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September 30 "All right, HAL..."
Posted 29 September 2005 - 09:51 PM
Without your space helmet, Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult.
HAL, I won't argue with you anymore! Open the doors!
Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.
Posted 29 September 2005 - 09:53 PM
Posted 29 September 2005 - 10:10 PM
Edited by Monbo Jumbo, 29 September 2005 - 10:18 PM.
Posted 29 September 2005 - 10:15 PM
I am sick of hearing everyone say that the Yankees have got this series in the bag because they have Mariano. Well we have a closer too....and he carries a bat....you may know him as BIG PAPI. When he comes in in the ninth inning the game is ours.
Posted 29 September 2005 - 10:30 PM
Posted 29 September 2005 - 10:41 PM
We must protect this house.
Posted 29 September 2005 - 11:07 PM
Time to avenge 1949 & 1978.
Posted 29 September 2005 - 11:36 PM
My house in a different light.
We need 3 more regular season wins in our house.
Posted 29 September 2005 - 11:37 PM
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
--Arthur C. Clarke
Posted 30 September 2005 - 12:54 AM
Note: I'm not a doctor
Posted 30 September 2005 - 02:09 AM
Posted 30 September 2005 - 04:23 AM
Posted 30 September 2005 - 05:35 AM
Posted 30 September 2005 - 05:50 AM
Edited by bluefenderstrat, 30 September 2005 - 05:52 AM.
Posted 30 September 2005 - 06:29 AM
Don't make this worthless and embarrassing before I even buy it.
(I kid... Thank you so much for winning the World Series last year!)
Whoa whoa, I just went into pussy mode for a second there. Only pussies think that just one championship is good enough. You're not pussies are you?
Posted 30 September 2005 - 08:04 AM
8) Middle Reliever X (who must step up)
Posted 30 September 2005 - 08:30 AM
It is a new day after all.
My house in a different light.
Wow, that a nice lawn.
Posted 30 September 2005 - 08:44 AM
No More Losses.
To pair with the Braveheart picture posted earlier, I give you this:
"I am [Red Sox Nation]. And I see a whole army of my countrymen,
here in defiance of tyranny! You have come to fight as free men. And
free man you are! What will you do without freedom? Will you fight?"
"Two hundred million dollars against less?" (a veteran shouts) "No! We will run - and live!"
"Yes!" Wallace shouted back. "Fight and you may die. Run and you
will live at least awhile. And dying in your bed many years from now,
would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for
one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell
our enemies that they may take our lives but they will never take
Edited by PedroKsBambino, 30 September 2005 - 02:54 PM.
Posted 30 September 2005 - 08:52 AM
Yeah, but the back yard is all messed up... f'ing gophers.
Wow, that a nice lawn.
So, how am I supposed to work all day waiting for the game to start?
Posted 30 September 2005 - 09:13 AM
Posted 30 September 2005 - 09:34 AM
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. Once upon a time in the ancient land of China, there lived a boy named Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo Wang. His name meant “He who is a fantastic pitcher with a fastball in the mid 90s, a filthy slider and a change that he can throw on any count.” Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo Wang had a younger brother named Chien-Ming Wang, whose name meant “bad pitcher. In the language of the Chinese, “Wang” means “pitcher.”
Every day Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo and Chien-Ming would go and play together all over the village, but there was one place where they were forbidden to play.
“Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo, my first born son and most precious treasure on this Earth,” said Mother Wang. “You must never go play near the old well. It is far too dangerous, and if you should fall in, I would die of grief.”
“Yes honorable mother,” said Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo. “I will obey.”
“And you Chien-Ming, my second son,” added the mother.
“Yes mother,” said Chien-Ming expectantly.”
“If you want to play at the well, I think it is a splendid idea,” said Mother Wang. “Why don’t you go see what’s at the bottom like little Timmy O’Toole did?”
As the boys walked away Chien-Ming taunted his brother.
“I shall go play at the well, and dance along its rim and enjoy the fine old stones, but not you.”
“I shall go as well,” said Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo. “Someone needs to keep an eye on you as you are so clumsy and unathletic that you would likely fall in.”
So the boys set out from the village and up the hill to the old well. The well was long since out of use and there was no bucket or rope to be found on the crank above the ancient grey stones bound with powdery mortar.
Chien-Ming climbed the stones and began to walk along the rim.
“Get down from there,” said Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo. “You will surely fall in.”
“No, I won’t,” replied Chien-Ming.
Suddenly a butterfly fluttered towards Chien-Ming’s head.
“B-b-b-butterfly!!!” he shrieked. As he recoiled in fear from the harmless insect, he began to lose his balance. Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo, being athletic and fleet of foot, dove to grab Chien-Ming and pull him from the lip of the well, saving him from falling into the depths, but as he yanked Chien-Ming down, the force of Chien-Ming pulling back on him carried him over the lip of the well, and down, down, down to the depths.
“My God!!!” screamed Chien-Ming. “Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo has fallen into the well. Are you okay?”
“I live,” said Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo. “But it is cold and wet and the walls are as smooth as glass. I cannot possibly climb out.”
What should I do?” panicked Chien-Ming. “I am far too stupid to save you myself.”
“Run to mother, she will know what to do.”
So Chien-Ming ran all the way down the hill, all the way through his village to his house where his mother was cooking.
“Oh, it’s you,” said Mother Wang. “Didn’t you play at the well, like I told you?”
“Yes, yes mother,” answered Chien-Ming breathlessly. “But he fell in.”
“Who fell in? Sadly not you.”
“Could you be more specific?”
“Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo has fallen into the well!!!”
Mother Wang froze. Her eyes welled up with tears of fear and rage.
“Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo has fallen into the well?”
“Yes, yes,” replied Chien-Ming. “Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo has fallen into the well.”
“Then run you foolish, wicked child. Run as fast as you can to Mr. Sty Bray Na who owns Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo’s contractual rights for Major League Baseball and tell him to bring his ladder so he can save my one son with a lively fastball. GO!!!”
And Chien-Ming ran off to the other side of the village where Mr. Sty Bray Na lived, moving as fast as his little legs could carry him, which was not very fast.
“Mr. Sty Bray Na, Mr. Sty Bray Na!!!” yelled Chien-Ming.
“Oh it’s you,” said Mr. Sty Bray Na. “Look at how unathletic you are. I am so glad I will never have to have you pitch any critical late season games for me, unlike your magnificent brother Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo .”
“Mr. Sty Bray Na, he has fallen in the well!”
“My brother, Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo .”
“Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo has fallen in the well?”
“Yes, Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo has fallen in the well.”
“Well, we must take my $200 million dollar ladder and go fish him out right away.”
And they took Mr. Sty Bray Na’s $200 million ladder, which despite its price seemed old and broken, with more than a few rungs rotted through, and they ran all the way through the village up the hill to the old well.
“Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo, are you down there?” yelled Chien-Ming.”
“Where else would I be my foolish brother,” he replied.
“I have brought Mr. Sty Bray Na and his $200 million ladder. He will rescue you.”
“I am glad, at $200 million it must be good. Please hurry I am cold and wet and feel as though I might die.”
Mr. Sty Bray Na carefully put the ladder down the well, and began to slowly descend its rickety rungs. When he reached the bottom it was clear that Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo was suffering from hypothermia. He had been in the well for far, far too long.
Mr. Sty Bray Na, slung the boy over his shoulder and began to ascend the ladder when something happened. Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo screamed.
“My arm!” he wailed. In his rush to get him up the ladder, Mr. Sty Bray Na had whacked Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo’s prized pitching arm on the wall of the well, leaving it broken and limp and swelling.
“Was that your arm?” asked Mr. Sty Bray Na.
“Yes, yes my arm is broken,” wailed the boy.
“Then you’re useless to me,” Mr. Sty Bray Na replied and dropped the boy back down the shaft, where he landed with a thud, and continued his ascent alone.
When he reached the top, Chien-Ming asked “Where is Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo? Where is my brother? Why have you not saved him?”
“Son,” answered Mr. Sty Bray Na. “He was never going to pitch again, and that makes him useless to me and drain on society. We’re better off with him in the well. Now let’s go tell your mother.
The two retrieved the ladder and began to walk down the hill as Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo’s sobs echoed off the walls of his cold, watery tomb.
When they arrived at the house, Mother Wang said “Where is my son, where is Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo?”
“Mother Wang,” said Mr. Sty Bray Na. “The ladder failed. It broke his arm, and he is as good as dead now. I spent $200 million on a ladder and it failed. It must have been the ladder, not me, so next year, I am going to invest $250 million in a ladder.”
“But my son,” she moaned. “He is lost, and all I am left with is Chien-Ming who throws neither fast, nor curvy, nor with deceptive motion.”
“Hmmm…” said Mr. Sty Bray Na. “Chien-Ming is what your mother says true? Are all of your pitches below average?”
“Yes sir,” Chien-Ming replied his head bowed. “It is and they are.”
“Well then I think I’ll give you a contract to play for my team. After all, with three below average pitches, you’ll still be much more effective than Kevin Brown, Carl Pavano or Jarrett Wright.”
“You mean,” said Mother Wang, “That I never needed such a talented son as Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo? All I needed was a foolish old shipbuilder with too much money and too much ego to lavish money on my talentless son Chien-Ming?”
“Indeed, that is correct,” said Mr. Sty Bray Na.
“Wow,” said Chian Mien. “But shouldn’t we cover up the well, so no other children fall in it and die?”
“No,” answered Mr. Sty Bray Na. “That’s really an unnecessary expense, like dental insurance for non-baseball employees. Let’s focus on investing in the ladder.”
And Mr. Sty Bray Na, took the below average pitcher and put him with the farm system of his organization, and Chien-Ming rose through the ranks, because none of the other pitchers were any good either. And tonight, the brother of the splendid pitcher who lies at the bottom of the will play the biggest game of his life.
And what was the lesson learned my Mother Wang? She learned that talent is not half as important as access to a foolish baseball owner, a lesson that was carried down through the generations. And that, along with the fact that Tiki Tiki Tembo No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Beri Pembo is hard to fit on the back of a jersey, is the reason that all Chinese baseball players have short names.
(Note: Based on the classic children's stoy Tiki Tiki Tembo.)
2. The Sox dramatic come from behind victory against the BJays last night featured an undeniably a playoff-like atmosphere. Jose himself was in full playoff mode, doing push ups and sit ups and ironing shirts throughout the later innings. Anything to keep away the madness. But the innovation of the evening goes to the Melendezette who, with the Sox trailing 4-1, returned from watching “The OC” DVD’s in the other room to insist that Jose join her in a polka while reciting the words “Win Red Sox, Win Red Sox.”
A moment later, Manny hit his two run homer. A second round of the “Win Red Sox Polka” was followed by David Ortiz’s game tying blast. One would think that in a race against Cleveland, polka would be more of their thing, but so far it’s worked wonders for the Sox. In fact, if the Sox go on to win this year, Jose will use the right of free petition to file a bill with the legislature to change the Official State Polka from “Say Hello To Someone From Massachusetts” by Lenny Gomulka and Chicago Push to the “Win Red Sox Polka” by the Melendezette.
3. Jose is not sure how he missed this yesterday, but apparently on Wednesday night, famous Wookie Chewbacca through out the first pitch at Fenway Park. Jose is glad that we have a Wookie on our side, as the Yankees will start their own Wookie, Randy Johnson on Saturday. Jose had always wondered what Johnson’s ethnicity was, and he can’t believe he’d never guessed Wookie before. It all makes sense though, he’s tall, hairy, communicates poorly in English and is ill-tempered.
I’m Jose Melendez, and those are my KEYS TO THE GAME.
Edited by jose melendez, 30 September 2005 - 01:31 PM.
Posted 30 September 2005 - 09:51 AM
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
Shakespeare's Henvy V
Posted 30 September 2005 - 09:56 AM
Posted 30 September 2005 - 10:25 AM
I especially look for great things from Manny -- por la familia!~
Posted 30 September 2005 - 10:48 AM
Just like you, I put my pants on one leg at a time. But when I do, I make gold records, baby!
Posted 30 September 2005 - 11:11 AM
Posted 30 September 2005 - 12:10 PM
Edited by Old Fart Tree, 30 September 2005 - 12:18 PM.
Posted 30 September 2005 - 12:16 PM
HAL: Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
Posted 30 September 2005 - 12:29 PM
Good afternoon. In a few hours, fans from here will join others from around Red Sox Nation. And you will be playing the biggest regular season series in Red Sox history. "Red Sox history.” Those words should have new meaning for all of us this year. We cannot be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests of making the post season, and humiliating the Yankees yet again. Perhaps its fate that today is the last weekend of the regular season with only one game separating these two teams, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from elimination. We are fighting for our right to play more baseball. To exist. And should we win the day, the Boston Red Sox will no longer be known as the team that always finishes behind the Yankees, but as the team that declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!” We're going to live on! We're going to survive! This weekend we will celebrate one of our most finest hours! Go Sox.
Posted 30 September 2005 - 12:32 PM
Jose will use the right of free petition to file a bill with the legislature to change the Official State Polka from “Say Hello To Someone From Massachusetts” by Lenny Gomulka and Chicago Push to the “Win Red Sox Polka” by the Melendezette.
All hail the polka queen, the Melendezette RULES!
The Weir-dette wants to know - will Tito start the Millar (0-2, 1 k vs Wang) or the Olerud (None vs Wang, .353 vs RHP) first baseman tonite?
Oh, and that reliever you were requesting? His first name is Jonathan
Jonathan Livingston Seagull Paplebon X, American League East Division Champion.
Has a certain ring to it ,doncha think? A certain flow? (Not Henry VIII, but none of us is an immortal bard)
Posted 30 September 2005 - 12:42 PM
Edit: OK, so I'm calendar challenged.
Edited by happybooker99, 30 September 2005 - 12:45 PM.
Posted 30 September 2005 - 12:56 PM
Posted 30 September 2005 - 01:21 PM
Win tonight first. Then do it again tomorrow...and tomorrow.
Posted 30 September 2005 - 01:33 PM
I love this time of year.
Edited by cosox, 30 September 2005 - 01:34 PM.
Posted 30 September 2005 - 01:35 PM