#DFG: Canceling the Noise

Is there any level of suspension that you would advise Tom to accept?


  • Total voters
    208

OCST

Sunny von Bulow
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Jan 10, 2004
24,483
The 718
BimblemansLight said:
Playing Bill Simmons advocate here, with a wacky conspiracy theory: The Patriots know Brady has been doing this. The PATRIOTS tip off the NFL. NFL does have the smoking gun- Kraft knows it. Belichick knows it. Belichick throws it to Brady's court- Brady denies. Belichick backs up Brady.  Kraft knows Brady is going to be exposed as a liar, so professes total confidence in him- and when the shoe drops- Total betrayal!  and they now can release Brady without any backlash.
 
I dont believe it- but wouldn't that be something
No.
 

Myt1

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Mar 13, 2006
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Kull said:
 
Just saying that their source is setting them up to look like parrots while Florio rides off into the sunset as the guy who broke the real story. Maybe there's no journalistic integrity, but these are the big name guys and now they look like chumps.
To whom? If they cared about looking like chumps to people who have the ability to reason, King would be out of a job for victim blaming to protect his employer. I mean sources.
 

Marciano490

Urological Expert
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Nov 4, 2007
62,312
singaporesoxfan said:
Between the poor ball boy's micturation habits coming under scrutiny and the constant drip of anonymously sourced info to reporters, this has become #leakileaks.
Can't believe it took this long to get to a Lebowski joke.
 

bsartist618

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Apr 5, 2007
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90 seconds isn't long enough to take a dump, so I'm thinking he wasn't texting in there unless people on their phones while peeing is a thing.
 

OCST

Sunny von Bulow
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Jan 10, 2004
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I have diarrhea (bad enough for an ER visit on Sat) so I'm on pretty much round the clock waste elimination. You guys snapping off 70 second pees are making me upset
 

Ed Hillel

Wants to be startin somethin
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Dec 12, 2007
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bsartist618 said:
90 seconds isn't long enough to take a dump, so I'm thinking he wasn't texting in there unless people on their phones while peeing is a thing.
You're serious?
 

RememberTheGronkans

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Jan 26, 2015
31
Ed Hillel said:
On a more serious note, a bunch of people use their phones on the pisser. If this kid was using his phone either texting or online, those records should exist.
People use their phones at the urinal? I've never noticed. Not that I'm ever on the lookout for it or anything like that...

It seems like a risky proposition to me to do so. Too much risk. 
 

Ed Hillel

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RememberTheGronkans said:
People use their phones at the urinal? I've never noticed. Not that I'm ever on the lookout or anything like...

It seems like a risky proposition to me to do so. Too much risk. 
He could have sat down, who knows.
 

Madmartigan

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May 1, 2012
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Mugsy's Walk-Off Bunt said:
It's his job to keep track of the balls. He's not just leaving them outside while he goes to take a piss for a minute and a half. Can you imagine the shit storm we would be hearing over the next few days if he had let them out of his sight? Can you imagine how much LESS plausible that excuse would be compared to "I had to take a leak before standing on the sidelines for two hours"-gate?
It's not a briefcase full of diamonds that needs to be handcuffed to the guy's person; it's a bag of footballs inside a highly secure location. Who's going to tamper with them if left outside the bathroom? A security guard?
 

Harry Hooper

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Ed Hillel said:
On a more serious note, a bunch of people use their phones on the pisser. If this kid was using his phone either texting or online, those records should exist.
 
 
Or sending a photo of ....      I hope it's true!   Kraft, tosses the printout into the Commish's face, "Here's your smoking gun!"
 

OCST

Sunny von Bulow
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Jan 10, 2004
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You know how, when they shoot probes off Into space, they include Mozart recordings and stuff, as evidence of our advanced civilization?A printout of this thread should be included too, as proof of how fucking dumb our culture is
 

DeJesus Built My Hotrod

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Madmartigan said:
It's not a briefcase full of diamonds that needs to be handcuffed to the guy's person; it's a bag of footballs inside a highly secure location. Who's going to tamper with them if left outside the bathroom? A security guard?
 
So what you are saying is that he deflated the Pats balls and peed on the Colts balls?  If this theory proves to be true, I am heretofore going to refer to the Colts TE as Colby Peener.  Well, truthfully I do that anyhow but it will be even more fun going forward!
 

Jettisoned

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May 6, 2008
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Madmartigan said:
It's not a briefcase full of diamonds that needs to be handcuffed to the guy's person; it's a bag of footballs inside a highly secure location. Who's going to tamper with them if left outside the bathroom? A security guard?
 
Yeah no, you're right.  Clearly the Patriots bribed a uniformed official to tamper with their footballs in the bathroom before a game, and he's so adept at it that he can do it in under 90 seconds.  Furthermore he's so loyal to them that thus far he hasn't betrayed them under questioning, despite this massive media shitstorm.  Also the ideal gas law is completely false, and mankind's conception of the physical behavior of gases has been completely wrong for a little under 200 years.
 

Cellar-Door

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Aug 1, 2006
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Madmartigan said:
It's not a briefcase full of diamonds that needs to be handcuffed to the guy's person; it's a bag of footballs inside a highly secure location. Who's going to tamper with them if left outside the bathroom? A security guard?
It's an NFL game, there are probably a dozen felons in the lockerroom area before kickoff.
 

DeJesus Built My Hotrod

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OilCanShotTupac said:
You know how, when they shoot probes off Into space, they include Mozart recordings and stuff, as evidence of our advanced civilization?A printout of this thread should be included too, as proof of how fucking dumb our culture is
Or we could simply submit the entire V&N Forum.  That whole section of this place is what happens when inbreeding goes too far.  
 

RememberTheGronkans

New Member
Jan 26, 2015
31
GeorgeCostanza said:
Congrats on popping your posting cherry with urination stats. You will fit in well here.
Well hey, my first post caused the urination time postings. So I've got that going for me. Which is nice. 

In all seriousness, I would give my left nut to see both the Pats blow out Seattle and for the entire Patriots team to just answer Lynch style for the next week. It would have to be both though, because the valuation for my left nut is rather high. 
 

SumnerH

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Jul 18, 2005
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OilCanShotTupac said:
You know how, when they shoot probes off Into space, they include Mozart recordings and stuff, as evidence of our advanced civilization?A printout of this thread should be included too, as proof of how fucking dumb our culture is
 
It won't change the response we get back from alien cultures:
 

soxfanSJCA

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Aug 3, 2005
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Outer Space
Should we make a Win Probability graph based off of this thread?
It seems that post Robert Kraft presser, the Win Probability for the NEP has shot through the roof
 
 

Kull

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Nov 1, 2005
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Myt1 said:
To whom? If they cared about looking like chumps to people who have the ability to reason, King would be out of a job for victim blaming to protect his employer. I mean sources.
 
This has been a pretty amazing story with a host of twists and turns, and the biggest element to the story is how agenda driven individuals in the League offices built up a shit storm based entirely on partial leaks. And in that story, King and company will play the part of the half-witted doofuses who failed to detect they were being played. Maybe they don't care. But the longer they keep playing their current role as mindless leak providers, the worse they will look as the real story unfolds before their eyes.
 
And THAT is what I'm wondering. At what point - if ever - do they switch sides?
 
Apr 7, 2006
2,505
Madmartigan said:
It's not a briefcase full of diamonds that needs to be handcuffed to the guy's person; it's a bag of footballs inside a highly secure location. Who's going to tamper with them if left outside the bathroom? A security guard?
You're kidding me, right? WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS WHOLE MADE-UP SCANDAL IS ABOUT? The guy's primary job here is to keep track of the balls and get them from the officials to the team on the sideline. Now we're asking why he didn't just leave them outside unattended? His title is "ball attendant."

Or are you trolling me?
 

soxfanSJCA

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Aug 3, 2005
117
Outer Space
OilCanShotTupac said:
You know how, when they shoot probes off Into space, they include Mozart recordings and stuff, as evidence of our advanced civilization?A printout of this thread should be included too, as proof of how fucking dumb our culture is
As referenced way down thread:
 
"Nuke them from space, it is the only way to be sure..."
 

DeJesus Built My Hotrod

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Mugsy's Walk-Off Bunt said:
You're kidding me, right? WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS WHOLE MADE-UP SCANDAL IS ABOUT? The guy's primary job here is to keep track of the balls and get them from the officials to the team on the sideline. Now we're asking why he didn't just leave them outside unattended? His title is "ball attendant."

Or are you trolling me?
 
"According to sources familiar with the investigation, the league's questions are now focused on whether this individual attended to the Patriots balls or simply his own."
 

DeJesus Built My Hotrod

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KenTremendous said:
This thread is going to make the worst-ever "Win It For..." -style book.
 
Wrong.  "Win It For" will always be the worst "Win It For" -style book.   This thread is an awesome way to kill time until the actual game.  Aside from watching lovingly crafted sitcoms in their final seasons of course.
 

Lowrielicious

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Apr 19, 2011
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Madmartigan said:
It's not a briefcase full of diamonds that needs to be handcuffed to the guy's person; it's a bag of footballs inside a highly secure location. Who's going to tamper with them if left outside the bathroom? A security guard?
What do you think happens to the ball attendant if he comes out of the pisser and the bags of balls are gone? Some do-gooder decides to clear them out of the hallway thinking they are training/warm-up balls?
 

Norm Siebern

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May 12, 2003
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This Sunday may very well be the last pro football game I ever watch. I have really enjoyed the EPL this year and find it fascinating. Worlds better than this NFL product. What a goatfuck Goodell has completed. To boot, I will save a shitload on no Sunday ticket. Fuck you NFL.
 

singaporesoxfan

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Marciano490 said:
Can't believe it took this long to get to a Lebowski joke.
To be honest, it was meant as a Ulysses reference ("first Stephen, then Bloom, in penumbra urinated, their sides contiguous, their organs of micturition reciprocally rendered invisible by manual circumposition"), though now I realize I totally should have ripped off Lebowski.
 

DeJesus Built My Hotrod

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How long until someone suggests that there is some sort of high-tech PSI gauge/deflating needle hidden in the bathroom?  I say its behind the seat cover dispensers.   Thank me later Dawkins/Carter/Brunell/Aikman et al. 
 

LogansDad

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Nov 15, 2006
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Just saw Kraft's press conference.
 
He just replaced whoever it was I put in the "Oldest I would bang" thread.
 
I'd put it in there, but SoSH is acting up on me tonight, and I can't get to subofrums.
 

Peak Oil Can Boyd

New Member
Sep 28, 2011
127
What's amazing about this story is how different people interpret the leaks based on which fucking football team they like.  Even the science is divided along fan lines.  I'm sure every person on this board has had someone with whom you share a very similar political and philosophical outlook say something throughly uniformed or completely wrong simply because they don't like the Patriots football team, and it's affected, even marginally, what you think of them.
 
It shows why politics is beyond fucked.  We're simple idiots "rooting" for our side, and we only see the facts we want to see.  How can we possibly get anything done if we can't agree on the most basic science of air pressure?
 

Norm Siebern

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Isn't his the scene where Michael goes into the bathroom with the overhead tank above the John to get the gun taped behind it? Then comes out firing?

What a damn joke. Clown shoes league.
 

BimblemansLight

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Jul 15, 2005
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90 seconds is definitely enough time to : dump out the balls- 5 seconds. grab a ball, stick it for 2 seconds, put in bag- 7 seconds. X 12. Total= 90 seconds. I don't think it's worth arguing that couldn't be done, or would even be that hard to do, in 90 seconds. Surely though they have tapes from other games? I mean if the kid does this every time, that's pretty suspicious , but if he didn't for the ravens game it would be a pretty good indication it was a one time coincidence