"You think I'm happy right now?" Lester said. "You think I like coming to the park with almost a 5 ERA (4.80) next to my name, with a 5-7 record? I mean, who would be happy?
"You think last night me coming off the field getting booed was fun? C'mon, who would want to do that? It's much cooler for me to walk off the field to a standing ovation after pitching my ass off. I don't want that. Do they have the right to boo? Absolutely. But I don't want that.
"It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing for my wife to be sitting in the stands to hear that. I'm embarrassed for her. I'm embarrassed what she has to hear in the stands. It's not fun.
"That's not what I want to do. I don't want to show up at the park and go, '[Expletive], I'm going to give up seven runs in four innings and call it a day, then go home and count my money because that's all that matters."'
Lester stressed, however, that there is a difference in being unhappy with his performance and being unhappy about playing here. There have been a number of reports that Lester might be so unhappy he'd welcome a trade.
"Am I happy in Boston?" Lester said. "Yeah, I've got a house here, my family loves it here, I love taking my kid [son Hudson] here. That's two different things. If I'm sitting right now with David Price numbers and said I was not happy, then yeah, maybe it's about Boston. But who in this clubhouse is happy with losing?"
"The Red Sox believe what's written," he said. "If it's written that I should be traded, more times than not that's what ends up happening. Look at the people who've gotten traded around here. It's not their doing.
"It's not up to me. One thing I know in baseball is you should never be comfortable where you are. It doesn't matter who you are. It's a business. If I got traded tomorrow, no hard feelings, it's a business.
"Would I be sad? Yeah. Like I said, we've got a house here, we made a lot of good friends here, we just started a foundation here. It'd be tough. It'd be tough on my family, but it is what it is. It's like being transferred in a business - -you've got to go where they tell you."
With Youkilis flourishing since his trade to the Chicago White Sox on June 24, Lester gave a multilayered answer when asked if he thought he might profit from a change of scenery.
"That's one of those questions you don't know until it happens or doesn't happen," he said. "I think if you asked Youk that he'd say the same thing. Hey, I love it here, but I don't know if a change of scenery is good. I haven't had a change of scenery. I think when you leave Boston, unless you go to a New York or Chicago, it can't do anything but help you.
"This is a tough place to play, you know? I love playing here because it makes people accountable. It makes you accountable for what you do. There's no excuses here. If you pitch like [expletive], you can't come in and say, 'Aw, the mound's a little wet' because you've got Dave (Mellor, the groundskeeper) down there saying, 'No, it wasn't.' This place makes you accountable. I love that about this place because I'm an accountable person. I always have been. My dad has ingrained that in me: Be accountable.
"I love that part about this place, but I think if you go from here to, I don't know, Texas, it would probably be easier to play. You don't have to worry about other things. You just go out and play."
But last week during the All-Star break, he used his Twitter account to respond to some of the harsher criticisms he has heard.
"It always comes back to money," he said. "Do you honestly think everybody in this room is really happy with where we're at? That's what I don't get, that's what I don't understand. It always goes back to what guys are making. 'These million-dollar babies are whining, they don't care.'
"Yeah, we get paid a lot of money. I understand that. But just because we get paid a lot of money doesn't mean we don't care. This kills me. It's tough. I hate losing. I hate getting beat. I'm not used to it. It's something I've never done in my life. Maybe this is a year that's going to strengthen me and make me a better pitcher in the future.
You can read a lot more from Edes here: http://espn.go.com/b...ident-struggles