Clement vs Downs
Props to Papi and Paplebon lets win again tonight
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9/13/05 Sox vs Jays
Started by
bosoxx05
, Sep 12 2005 11:19 PM
353 replies to this topic
#2
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- 19,324 posts
dj paul pfieffer
Posted 13 September 2005 - 02:46 AM
Super.
Win again.
My girlfriend is going tonight and tomorrow. She's 2-0 in Sox games so far.... so I hope she can keep it going. If not, I'm dumping her.
Win again.
My girlfriend is going tonight and tomorrow. She's 2-0 in Sox games so far.... so I hope she can keep it going. If not, I'm dumping her.
#3
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- 558 posts
Posted 13 September 2005 - 04:38 AM
At the game tonight. Aisle 116 Row 28 Seat 10.
Win this one. (And do it early, ok? I gotta work tomorrow.)
Win this one. (And do it early, ok? I gotta work tomorrow.)
#5
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bitter lonely woman
Posted 13 September 2005 - 08:25 AM
Can we just call Downs "Retard?"
#7
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Left Coast
Posted 13 September 2005 - 09:19 AM
Last night was fun to watch (except that one half inning).
Do that again.
Do that again.
#9
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 12:59 PM
Can we just call Downs "Retard?"
Ouch. I dunno...he's not a Yankee or anything. Let's see how he handles the Sox...after that, it might be applicable.
Win. Keep it rollin', Tim!
#10
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- 10,870 posts
Earl of Acie
Posted 13 September 2005 - 01:15 PM
9/13/05 -- Antipope Clement XV vs. Downs
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. Randy Johnson awoke one morning to find himself transformed into an enormous bug. Overnight, he had become a great gangly creature with cruel crooked limbs and angry snapping mandibles framed by wiry hairs.
Even in the cool September air, the blanket on his bed seemed suffocating. He struggled to be free of it driven by a lust for the crisp air, but by another desire as well, the desire to feed on the scraps of human existence. He could smell the kitchen garbage a floor away, and it called to him. Was it always so strong?
The blanket grasped him like a net ensnaring his the spiky structures on his six legs. Five of them he freed, but one could simply not escape. He pulled and pulled against the blanket until suddenly his leg tore right through it sending him sprawling on to the floor.
“Free,” he tried to say, but the English phonics would not come. Perhaps because he no longer had a tongue, the word sounded far different than it should have. It sounded like “Get that god damn camera out of my face.” But in a guttural rumble.
What was worse, he was not free. A completely different and totally unanticipated problem had presented itself. In his haste to liberate himself from the blanket, he had thrown himself clean off of the bed and on to his back. For a proper man, recovering from this supine position would be of little difficulty, but Randy Johnson was not a proper man. He lay there with his six legs in the air wiggling helplessly as he rocked on his hard exoskeletal shell.
For the longest time he continued to wiggle his legs, imagining that if only he wiggled them enough, he would eventually right himself. This would not happen, of course, but Randy Johnson, even before becoming a bug, was none too bright, and certainly not the sort of chap who would be dissuaded from doing something for the hundredth time just because it hadn't worked the first 99. But eventually even he tired of his futility.
Trying a different approach, he began to sway his legs from side to side, creating a constant rocking of his shell. When the shell swung to its furthest extreme in one direction he would shift the weight of his legs in the other direction. Over and over he repeated the motion, the arcs of movement growing larger and larger until-a snap-he had torn his rotator cuff, of perhaps three of his rotator cuffs, or whatever the insect equivalent is, but with the last effort as the tissues frayed, he swung his legs with such violence that he righted himself with a thud.
“Are you up Randy?” his wife yelled up in response to the thud.
“No, no,” yelled Randy Johnson, afraid of what she would think. But in his guttural bug voice it ended up sounding like. “My God I hate Alex Rodriguez. He's such a prick.”
“I know Alex is an SOB,” replied his wife. “But do we have to talk about him first thing in the morning?”
Suddenly, he heard the soft clomp of slippers on stairs. His wife was coming up to the room. Up to his room. Invading his cold and his dark. Her arrival was inevitable.
The doorknob turned with a gentle squeak. As her slender finger flipped the light switch, Randy scrambled under the bed, away from the horrible burning light. A thin trail of green ooze marked his path.
“Randy,” his wife complained. “Why do you always flee when the lights come on? Come out from under there this instant.”
Randy pondered his options. They were few. Either she could see him now, or she could see him a few minutes from now. There would be no escape.
“I can't come out,” he moaned.
“Why not?” she answered. How odd that she could understand him.
“I've been transformed into a giant bug.”
“Randy that's ridiculous. Come out now. I insist.”
“Yes… okay,” he yielded.
He slunk out from under the bed, each step sending fire up his damaged joints.
“See I'm a bug,” he cried.
“I'm not really seeing it,” she answered nonplussed.
“I'm hideous vermin.”
“Well yes, but you look kind of the same to me.”
“But can't you see that I have six legs?”
“Oh yes, now that you mention it. But otherwise. I fail to see the difference.”
“I've become a hideous giant insect. I'm ugly and disgusting,” he wailed.
“If anything, I'd say you look a little bit better she responded.”
And so began the metamorphosis of Randy Johnson.
2. Congratulations to rookie pitcher Jonathan Papelbon on recording his first major league victory last night. Pap smeared one Blue Jays hitter in three hitless, scoreless innings of work. After his outing, the night’s other hero, David Ortiz, compared Papelbon to Roger Clemens. Jose totally rejects this comparison. At no time in his post game comments to Papelbon say “It was especially nice to pick up my first win in Toronto, since it’s so close to my Louisiana home.” Moreover, Jose would feel a lot better about starting Papelbon in a game 7 against some fearsome Jeff Suppan type pitcher than Clemens.
If forced to compare Papelbon to a Clemens, Jose would probably go with Prince Klemens von Metternich, the Austrian Foreign Minister who famously rebuilt old regime Europe at the Congress of Vienna in 1814 and 1815. In fact just the other day, Jose is pretty sure he said the Balkans begin at Yawkey Station.” On the other hand, Papelbon is a little bit lax in his support for hereditary monarchial rights, so maybe the comparison isn’t quite apt.
3. Following Terry Eurona’s decision last night to use Mike Timlin in a difficult seventh inning situation rather than saving him for the ninth, Tony Castrati raised the prospect that the Sox had returned to the dreaded “closer by committee” concept, which is alleged to have contributed to their bullpen problems to years ago. (Note: It wasn’t that they had no live arms, it was the committee system… right.) (Extra Note: The Patriots are now using the coordinator by committee approach to offense, which was last used by Raymond Berry, who was ridiculed for it. Of course, Berry was a moron, so it stands to reason.)
Jose is just fine with them going back to the committee approach, at least until Keith Foulke regains his health. All the committee needs is some good bylaws and rules of procedure to ensure that it functions smoothly.
• Mike Myers shall never pitch to a righty and Republique du Tchad Bradford shall never pitch to a lefty unless absolutely necessary.
• Mike Timlin shall never pitch with men on base.
• Jeremi Gonzalez shall never pitch ever.
• All committee recommendations on pitching changes will be based on a simple majority vote of the coaching staff. In the event of a tie, Johnny Pesky, as coach pro tempore, will cast the deciding vote.
• In the event that the committee gives a pitching change a favorable report, the change will go to the Massachusetts State Senate for a vote on engrossment.
• After engrossment, the proposed pitching change will be printed on parchment and sent to the House.
• If the House engrosses the same pitching change, each house will then vote on enactment. If not, the Senate pitching change proposal and the House proposal will go to a conference committee of three members from each house.
• The pitching change reported out of the conference committee will then be voted on by each house, without amendment, and sent to the Governor for signature.
• If the Governor signs the pitching change, then Terry Eurona can make the move. If he vetoes it, both houses must override the veto by a two-thirds vote for the pitching change to be made, otherwise the previous pitcher will remain in the game.
Jose knows this seems like a slow and laborious process that could result in pitchers being left in a game for far too long, but Jose will bet you that it will still be a much faster hook than Grady Little’s
I’m Jose Melendez, and those are my KEYS TO THE GAME.
It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.
1. Randy Johnson awoke one morning to find himself transformed into an enormous bug. Overnight, he had become a great gangly creature with cruel crooked limbs and angry snapping mandibles framed by wiry hairs.
Even in the cool September air, the blanket on his bed seemed suffocating. He struggled to be free of it driven by a lust for the crisp air, but by another desire as well, the desire to feed on the scraps of human existence. He could smell the kitchen garbage a floor away, and it called to him. Was it always so strong?
The blanket grasped him like a net ensnaring his the spiky structures on his six legs. Five of them he freed, but one could simply not escape. He pulled and pulled against the blanket until suddenly his leg tore right through it sending him sprawling on to the floor.
“Free,” he tried to say, but the English phonics would not come. Perhaps because he no longer had a tongue, the word sounded far different than it should have. It sounded like “Get that god damn camera out of my face.” But in a guttural rumble.
What was worse, he was not free. A completely different and totally unanticipated problem had presented itself. In his haste to liberate himself from the blanket, he had thrown himself clean off of the bed and on to his back. For a proper man, recovering from this supine position would be of little difficulty, but Randy Johnson was not a proper man. He lay there with his six legs in the air wiggling helplessly as he rocked on his hard exoskeletal shell.
For the longest time he continued to wiggle his legs, imagining that if only he wiggled them enough, he would eventually right himself. This would not happen, of course, but Randy Johnson, even before becoming a bug, was none too bright, and certainly not the sort of chap who would be dissuaded from doing something for the hundredth time just because it hadn't worked the first 99. But eventually even he tired of his futility.
Trying a different approach, he began to sway his legs from side to side, creating a constant rocking of his shell. When the shell swung to its furthest extreme in one direction he would shift the weight of his legs in the other direction. Over and over he repeated the motion, the arcs of movement growing larger and larger until-a snap-he had torn his rotator cuff, of perhaps three of his rotator cuffs, or whatever the insect equivalent is, but with the last effort as the tissues frayed, he swung his legs with such violence that he righted himself with a thud.
“Are you up Randy?” his wife yelled up in response to the thud.
“No, no,” yelled Randy Johnson, afraid of what she would think. But in his guttural bug voice it ended up sounding like. “My God I hate Alex Rodriguez. He's such a prick.”
“I know Alex is an SOB,” replied his wife. “But do we have to talk about him first thing in the morning?”
Suddenly, he heard the soft clomp of slippers on stairs. His wife was coming up to the room. Up to his room. Invading his cold and his dark. Her arrival was inevitable.
The doorknob turned with a gentle squeak. As her slender finger flipped the light switch, Randy scrambled under the bed, away from the horrible burning light. A thin trail of green ooze marked his path.
“Randy,” his wife complained. “Why do you always flee when the lights come on? Come out from under there this instant.”
Randy pondered his options. They were few. Either she could see him now, or she could see him a few minutes from now. There would be no escape.
“I can't come out,” he moaned.
“Why not?” she answered. How odd that she could understand him.
“I've been transformed into a giant bug.”
“Randy that's ridiculous. Come out now. I insist.”
“Yes… okay,” he yielded.
He slunk out from under the bed, each step sending fire up his damaged joints.
“See I'm a bug,” he cried.
“I'm not really seeing it,” she answered nonplussed.
“I'm hideous vermin.”
“Well yes, but you look kind of the same to me.”
“But can't you see that I have six legs?”
“Oh yes, now that you mention it. But otherwise. I fail to see the difference.”
“I've become a hideous giant insect. I'm ugly and disgusting,” he wailed.
“If anything, I'd say you look a little bit better she responded.”
And so began the metamorphosis of Randy Johnson.
2. Congratulations to rookie pitcher Jonathan Papelbon on recording his first major league victory last night. Pap smeared one Blue Jays hitter in three hitless, scoreless innings of work. After his outing, the night’s other hero, David Ortiz, compared Papelbon to Roger Clemens. Jose totally rejects this comparison. At no time in his post game comments to Papelbon say “It was especially nice to pick up my first win in Toronto, since it’s so close to my Louisiana home.” Moreover, Jose would feel a lot better about starting Papelbon in a game 7 against some fearsome Jeff Suppan type pitcher than Clemens.
If forced to compare Papelbon to a Clemens, Jose would probably go with Prince Klemens von Metternich, the Austrian Foreign Minister who famously rebuilt old regime Europe at the Congress of Vienna in 1814 and 1815. In fact just the other day, Jose is pretty sure he said the Balkans begin at Yawkey Station.” On the other hand, Papelbon is a little bit lax in his support for hereditary monarchial rights, so maybe the comparison isn’t quite apt.
3. Following Terry Eurona’s decision last night to use Mike Timlin in a difficult seventh inning situation rather than saving him for the ninth, Tony Castrati raised the prospect that the Sox had returned to the dreaded “closer by committee” concept, which is alleged to have contributed to their bullpen problems to years ago. (Note: It wasn’t that they had no live arms, it was the committee system… right.) (Extra Note: The Patriots are now using the coordinator by committee approach to offense, which was last used by Raymond Berry, who was ridiculed for it. Of course, Berry was a moron, so it stands to reason.)
Jose is just fine with them going back to the committee approach, at least until Keith Foulke regains his health. All the committee needs is some good bylaws and rules of procedure to ensure that it functions smoothly.
• Mike Myers shall never pitch to a righty and Republique du Tchad Bradford shall never pitch to a lefty unless absolutely necessary.
• Mike Timlin shall never pitch with men on base.
• Jeremi Gonzalez shall never pitch ever.
• All committee recommendations on pitching changes will be based on a simple majority vote of the coaching staff. In the event of a tie, Johnny Pesky, as coach pro tempore, will cast the deciding vote.
• In the event that the committee gives a pitching change a favorable report, the change will go to the Massachusetts State Senate for a vote on engrossment.
• After engrossment, the proposed pitching change will be printed on parchment and sent to the House.
• If the House engrosses the same pitching change, each house will then vote on enactment. If not, the Senate pitching change proposal and the House proposal will go to a conference committee of three members from each house.
• The pitching change reported out of the conference committee will then be voted on by each house, without amendment, and sent to the Governor for signature.
• If the Governor signs the pitching change, then Terry Eurona can make the move. If he vetoes it, both houses must override the veto by a two-thirds vote for the pitching change to be made, otherwise the previous pitcher will remain in the game.
Jose knows this seems like a slow and laborious process that could result in pitchers being left in a game for far too long, but Jose will bet you that it will still be a much faster hook than Grady Little’s
I’m Jose Melendez, and those are my KEYS TO THE GAME.
Edited by jose melendez, 13 September 2005 - 01:16 PM.
#11
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- 1,227 posts
Posted 13 September 2005 - 01:19 PM
Come on Matt, time to get number 14. Be efficient, the guys will provide run support tonight against Downs.
Win.
Win.
#13
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Earl of Acie
Posted 13 September 2005 - 02:18 PM
Who's Kafka? Are you talking about Lou Kafka the state Senator from Sharon?
#14
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bitter lonely woman
Posted 13 September 2005 - 02:24 PM
Ouch. I dunno...he's not a Yankee or anything. Let's see how he handles the Sox...after that, it might be applicable.
Win. Keep it rollin', Tim!
I was referring to Downs Syndrome
#15
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 02:44 PM
Melissa Theuriau says beat those damn Canadians for banishing our Expos!
Hot Frenchy Newsgirl I am unoriginal and unfunny. Please put me out of my misery
Hot Frenchy Newsgirl I am unoriginal and unfunny. Please put me out of my misery
#16
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 03:27 PM
Wow - thanks for the cyclone in my pants!
Just win - that is all.
Just win - that is all.
#18
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empty, bleak
Posted 13 September 2005 - 04:31 PM
i'll look for you, booker.
i'm in aisle 116, row 38, seats 6 and 7. with my "godpapi" shirt on.
i'm 2-0 at skydome.
WIN
i'm in aisle 116, row 38, seats 6 and 7. with my "godpapi" shirt on.
i'm 2-0 at skydome.
WIN
Edited by joyofsox, 13 September 2005 - 04:32 PM.
#22
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- 2,435 posts
Posted 13 September 2005 - 05:20 PM
Sox' lineup:
1. Tony Graffanino, 2B
2. Edgar Renteria, SS
3. David Ortiz, DH
4. Manny Ramirez, LF
5. Jason Varitek, C
6. Kevin Millar, RF
7. Kevin Youkilis, 1B
8. Bill Mueller, 3B
9. Gabe Kapler, CF
Youks at 1B--nice to see him get some ABs, though it will be interesting to see how he fares around the bag.
EDIT--Toronto lineup:
R. Adams ss
F. Catalanotto lf
V. Wells cf
C. Koskie 3b
S. Hillenbrand dh
E. Hinske 1b
G. Zaun c
A. Hill 2b
G. Gross rf
1. Tony Graffanino, 2B
2. Edgar Renteria, SS
3. David Ortiz, DH
4. Manny Ramirez, LF
5. Jason Varitek, C
6. Kevin Millar, RF
7. Kevin Youkilis, 1B
8. Bill Mueller, 3B
9. Gabe Kapler, CF
Youks at 1B--nice to see him get some ABs, though it will be interesting to see how he fares around the bag.
EDIT--Toronto lineup:
R. Adams ss
F. Catalanotto lf
V. Wells cf
C. Koskie 3b
S. Hillenbrand dh
E. Hinske 1b
G. Zaun c
A. Hill 2b
G. Gross rf
Edited by Joe D Reid, 13 September 2005 - 05:44 PM.
#23
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 05:21 PM
I was referring to Downs Syndrome
I know, but it just doesn't feel right to make insulting parodies of people's names unless they're wearing pinstripes. At least to me.
They're the Blue Jays...that should be bad enough without having to add insult to...well...insult.
#24
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- 1,991 posts
Posted 13 September 2005 - 05:23 PM
Youks at 1B--nice to see him get some ABs, though it will be interesting to see how he fares around the bag.
Can't be any worse than Millar in RF...or 1B. Could be better.
#25
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- 6,647 posts
hip-tossed Yogi in a bar fight
Posted 13 September 2005 - 05:43 PM
We win ...Yankmees lose...Kiss their asses goombye...
#26
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 05:55 PM
Wasn't Youkilis at 1B yesterday?
Edit: Went to check it out, he played 1B against the Yanks on Sunday (Ortiz with the day off and Damon as DH).
Edit: Went to check it out, he played 1B against the Yanks on Sunday (Ortiz with the day off and Damon as DH).
Edited by trekfan55, 13 September 2005 - 05:58 PM.
#28
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I Made My Train!
Posted 13 September 2005 - 05:57 PM
We win ...Yankmees lose...Kiss their asses goombye...
goodbye goomba = goombye
very apropos
#29
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- 2,435 posts
Posted 13 September 2005 - 05:58 PM
Wasn't Youkilis at 1B yesterday?
No, though they had him out there a to start against NY on Sunday. That said, he got lifted for a PH, and I don't recall him having to make anything other than routine plays.
Edited by Joe D Reid, 13 September 2005 - 05:59 PM.
#30
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 05:59 PM
We win ...Yankmees lose...Kiss their asses goombye...
According to MLB.COM the Magic Number is 17. Until that number is down to 0 I refuse to say anything even remotely similar to that.
#31
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- 1,991 posts
Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:11 PM
Uh...Tony, that thing on your shoulder...that's a bat. You get to swing it more than once per AB. This isn't Cricket.
#32
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Will outlive SeanBerry
Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:11 PM
A copy of my birth certificate arrived today. In looking over it, I leaned that it was signed off on by a Dr. Youkilis
Youks is in the lineup today.
Therefore, we will emerge victorious.
Youks is in the lineup today.
Therefore, we will emerge victorious.
#33
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- 2,435 posts
Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:12 PM
Not sure I like the bunt attempt with the supposed bad back.
#34
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- 614 posts
Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:13 PM
Ok, I have never heard of this guy....but he has had asome good numbers...
Ortiz...fuggittaboutit...hit away
Ortiz...fuggittaboutit...hit away
#35
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- 8,515 posts
stupidity monitor
Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:16 PM
Very close play at first. Very.
#37
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chris hansen of goats
Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:19 PM
Gotta win this one - HGH gives the MFYs a 3-0 lead.
#38
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:19 PM
waechter getting raked already...
i wouldnt be surprised if the yanks sweep this series, law of averages has to come in to effect at some point
i wouldnt be surprised if the yanks sweep this series, law of averages has to come in to effect at some point
#39
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:20 PM
Three batters into the game, 3-0 Yanks on a HR by Roid Boy. More help from the Rays would be nice, but they might have done all they can do.
The Sox have to take care of things themselves.
The Sox have to take care of things themselves.
#41
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- 6,071 posts
chris hansen of goats
Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:22 PM
Christ guys - can't you make a simple play in the OF.
#42
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:22 PM
All about style those Red Sox fielders...we'll take it...
#44
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:23 PM
Gotta win this one - HGH gives the MFYs a 3-0 lead.
I know i don't have any proof, and this is just sort of an elementary school rant, but i would not be one bit surprised if Giambi is on one of the many "juices" that are untraceable. And where would he have gotten it from? His Roid Brother, Mr. Sheffield. Ever wonder why sheffield hasn't tested positive yet?
[/rant]
#45
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:23 PM
AHHHHHHH...123 innings...i like that...
1 pitch 1 out to Wells...
Crooked number...lets get to the pen on these guys, they burnt it out last night...make this guy work
1 pitch 1 out to Wells...
Crooked number...lets get to the pen on these guys, they burnt it out last night...make this guy work
#47
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:25 PM
I know i don't have any proof, and this is just sort of an elementary school rant, but i would not be one bit surprised if Giambi is on one of the many "juices" that are untraceable. And where would he have gotten it from? His Roid Brother, Mr. Sheffield. Ever wonder why sheffield hasn't tested positive yet?
[/rant]
Sheffield probably scares the testers, just like he does umpires. Look at the guy's eyes...you can tell he ain't right in the head.
3-0 sucks...but it is the Ray and the Yankees. They've come back before.
CATCHER INTERFERENCE? Oh fer Chrissakes!
#48
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:26 PM
No TV, description please?
Texas leaguer into right center...Graf goes back back back back...Millar and Kapler never call him off...Graf eventually catches it as the three of them almost collide...
SMOOTH!
#49
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- 1,991 posts
Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:26 PM
No TV, description please?
It was the Red Sox...on a popup just out of the IF. Nothing you haven't seen before.
Graf made the catch, though.Wow, 'Tek sucks lately.
#50
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Posted 13 September 2005 - 06:26 PM
Kapler, Graf and KFK all almost collided making the catch in shallow right field. Graf ended up with it.No TV, description please?
