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O Holy Cow! The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto


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#1 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 07:57 AM

I was reminded yesterday via a discussion on FB of the wit and wisdom of Phil Rizzuto, who I listened to for countless hours growing up. So I'm going to use this thread to post some "poems" from "O Holy Cow! The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto", which takes excerpts of Rizzuto's stream-of-consciousness commentary on Yankee games, and puts it into poem form.

http://www.amazon.co...132/ref=lh_ni_t

#2 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 07:57 AM

F.Y.I.

A little high.
Two balls.
No strikes.

Riverview Medical Center
is down the Jersey shore.

Three balls.
No strikes.

-------------------------------

June 27, 1991, WPIX-TV

#3 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 07:58 AM

California

It is weird out there.
California is kind of a weird state.
Anyway...
I mean
You go out there in the middle of the summer
And it's freezing.

------------------------------------------------

June 9, 1992

#4 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 07:58 AM

Go Ahead, Seaver

You know,
Some kid wrote me a letter.
You and Murcer,
I know,
Every time Murcer says,
I make oh for four and two errors,
Some guy wrote,
Which I haven't gotten yet,
He wrote it to Yankee Stadium,
But by the way,
You're doing the play-by-play, Seaver.
So go ahead.
I was gonna tell you something,
But I forgot what it was.
Go ahead.

-----------------------------------------------

July 1, 1991

#5 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 07:58 AM

The Penguin

O THAT'S GONE!
HOLY COW!
WATCH THE--
Look at the Penguin!
It's not gone.

I was watching him run.
Wait a minute.
When he hit it
That was the funniest run I've ever seen.
Watch this.

------------------------------------------

May 21, 1987
Tommy John pitching to Ron Cey

#6 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 07:59 AM

Asylum

Got some chocolate chip cookies here.
Murcer.
So don't ask me any questions
For a batter or so.
All right?

-------------------------------------------

June 17,1992

#7 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 07:59 AM

Alienation

I think my head shrinks a little
In this outdoor stadium.

I am...

The mike is getting bigger.
And I have to tighten it.

-------------------------------------------

May 2, 1987

#8 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:00 AM

Forever Young

Bobby Thigpen out there.
Number thirty-seven.
That's the guy in the Peanuts cartoon.
Pigpen.
That's a joke.
That guy in Peanuts with Charlie Brown.
He's always dirty.
Oh yeah.
Every day.
Orphan Annie.
You know,
She hasn't aged in thirty-two years.

---------------------------------------------

May 12, 1987

#9 Scott Cooper's Grand Slam

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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:02 AM

I hate to interrupt this glorious string of posts, but I just wanted to say thanks. This is coffee-on-the-keyboard amazing.

#10 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:07 AM

Rocket Love

Mmmmmmmmm.
That's a lotta man there.
Got under it.
High pop-up.

-------------------------------------------------------

May 28, 1991, Boston at New York, Roger Clemens pitching to Mel Hall

#11 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:07 AM

(another from the same game, possibly also Clemens-inspired)

Legs

The legs are so important.
In golf they're very,
People don't realize
How important legs are in golf,
Or in baseball,
And football, definitely.
Track.
O, in track.
All-important.
Jumping.
Soccer.
Is there anything, what?
Is there anything where the legs
Are not the most important?

-----------------------------------------------

May 28, 1991

#12 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:08 AM

Boxes

They have more fun with boxes
You know,
When during Christmas
Or any time
You go to buy the kids boxes.
That's what they play with.
You buy them beautiful toys.
They end up playing with the box.

-----------------------------------------------------------

July 27, 1991

#13 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:09 AM

Symmetry

I wanna tell ya.
They replayed that game.
I got a chance to see it.
On MSG last night.
Man.
I mean,
Every game,
As you mentioned,
In Milwaukee
Was an exciting ball game.
They won two ball games
We should've won.
And we won two ball games
They should've won.
UNBELIEVABLE!

----------------------------------------

May 26, 1992

#14 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:09 AM

Dickie Poem Number One

Dickie Thon the batter.
Now way way back when he first came
Into the big leagues,
I mention the fact that I used to play
With his grandfather.
Baseball.
Sandlot baseball.
He went away to the minor leagues.
And during the service time,
He was in Puerto Rico.
And he was a very
Astute young man.
Don't forget,
This was way back,
In the Second World War.
Grounder to short,
And Velarde just flips
To Stankiewicz for the force.
And that'll do it.
And I'll finish my story later.

----------------------------------------------

April 27, 1992, Texas at New York
Scott Sanderson pitching to Dickie Thon
4th inning

#15 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:10 AM

Dickie Poem Number Two

Wait!
I never finished
This story about Dickie Thon!
I told you I played ball
With his grandfather.
And,
And he was so on the ball.
When he went to Puerto Rico
He realized they didn't
Have washing machines.
Things we had in the States.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....
The son of a gun!
Hit the grounder.
I'll have to finish the story
Next home stand.
Three up.
Three down.

-----------------------------------------------

April 27, 1992, Texas at New York
Lee Guetterman pitching to Dickie Thon
6th inning

#16 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:10 AM

1961 and 1991

Oh man,
You talk about having fun broadcasting games.
That year, I mean, there were home runs every day.
There was nothing but a lot of runs.
Makes it a lot easier.
All right!
Here's Lovullo.
Torey Lovullo.
I've been calling him "Tony."
And he pops it up.

--------------------------------------------------------

April 13, 1991

#17 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:18 AM

(pausing for encouragement, I have a bunch more typed in already)

#18 Greg Blosser

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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:21 AM

These are fantastic. Do you have the one about the squirrels and Yogi?

#19 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:23 AM

These are fantastic. Do you have the one about the squirrels and Yogi?


No, sorry. I see that the more recent edition of the book has an additional 60 'poems', I may have to pick that up also.

#20 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:23 AM

From Slumber I Heard The Men At Work

I.

Friday,
When I was forced
To leave the game after six innings,
You know,
I almost came back in the 13th inning,
Moore.
I want you to know I was thinking
Of Murcer and Seaver there.

II.

I woke up,
And it was like,
Like a nightmare.
I said,
"Could the game still be going on?"
And sure enough.
I started to get dressed.
And then the 14th inning came.
If it had gone another inning,
I'd have been there.

-------------------------------------------------

August 30, 1992

#21 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:24 AM

To Be Alone

Hey White
You know where your loyalties are?

Right here.
The old pinstripes.

No.

You never wore them.
So you have a right to sing the blues.

-----------------------------------------------------------

May 12, 1987

#22 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:24 AM

Poem No. 61

Here comes Roger Maris.
They're standing up.
Waiting to see if Roger
Is going to hit
Number sixty-one.
Here's the windup.
The pitch to Roger.
Way outside.
Ball one.

The fans are starting to boo.
Low...
Ball two.
That one was in the dirt.
And the boos get louder.
Two balls, no strikes.
On Roger Maris...

Here's the windup.
Fastball
HIT DEEP TO RIGHT-
THIS COULD BE IT.
WAY BACK THERE.
HOLY COW.
HE DID IT.
SIXTY-ONE HOME RUNS.
They're fighting for the ball out there.

----------------------------------------------

October 1, 1961

#23 Pumpsie


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:26 AM

He used to leave the booth and the Stadium if the game went late to beat the traffic over the GW bridge on his way home to Jersey. The Yankees let him do that for years. He would just announce to his partner(s) "Well, I gotta go. Hope we can score some runs off this guy."

#24 Warning Track Speed

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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:26 AM

Great stuff. I grew up listening to Scooter on PIX as well. Huckleberry.

If I might be allowed a small diversion, there's a similar book of found poetry from the Clinton/Lewinsky testimony, "Poetry Under Oath:"

"Little Tiny Spot"

I told him
That I really cared about him

And he told me
That he didn't want to get
Addicted to me
And he didn't want me to get
Addicted to him
And we embraced at that point

And that's--
I mean it was--it's just a

Little tiny spot
Down here


And a
Little Tiny Spot
Up here

#25 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:28 AM

The Locked Door

We mention Buck Showalter.
He and I,
For twenty minutes,
Were trying to find a way
To get into the ballpark.

He was lucky.
He went down the tunnel.
But I couldn't go down there.
They said I didn't have the right credentials.
And I couldn't get in the door
That we got in tonight.

-------------------------------------------------

June 20, 1992

#26 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:30 AM

If I might be allowed a small diversion, there's a similar book of found poetry from the Clinton/Lewinsky testimony, "Poetry Under Oath:"


Yeah, these same guys (Village Voice writers at the time, I believe) did a Donald Rumsfeld one also, but the political ones seem decidedly more depressing.

#27 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:30 AM

Oklahoma

Boy I tell ya.
My geography for that part of the country
Is terrible.
Probably because there's a lot of snakes
Out there.
And I don't want to care to know too much
About that part of the country.
Two balls
One strike.
They got snakes in Oklahoma?
No?
No kiddin?
Great!

-----------------------------------------------

May 25, 1991

#28 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:31 AM

On Journalism

You gotta get down to the basic facts
You don't get, what?
Get the story if you want to be a good reporter.
And find out if it is true!
And then I hate it when I read it in the paper
Or TV comes out with a premature
FOUL BALL!
With a premature explanation.
Or whatever it is.

------------------------------------------------

June 22, 1991

#29 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:31 AM

Observation

You know,
I was just thinking.
It's tough
To evaluate players
When you're out
On the golf course.

--------------------------------------

August 14, 1992

#30 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:31 AM

Thought for Seaver

It's funny
How certain words
In the English language
Could be very confusing.
You just said,
"They're idle this week."
Now you were an idol
Of all the kids at USC.
And it's spelled differently.
Idle and idol.
I just thought of that.

-----------------------------------------------

September 7, 1991

#31 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:32 AM

Reversal of Opinion

And he hits one in the hole
They're going to have to hurry.
THEY'LL NEVER GET HIM!
They got him.
How do you like that.
Holy cow.
I changed my mind before he got there.
So that doesn't count as an error.

----------------------------------------------

July 10, 1992

#32 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:37 AM

Confrontation

Ted Williams made this remark now.
And I'm not saying it
Because I agree with him wholeheartedly.
But he said,
"Pitchers are the dumbest ballplayers of all ballplayers.
Infielders, outfielders," he says.
"'Cause all they know how to do is pitch.
And they only pitch one out of every five days."
Now I'm just saying,
What?
What did you think of that statement?
Bouncer.
And Sax to his left.
Throws him out.
One away.
I'm asking you a simple question, Seaver.
There he is.
He won't answer me.
How do you like my shirt?
You see my shirt?
Rocky Marciano.

--------------------------------------------

July 23, 1991

#33 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:37 AM

T-Bone

One ball, one strike
Two out, two on
The Yankees trail four to one
In the bottom of the seventh.
Michelle wants to say,
"Happy birthday to T-Bone."
That's his name: T-Bone.
The runners leading away...

------------------------------------------------

July 26, 1991

#34 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:38 AM

To Speak with Espy, to Smile with Tears

I just told him, I said:
"Look,
you're a professional.
You've got to stop this squabbling in the papers.
It's the worst thing you can do.
Just go out there and play your regular game.
Show them that you're capable
Of playing every day."
He smiled for the first time.
I said, "Geh."
(Now you won't believe this.)
I said, "GET THREE FOR THREE!"
I know...
It sounds like I made it up.
I really did make it up.
It's such a lousy game
That I gotta make up something.

-------------------------------------------------------

April 12, 1991
(following Alvaro Espinoza's 3rd hit of the night)

#35 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:38 AM

What I love is that I can hear his voice in my head doing a lot of these.

#36 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:38 AM

I Really Should Be Going Home

It's very chilly,
As a matter--
I'm telling you,
I've been freezing.
My hands are cold.
I have low blood pressure anyway.
And arthritis.
I really should be going home.

------------------------------------------------

July 24, 1983 (The Pine Tar Game), 7th inning

#37 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:42 AM

The Bridge

Two balls and a strike.
You know what they had on TV today, White?
Bridge on the River Kwai.
Everybody should have gotten an Academy Award for that movie.
I don't know how many times I've seen it.
About forty times.
Alec Guinness!
William Holden!
Three and one the count.
I just heard somebody whistle.
You know that song?
That's what they whistle.
Nobody out.
And he pops it up.

----------------------------------------------------

May 5, 1987

#38 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:42 AM

Vincent

O wait a minute.
You gotta take one shot of this.
'Cause this is a true...
This is,
This is true.
I was,
Say...
That?
HEY THAT'S VINCENT GARDENIA!
HEY!
O he was in Death Wish.
With Charles Bronson.
He was mean.
And he really got shot up.
Holy cow.

---------------------------------------------

August 9, 1992

#39 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:42 AM

Challenge to Youth

I tell you what I would change.
That NO BALK to second base.
You know,
You can do anything to second base.
Yeah, I never did like that.
What would you change?

---------------------------------------------

May 10, 1991

#40 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:43 AM

Poem for Jesse

HEYYYYYYYYYY!
THAT'S IT!
HOLY COW!
HE DID IT!
HOLY COW!
LOOK AT JESSE BARFIELD!
I WANNA TELL YOU!
HO HO HO HO!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!
YOU GOT IT, MURCER!
My heart.
My heart won't take it anymore.
I'm tellin' ya,
HOLY COW!
I MEAN,
THAT IS AN UNBELIEVABLE FINISH!
Are we on the air?
We're on the air?
We're on the?
Hoooooooooooooah.
WOW!
THIS YANKEE CLUB IS SOMETHING!
I TELL YA!
ATTA BOY, JESSE!

-------------------------------------------

May 31, 1991
Milwaukee at New York
Chuck Crim pitching to Jesse Barfield
(Game-winning home run)
Ninth inning, two outs, bases empty
Yankees win 3-2

#41 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:43 AM

The Question of White's Whereabouts

That was a weird play!
Wait a minute!
That hit the bat twice!
That should be a foul ball!
Here comes Piniella out!
That hit the bat twice!
Now he's saying he's off the bag!
Son of a gun!
I can't believe that!
Let's look at this!
Look at that!
That ball came up and hit the bat!
Twice!
White, where were you when we needed you?

----------------------------------------------------

May 2, 1987

#42 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:43 AM

White's Secret

You know what I did?
I forgot
I don't like your lineup card, White.
I like mine better.
But unfortunately
I left mine at home.
I did not bring today's lineup card.

So I borrowed one from Bill White.
He's the professional type.
You know, Martin?
He's got all...
I can't figure half the stuff on this card.
Why you need it.
But he does his homework.
He does it well.

But anyway.
Oh yeah.
He's got the highlights.
He's on the ball.
But where Kunkel's name is ninth,
I put the strikeout by Brower.
Oh, he jammed him.
Foul back.
What happened?

-----------------------------------------------

May 13, 1987

#43 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:44 AM

Colorado

They're having more snow
Out in Colorado.
Which is not in Montana.
But it is not far from Montana.

--------------------------------------

August 26, 1992

#44 jon abbey


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:45 AM

That's all I've got for now.

#45 Doctor G

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Posted 03 July 2012 - 08:57 AM

Thanks Jon. these are true gems.

#46 Dehere

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Posted 03 July 2012 - 10:01 AM

Challenge to Youth


Thank you. I was going to specifically ask for this one. Great way to kill time on a half-day before the holiday.

#47 Tony C


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 11:31 AM

Alienation

I think my head shrinks a little
In this outdoor stadium.

I am...

The mike is getting bigger.
And I have to tighten it.

-------------------------------------------

May 2, 1987


So brilliant.

What I love is that I can hear his voice in my head doing a lot of these.


Me too. Scooter was the best.

#48 SumnerH


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 01:15 PM

Awesome.

I was probably 8 or 10 years old before I realized that he was anything other than a spokesman in commercials for the Money Store.

#49 Skiponzo

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Posted 03 July 2012 - 01:38 PM

GREAT stuff!

I remember watching a Sox/Yanks game at Fenway he was doing with Bill White. A player hit a liner foul down the third baseline and into the section that juts out. Scooter's call went something like this:

Scoot: OH THAT ONE'S GONE!
Scoot: Wait..oh it's foul...
Scoot: It was a liner foul...you can't see anything from these seats.
Bill: Hahahahaha (him laughing is what I remember most)

Edited by Skiponzo, 03 July 2012 - 01:39 PM.


#50 fenwaypaul

  • 3104 posts

Posted 03 July 2012 - 03:00 PM

I remember
His first day in the booth
After he retired.
God,
I'm so old.
He sucked at announcing,
But then he got better.




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