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Bobby Jenks arrested


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#1 savage362

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 08:55 AM

DUI, property damage.

Glad to see he's recovering well.

http://www.sheriffle...237717852070913

http://florida.arres..._Jenks_7463679/

#2 Dewy4PrezII


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 08:57 AM

DUI, property damage.

Glad to see he's recovering well.

http://www.sheriffle...237717852070913

http://florida.arres..._Jenks_7463679/

The question is, does his contract have a morality clause and can the Red Sox use this to extricate themselved from the obligation, thus freeing up $6+M in "cap space"

#3 Smiling Joe Hesketh


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 09:04 AM

So this offseason's been fantastic.

#4 Corsi


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 09:04 AM

Sounds like he got drunk, crashed his car into some property and fled?

#5 Max Power


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 09:06 AM

The question is, does his contract have a morality clause and can the Red Sox use this to extricate themselved from the obligation, thus freeing up $6+M in "cap space"


I read that as "mortality clause" and thought you were suggesting the Red Sox have him killed. I still think it's an option to consider.

#6 Rudy Pemberton


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 09:10 AM

Surprising that a guy who's been a piece of shit his entire life continues to be so. Nice to see he's working so hard to get back in shape and help the team.

You can't get out of a contract b/c a guy got a DUI, unfortunately.

#7 mikeford


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 09:16 AM

I read that as "mortality clause" and thought you were suggesting the Red Sox have him killed. I still think it's an option to consider.


No need for a hitman, just send him a chef and let nature do the rest.

#8 pedros hairstylist


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 09:18 AM

I am STUNNED a fat fuck named Bobby in Florida was arrested for DUI.

#9 RedOctober3829


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 09:21 AM

Surprising that a guy who's been a piece of shit his entire life continues to be so. Nice to see he's working so hard to get back in shape and help the team.

You can't get out of a contract b/c a guy got a DUI, unfortunately.


You can still release him. Screw the money it's guaranteed anyways. Get rid of him.

#10 Foulkey Reese


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 09:28 AM

Remember when we were all laughing because Theo signed Jenks instead of Soriano?

#11 rembrat


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 09:35 AM

Not a good day for fat relievers.

#12 HangingW/ScottCooper

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 09:53 AM

Yeah at this point I think it's time to just cut bait. Maybe the Marlins will pick him up.

#13 Corsi


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 09:57 AM

Not a good day for fat relievers.


Anyone seen Matt Albers lately??

#14 greek_gawd_of_walks


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 10:34 AM

Vintage Juggalo behavior.

#15 Corsi


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 11:26 AM

Bobby Jenks arrested and charged with DUI and four other counts on Friday morning, including leaving the scene of the accident, told Lee County, Florida police he was driving erratically at the time of his arrest because "I took too many muscle relaxers."


According to the arrest sheet for the 31-year-old Jenks, Deputy Marsha Sutphin stopped a white Mercedes Benz SUV near the intersection of Cleveland Ave. and Colonial Blvd. in Fort Myers at 2:35 AM Friday. The driver of the car was identified as Jenks, who was asked by the officers if he knew why he was pulled over.


"Probably because I was all over the road back there," said Jenks.


And when Deputy Sutphin asked Jenks why he was driving all over the road, Jenks told the officer that he "took too many muscle relaxers."


The officer reported that Jenks was shaking uncontrollably and had a difficult time speaking while being questioned.


When Deputy Sutphin asked Jenks if he had taken anything else other than the muscle relaxers, he told the officer that he "was going to be honest with you, I was just leaving Babes because I hit a car. I just had to get out of there."


Babe's is a night club in Fort Myers. A bouncer at the club told officers that a Mercedes Benz SUV drove into the parking lot and struck a parked truck around 11:45 PM. The bouncer -- who told the officers the driver of the SUV was wearing the same clothes as Jenks at the time of his arrest and had large amounts of tattoos on his left arm, just as Jenks does -- told officers he tried to get Jenks out of the car, offering to call him a cab. Jenks, according to the bouncer, drove into another car before driving off.


After telling Deputy Sutphin that he left the club after hitting a car, Jenks was then asked if he would submit to a field sobriety test. Jenks -- who, according to the report, had dilated pupils, very slurred speech and glassy eyes, agreed to take the test by told officers that he would fail it.


Jenks was unable to pass the test and was arrested for DUI.


http://www.weei.com/...ge-jenks-arrest

#16 Lose Remerswaal


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 11:34 AM

Was Jenks tazed?


Edit: And "Babes", mentioned above, seems to be a Gentleman's club, that the deputy has previously worked near

Edited by Lose Remerswaal, 23 March 2012 - 11:37 AM.


#17 Corsi


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 11:39 AM

Was Jenks tazed?


Probably needed a cattle prod to take him down.

#18 bankshot1


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 12:29 PM

Yeah at this point I think it's time to just cut bait. Maybe the Marlins will pick him up.


or the Myrtle Beach Mermen

#19 someoneanywhere

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 12:32 PM

Geez, Bobby. We hardly knew ye.


What's the over/under on number of days before release? Whatever it is, I'll take the under.

#20 The_Powa_of_Seiji_Ozawa

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 12:32 PM

I am STUNNED a fat fuck named Bobby in Florida was arrested for DUI.


Too bad he didn't crash his car into George Zimmerman's neighborhood.

#21 Ted Cox 4 president

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 12:40 PM

. . . and Ozzie Guillen is laughing his ass off.

#22 someoneanywhere

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 01:07 PM

. . . and Ozzie Guillen is laughing his ass off.


Unless of course it was Ozzie's ride that Booby clipped in the Babes parking lot.

#23 xpisblack

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 01:28 PM

Surprising that a guy who's been a piece of shit his entire life continues to be so. Nice to see he's working so hard to get back in shape and help the team.


Probably connected-- he's lost, what, two or three stone this offseason? He's probably accustomed to drinking like a heftier man, and losing that weight likely affected his alcohol tolerance. Dumb bastard.

This is not the sort of elbow-bending story I wanted from him.

#24 mauidano


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 01:35 PM

Well it seems the thread is in early season form with the humor regarding Mr. Jenks. I expect as word travels this will get into mid-season form rather quickly with literal laugh out loud responses.

#25 No Guru No Method

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 01:35 PM

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, Son.

#26 hittery

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 01:48 PM

But I thought he found Jesus!

I am just really glad that I have refrained from posting about Joba on the FB walls of MFY fans today.

#27 Beomoose


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 02:21 PM

Bobby Jenks arrested and charged with DUI and four other counts on Friday morning, including leaving the scene of the accident, told Lee County, Florida police he was driving erratically at the time of his arrest because "I took too many muscle relaxers."


Dear Lee County Sheriff,

Lock him up, loose the key.

Yours
-RSN

#28 Pumpsie


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 02:32 PM

So this offseason's been fantastic.


What's so bad about this? Jenks has written his ticket out of town, one way or another here, and that's great! This is a plus much like John Lackey's surgery was a plus. It seems that the baseball gods are starting to smile on us. It'll take a few years to get the Theo Epstein stink off this team. His bad decisions the last several years will take a while to ameliorate. Guys like Jenks were signed to try to put a bandaid on the lack of good young pitching in our system. THAT is what's really killing us right now...and will still be our Achilles' heel this season.

#29 Smiling Joe Hesketh


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 02:35 PM

What's so bad about this? Jenks has written his ticket out of town, one way or another here, and that's great! This is a plus much like John Lackey's surgery was a plus. It seems that the baseball gods are starting to smile on us. It'll take a few years to get the Theo Epstein stink off this team. His bad decisions the last several years will take a while to ameliorate. Guys like Jenks were signed to try to put a bandaid on the lack of good young pitching in our system. THAT is what's really killing us right now...and will still be our Achilles' heel this season.


Um....OK.

The baseball gods gave us an ownership smear campaign on Tito, a chaotic clownshoes offseason in the ownership group, Bobby V's big goddamn mouth, and Nick Fucking Punto. This is all on the heels of the closure of the most successful period of the team's history in 90+ years.

They're not smiling on us. They're pissing on us. Jenks was already on the 60 day DL. Now all he's done is embarrass the organization even more.

#30 Old Fart Tree


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 03:18 PM

"Before the sobriety test, Jenks was asked whether he had taken anything other than muscle relaxers and replied, according to the report, "I'm going to be honest with you, I was just leaving Babes because I hit a car. I just had to get out of there.""

Nice getaway, jackass. This is like Bernie Madoff sending out a quarterly investor letter saying "I'm going to be honest with you; I'm running a Ponzi Scheme here, just taking all your money and printing phony returns."

#31 MalzoneExpress


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 03:21 PM

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, Son.

"Before the sobriety test, Jenks was asked whether he had taken anything other than muscle relaxers and replied, according to the report, "I'm going to be honest with you, I was just leaving Babes because I hit a car. I just had to get out of there.""

Nice getaway, jackass. This is like Bernie Madoff sending out a quarterly investor letter saying "I'm going to be honest with you; I'm running a Ponzi Scheme here, just taking all your money and printing phony returns."


He may be "fat, drunk and stupid", but at least he is not a liar.

#32 Smiling Joe Hesketh


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 03:21 PM

He may be "fat, drunk and stupid", but at least he is not a liar.


Likely more due to the meds than to any inherent moral character.

#33 stevman17

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 06:56 PM

because "I took too many muscle relaxers."


This is not the kind of statement that will get you out of DUI trouble. You would think millionaire athletes would have lawyers instructing them to just shut up when they get arrested.

#34 Omar's Wacky Neighbor

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 07:06 PM

Eh, better than I thought he'd look:

Posted Image

#35 kartvelo

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 08:40 PM

He looks relaxed.

#36 twothousandone

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Posted 23 March 2012 - 08:57 PM

Will he still be invited to the 100 years of Fenway events? 'cause ownership seems to be hesitant to invite guys who take pills.

#37 Sprowl


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Posted 23 March 2012 - 10:13 PM

Will he still be invited to the 100 years of Fenway events? 'cause ownership seems to be hesitant to invite guys who take pills.


It sounds to me like there needs to be an Alternative Forgiveness Celebration for Fenway's centennial, for pill-poppers, reprobates, male bimbos, and other disgracefuls and unacceptables. These being the Red Sox, there are a lot of us reprobates to go around. It might even be larger than the Fenway Puritan 100th.

#38 YTF

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Posted 24 March 2012 - 07:07 AM

Perhaps they bring in these guys and seat them in up there in the Dunkin' Donuts section. You know That section of the bleachers furthest away from the field that is so proudly displayed each game filled with youth groups. Recognize them in the same way, with a quick flash on the centerfield scoreboard for those in the park and Remy busting out the telestrater for those at home. Quick, painless and almost as if they weren't even there.

#39 Plympton91


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Posted 24 March 2012 - 12:34 PM

This is not the kind of statement that will get you out of DUI trouble. You would think millionaire athletes would have lawyers instructing them to just shut up when they get arrested.


Or, you know, TAKE A F'ING LIMO!

#40 sachilles


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Posted 24 March 2012 - 12:57 PM

Or, you know, TAKE A F'ING LIMO!

Or at least make a rookie your designated driver.

He hardly seems worth the effort. Let him go. I'm sure they can find any number of injured trouble makers to take his place for less money. Sunk cost or not, he needs to be gone.

#41 Green Monster

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Posted 24 March 2012 - 12:57 PM

He must have just thrown a bullpen........I bet he had chicken in his system as well

#42 Savin Hillbilly


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Posted 24 March 2012 - 04:40 PM

He looks relaxed.


LOL. Although really, to me he looks pitiable. His eyes are saying, "Holy shit. Now I have to find a real job."

#43 TomRicardo


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Posted 25 March 2012 - 10:48 AM

Or at least make a rookie your designated driver.


Like any rookies would actually believe fat Seth Rogan was a baseball player...

#44 DLew On Roids


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Posted 25 March 2012 - 05:37 PM

Perhaps they bring in these guys and seat them in up there in the Dunkin' Donuts section. You know That section of the bleachers furthest away from the field that is so proudly displayed each game filled with youth groups. Recognize them in the same way, with a quick flash on the centerfield scoreboard for those in the park and Remy busting out the telestrater for those at home. Quick, painless and almost as if they weren't even there.


I love this idea unreservedly.

Jerry: Now if you look closely Don, that's Wil Cordero with a beer in one hand while he punches a fan with the other. And she's down! Cleanup in aisle 11, Don.
Don: [Giggles uncontrollably]
Jerry: And now Everett moves in to calm Cordero down, and here's where the guy throws a slice of pizza on Cordero.
Don: [Giggles uncontrollably]
Jerry: And what is Bill Lee doing? Don, I believe that's a marijuana cigarette, or what the kids call a "doobie."
Don: [Giggles uncontrollably]

Edited by DLew On Roids, 25 March 2012 - 05:39 PM.


#45 pjr

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Posted 03 July 2012 - 03:56 PM

Sox have reached a buyout with Jenks and have put him on unconditional release waivers.


http://www.mlbtrader...obby-jenks.html

Edited by pjr, 03 July 2012 - 03:57 PM.


#46 Smiling Joe Hesketh


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 04:29 PM

Well that was money well-spent.

#47 Buzzkill Pauley


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 04:43 PM

In theory, a great move. Like everything else done during the 2010 offseason.

Except, perhaps, picking up Aceves and Albers off the scrap-heap.

#48 mt8thsw9th


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 05:08 PM

In theory, a great move. Like everything else done during the 2010 offseason.

Except, perhaps, picking up Aceves and Albers off the scrap-heap.


How weren't picking up Aceves and Albers great moves in theory?

I saw the thread title and thought, "again?!?!?"

#49 someoneanywhere

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Posted 03 July 2012 - 05:18 PM

I saw the thread title and thought, "again?!?!?"


Patience, sir. Patience. All things in due time.

Reliever performance, as well all know, is inherently volatile.

#50 Buzzkill Pauley


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Posted 03 July 2012 - 05:19 PM

Because Aceves hurt his back that offseason, and Albers was god-awful for years with the O's.