2017-18 Ashes in Australia: where England loses the Urn faster than an Alastair Cook wicket

Verryfunny2

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Jul 22, 2005
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Flat pitch helps. Have to say it has been a meh ashes. Engeland has no fast attack. Tail is prone to collapsing. Smith has been awesome.
 
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MiracleOfO2704

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Don’t forget that England’s best batsman that didn’t have charges laid on him could only do well once the series was lost AND Australia’s best bowler was out AND the MCG wicket offered nothing for bowlers. I mean, good for Cook, but while the mere accomplishment of carrying his bat should be applauded, finally scoring shouldn’t.
 

SydneySox

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Lost the morning to beer or rain and then great afternoon, capped off by English lunacy in the last two.

It's day 2 now and hot as fuck but I got here at 4am again and have my seats again.

Cricket is very interesting and I love it.

In other news, A friend and I just spent the first session determining the US Presidential XI Test team.

1. Abe Lincoln (solid slow scorer dependable but prone to losing wicket suddenly)
2. Dwight D Eisenhower (resolute stone wall, digs in for long innings)
3. Ronny Reagan (superstar, flashy, confident and survives dangerous play)
4. Washington (c) (the saviour, leader of men, not as good as stats may indicate)
5. Ulysses S Grant (known for coming in when times are hard and taking over. Alcoholic)
6. George W Bush (wk) (smart ass, agile, coasts on good pedigree)
7. Thomas Jefferson (batting a/r, medium swing, more legend than production but can come in to score late)
8. Nixon (offspin) (does the dirty work and very deceptive, pushes boundaries of fair play. Misses time to suspension)
9. Kennedy (fast, first change) (media darling, looks better than delivers, can suddenly break down)
10. Obama (fast, 1st over) (exciting, unplayable at start of innings, can become inefficient in late overs)
11. Harry S Truman ( fast/medium line length, 2nd over, workhorse takes innings when not expected, dependable)

12th Man LBJ (good at coming in when suddenly needed)
 

SydneySox

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It is currently 107 Fahrenheit.

It's a dry heat but, doesn't feel more than 104.

If you're watching on tv I'm out front of ladies in the last row - can see the shade creeping up.
 

MiracleOfO2704

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I live in Canada. Unlike the US, there is ZERO cricket coverage here, despite a decent population of Indian and Pakistani ex-pats. Hell, when we moved a few months ago, one of my first sights were a bunch of said guys playing some street cricket at the local ball hockey court. But none of us can so much as watch a round of Big Bash.

So Joe Root retired due to illness today. I’m that much of a neophyte, so how does that work for the innings? Do England only get 9 wickets?
 

SydneySox

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Also I continue to adore Pat Cummins who has the best job in test cricket, bowling behind Starc and Hazlewood relatively pressure free even though he'd open the bowling for virtually every other team in the world.
 

thehitcat

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Wow Syd. This whole thing is awful. My original thinking was to ban/send home the "leadership group" at a minimum but it sounds now like it might have only been Smith and Warner who got Bancroft to do their dirty work. You know better but I'd be disappointed if Smith, Warner or Bancroft ever played for Australia again.
 

SydneySox

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That's fucking bullshit (not you, the idea it was just Smith and Warner). Smith (and Warner) have done the 'it was the leadership group' thing but there's not a chance in fuck every single person in that dressing room were not aware of what they were doing. There is absolutely no way at all that Starc at a minimum wasn't involved in conversations about why the ball wouldn't reverse. And there is no way at all that Lyon - Smith's confidante in the way Lehman was to Clarke - wasn't all over it. Hazlewood would know, and the Marsh brothers - also Smith's buddies - too.

The response from Cricket Australia has been woeful, humiliating and insulting. They legitimately think this is going to blow over. Smith's response was of the standard 'I'm sorry I got caught' variety.

Boof knew, and didn't front the media. And he's an asshole who has built the Maddon style 'everyone hates us' team culture where they are all assholes.

He needs to lose the captaincy; he needs to be suspended for a time. Warner too. Every single one of the players in that team needs to come home now. We can't end the tour; South Africa deserve to punish us and a lot of their fans have paid for tickets and have every right to boo our cheating scum every time they approach the boundaries. Send over a second XI, watch South Africa destroy us and decide when Smith and Warner are allowed to play again.
 

phrenile

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The response from Cricket Australia has been woeful, humiliating and insulting. They legitimately think this is going to blow over. Smith's response was of the standard 'I'm sorry I got caught' variety.
Looks like they figured out they'd need to hand down real punishments, certainly in comparison to the ICC punishments. Were those reduced so Cricket Australia could claim credit for being the ones to bring down the hammer?
 

SydneySox

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So the short answer is absolutely not, the ICC punishments are a fucking joke.

Here is a recent list of ICC punishments for ball tampering:

  • Chris Pringle 1990 - NZ - no punishment, he admitted later he used a bottle top to alter the ball

  • Waqar Younis - Pakistan - 50% match fee

  • Sachin Tendulkar 2001 - 75% match fee / one test ban (later overturned because India was threatening the ICC)

  • Shoaib Akhtar 2003 - two match ban

  • Rahul Dravid - India- 2004 - 50% of match fee

  • Michael Atherton - England - 1994 - 2000 pound fine

  • Shahid Afridi - Pakistan - 2010 - two match ban

  • Stuart Broad 2010 - England - no punishment but admitted he did it after the fact

  • Current SA Captain Faf Du Plessis - 2 instances

  • - 1st - 2013 - 50% match fee

  • - 2nd - 2016 - 100% match fee

  • Steve Smith, David Warner, Cam Bancroft - 2018 - 2 matches.

Here is the list of national bans from national team management on top of ICC bans:

  • Steve Smith, loss of captaincyand 12 month ban
  • David Warner, loss of vice captaincy and 12 month ban and no prospect of ever being in leadership team
  • Cam Bancroft, 7 month ban

That's it.
 

phrenile

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One year bans, for cheating not involving match fixing, seem like substantial punishment to me. (But I don't follow these things closely.)
 

SydneySox

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Very substantial.

The key is that while it's 12 months, because the test season is over in two tests, what this punishment really means is, no Australian summer; they are cut off from playing the series against India at the end of the year. That's the context.

Smith's presser at Sydney Airport tonight was heart breaking.
 

SydneySox

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It did; Smith is a selector. (Seriously, this is/was his team, no Maxwell + 2 Marshes).

But no, this has nothing to do with selectors.

This has everything to do with the team culture, and properly, the coach quit today.
 

SydneySox

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Update - test cricket is the best and Josh Hazlewood fucking rules.

If Australia bowl first, these tests will go four days. If Australia 'bats' first they'll be two and a half days long. We still have the best bowling attack in the world, and we're at home. We have one of the worst batting lineups in world cricket.