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2009 ALDS Game #1 Lester @ Lackey


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#1 Pearl Wilson


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Posted 07 October 2009 - 10:56 PM

The Boston Red Sox begin post season play tonight and the magic number is 11.

All things are possible.

This is pretty sweet.


#2 Bob Montgomery's Helmet Hat


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Posted 07 October 2009 - 11:00 PM

I am already nervous, excited, psyched, and nauseated.

#3 jose melendez


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Posted 07 October 2009 - 11:37 PM

10/8/09 ALDS GAME 1 No More Playing the Angles

Itís time for Jose Melendezís KEYS to the ALDS.

1. Well, this feels kind of familiar doesnít it?

Jose, who letís be honest, is aging worse than the bastard child of Curt Euro and Jim Rice, doesnít have the fastball anymore, so he figured he could rely on trickery to fight his way through the playoffs this year.

The trickery he had in mind was going back to the ALDS KEYS from 2004, 2007 and 2008 to see if there was anything he could just recycle from past ALDS KEYS about the Angels.

No, is the answer. No there is not.

Jose has nothing that he hasnít regurgitated at least once already. Basically, itís all about Angles and Normans, Harold and William the Conqueror, and frankly its tired, somnolent even. One can only reference wrestling legend Norman the Lunatic in the context of the Norman invasion of the British Isles so many times (note: once) before it stops being funny or even mildly ironic.

So thatís it. No more. Jose will no longer pretend that the name of the team that our beloved Red Sox are playing this week is the Angles rather than the Angels. Nor will he claim that we are playing the Gleans, the Slag En or any other anagram you can come up with.

No, Jose will actually accept that we are playing a team of creatures that are small enough to dance on the head of a pin and look remarkably like John Travolta circa 1996 or so.

This does raise some serious questions for the series, however. For instance, if a whole bunch of angels can dance on the head of a pin, doesnít this mean that they will have very small strike zones? How will this affect Dice-Kís ability to throw strikes? Is Michael Napoli the archangel Michael? You know, the warrior guy? Jose is just saying that he doesnít look so tough.

The challenges run deeper than that though. When Jose thought they were Angles, the key to victory was simple, conquer their island and intermarry with them. But now? Angels donít live on an island, and as best Jose knows, they donít marry, so what do we do?

The best Jose can come up with isÖ bear with JoseÖ driving a stake through their hearts. Jose is pretty sure he saw a TV show once, Buffy something, where there was a guy named Angel, who Jose figures must be an angel, you know because of his name, who got killed when a blonde chick shoved a stake through his heart.

Jose knows it doesnít sound quite right, more vampire than angel, but even when this guy Angel got killed or vanquished, which seemed like it happened about a million times, he always seemed to come back a year or so later, just like the Los Anaheim Angels, so Jose thinks heís on to something.

So Jose says we should go with the stakes, either that or pitching, timely hitting and not playing Tek.

2. In Siren of the Titans Kurt Vonnegut wrote of Angels

QUOTE
There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the Mafia.


It is a fair point. As Jose contemplates the Los Anaheim Angelsí legacy of postseason defeat at the hands of the Red Sox, a string of futility that has seen them win only one of their last 12 postseason meetings, he begins to wonder if Vonnegut isnít right. Perhaps the Angelsí struggles are a function of organization as much as anything else. Certainly this was the case with the Red Sox in the era that ended in 2004. No matter how gifted the team was it was never well organized. The owner, the rock upon which an organization rests, was always either a drunk, or a racist, or the widow of a drunk or a racist, or the accountant of the widow of a drunk or a racist. And this disorganization flowed downward into managers who were drunks or racists, or who managed like the widow of a drunk or a racist or occasionally were neither drunks nor racists, but did enjoy the burning high of the coca leaf milled powder fine. (Note: Sorry Butch.) The base coaches were probably mostly assholes too, but who can remember?

The results of the disorganization were predictableófailure after failure, loss after loss, heartbreak after heartbreak. But when ownership changed, then management changed (note: after 2003) and then outcomes changed. The Red Sox became the sorts of cold blooded assassins who could let an aging Pedro Martinez walk away or cast DLowe the Paranoid Android into the icy void. And three years later, they won it all again.

But the Angles? The Angles do not appear to be organized like the mafia. For instance, imagine the classic opening scene from The Godfather if Mike Scioscia replaced Vito Corelone.

BONASERA: I -- I went to the police, like a good American... And those two bastards
they smiled at me. Then I said to my wife, "for justice, we must go to Don Scioscia."

MIKE SCIOSCIA (sitting behind his desk, petting a cat): Why did you go to the police? I wouldnít have gone to the police. What you should have done was first gone to the pawnshop and gotten a pair of brass knuckles for your left hand. Then you should have traded them in for a pair of brass knuckles for your right hand. Then you should have traded those back for a different left-handed pair. Why didn't you come to me first, I could have told you how to do things much better than you did them.

BONASERA: What do you want of me? Tell me anything. But do what I beg you to do.

MIKE SCIOSCIA: What is that?

[Bonasera gets up to whisper his request into Don Sciosciaís ear]

That I cannot do. But I have a better way to do it. It doesnít involve so muchÖ forceÖ but it involves a lot of running. Running this way, then the other way. Maybe some hit and running even.

BONASERA: I'll give you anything you ask.

MIKE SCIOSCIA: We've known each other many years, but this is the first time you came to me for counsel, for help, for assistance, for advice, for ideasÖBut let's be frank here: you never wanted my friendship. And uh, you were afraid to be in my debt. And thatís really too bad because I have a lot of really good ideas. Iím incredibly smart. Smarter than you. So smart that I won the 2002 World Series.

BONASERA: I didn't want to get into trouble.

MIKE SCIOSCIA: I understand. Thatís why I like the hit and run. Keeps you out of double playsÖ or sometimes it gets you into double plays, which I like to call double trouble. But uh, now you come to me and you say -- "Don Scioscia give me justice." -- But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Manager. Instead, you come into my house on the day of ALDS game 1, and you uh ask me to do murder, for money.

BONASERA: I ask you for justice.

MIKE SCIOSCIA: Technically, that is not justice; your daughter is still alive. Also do you really want David Justice, he only stole 53 bases in his entire career? Thatís pathetic, stolen bases are so important.

BONASERA: Then they can suffer then, as she suffers. How much shall I pay you?

MIKE SCIOSCIA (stands, turning his back toward Bonasera): Bonasera... Bonasera... What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully?

BONASERA: Be my friend -- (then, after bowing and the Don shrugs) -- Manager?

MIKE SCIOSCIA (after Bonasera kisses his hand): Good. Some day, and that day may never come, but it probably will. I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But uh,
until that day -- accept this justice as a gift on the day of the ALDS Game 1.

BONASERA (as he leaves the room): Grazie, Manager.

MIKE SCIOSCIA: Prego.
(then, to Tom Hagen, after Bonasera leaves the room)

Ah, give this to ah, Clemenza. I want reliable people. But then if he doesnít get it done give it to Tessio, but if Tessio doesnít look so good, go out and visit him, and then if he still doesnít look so good visit him again and then take him off the and give it to Luca Brasi. And make sure they bring a baseball bat, but I donít want them to swing the batÖ too risky. Instead have them play it safe and just sort of tap these guys with bat, softly. Maybe our guy will get arrested, but it will be a productive arrest. I just want to make sure that we run a mafia the right way. Like the old time mafia. You know, maybe Iíll go and supervise, offer some pointers. Could David Eckstein do the job?


You can begin to see the contours of the problem now canít you? This sort of organizational structure is too top down and too micromanaged to successfully rough up anybody, much less run rackets.

The flip side, of course, is that if Don Corleone or any other really top flight Mafiosi had been managing the angels for the last five years, the Angels would have absolutely beaten the Red Sox after Manny Ramirez freaked out when he found the carburetor from his prized Cadillac in his bed.

3. In his column yesterday in the Orange County Register, Bill Plunkett asked a provocative question: ďAre the Red Sox inside the Angelsí heads?Ē At first it seems stupid, idiotic really. How could an entire baseball team fit inside a manís head? But then you realize that itís a metaphor and you always take things way too literally after 12 beers.

Which leaves the question, well it leaves the question the next morning anyway: Are the Red Sox figuratively inside the Angels heads?

And the answer is yes. Yes they are. After perusing the DSM-IV, Jose has concluded that the Angels collectively are suffering from hydrophobia. Wait, never mind, thatís rabies. The Angels donít have rabies, thatís the Yankees, well Joba anyway, drooling idiot.

What the Angels have is aquaphobia, a fear of wateródirty water in particular.

Iím Jose Melendez, and those are my KEYS TO THE ALDS.

Edited by jose melendez, 07 October 2009 - 11:42 PM.


#4 Snodgrass'Muff


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Posted 07 October 2009 - 11:51 PM

QUOTE (jose melendez @ Oct 8 2009, 12:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
10/8/09 ALDS GAME 1 No More Playing the Angles

The best Jose can come up with is… bear with Jose… driving a stake through their hearts. Jose is pretty sure he saw a TV show once, Buffy something, where there was a guy named Angel, who Jose figures must be an angel, you know because of his name, who got killed when a blonde chick shoved a stake through his heart.

Jose knows it doesn’t sound quite right, more vampire than angel, but even when this guy Angel got killed or vanquished, which seemed like it happened about a million times, he always seemed to come back a year or so later, just like the Los Anaheim Angels, so Jose thinks he’s on to something.

So Jose says we should go with the stakes, either that or pitching, timely hitting and not playing Tek.


Invoking Joss Whedon in the keys? Fantastic.

Edited by Snodgrass'Muff, 07 October 2009 - 11:52 PM.


#5 bosox188

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Posted 07 October 2009 - 11:55 PM

QUOTE (jose melendez @ Oct 8 2009, 12:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What the Angels have is aquaphobia, a fear of wateródirty water in particular.


I can't explain it, but that last line did it for me. I jumped up, screamed out "LET'S GO!" and now I'm ready. Let us swim in filth.

#6 SemperFidelisSox


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 12:10 AM

If the Red Sox were to lose Game 1, I think they could recover and still win the series.

If the Angels were to lose Game 1, I think it would put just enough doubt in their minds that they'd slowly start to self-destruct as the series went along.

Don't give them any hope. Kill em early.






#7 Rasputin


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 12:19 AM

QUOTE (SemperFidelisSox @ Oct 8 2009, 01:10 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If the Red Sox were to lose Game 1, I think they could recover and still win the series.

If the Angels were to lose Game 1, I think it would put just enough doubt in their minds that they'd slowly start to self-destruct as the series went along.

Don't give them any hope. Kill em early.


Slowly?

Here's what we know.

The Angels will bunt inappropriately costing themselves some expected runs.

The Angels will fuck up an easy play costing themselves some outs.

It won't be pretty.

#8 budcrew08

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 12:23 AM

I love me some Keys.

#9 brs3


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 12:27 AM

Enough is Enough!

HERE WE GO, RED SOX, HERE WE GO!

#10 Jungleland

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 12:40 AM

QUOTE (jose melendez @ Oct 8 2009, 12:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What the Angels have is aquaphobia, a fear of wateródirty water in particular.


Perfect.

#11 YouLookAdopted

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 12:49 AM

If we're lucky we might celebrate Christmas seventy times. Any fan is lucky to see their team present a legitimate threat in the postseason just two or three times. With as much as we've seen, it is still but a small handful of times that we get to do this. This is Christmas times ten for me... it'll be times one hundred if they win it all.

Let's make this John Lackey's last start as an Angel.

Let's see why Jon Lester is the best left-hander in baseball.



#12 ent5

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 01:04 AM

Baseball in October+ Red Sox = Epic Win




#13 Blue Monkey

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 01:20 AM

More of this...




#14 NoLastCall125

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 01:27 AM

QUOTE (Rasputin @ Oct 8 2009, 01:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Slowly?

Here's what we know.

The Angels will bunt inappropriately costing themselves some expected runs.

The Angels will fuck up an easy play costing themselves some outs.

It won't be pretty.


Don't forget the umpires. Angels seem so fragile that one blown call against the Sox would be more than enough to send them in a tail spin for the rest of the series.

Angels seem to have the same luck against the Sox that the Sox had against the Yankees prior to 2004. So the Angels are due for what...another 60 years of misery against the Sox (going back to 1986 with Henderson starting the ownage).

I can't wait to see what Lackey and Hunter have to say after the Sox take yet another series against them. I actually almost feel bad for Vlad...he's endured this since 2004, kept his mouth shut and deserves better than just one win in ten games.

Oh well, I'm over it.

#15 CaptainLaddie


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 02:32 AM

So... okay. Win. Hurrah!

#16 Kilgore A. Trout


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 02:40 AM

QUOTE (jose melendez @ Oct 8 2009, 12:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
As Jose contemplates the Los Anaheim Angels' legacy of postseason defeat at the hands of the Red Sox, a string of futility that has seen them win only one of their last 12 postseason meetings, he begins to wonder if Vonnegut isn't right.


Vonnegut is always right. Always. Even as he's now dead, he's still right.

#17 luckysox


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 06:38 AM

This day, this day is good.
It's a day that makes us all a little light headed, a little child-like. Maybe that's why it's good - because of the child-like feeling that lingers all day long. It reminds me of the wonder, of when I first loved this game, this team. It helps me to recall things that were honest, and pure, and truly joyful, things that are connected to people that I love, some that are long gone, some still here, feeling this feeling right along with me.

So this day isn't just about baseball and the Sox, it's about a recliner in an old house on Heard Street in Worcester, and the man who sat in it for a lifetime of days filled with this game and this team. It's about this man's children, all speeding toward 60, scattered across the northeast, but connected by this game, this good day. It's about cousins who haven't seen each other in 10 years, but who found each other on the internet at 6:30 this morning to say, "Are you ready?"

This day is also about a young girl, 12 years old, called in from the backyard to watch a game in 1986 that was played on a day not so different from this one. It's about that little girl running around imaginary bases in the backyard, taking imaginary swings for an entire line up - Boggs, Barrett, Buckner, Rice, Baylor, Evans, Armas, Gedman, Owen - and calling the game from an imaginary booth. It's about the wonder with which her father watched her from the kitchen window, and the joy he felt when he said, "You better come in, it's almost first pitch!" It's about them sitting on the couch together for 11 innings, sharing what is some of the most quality time in either of their memories.

This day is about old memories, and new beginnings. It's about the phone call I'll make late tonight to the son of the man who sat in the recliner, and the 5 minute conversation that will follow, win or lose, which is guaranteed to end with, "I remember the first Sox-Angels game we watched together in 1986. Talk to you tomorrow."

Yep, this is a good day. There's baseball to be played, post season baseball. This is why we watch.

Edited by luckysox, 08 October 2009 - 06:39 AM.


#18 kevlog

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 06:59 AM

OK. I just had to come in here to see if there was a huge 'on/off' switch in the on position. I figured odds were 50/50.

Let's go Red Sox!

Great keys, Jose! You've still got it, old and world-weary as you might be.

#19 I am an Idiot


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 07:11 AM

I'm excited. Longest day of the year. Win it for A-Gon's kid and my sanity.

#20 bosockboy


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 07:19 AM

Ellsbury bunts to open it tonight. Book it.

#21 rajendra82

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 07:20 AM

QUOTE (jose melendez @ Oct 8 2009, 12:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But the Angles? The Angles do not appear to be organized like the mafia. For instance, imagine the classic opening scene from The Godfather if Mike Scioscia replaced Vito Corelone.


If Mike Scioscia was the Godfather, he'd be Cosmo, not Vito Corleone.

Edited by rajendra82, 08 October 2009 - 07:20 AM.


#22 patinorange


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 07:48 AM

My office is in the shadow of Angel Stadium and I have the night shift this week. I can hear the crowd from our building. Please, don't let me hear the crowd tonight.

Win game one and it's over.

Go Sox. Go Dodgers. A Boston/ LA World Series would be sweet!

#23 UNCSoxFan5

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 07:49 AM

I would like more of this.


#24 SeanBerry


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 07:50 AM

I just got back to my seat from the office bathroom.

I took a massive shit in there. It was a trainwreck. Messy and stinky, I basically destroyed the bathroom for any other men who happen to make that a part of their daily travels.

Even as I sit here, the smell of my feces (which I usually take pride in) is stuck in my nose and it's not pretty.

The way I see it, this can only be a good thing for the Red Sox. My action of getting rid of the waste in my body has now left me more relaxed and cleansed. One can only believe the hometown 9 are equally relaxed and cleansed.

BOSTON 7
LOS ANGELES 3

#25 Foulkey Reese


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 07:51 AM

Where is Doc Zero's thread!?

I hope we crush the Twins.

#26 There is no Rev


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:03 AM

Win it for OPS.

#27 I am an Idiot


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:14 AM

QUOTE (Reverend @ Oct 8 2009, 09:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Win it for OPS.


Opes? Win it for Opes.

#28 amarshal2

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:16 AM

QUOTE (Pearl Wilson @ Oct 7 2009, 11:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The Boston Red Sox begin post season play tonight and the magic number is 11.

All things are possible.

This is pretty sweet.

No it isn't.
QUOTE
'Oct 7 2009, 11:56 PM

You're ruining EVERYTHING!

#29 86spike


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:23 AM



Get in the ass, Boston.



#30 jacklamabe65


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:42 AM

As I posted in 2004 and 2007: May the wayward winds be with you.

#31 rembrat


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:43 AM

I want to see the Mike Scioscia face.

#32 Foulkey Reese


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:43 AM

QUOTE (rembrat @ Oct 8 2009, 09:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I want to see the Mike Scioscia face.



#33 The Hit Dog

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:44 AM

How am I supposed to work today?

#34 OhBabyDontOrtizMe


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:46 AM

My life for the foreseeable future is an epic shit-show of busy-work and soul-grating number crunching. I'll be lucky if I am home before 9:00 PM any night this or next week. The two Sox games this week start at 9:30. It is fate. Obliterate these dunderweeds.

#35 86spike


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:52 AM

By the way... all you jokers who hang out in the Chatroom during games... this is the playoffs, post in the gamethread like tradition requires. These threads might be historic SoSH reading... the chatroom is a fleeting fart in the wind.

#36 Foulkey Reese


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:57 AM

It's pretty clear to me that Francona would blow Scioscia out of the water in a dance contest.



#37 SeanBerry


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:00 AM

QUOTE (86spike @ Oct 8 2009, 09:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
By the way... all you jokers who hang out in the Chatroom during games... this is the playoffs, post in the gamethread like tradition requires. These threads might be historic SoSH reading... the chatroom is a fleeting fart in the wind.


You really think people will be reading these things 20 years from now? The LDS Game 1 against the Angels in 2009 will be historic reading?



#38 TheYaz67

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:00 AM

QUOTE (The Hit Dog @ Oct 8 2009, 09:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How am I supposed to work today?


Amen brother.

#39 24JoshuaPoint


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:07 AM

QUOTE
the chatroom is a fleeting fart in the wind.


You my boy Blue!

Win it for Blue.

I know pitching rules in the playoffs but can we give some props to some of the lineup keeping the Sox in these upcoming games? Petey, Youks, V-mart, Bay and Dillard's Drew?? The whole team was hird in runs, 2nd in OBP, 3rd in RBI's, 2nd in slugging, 2nd in doubles, and 2nd in total bases bitches. That's with a half year of Tek, a half year with the shell of Ortiz, and a half year of shenanigans at Shortstop.



#40 since '75

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:11 AM

Oh sleep deprivation, how I've missed you so...Please make it worth my while and...

WIN!!!

#41 jacklamabe65


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:13 AM

For those of us who were around in 1967, this is the Red Sox' one-hundredth playoff game (including World Series) since Game 1 of the 1967 World Series.

Currently, we are 47-52, thanks mostly to the unacceptable sixteen game losing streak beginning with Game 6 of the 1986 World Series.

In this century, we are 22-16. Let's make it 33-16.


#42 Foulkey Reese


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:14 AM

Josh Beckett is our #2 starter.

Think about that.



#43 86spike


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:23 AM

QUOTE (SeanBerry @ Oct 8 2009, 10:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You really think people will be reading these things 20 years from now? The LDS Game 1 against the Angels in 2009 will be historic reading?


People read the archived post season game threads from 2004 and 2007. If the Sox take another crown, they'll read these.

But you should go to chat.

#44 bigyazbread

  • 483 posts

Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:37 AM

Chat looks good on you.

#45 bigyazbread

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:38 AM

QUOTE (Kilgore A. Trout @ Oct 8 2009, 03:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Vonnegut is always right. Always. Even as he's now dead, he's still right.


Spoken like a true alter-ego.

#46 pokey_reese


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:41 AM

Ok, I told my girlfriend that I basically have to avoid her for the next few weeks. I forced my grandmother to reschedule a family event that was supposed to be Sunday afternoon. I told my boss that I might be out for a few days this month due to "a family matter." I am stocked up on beer, and I told everyone who knows me that I can't make any plans until the schedule for the next round is posted.

But how do I kill the next 11 hours?

#47 jose melendez


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:43 AM

Make sure the gf doesn't shave her legs, that shit is death in the playoffs

#48 CantKeepmedown

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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:50 AM

I got my wife to agree to a "happy hour" anniverary dinner today, so I can be home by 9pm for the game. She's on board, I'm on board, let's kick the fucking shit out of the Angels.



#49 rembrat


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:52 AM

What do you do for the next 11 hours? You jerk off until you pass out of course.

#50 Nuf Ced


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Posted 08 October 2009 - 09:53 AM