend this asshole. Supposedly Chelsea were interested, but I think Ross showed us why the transfer rumors are not as robust as one would think and why he can't get off the bench for England - he's an idiot.

Lukaku - oof. If the team wanted to show him that they were ready to challenge for a spot in the CL they failed miserably. But if Lukaku wanted to showcase himself for bidders he also crashed and burned. Yes, service was miserable, but he did nothing to help himself or the team. Nothing, as in zero. Lovren and Matip bossed him around all day. Lukaku had a grand total of one touch in the box.

I forgot Calvert-Lewin was even playing, his name got called so infrequently.

The worst part was after this ass-kicking, Koeman, who has done well this year to instill a killer instinct, especially at Goodison, inexplicably lapsed into participation-trophy mode, saying that he was proud of his boys and that they played well. Huh?? What the fucking fuck?? Take the beating, write it up to the injuries if you must, but don't try to take some kind of moral victory out of this game. Everton looked like a different team from the one that took two and a half points per game since mid-November. There was petulance, but no fight. There was effort, but no pressure. There was challenge, but no desire to impose their will. Worst of all, the Toffees rolled over and showed their underbelly in the fucking derby. Sunderland or Hull would have made a better showing.

I agree with ninja- sell the big man, and Barkley too while you're at it; spread the cash around the park, especially at the back, and move on.
 

SocrManiac

Tommy Seebach’s mustache
SoSH Member
Apr 15, 2006
8,634
Somers, CT
I'm not sure I'd let Robles off as "wrong footed," especially on the first.

Let me start off by saying I'm not a fan of his, so I'm already tainted. In the perfect world I live in inside my head, the ideal goalkeeper never feigns injury (as Robles and Ospina often do). In my opinion, if a goalkeeper shows that sort of weakness, he invites more speculative shots. Appearing invincible can be a mind game with an opponent. The other Robles special (becoming more common league-wide, to be fair) is where he dives on simple shots right at him to waste time. Those are two huge pet peeves where Robles fan fill highlight reels. So, I'm biased.

One of the most challenging skills to perfect and maintain for a goalkeeper is to properly track a fast moving player and adjust his angle accordingly. Mane's movement across him drew him way too far to his near post. This is reinforced by his lack of a dive on a weak shot- if he was where he thought he was when that shot was struck, it was wide. However, goalkeepers are also supposed to live by the "don't make any saves you don't attempt" mantra, and here's where he really failed in my mind. You must make the effort.

There was absolutely no saving Coutinho's shot, so I don't fault the lack of an attempt there, There's still something to learn, however. If you watch his starting position, he does the same thing and tracks way too far to his near post. This is especially egregious given who is on the ball. Apologies for the potato quality.


The third was a rocket where he was in the process of rushing out and guessing wrong. He'd have been better served staying home or staying big. It's a fairly easy (if spectacular looking) save if he's in his home position, and it was within his arm span if he's balanced and square on his feet. May have dislocated an elbow, however.
 

SocrManiac

Tommy Seebach’s mustache
SoSH Member
Apr 15, 2006
8,634
Somers, CT
I'm pretty sure all footy fans, Everton or otherwise, can understand wanting to pop Barkley in the face at one point or another. Seems like a bit of a sucker punch, though.
 

OCST

Sunny von Bulow
SoSH Member
Jan 10, 2004
24,483
The 718
I'm pretty sure all footy fans, Everton or otherwise, can understand wanting to pop Barkley in the face at one point or another. Seems like a bit of a sucker punch, though.
agreed and agreed.

Good showing against Leicester. When, following Davies' goal at :30, Slimani equalized at 4' and Albrigton buried a beautiful free kick at 10', I was bummed. Both of Leicester's goals were off counters of the kind that won them the league last year - it looks like Shakespeare has reinvigorated that attack. However, the difference seems to be that the defense simply isn't that good - hard to live by the counter when you aren't winning the ball at the back. Toffees were bright the rest of the way, won 4-2, and Shakespeare complained that the tempo was "too open" and "like a basketball game" - funny comments coming from him, it's not like they won silver last year by playing Stoke-in-February football.

Anyway- the evidence accrues that Everton are best-of-the-rest.
 

OCST

Sunny von Bulow
SoSH Member
Jan 10, 2004
24,483
The 718
And so ends the thread - I'll start a new one for 2017/18 because there could not be a more perfect last post in a thread than this.

https://www.fourfourtwo.com/features/ffts-wry-season-review-pt2-evertons-big-crossroads-steve-bruces-time-travelling-comeback


Everton (7th)

Previously unpublished Back of the Net pre-season prediction: 7th

The lowdown: Ronald Koeman’s Everton finished miles behind the top six, and miles ahead of the bottom 13, as befits the team that are unquestionably the seventh best in the country.

The best: In the midst of a season of serene seventh-placed inevitability, beating Manchester City 4-0 briefly distracted fans from the sheer pointlessness of the other 37 games.

The worst: Youngsters Tom Davies, Mason Holgate and Dominic Calvert-Lewin all showed sensational promise, and therefore look set for long careers with slightly better clubs than Everton.

Need to do for next season: Everton are at a crossroads: if Koeman invests wisely, and Romelu Lukaku stays, the Toffees could potentially finish as high as seventh. If, on the other hand, an injury crisis strikes, or key players get complacent, they might end up as low as seventh.