Bill Simmons: Good Luck With Your Life.

moondog80

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I think the Andre the Giant is hilarious. He isn't doing an impression of Andre the giant, he is doing a ridiculous parody of Andrew Luck, which makes it pretty funny.


How is it a parody of Andrew Luck? Does he have anything in common with Andre other than a similar first name?
 

SydneySox

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His mailbag/picks columns are just completely unreadable. They're a mess of sycophantic emails, references to 80's movies he's made 33 times before and logic-leaping predictions based in nothing that, most tragically, aren't even written well enough to stand alone. This is the second one in a row I've started and abandoned after only a few minutes.
 

DJnVa

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Q: If the playoffs started today, Bernard Karmell Pollard's Titans would play the Patriots in the first round! He's coming for you. Hide your kids, hide your wives …
—Eric Bigness, Nashville
 
 
SG: Now I'm depressed. Let's just move on. 

 
I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for is "The Patriots wouldn't play in the first round" and "As a 6th seed, the Titans would play the #1 seed if they won, which is Denver not NE".
 
I mean, that's a pretty bad mistake for such a big Pats fan.
 

ifmanis5

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drleather2001 said:
How old is that piece?
It's an old piece.
 
But let's be fair- that clip is all sorts of fantastic. If you're not entertained by Howard Cosell calling the Battle of the Network Stars like it's Ali/Frazier III then you have no soul.
 

teezy

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DrewDawg said:
 
 
 
 
I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for is "The Patriots wouldn't play in the first round" and "As a 6th seed, the Titans would play the #1 seed if they won, which is Denver not NE".
 
I mean, that's a pretty bad mistake for such a big Pats fan.
 
 
Denver, as the 1 seed, would have a bye so they wouldn't play the Titans. But I believe the Pats are the 2 seed anyway, so still wrong. The 3rd seed is Cincinnati or Indianapolis.
 

kelpapa

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teezy said:
Denver, as the 1 seed, would have a bye so they wouldn't play the Titans. But I believe the Pats are the 2 seed anyway, so still wrong. The 3rd seed is Cincinnati or Indianapolis.
He wrote that Denver would play Tennessee IF the Titans won.
 

DJnVa

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Zedia said:
The mailbag question about the seeding was probably written when the Colts were ahead of the Pats for the 2 seed.
 
Okay...I guess. But why include it in a mailbag when it's no longer valid?
 

ForKeeps

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How do people still not understand how the NFL playoffs work after like 10 years of the current system.
 

DJnVa

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Actually, I think everyone involved does understand, but I guess it was more of the timing of including that since the comment was no longer valid.
 

Bellhorn

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DrewDawg said:
Actually, I think everyone involved does understand, but I guess it was more of the timing of including that since the comment was no longer valid.
Well, he actually made the same mistake on the latest Cousin Sal podcast, so I don't think that explains it. I think that what most likely happened is that when he got that (erroneous) email from the reader, he immediately went into "talk about Bernard Pollard" mode and didn't stop to think about whether or not the reader had it right in the first place.
 

SidelineCameras

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ForKeeps said:
How do people still not understand how the NFL playoffs work after like 10 years of the current system.
The one that kills me is all the people who still think playing a "#1 schedule" is as weighted and tough as it used to be in the old days.
 

NatetheGreat

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I thought today's column on the Eastern conference was really good. Lots of well-used advanced stats and shot charts to back up his points and point out interesting things about each team, a solid general understanding of contract/salary cap stuff (apart from proposing too many absurd trades, but thats a given with Simmons and always has been), and a few good lines here and there. I mean, the whole thing is clearly the sort of thing he always does, but its at least an example of him doing it well (and yet one more sign of the vast gulf between the knowledge displayed in his NBA writing vs his writing in other sports).
 

Blacken

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Zach Lowe might have been the best thing to ever happen to Bill Simmons's writing career, with the easy-access SportVU stuff this year a close second.
 

CouchsideSteve

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The Bill-Jalen "Birdmester" podcast was a really entertaining listen, styled after team-by-team season previews, which I also thoroughly enjoyed.  As someone who is more a follower of the NBA than an avid game-watcher until after football season ends, Grantland's NBA content is a really nice fallback.  And I find Zach Lowe to be a hell of a lot more insightful on the NBA than Barnwell/Mays are with the NFL.
 

Spacemans Bong

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CouchsideSteve said:
The Bill-Jalen "Birdmester" podcast was a really entertaining listen, styled after team-by-team season previews, which I also thoroughly enjoyed.  As someone who is more a follower of the NBA than an avid game-watcher until after football season ends, Grantland's NBA content is a really nice fallback.  And I find Zach Lowe to be a hell of a lot more insightful on the NBA than Barnwell/Mays are with the NFL.
 
I wish they would get rid of those two bros and just back up a truck in front of Aaron Schatz.
 

PedroKsBambino

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drleather2001 said:
 
I see no evidence whatsoever that he does anything of substance for either Granland or 30 for 30 other than be a figurehead and, in Grantland's case, post things he used to post on Page 2 on the Grantland site.
 
Again, I could be totally off, but people here seem to concede that Bill Simmons had this massive and all-encompassing hand in creating and developing 30 for 30 as well as Grantland, and I won't concede that point because other than being told by ESPN, which has a clear interest in co-opting SImmons' popularity in a key demographic, there's not much to back it up. 
 
Where's the beef.
 
EDIT:  I don't think he's lazy, by the way.  I just think he spreads himself thin and doesn't really commit to any single medium or forum, and generally skates by because of his reputation.
 
What evidence do you see that, say, Jill Abramson does anything at the New York Times?  Unless you have some inside knowledge of ESPN or Grantland that has gone undisclosed feels like what you're really saying is "we have no idea what he does, but I hate Simmons so I'll assume the worst based on absolutely nothing"  Which is ok, but let's call it for what it is.
 
I mean, I get tired of a bunch of Simmons' stuff too.  But ESPN clearly values him and has given him a ton of responsibility.  Is there any reason to believe that's not what he is, acknowleding his schtick can get old and ESPN is itself far from perfect?  If so, let's get it out there.
 

Tony C

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Add in that he's had more than his share of conflicts w/ ESPN, so presumably they would have dumped if they didn't feel he was contributing value.
 
Like everyone else, I go up and down on Simmons -- but right now I'm on a decided up given how much I enjoyed the Jalen and Bill series. I guess he's also just usually better during basketball season
 

ifmanis5

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Bill likes saying 'Heat Check Guy off the bench' the way Rob Ford likes smoking crack. Need to start a Twitter campaign to get him to stop. #NoHeatCheck
 

Kliq

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He is just trying to increase the perceived value of Jordan Crawford in a trade. He does the same thing with Brandon Bass, who he dubs "A good 3rd big man for a championship contender." I for one think he is doing the Celtics a service and should be lauded.
 

ifmanis5

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For those in this thread pining for Bill to take on a feature project, you got you wish...
 
Jon Hamm stars in the Disney movie, which tells the true story of two cricket players from India being recruited to play for Major League Baseball.


Connor Schell and Bill Simmons, known for their work on ESPN Films’ acclaimed 30 for 30documentary series, have come aboard to executive produce Disney’s upcoming sports drama Million Dollar Arm.
 
 
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/espns-bill-simmons-connor-schell-667292
 

Leather

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If he's not involved in writing, or some other creative element, he's not "taking on" the project, as far as I'm concerned.   Executive Producers are involved in the financing of a film, not its creative direction.   Anyone who goes to this thinking that Bill Simmons had something to do with the jokes is falling for Disney's marketing plan.
 

Vinho Tinto

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He again interviewed Peter Berg on his podcast and they talked a little about Mayweather - Alvarez fight. Berg comes across like a sports radio caller who cannot handle his was guy totally outclassed for 12 rounds. The difference wasn't strategy or Canelo not fighting dirty enough; but a gulf in skill. 
 

ifmanis5

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drleather2001 said:
If he's not involved in writing, or some other creative element, he's not "taking on" the project, as far as I'm concerned.   Executive Producers are involved in the financing of a film, not its creative direction.   Anyone who goes to this thinking that Bill Simmons had something to do with the jokes is falling for Disney's marketing plan.
Hollywood credits are a slippery thing. They can range from anything to name attached since they put up some money, to friends of the director, to merely owns the rights, to full-on executive dictator. In Bill's case I'm guessing he was able to wrangle in Hamm since they're kind-of-sort-of buddies and I'm guessing he'll give notes on the scripts and rough cuts. Other than that, I'm sure Bill will Tweet/Podcast/complain about his work load on it. If there's a Teen Wolf joke, then that'll be a fingerprint.
 

BGrif21125

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He again interviewed Peter Berg on his podcast and they talked a little about Mayweather - Alvarez fight. Berg comes across like a sports radio caller

Simmons is absolutely clueless when it comes to boxing, and it's no coincidence that he only discusses boxing with guests who have the same level of knowledge.

He can get just about anyone he wants in the sports or entertainment world to appear on his podcast, yet if you look thru his archives, not once has he invited an actual boxing analyst on to discuss boxing. Not even the ones employed by ESPN/Grantland.
 

johnmd20

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BGrif21125 said:
Simmons is absolutely clueless when it comes to boxing, and it's no coincidence that he only discusses boxing with guests who have the same level of knowledge.

He can get just about anyone he wants in the sports or entertainment world to appear on his podcast, yet if you look thru his archives, not once has he invited an actual boxing analyst on to discuss boxing. Not even the ones employed by ESPN/Grantland.
 
Very few people want to hear about Boxing. It's not a draw for his fans. It's barely a draw for anyone.
 

BGrif21125

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Very few people want to hear about Boxing. It's not a draw for his fans. It's barely a draw for anyone.

This is false in a general sense, but that's a topic for a separate thread.

Specific to Simmons, HE certainly thinks it's a sport worth covering. He has multiple boxing writers on staff of the website he runs. He's personally written (not very well) about the sport multiple times over the years in his own column. And it's a topic that he devotes time to on his podcast, he just makes poor choices in terms of who he chooses to discuss it with.
 

h8mfy

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I spotted his name among the "this is a great movie" quotes (usually from an actual reviewer) on the trailer for the new Mark Wahlberg Afghan war movie last night...paying it forward, I guess. 
 

lars10

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coremiller said:
From today's column:
 
Later on, in the same column:
 
Couldn't that also just mean that he is wagering against the lions and can't remember the last time he did?
 

kenneycb

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h8mfy said:
I spotted his name among the "this is a great movie" quotes (usually from an actual reviewer) on the trailer for the new Mark Wahlberg Afghan war movie last night...paying it forward, I guess. 
Wouldn't this just mean the movie is pretty mediocre so they're relying in second hand critics to give it a positive spin? Usually you don't default to Grantland when the NYT gives you a lukewarm review.
 

h8mfy

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kenneycb said:
Wouldn't this just mean the movie is pretty mediocre so they're relying in second hand critics to give it a positive spin? Usually you don't default to Grantland when the NYT gives you a lukewarm review.
That's how I took it - his specific comment was it was the best war movie since Saving Private Ryan IIRC.  I'd bet the marketing folks who picked the quote were unaware about his love for Teen Wolf.
 
Anyway, my comment was more about how his "brand" has extended - his name on a movie trailer seemed pretty unlikely when I started reading his stuff, as did him being a broad/podcaster when I heard his reedy voice.
 

The Social Chair

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Simmons quotes on movie posters would be great. Imagine Wolf of Wall Street...
 
 
"A vital and troubling document of the present"- A.O. Scott, NY Times
 
"This movie has a savage bite." -LA Times
 
"NBC Trades Michael J Fox to Scorcese for Jonah Hill...who says no?" Bill Simmons, Grantland
 

Dehere

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America's most prominent public NFL handicapper finishes the season 32 games under .500
 

PC Drunken Friar

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America's most prominent public NFL handicapper finishes the season 32 games under .500


What's your point? Simmmons has had self deprecating columns about his picks nearly every year. He never claimed to be good. He has his "system", which even he makes fun of, all the time.
 

DJnVa

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From his picks column:
 
A sneak preview of our next episode from my column before Round 2: "… God bless Andy Dalton and redheaded QBs everywhere, but you're telling me that ginger is coming into Foxborough without EVER HAVING WON A PLAYOFF GAME, and he's going head-to-head against Belichick and Brady, and he's only getting three points????"
 
 
So, who wants to point out that if Dalton is coming to NE for a game in round 2 that he clearly has won a playoff game?
 

Marciano490

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BGrif21125 said:
This is false in a general sense, but that's a topic for a separate thread.

Specific to Simmons, HE certainly thinks it's a sport worth covering. He has multiple boxing writers on staff of the website he runs. He's personally written (not very well) about the sport multiple times over the years in his own column. And it's a topic that he devotes time to on his podcast, he just makes poor choices in terms of who he chooses to discuss it with.
 
In Simmons' defense, boxing either lends itself to technical discussion or overarching narrative.  Now, maybe other sports do too, but I frankly don't know the ins and outs of any other sport well enough to know whether that's the case.  So, if you're talking about a fight with a sophisticated boxing audience, you can talk about shoulder rolls and angles and whatnot, or if you're discussing the sport casually, you can talk about how Alvarez didn't bullrush Mayweather enough or jam him against the ropes often enough, but I don't want to watch a football broadcast that's all about blitz packages and blocking schemes, and I'm sure casual boxing fans - which is almost all of them - don't want to hear talk about space and foot positioning.  Plus, what kind of discussion would it be to say Mayweather is the best figher of our generation and Canelo is a bull with power and a decent chin who has the potential to someday be two notches below Floyd?  Where's the story or glory in that?
 

Morning Woodhead

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Just listened to the Dr. J podcast.  When he does these podcasts with former NBA players, they are excellent.  It is right in his wheelhouse.  I'd pay for a podcast where he interviews each of the 50 greatest living players or something along those lines.  I'd settle for more NBA podcasts, and less NFL.  He's so far out of his league when it comes to the NFL, and so great when he's talking basketball. 
 

gmogmo

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PC Drunken Friar said:
What's your point? Simmmons has had self deprecating columns about his picks nearly every year. He never claimed to be good. He has his "system", which even he makes fun of, all the time.
 
An enjoyable interview with Simmons about his podcasts:
 
http://recode.net/2014/01/03/sports-guy-bill-simmons-helped-make-podcasts-a-thing-next-up-a-business/
 
Followed by what I thought was a perfectly cromulent NFL playoffs column - self-deprecating "analysis", sometimes humorous, didn't feel as insufferably long as some of his recent NFL work:
 
http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/10237970/the-playoff-gambling-suggestion-box
 
Although I wish the references to "my illegitimate son Barnwell" would go away so I could pretend that someone else (like Schatz, whose podcast contributions this time of year are greatly missed) would be his Zach Lowe v2.0 NFL columnist for Grantland next season
 

Foxy42

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This is the first year since he's been doing the pod that I can recall him not doing a mega playoff pod.
 

JerBear

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Foxy42 said:
This is the first year since he's been doing the pod that I can recall him not doing a mega playoff pod.
Schatz tweeted that they were going to but they were both too busy with school vacation and extra school snow vacation this week.  He hopes they'll have one next week once things quiet down on the personal front.
 

mpx42

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Simmons on the Seahawks offense about 24 minutes into today's podcast: "It seems like the better the defenses, the harder it is for them to score."