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#1 smastroyin


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 08:43 PM

Throw the ball over the fucking plate.

play some god damned defense...carl you are paid a billion dollars at least know what you are doing at the wall. Marco you have a fucking job because the red sox think you are better defensively than lowrie stop letting balls go through your fucking legs.

Offense what the fuck can I say . You aren't getting phil hughes every night time to start hitting the fucking ball.

You fucking cockstains it is just baseball. You have played it all your damn lives.

Express your drunken (or not) frustration with the Red Sox here. Yes, on the main board. Fuck this shit.

#2 curly2

  • 2,727 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 08:53 PM

Get your collective head out of your collective ass!

#3 bombdiggz

  • 987 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 08:55 PM

Throw the ball over the fucking plate.

play some god damned defense...carl you are paid a billion dollars at least know what you are doing at the wall. Marco you have a fucking job because the red sox think you are better defensively than lowrie stop letting balls go through your fucking legs.

Offense what the fuck can I say . You aren't getting phil hughes every night time to start hitting the fucking ball.

You fucking cockstains it is just baseball. You have played it all your damn lives.

Express your drunken (or not) frustration with the Red Sox here. Yes, on the main board. Fuck this shit.


Okay, I'll Bite...

Dearest Tito,

You have some players that hit lefties quite well. Could you please try to get ONE of them in the lineup when a lefty starts (is one too much to ask?)

Edited by bombdiggz, 15 April 2011 - 08:56 PM.


#4 Foulkey Reese


  • foulkiavelli


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 08:59 PM

Good organizations don't bench guys like Jed Lowrie for crap players like Marco Scutaro.

#5 KenTremendous

  • 453 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 08:59 PM

Carl Crawford's first 50 Red Sox AB:

.140/.189/.160/.349

As bad a 50 AB stretch as I can remember any player ever having. Kevin Cash-level bad.

Stop being that bad. Now.

Edited by KenTremendous, 15 April 2011 - 09:00 PM.


#6 Tudor Fever

  • 3,407 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:02 PM

Good organizations don't bench guys like Jed Lowrie for crap players like Marco Scutaro.

Veteran intangibles . That's why you play guys like Mark Loretta at first base instead of giving stiffs like Carlos Pena an opportunity.

#7 Andrew


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:03 PM

Be like Dustin.

#8 Bob Montgomery's Helmet Hat


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:09 PM

STOP WALKING PEOPLE. It's a flawed strategy.

#9 Maalox


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:10 PM

Bobby Jenks needs a bat shoved up his ass.

#10 Ferm Sheller

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Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:12 PM

Please lose less often than every game.

#11 Maalox


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:12 PM

Sigh. Is Tanyon Sturtze available?

#12 Seels

  • 1,498 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:21 PM

Get rid of Salty. Get whoever the best FA or AAA option there is, and let him catch. Salty should find a new career.

#13 RedOctober3829


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:29 PM

These guys are fucking terrible right now. Absolutely terrible. They can't hit, can't pitch, and can't field/throw.

pgammo
Boston obp under .300 in 1,3,6,8,9 holes, for season


Corey Patterson's batting average for Toronto is higher than Carl Crawford's OPS (.389-.349). Crawford: 7-50, with one double.


What were Salty and Gary Tuck doing in Florida all winter, doing to Dennys and then the beach? Been ugly so far


Jenks walked the leadoff man. He is the fifth Red Sox reliever to do so this season, not counting when Reyes hit the leadoff man.


Jenks departs having allowed four hits and a walk in 1/3 of an inning. That's right: There's still only one out.


This is embarrassing. The collective parts have so much more talent than this. It's not like this is the Mets which is why it's so disappointing and frustrating. The talent is there.

#14 DaveRoberts'Shoes


  • Aaron Burr


  • 2,798 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:29 PM

I played catcher at a medium-good level for a small public high school in New Jersey in the late '80s. I would like to offer up my services to the Red Sox. I would be willing to play any position, and I am quite sure I could play better than the most of the cuntburgers being run out on the field thus far this season.

#15 mabrowndog


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:39 PM

2010 Red Sox: Chronically injured overachievers
2011 Red Sox: Perfectly healthy bed-shitters

#16 Huntington Avenue Grounds

  • 749 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:47 PM

Please stop sucking.

#17 Sausage in Section 17


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:48 PM



When Wu is raising his arms I'm pretty sure he's talking about Jenks.

#18 Paul M


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:55 PM

(Irrational comment alert) Jacoby Ellsbury: a cocktease of the highest order. First 6 batters draw 2 walks and get 2 hits and see 36 pitches and then he swings at first pitch and flies out to right. Does he ever have a gameplan at the plate?

#19 Rudy Pemberton


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:57 PM

Speaking of guys who don't have a game plan, Carl fucking Crawford. Nice game, bro.

#20 absintheofmalaise


  • too many flowers


  • 11,086 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:59 PM

(Irrational comment alert) Jacoby Ellsbury: a cocktease of the highest order. First 6 batters draw 2 walks and get 2 hits and see 36 pitches and then he swings at first pitch and flies out to right. Does he ever have a gameplan at the plate?

Nope. He never has. He's the main one I want to see on the bench.

#21 MHead81

  • 529 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:01 PM

Please lose less often than every game.

This post gets my vote for the lead thus far.

#22 mabrowndog


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:04 PM

Maybe if fatass Bobby Jenks actually worked on his pitch arsenal this spring instead of going tarpon fishing with Heidi Watney and the NESN camera crew, we would have been spared this colossal evening of fiery hell.

Ahhh, who the fuck am I kidding. He'd have sucked camel balls either way.

#23 BosRedSox5


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:07 PM

2010 Red Sox: Chronically injured overachievers
2011 Red Sox: Perfectly healthy bed-shitters


Thanks for making me laugh during this sad, sad time.

No one looks like they have a good approach at the plate. On the last AB Gonzalez took two close strikes and grounded out weakly to first. It was pathetic. As were the two previous at bats where we badly needed a hit. Jon Rauch basically dominated our two high priced free agent acquisitions and a former MVP. It was hard to watch. They fucking blow.

Maybe the Sox need to get crazy and just up and DFA someone. Like Salty, or Scutaro, just shake stuff up and make something happen with these guys. I've never seen a Sox team like this with NO fight whatsoever. Yup, our 2011 Boston Red Sox with their "always say die" attitude.

I'm getting a little afraid at this point that Carl Crawford ends up on "Prime 9" someday on a "Biggest Free Agent Flops" episode.

#24 JMDurron

  • 4,332 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:08 PM

I understand rationally that things will not be this bad forever, and that there were some really bad breaks in this game (wrong fielder covering in the 6th, ball just happens to go where Scutaro was, plus Crawford being screwed to start the game), but right now, I don't fucking care. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

#25 teddywingman


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:08 PM

there's no way this team wins 95 games.

and hey Tito, I love ya, but why not go with your best lineup? You know? There's a lefty starting. You knew this before you wrote the lineup, right? There's this guy named Mike Cameron on the team. He's hit lefties pretty well his whole career. There's this other guy named Jed Lowrie who put up an OPS over .900 against lefties last year.

this is no time to have your head up your ass.

#26 Savin Hillbilly


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:08 PM

Nope. He never has. He's the main one I want to see on the bench.

Crawford is making Ellsbury look like Willie fucking Mays right now. He has been 100 percent useless.

#27 FelixMantilla


  • reincarnated mr hate


  • 8,667 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:09 PM

Yo Adrian.

How about stop trying to pull the outside pitch. I'm getting pretty sick of seeing ground balls to the right side of the infield. And it's even worse because you couldn't outrun Rich Garces.

#28 Lupe Whalewatch

  • 1,290 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:11 PM

Only 1,122 games left of the Carl Crawford era...

#29 Rasputin


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:12 PM

there's no way this team wins 95 games.


This team will be lucky to win nine.

#30 bosockboy


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:12 PM

Crawford looking like Renteria 2.0, but tack on another 100 million. I am VERY afraid that he doesn't have the stones to play in a big market.

I'd say we are approaching Tito's first legitimate heat as manager. Having a worse start than last year is almost impossible, but they have done it. Even the best managers only stay 8-10 years with a team. This is already Tito's 8th year....wow. Lowrie, Cameron and Tek not starting tonight is almost unfathomable.

#31 Mike Greenwall

  • 1,309 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:15 PM

This team needs to stop embarrassing themselves. It's embarrassing.

#32 JimD

  • 4,690 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:18 PM

It's April 15th and my summer is ruined. Thanks a fucking lot.

#33 Jed Zeppelin


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:20 PM

On the bright side, if they keep losing they'll have a protected first rounder and can keep throwing that dough around sans consequence, except for on-field performance of course.

#34 URI


  • stands for life, liberty and the uturian way of life


  • 10,149 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:24 PM

This game reminded me of college. You're pumped to go to a party and there is some fine talent there. You drink, start talking to some girls...you go out to a 3 run lead.

Then the girls start getting too drunk, and boom, you're down 7-4.

Then this cute art major is in the corner of the room...shes not bad, but you've done worse. Shes ready to go, and next thing you know, she's sucking your dick off the wall to pull with in a run.

Then she swings at the first pitch, pukes on your dick, and then in the bottom of the ninth, reveals she's a satanists and starts draining blood out of your neck using her portable enbalming sword. Carl Crawford flashes in front of you as you embrace the sweet release of death...the last images you see are Crawford's stupid fucking neck tattoo and the penis that the art major brandishes to fuck your newly minted neck hole as you shuffle off this mortal coil.

That is exactly what this season's felt like.

#35 NJ Fan

  • 2,877 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:24 PM

I'm on the monthly payment plan for MLBEI. Does anyone know if I can cancel the package? (I'm only half-kidding...)

#36 Ferm Sheller

  • 4,541 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:25 PM

This game reminded me of college. You're pumped to go to a party and there is some fine talent there. You drink, start talking to some girls...you go out to a 3 run lead.

Then the girls start getting too drunk, and boom, you're down 7-4.

Then this cute art major is in the corner of the room...shes not bad, but you've done worse. Shes ready to go, and next thing you know, she's sucking your dick off the wall to pull with in a run.

Then she swings at the first pitch, pukes on your dick, and then in the bottom of the ninth, reveals she's a satanists and starts draining blood out of your neck using her portable enbalming sword. Carl Crawford flashes in front of you as you embrace the sweet release of death...the last images you see are Crawford's stupid fucking neck tattoo and the penis that the art major brandishes to fuck your newly minted neck hole as you shuffle off this mortal coil.

That is exactly what this season's felt like.


I was just about to post this verbatim. You beat me by a few seconds.

#37 URI


  • stands for life, liberty and the uturian way of life


  • 10,149 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:26 PM

2011...you think you might get your dick wet, and it ends dying in a pool of your own blood as you are neck raped by an art major.

#38 Huntington Avenue Grounds

  • 749 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:27 PM

This game reminded me of college. You're pumped to go to a party and there is some fine talent there. You drink, start talking to some girls...you go out to a 3 run lead.

Then the girls start getting too drunk, and boom, you're down 7-4.

Then this cute art major is in the corner of the room...shes not bad, but you've done worse. Shes ready to go, and next thing you know, she's sucking your dick off the wall to pull with in a run.

Then she swings at the first pitch, pukes on your dick, and then in the bottom of the ninth, reveals she's a satanists and starts draining blood out of your neck using her portable enbalming sword. Carl Crawford flashes in front of you as you embrace the sweet release of death...the last images you see are Crawford's stupid fucking neck tattoo and the penis that the art major brandishes to fuck your newly minted neck hole as you shuffle off this mortal coil.

That is exactly what this season's felt like.


If this is indicative of your college days at URI, then I went to the wrong college.

#39 mabrowndog


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:29 PM

In other news, the beneficiaries of next month's Run To Home Base at Fenway have been changed.

All proceeds will now go toward helping members of the 2011 Red Sox combat and cope with their myriad, severe disabilities.

#40 URI


  • stands for life, liberty and the uturian way of life


  • 10,149 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:30 PM

If this is indicative of your college days at URI, then I went to the wrong college.


We called these days "Bloody Sex Tuesdays" at Kingston

#41 P'tucket, rhymes with...


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  • 8,020 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:31 PM

This game reminded me of college. You're pumped to go to a party and there is some fine talent there. You drink, start talking to some girls...you go out to a 3 run lead.

Then the girls start getting too drunk, and boom, you're down 7-4.

Then this cute art major is in the corner of the room...shes not bad, but you've done worse. Shes ready to go, and next thing you know, she's sucking your dick off the wall to pull with in a run.

Then she swings at the first pitch, pukes on your dick, and then in the bottom of the ninth, reveals she's a satanists and starts draining blood out of your neck using her portable enbalming sword. Carl Crawford flashes in front of you as you embrace the sweet release of death...the last images you see are Crawford's stupid fucking neck tattoo and the penis that the art major brandishes to fuck your newly minted neck hole as you shuffle off this mortal coil.

That is exactly what this season's felt like.


You just saved my son the application fee to URI.

#42 CrouchingTonyHiddenPena


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:32 PM

Normally when I venture over here to the big board, I would shit if I spied a thread like this (not self-righteously, I just wouldn't expect it)...until the start of this season. Completely warranted venting. It's actually cathartic to see it placed here to be honest (P&G is too polite at this point). Fucking suck of the highest order thus far. Every night you think it can't continue they manage somehow. Shocking levels of combined underperformance.

#43 Bongorific

  • 4,823 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:35 PM

It's ok if you each have a slump or two during the year. It's baseball. It happens.

But you can't all collectively blow at the same times. Look, you're just all turds out there, you know? You can't pitch, you can't field, you can't hit, and you canít run, you know? You're just all turds.

#44 URI


  • stands for life, liberty and the uturian way of life


  • 10,149 posts

Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:36 PM

You just saved my son the application fee to URI.


Just tell him to stay away from the art studio/greek system and he'd be fine.

If he could even get in. I think di Vinci went to URI, so we have a good rep. It's not all extended analogy comparing the 2011 Red Sox to getting ritualistically neck sodomized.

#45 DeJesus Built My Hotrod


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:36 PM

Hey fans, predict which month will feature the largest number of the 2011 Boston Red Sox 27 total wins.

The 2011 Boston Red Sox - where being eliminated before the Celtics...happens.

#46 Maalox


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:37 PM

there's no way this team wins 95 games.

They may not win 9.5 games.

#47 DeJesus Built My Hotrod


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:39 PM

They may not win 9.5 games.


Hey Chief Hewhowasrapedbyabear - they don't award .5 wins unless the league is using Vanian metrics now... Try again Gail.

#48 Maalox


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:41 PM

Hey Chief Hewhowasrapedbyabear - they don't award .5 wins unless the league is using Vanian metrics now... Try again Gail.

Suck it.

#49 DeJesus Built My Hotrod


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:42 PM

Suck it.


Sorry, my name isn't Carl or Jacoby or Bobby.

#50 mabrowndog


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Posted 15 April 2011 - 10:48 PM

It's getting to the point where LaMabe needs to start another Win It For thread.

I can't wait to see what sort of deadline deals Theo's able to pull off with the $27,863 of cap room remaining under the luxury tax threshold.

Edited by mabrowndog, 15 April 2011 - 10:48 PM.