User:Eric Van
From SoSH
Eric Mandrake Van was born in Boston, Massachusetts on May 8, 1954, and raised in Natick, Massachusetts. He is a graduate of Northfield Mt. Hermon School (1972), where he won the Departmental Prize in Mathematics, and Harvard College (1978), where he was one of Elizabeth Bishop's penultimate group of poetry students although when pressed for comment Bishop responded "Eric who?".
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The Man, The Myth, The Legend
Nary a man has possessed the depths of statistical knowledge as has the man himself Eric Van.
Bill James has long been considered the standard of baseball statistical knowledge. and even he, in a recent story appearing in the Patriot Ledger (MA) declared, "Eric Van is everything I strive to be". Van's dexteric verbiage has statistically seduced Boston Red Sox fans for years on the elite fan site "Sons of Sam Horn", and as it turns out, it wasn't only fans that were paying attention.
The Beginning
Born in Natick, Massachusetts, he spent most of his formative years working on his uncle's lobster boat based out of Gloucester, Massachusetts. Van always had an interest in using statistics and analysis to figure out why things were as they were, often using various attributes of lobsters to determine their likelihood of being captured, and assigning categories to them. As a teenager, he developed a statistical determiner among the lobsters called CLAW-L (Color and Length of Antenna: Water-borne Lobsters) which he used to help determine the direction in which the boat should head for the largest lobster catch. This passion for statistics followed him through his college years at Harvard University and into adult life. He invented a precursor to OPS called "combination triple average", as well as a stat called HRRBI which is the combination of home runs (HR) and runs batted in (RBI). As a teenager in 1973, Van used these tools to develop one of the first complete mathematical models of baseball. Van's model solved many of baseball's most elusive riddles, such as "Who is the greatest manager of all time?" (Eddie Popowski) and "Who is the greatest backup catcher of all time?" (Bob Montgomery). Van also used the model to project that the 1974 Red Sox club would win 112 games, a prediction that only missed the mark because of multiple player injuries and managerial incompetence.
The Sox, They Come A-Callin'
After years of concrete analysis, one statistical breakdown led former Boston Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein to consider bringing Van on staff. Van's article "OPS and Sox: (Chapter 4 of the OPS Illusions series)...Why the Sox Need to Reintroduce Red Stirrups" finally convinced Epstein to make the call. "Nobody is doing the stuff Eric is doing. Not James. Not Lawtown. Nobody." In February of 2005, Eric Van was hired by the Boston Red Sox as Junior Associate Statistical Researcher. Much of the work that Van conducts for the team is in fact, highly confidential. So confidential, in fact, that often times only he and the player he is analyzing know the result. "Ever see that commercial with the kid in the hamper of sweaty uniforms? That's me, but usually I'll have one of the players in there crunching numbers" said Van in a recent interview. Speaking further to his confidentiality, and some of the potential downsides of it, Van said in another interview, "A big breakthrough discovery will show up in Baseball Prospectus eight years from now, and I'll have given it to the Sox yesterday."
Van's research proved instrumental over the course of 2005, and among his publicly known contributions, his recent paper entitled "All-time OPS+ among players named Andrew" that has been cited in the recent decision to trade Edgar Renteria for Andy Marte.
Medical Scare
Eric Van experienced a medical scare on January 10, 2006 at his workplace when he experienced "mild to moderate stomach pains" yet still felt a little "hungy" (this story was relayed via the posting pictured at right). The fright spurred Connecticut high school teacher and part-time writer Shaun "jacklamabe65" Kelly into writing the first 10,000 words of a planned three-volume retrospective on the life of Van, but Van's condition stabilized later in the day and Lamabe returned to his previous work, an essay on Ariel Sharon. As of September 4, 2006, Van's condition remained stable, and Shaun Kelly was working on a series of 93 haikus recounting the life of crocodile hunter Steve Irwin. No word as of yet as to the cause, but it is believed that he was able to treat the problem by self medicating with beer and tuna fish sandwiches. He has since posted on the very same message board and has not since mentioned this medical condition, so it seems that, for now at least, a sigh of relief can be breathed by all of Red Sox Nation.
Scientific Aspirations
While Van is often considered a baseball savant by colleagues and Van himself, he fancies himself a "five tool player" with respect to his intellectual endeavors. Van has written several essays and papers for various science-related classes whilst attending Harvard University; these were lauded heavily by his professors insofar that Van was encouraged to submit several of them them for publication. Only Van's humility has prevented him doing this; Van has stated that he has never been the type of person who was self-congratulatory. Recognizing that many of his essays might shatter the very foundation of scientific thought, Van has opted to not unleash upon the world a flurry of brilliant, insightful ideas, the likes of which hitherto have not been experienced by humanity. Still, Van has stated publicly that his work on sleep disorder may be grounds for a Nobel Prize in neuroscience. Many in academia believe that this might happen, which would be all the more incredible given the absence of any scientific articles that are peer-reviewed and the absence of a Nobel Prize in neuroscience. However, the skeptics who point to this absence also acknowledge that the Nobel Assembly at Karolinska Institutet, who select the annual prize winner in Physiology and Medicine, are primarily composed of devout Star Trek fans who frequent many of the science-fiction conventions at which Van lectures. Many are also reported to be Mission of Burma fans.
Musical Legend
On August 8, 2006, Eric Van once again gave to the SoSH community with his premier of "Head Revise" which he recorded 26 years ago. The reaction of his fellow SoSHers was immediate. Despite claims of it "sucking", Eric Van stood firm in his belief that he was connoisseur of music. Yammer and Nip agreed with this view.
Here is that infamous recording: | Van's Musical Vision
Van also describes himself as a "very influential local music critic here in Boston [and a] longtime songwriter." Unfortunately, no evidence of his influence or songwriting exists.
Grey Pubes
Eric Van has grey pubes.
Chance Encounter
Eric Van once had a chance encounter with TV legend Chris Hansen. While on a trip to visit a "friend" to discuss his statistical analysis of Buffy the Vamipre Slayer, he mysteriously ran into Chris, who was sharing the house with the "friend" and happened to be in the room next door. Chris questioned Eric, who quickly became suspicious when Chris said he had never watched a single episode of Buffy. This prompted Eric to quickly leave the domicile.
The Future
No one knows what the future holds for Eric Van, except for Mr. Weebles. According to the esteemed SoSH legend that is Weebs, Eric Van's future holds "an asskicking of biblical proportions from yours truly." In addition to the inevitable asskicking, there has been a rumored groundswell of support among the baseball community and local elementarians for Eric to be considered for the position of Commissioner of Baseball when current commissioner Bud Selig steps down. That cannot be substantiated, but the rumor has been pervasive. It is believed that Van's contract with the Red Sox lasts through the 2007 season; however, there has been talk of an extension.
Rivalry
There is only other man thats rivals Van in online statistical analysis. His name is Hughes2.50. It is rumored that both man have gained the ability to actually see into the future using a spreadsheet formula that developed individually. Local legend, told by the man that wears a tinfoil hat behind the Shell station on Commonwealth Ave., dictates that Ragnarök shall begin when the two meet at New Haven ReaderCon. No one knows who will the apocolyptic battle however many have conjectured that the meeting might be as an epic a battle as one between Skeletor and MummRa or Nicole Richie and Food.
Favorite SoSH wiki pages
| Rectal Bleeding This page makes Yammer's ass bleed. |
