with seared chicken breast and French wine. Would Jerry Jones serve Cerviche of halibut at Jerryworld?
Who the fuck cares?
"You come to a test match,'' he said, "and it's not always exciting. So you turn to the guy you've come with, or the people around you, and you talk. The conversation takes over. It's great. You relax, you have a beer, you talk, and then something exciting happens and it's back to cricket. It's a great dynamic.''
In America, we have this game called "Baseball" where something very similar happens.
A few minutes later, a guy a few rows ahead of us announced, "It's my birthday!'' He passed a happy-birthday plate of Victoria Sandwich -- an English sponge cake -- around. I got the little piece with the "H'' on it, and passed it to the stranger next to me
This is the most exciting part of his cricket story, which is like 456,543 words long. Holy shit.
"We watched cricket. It was kind of boring, but let me tell you, it wasn't that boring. There was no distractions, everyone watched the game! Meanwhile, there were some great distractions like cake, and playing cricket in the lobby, and getting a beer, and talking to my buddies....".
So we waited as Beatles nerd after Beatles nerd did their best John-Ringo-Paul-George imitation. Too young to know what I'm talking about? Google "Abbey Road album cover.'' You'll see why 54-year-old men get really excited to see a silly crosswalk
I dunno Peter, merely crossing a street in London sounds infinitely more interesting than your so, so, boring piece about how cricket is so, so, not boring.
Then follows a long page of re-quoted commencement speeches.
To be clear, King has now devoted about 40% of his column, ostensibly about football, to 1) The sights and sounds of a cricket match; and 2) Commencement speeches made by random celebrities.
What. The. Fuck. I mean, seriously. Why do you devote 2 pages to this shit? How about we start with the commencement speech fetish. I mean, what, does PK fucking sit around and read every commencement speech in the country?
Why did I want to share these? I'm not sure
"Readers, I know you value me for football information, but I just wanted to waste 20 minutes of your morning reading simplistic crap that has nothing to do with you unless you are a recent college grad...and given that I feel the need to explain the significance of Abbey Road, most of you presumably aren't. Why am I wasting your time? Well...I'm not sure
One of the biggest thrills of my life was being asked to give the 2008 Ohio University commencement address (that's my alma mater).
Oh. Ok. I see. PK just wanted to point out that HE is important enough to have merited giving a commencement speech once upon a time.
The more and more I read these, the clearer it gets: MMQB has nothing to do with football, it has to do with Peter King's Life, of which football happens to play a part. This column should be retitled "Mondays with Peter".
If you liked the passages, great. If not, I understand; this is a football column, not The Chronicle of Higher Education. But this is who I am, which I guess, if you've been reading this column for a while, you understand. Thanks for indulging me
"If you like this shit, wonderful! If not, well, I guess you think this is a football column, so you might think I'm being a trite asshole for posting this inane, sappy, shit. But you know what? You were wrong. This is Peter King's column, emphasis on Peter and King. So if you don't like it, fuck off. There's some football on page 1 (of 5), go read that if you want football."