42 replies to this topic

[Sprowl]

Lord, whoever you are (or not), we could really use the help of a higher power right now if we’re to get back home to Fenway. We're ready to take it one day at a time. We're ready to sacrifice for the team.

I pray for a dominant performance by Cy Beckett, and a whole lotta luck for the Red Sox batters. May their bloops fall in and their line drives find the gaps. Rattle the Cleveland pitchers, position their fielders poorly, and send midges to hover about their eyes. Give their fans reason to use those handkerchiefs, not for waving, but for wiping away tears. Free Tito from his inertia, and inspire his adjustments. Let Gagne and Lopez fade into invisibility, but get Ellsbury onto the field of play.

Ordinarily, I’d add something snarky and atheistic here, Lord, but it wouldn’t be sincere. Right now, I mean everything I pray.

Amen.

[Tito's Pullover]

I join my fellow reverend in leading this congregation. The war is not lost. A 1-3 deficit is nothing compared to an 0-3 deficit. Keep the faith, stay loyal to the cause, and enlist the help of your deity of choice.

I call upon Saint Theodore:


I also call upon the living saints; San Pedro, patron of kicking Cleveland ass in playoff elimination games:


Saint David, patron of lost ALCS causes:


And Saint Joshua, patron of 2007 postseason excellence:


I apologize for my lack of an eloquent homily to follow up Reverend Sprowl's gospel, but I fear that I have consumed too much Eucharistic wine in the wake of this Sox loss. This was not before consecrating it, where by transubstantiation it became the blood of Ted Williams. The nachos consumed in-game were consecrated as the body.

Ted, if I am not worthy to receive you,
But only say the word, and I shall be healed.

The word in question, of course, is WIN.

Edited by Tito's Pullover, 17 October 2007 - 01:36 AM.

[asection8]

I can't pray for a baseball game. I just can't.

But I can get down like it's 1984

Edited by asection8, 17 October 2007 - 07:36 AM.

[Bellhorn]

Seriously, God, if the Sox pull this off, I'll stop denying Your existence....at least for a whole week.

As 3-1 comebacks go, this one is highly doable. I have a feeling that good things will start happening once we get it back to Fenway - all we need is for Becks to come through in game 5. Remember what happened last time he pitched a game 5 with his team in a 3-1 hole? That would do just fine.

[January]

I nominate this as the game thread. Might as well not waste the I am unoriginal and unfunny. Please put me out of my misery, and I don't think we tried that yet.

[Rangerrob]

You nailed it Sprowl. Time to pray.

I have the faith. This team hase the horses to win it all. Beckett will get us back to Fenway.

The Lord of the Red Sox I am unoriginal and unfunny. Please put me out of my misery is dead. no more. fin. Full blown one didn't work last night, so it is retired.

However last time I posted a vid of my daughter the Sox won...so



Get those uniforms clean and win one tomorrow.

[Phil Nevin 23]

Praying won't help, see you in February, hopefully without at least 2 of:

Coco
Drew
Lugo

If Gagne is on the team at this point, I will turn in my RSN badge.

[patman]

...
I have a feeling that good things will start happening once we get it back to Fenway - all we need is for Becks to come through in game 5. Remember what happened last time he pitched a game 5 with his team in a 3-1 hole? That would do just fine.

Just win tomorrow and all things are possible.

At least get this thing back to Fenway where it belongs.

I was feeling all depressed about how this series has gone so far, but fükk it, let's enjoy what we've got. We get to see Beckett and the boys for at least one more game. If tomorrow is truly to be the last day of our season then we'll go down swinging* with our best on the hill.

* by swinging I mean watching strike three [/reflexive sarcastic 2007 pessimism]

Edited by patman, 17 October 2007 - 08:57 AM.

[ham_sandwich]

on thursday lets do this

back-walk-to back-single-to back

5-0 Sox.

[asection8]

Praying won't help, see you in February, hopefully without at least 2 of:

Coco
Drew
Lugo

If Gagne is on the team at this point, I will turn in my RSN badge.

I know it's not appropriate to quote Phil, here, but if he really is a Sox fan I just realized he is like Randy Quaid in Major League 2. Totally disillusioned, hat inside out, big X of electrical tape pasted over a t-shirt bearing Chief Wahoo's gaping visage --only not chief Wahoo in this instance, because of Phil's ostensible Red Sox allegiances.

Of course, Quaid was also in a movie with Matthew Modine and Paul Reiser about being divorced in the 90's, and in that movie he had his kid say Red Sox! over and over again in the car to assure that the kid would grow into a Red Sox fan--something he worried about with the kid spending half his time with his mother.

In that scene his kid threw up. I'm pretty sure it was because he was car sick.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

ah...how about some Memphis Belle.



Let's get it in the old pickle barrel! Let's have our best mission yet!

Edited by asection8, 17 October 2007 - 09:31 AM.

[Pork Fried Jim Rice]

back-walk-to back-single-to back

What does this even mean?

[ham_sandwich]

What does this even mean?

It means I'm tired and couldn't properly express how I would have loved to have had men on base for the home runs.

[Cyberlibrarian]

I've never had a problem praying for baseball. That's because it's not just for yourself - you are asking for something that will make millions of people (the overwhelming majority of whom are complete strangers to you) happy. I was at Shea for the first game in NY after 9/11 and the place was filled with people who just wanted to be happy and forget their troubles. That's why I pray for baseball games.

FYI -- Tina Cervasio is being interviewed on WFAN right now. Maybe they'll post it at their archives later on.

[asection8]

I've never had a problem praying for baseball. That's because it's not just for yourself - you are asking for something that will make millions of people (the overwhelming majority of whom are complete strangers to you) happy. I was at Shea for the first game in NY after 9/11 and the place was filled with people who just wanted to be happy and forget their troubles. That's why I pray for baseball games.

FYI -- Tina Cervasio is being interviewed on WFAN right now. Maybe they'll post it at their archives later on.

Yeah, but then millions of other people are made unhappy. Who's to say my 96-year-old grandmother dying of syphilis is more deserving of a championship than another guy's kid with flat feet.

Since nobody has brought down the Pru or the Rock and Roll hall of fame, I have to say it's a toss up.

[Cyberlibrarian]

Yeah, but then millions of other people are made unhappy. Who's to say my 96-year-old grandmother dying of syphilis is more deserving of a championship than another guy's kid with flat feet.

Since nobody has brought down the Pru or the Rock and Roll hall of fame, I have to say it's a toss up.

People pray for stuff all the time, and God answers every single one. The catch is that sometimes, the answer is "no."

[JayeBrady]

[Rudi Fingers]

Time to make a prayer. Raise your ceremonial shot of Jack.


What, you were expecting Kevin Millar? He already did his part helping the Sox clinch the division.

Ok, let's reset the mood.

Better. This team has Jonathan Papelbon. And don't you forget it.

*clearing my throat*

On the fifth day, we have Beckett on full rest, and the Sox at-bats will be fruitful and Sox hits will multiply.

On the sixth day, we return to Fenway, which is a divine creation indeed. Sox at-bats will continue to be fruitful, Sox hits will continue to multiply, and Schilling's largesse will cover the earth of the pitching mound and subdue the Cleveland hitters.

On the seventh day, the Sox are fully realized. No divine intervention needed. Don't worry about getting a lucky seven from rolling the Dice. We pound the living crap out of Jake Westbrook.

Here is my vision (work with me here and substitute Cleveland's road uniforms):


Amen. Victory will be ours, and the oh-so-devout Rockies await a rude awakening after exiting the garden of Eden known as the National League.

[hittery]

I feel very much like I did after Game 3 of the 2004 ALCS. I feel very matter-of-fact. I recognize that we are up against a wall, but I also recognize that this team is capable of winning this series. With Beckett on the mound, a win will begin the momentum that we need to bring back to Fenway. Our other veteran ace is still capable of coming up big when it REALLY counts, and his second start will count a whole lot more than his first did. But, more importantly, our bats must heed the call. I desperately want Dice-K to have run support, and am tempted to pray for it, but I won't. Instead, I will believe in it, and expect it.

Cleveland has demonstrated some extraordinary pitching, and I'm not talking about their 2 aces. It is quite possible that these performances (Games 3 and 4) were, to a certain extent, flukes. The Sox can't rely on that, of course. But we can pin some of our hope on it.

Remember, although Josh did a fabulous job on Friday, our offense scored a LOT of runs. It wasn't just Cupcake. It was the bats. On Saturday, we also scored a lot of runs, and not just against the bullpen but against their #2. We need it all to come together for the final run.

BELIEVE.

Edited by hittery, 17 October 2007 - 01:05 PM.

[doc]

Some inspirational words from the Master when it looks like all the odds are against you and you stand and fight anyway

WESTMORELAND. O that we now had here
But one ten thousand of those men in England
That do no work to-day!

KING. What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin;
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England.
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

Branagh

[doc]

As for praying for help I bring you these words

Subotai: Hey, old man, where did you get this stuff?
The Wizard: The dead... the gods are pleased with you, they will watch the battle.
Conan: Are they going to help?
The Wizard: No.
Conan: Well, then tell them to stay out of the way.

Conan: Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!

[MoGator71]

I don't know about praying, but I'll tell you what...

I've had about enough. Enough of the lineup going all 2002 on us. Enough of our vaunted starting pitching not getting out of the 5th inning. Enough of our mighty bullpen having at least 1 member crap himself when called upon. I've had about enough of fans waving towels, painting their faces, beating drums, and wearing wigs/costumes/headdresses. They passed out fucking bug cutouts, seriously. This is MLB, not college hockey fer chrissakes. I've had enough of a mercenary like Kenny Lofton being held up as the angelic savior of Cleveland, while they boo Coco Crisp (I could see booing Coco in Boston...). Enough of some guy's Walter Johnson windup in the 2007 ALCS. It's 2007...come on.

Well, it ends. Tomorrow night, all that shit is done. Party over. Game ON.

Time to come loaded. We've got a World Series winner on the mound tomorrow night, and he's bringing the A shit. We've got the big bats ready to flex, Manny's swinging the big stick like he's the Ron Jeremy of MLB. Go ahead Tribe fans, keep throwing 'em back, we'll hit you some more. We've got a half-dozen hitters who are due like a first time Mom who's 2 weeks late. All apologies to Eric Wedge, who seems like a generally good guy and former Red Sock to boot, but matching wits with Master Tito is like bringing a knife to a gunfight. And as for the bullpen...you ain't seeing Gagne again, that ship has sailed. Expect a healthy dose of Oki, and oh yeah, you guessed it, a double slice of Papelbon, with extra hot sauce.

So yeah, Cleveland has a 2 game lead on Boston with 3 to play, but we've seen that movie before, and I liked the ending. It's not over, not even close.

[Section12]

Everyone at work knows how much I love the Sox. I think they're worried about me, because someone just mailed this to me:

Our Father, who art at Fenway...Baseball be thy game. They Kingdom
come, Playoffs need to be won, On Earth, then on to the Cask 'n'
Flagon. Give us this day, a perfect Papi, And forgive us our losses, As
we forgive those, Like Bill Buckner. And lead us not, into desperation, But
deliver us from any losses. For thine is the Power, And the Glory, to beat
the Indians, Forever and ever.... Yankees suck A-men

[DustyPetra]

Everyone at work knows how much I love the Sox. I think they're worried about me, because someone just mailed this to me:

Our Father, who art at Fenway...Baseball be thy game. They Kingdom
come, Playoffs need to be won, On Earth, then on to the Cask 'n'
Flagon. Give us this day, a perfect Papi, And forgive us our losses, As
we forgive those, Like Bill Buckner. And lead us not, into desperation, But
deliver us from any losses. For thine is the Power, And the Glory, to beat
the Indians, Forever and ever.... Yankees suck A-men

OK, I've had a hard time with this praying thing, but I've come up with something like a prayer

[asection8]

OK, I've had a hard time with this praying thing, but I've come up with something like a prayer

I forgot how awesomely controversial that video was.

Stigmata; black, female God; black Jesus; burning crosses; the guy from Cool Runnings. All it was missing was a Rosie O'Donnel using barbecue tongs to give the Blessed Virgin an abortion.


edit: ...and Madonna dances like Elaine Benes.

Edited by asection8, 17 October 2007 - 04:08 PM.

[LiveAndDieWithTheSox]

I don't know about praying, but I'll tell you what...

I've had about enough. Enough of the lineup going all 2002 on us. Enough of our vaunted starting pitching not getting out of the 5th inning. Enough of our mighty bullpen having at least 1 member crap himself when called upon. I've had about enough of fans waving towels, painting their faces, beating drums, and wearing wigs/costumes/headdresses. They passed out fucking bug cutouts, seriously. This is MLB, not college hockey fer chrissakes. I've had enough of a mercenary like Kenny Lofton being held up as the angelic savior of Cleveland, while they boo Coco Crisp (I could see booing Coco in Boston...). Enough of some guy's Walter Johnson windup in the 2007 ALCS. It's 2007...come on.

Well, it ends. Tomorrow night, all that shit is done. Party over. Game ON.

Time to come loaded. We've got a World Series winner on the mound tomorrow night, and he's bringing the A shit. We've got the big bats ready to flex, Manny's swinging the big stick like he's the Ron Jeremy of MLB. Go ahead Tribe fans, keep throwing 'em back, we'll hit you some more. We've got a half-dozen hitters who are due like a first time Mom who's 2 weeks late. All apologies to Eric Wedge, who seems like a generally good guy and former Red Sock to boot, but matching wits with Master Tito is like bringing a knife to a gunfight. And as for the bullpen...you ain't seeing Gagne again, that ship has sailed. Expect a healthy dose of Oki, and oh yeah, you guessed it, a double slice of Papelbon, with extra hot sauce.

So yeah, Cleveland has a 2 game lead on Boston with 3 to play, but we've seen that movie before, and I liked the ending. It's not over, not even close.

I don't have much to add to this. In 2004, after game 3, I was so deflated. The Sox didn't look like they belonged in the Major Leagues, let alone in the playoffs. Then they did the incredible.
They have the opportunity to do the incredible again - but in this case 1 fewer game is required.

Sox, use your talent as it was meant to be used, and fükking
WIN!

[hurstmvp86]

[FoulketoMinky]

Sweet fancy Moses.....

[patman]

It time for Survival Wave - collect 3000 pts.


...then Pterodactyl Wave and then Egg Wave, which is a piece of cake

[Jim Ed Rice in HOF]

As of 9:51 AM today, I'm hoping Gagne returns to the Sox. It's worth the tradeoff.

All I'm asking is that the Sox get it back to Fenway. From there, Schilling gets one last chance to sack up in a Sox uniform and Dice-K can try and make a case for why he's worth $100MM of the Sox money.

[Sprowl]

As of 9:51 AM today, I'm hoping Gagne returns to the Sox. It's worth the tradeoff.

All I'm asking is that the Sox get it back to Fenway. From there, Schilling gets one last chance to sack up in a Sox uniform and Dice-K can try and make a case for why he's worth $100MM of the Sox money.

Why do you hope Gagne comes back? And more importantly, WHY?


Aretha Franklin, from way back when: I say a little prayer...

[Jim Ed Rice in HOF]

Why do you hope Gagne comes back? And more importantly, WHY?

Check the thread from this AM. No, I don't really want him back.

[Sprowl]

Check the thread from this AM. No, I don't really want him back.

Got it now -- I had to un-ignore to figure it out, but the tradeoff has some powerful upside

[DustyPetra]

Praying Hands, Arizona (not that they did the D'backs a lot of good against the Rockies, but maybe this time the answer is YES)

[FoulketoMinky]

Here's what we're missing - a little Chester I am unoriginal and unfunny. Please put me out of my misery.....



A victory tomorrow would be so crescent fresh.

[katefear]

I think we need a prayer like this...



..I don't know what they're saying, but I know they will

WIN!!!

[ypioca]

I think we need a prayer like this...



..I don't know what they're saying, but I know they will

WIN!!!

Beckett plays the part of the shirtless guy? Or maybe Papelbon.

[Barbara]

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball. - Annie Savoy / Bull Durham

I believe in the Boston Red Sox.

St. Barbara - patron saint of artillery - I invoke you to release the bats of our boys from Boston. I invoke you against sudden death in the ALCS.

To Victory!

[katefear]

Beckett plays the part of the shirtless guy? Or maybe Papelbon.

I say Beckett. Let's have that energy from the start....
but if anyone else wants to be shirtless guy, I would strongly encourage them. I think we need a bunch of shirtless guys about now.

[TheNeedle]

TITO: Three. Three. And we'd better not risk another frontal
assault, that INDIAN'S dynamite.
DREW: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?
TITO: Oh, shut up and go and change your armor.
GAGNE: Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make
a mistake.
TITO: Like what?
GAGNE: Well,....
VARITEK: Have we got PEDRO?
SCHILLING: No.
CORA: We have BECKETT.
TITO: Yes, of course! The BECKETT of TEXAS! 'Tis one
of the sacred relics Brother FARRELL carries with him! Brother FARRELL!
Bring up BECKETT!
[singing]How does it, uh... how does it work?
SCHILLING: I know not, my liege.
TITO: Consult the Book of ACES!
FARRELL: ACES, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One.
BROTHER: "And Saint MCKEON raised the BECKETT up on high, saying,
'Oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow
thy YANKEES to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and
people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies,
and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large --"
FARRELL: Skip a bit, Brother.
BROTHER: "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the
Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three
shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting
shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two,
excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once
the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou
thy BECKETT of TEXAS towards thou foe, who being naughty
in my sight, shall snuff it.'"
TITO: Amen.
ALL: Amen.

[Bellhorn]

I was feeling all depressed about how this series has gone so far, but fükk it, let's enjoy what we've got. We get to see Beckett and the boys for at least one more game. If tomorrow is truly to be the last day of our season then we'll go down swinging drinking with our best on the hill starting the game thread.

Fixed it for you

[doc]

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball. - Annie Savoy / Bull Durham

I believe in the Boston Red Sox.

St. Barbara - patron saint of artillery - I invoke you to release the bats of our boys from Boston. I invoke you against sudden death in the ALCS.

To Victory!

Is there really a patron saint of artillery?

[vnut33]

a higher power would be nice... but for those fans who prefer a more libertarian approach, we have an answer...

www.startjacoby.com

sign the petition. when the at bats only count every other inning, it's time to forgo loyalty for a change.

[patman]

Fixed it for you

I'm starting with these:

and then, depending on how things go, I've got a big bottle of cheap vodka or I can raid my wife's wine

Is there really a patron saint of artillery?

Yes, and she's gonna need one of these to determine where Manny's homerun balls are going to land.



The knob on the right needs to be set to 'Manny'.