Isn't this thread a little early?

He almost seems to get the news early too. It's a continuing motif. Good for storylines and all.

I love Jacoby drowning and Tek lost in the woods looking for his bat.

It's Timlin drowing, but both work I suppose

Actually leaving out Jacoby is fine, he hasn't decided to show up yet anyway.

10/13/08--ALCS Game 3--We Need to Be More Desperate

It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE ALCS.

1. On Saturday, for the first time since 2003, Jose missed parts of a Red Sox playoff game. There were innings that he did not see on television, that he did not hear on the radio, that he did not even follow on Gamecast.

Jose was in Chattanooga, Tennessee on vacation and was doing what one does in Chattanooga, namely, going out to eat ribs. Jose had made the perfectly reasonable assumption that at any rib joint, the ALCS would be on at the bar. He was wrong. Apparently, in Chattanooga people would rather watch a college football game between two non-local games that will probably give everyone watching it eye cancer than a critical contest in the national pastime.

Jose wasn’t sure what to think. At first he was angry. How dare these people claim to be the real Americans, when they won’t even watch the national pastime? Any yokel can wear a flag pin, but sitting through a 5 and a half hour game? That takes some real patriotism and commitment to country.

Next he felt pity. How sad that these people don’t know the joy, the salvation that comes from Red Sox baseball.

Then he felt angry again. Finally he felt hungry, so he relied on the four different varieties of pork ribs to sooth his agitated soul.

The point is that when Jose left his hotel room, the Red Sox were up 2-0 with two outs in the bottom of the first, and when he returned, seven home runs later, they were down 8-6. Perhaps, the Tennesseans were on to something. Yes Jose missed five innings, but what had he really missed? Heartbreak? Anger? Despair? A $500 tab for smashing a hotel television?

By almost every normal standard, it would appear that Jose had made the right choice. He avoided pain (the blown lead) and received pleasure (ribs). He should have been a happy man. And yet he wasn’t.

Jose looks forward to this; we look forward to this. We crave the opportunity to feel. We are addicts. And like any addict we have built up tolerance. It is no longer enough to enjoy the elation of victory. We need it to hurt, to drag us through excruciating pain to create an ever-sharper contrast with the pleasure. We came back from 3-0 against the Yankees. We came back from 3-1 against the Indians. We will not feel truly alive in this series until we have to come back from down four games to the Rays. And that is where the danger lies. You can’t go down by four games. It is against the rules. It is up to the Red Sox to remember that in the relentless pursuit of thrills, of greater and greater highs, getting down four games is the overdose of playoff baseball—exciting but fatal.


2. Following St. Josh a Beckett’s second straight horrendous post-season outing, it is probably safe for us to assume that his oblique is not fine and that he is seriously injured. This is a problem, a big problem, but it is not unsolvable. There is precedent for remedying this. It’s just a few simple steps:

1. The team physician invents a procedure that temporarily fixes a strained oblique.
2. The physician practices the technique on dead people.
3. Beckett receives the procedure before each remaining start.
4. Beckett bleeds out of his wound and on to his jersey.
5. People talk about how heroic Beckett is.
6. Red Sox win the World Series
7. Beckett puts on 40 pounds.
8. People who don’t like Beckett start suggesting that the blood was fake and he just spilled marinara sauce on his shirt because look at him, he’s a fat slob.

If the Red Sox pursue these simple steps, Jose is pretty sure the old Josh Beckett will be ready for Game 6.


3. Sons of Sam Horn Stalwart Tudor Fever raised a great question the other day. “What is ‘Kotsay’ Pig Latin for? Jose is not a Latin Scholar, his second tongue is Gibberish, but he still knows enough—he thinks—to give it a try.

So we decline it right? And then decline it again? And we remove the “ay,” move the “s” to the front. And we get “Skot.” Suddenly, the reason for Kotsay’s inability to hit becomes clear—he’s a Scott. Think of the Scott’s in Red Sox history, Scoot, Williamson, Scott Sauerbeck, Scott Cassidy, Scott Bankhead and Scott Taylor were all pitchers. Scott Fletcher wasn’t a pitcher, but he hit like one. That leaves us with Scott Cooper, the worst two-time All-Star in MLB history as the upside for Scotts.

Of course, there is some evidence that while our translation is correct, our interpretation is lacking. Skot, is the translation of Kotsay’s last name, so perhaps the better historical analogy is George Scott. If Kotsay canhit like Boomer, that would help.

On a related note, since Jason Bay’s name ends in “ay” it is presumably Pig Latin as well, but what can it possibly be Pig Latin for? It would have to just be “B” right? In which case it’s good he’s playing in Boston, because if his name is “B” and he had a “”P on his head, like in his Pirate days, it might really confuse people.

I’m Jose Melendez, and those are my KEYS TO THE ALCS.

Awesome. Schilling should now be called Pound. Aren't schillings change for a pound? He is no longer bits of pound, just the whole thing.

Genius should be rewarded. I'm 100% confident we're winning this game now.

Brace yourself Foulkey and other Tito/Cora bashers.

Amalie reports that Cora will likely be in the line-up at SS tonight.

Speaking of the Globe, the CHB notes that we should not "underestimate the residue of hard feelings" stemming from Tito pinch hitting for Tek for the second time in these playoffs, for whatever that's worth. Curly haired link.

Me: Cough..... Cough....sniffle....sniffle. Wow Boss, I'm just not feeling that well today.

Boss: So you'll be leaving around 4:15 today right?


WIN TODAY

No, around 3:00. But that's when I leave on a normal day since I've been at work for an hour all ready.

At least the early start means that I'll get some sleep tonight, unless Tito really fucks this up again.

RALLY MILLAR

Meh I'm over the whole Cora thing at this point.



If this is true then Varitek can absolutely go fuck himself to death. Although it could be good news, since it might mean that he would refuse to come back next season. Tito might actually be a genius.

We took 1 of 2 from Tampa Bay, and now currently sit with home field advantage. Personally, I've gotten tired of the Rays. Tonight is the night we take full control of this series. Lester will be back on the mound, in familiar surroundings.

Confidence is high with Jon on the hill.

GO SOX! Win Today!

Lester, pitch.

Bats, hit.

Team, win.

The rays have been a cancer to the sox all season long, and I believe we know how Jon Lester fares against cancer.

Win so I can go to game 4 tomorrow night without my blood pressure being through the roof.

"Dreamboat" has a .500 OBP % in 14 PAs vs. Garza. I don't expect Crisp will get a start today. But is there any chance we'll see Casey? I'm not pining for this, just curious if anyone thinks he might get some play.

I laughed at Lester having Garza's head like a kabob on his sword.

Complete with the blood marks. A stellar effort. Just win!

Our ace will come through.

Let's go Red Sox!

Win.

I laughed too. I especially liked the fact that he is still smiling even though he was skull fucked.

Son, role model, hero, boyfriend, good citizen, World Series Champion, No-hit pitcher, survivor.

The more you do in this world, the more people expect.

WIN.

Corsi's artwork reminds me of the animation from one of my favorite shows "Monty Python's Flying Circus" which first aired on the BBC 39 years ago this month.

Bravo!

Holy Grail Mo Jo...

Edit.. Got censored for the M word

and I laughed at Papi's sexy legs.


WIN

Can anyone confirm, do they ticket at metered parking spaces in Boston on holidays?

When I lived on Comm Ave b/w Berkeley and Clarendon in the mid-90s, no, they did not ticket at metered spaces on holidays.

I take it back. I'm really not over the Cora thing.

Foulkey, how can you not love Alex Cora? The man is a genius and he will deliver big today. WIN!!

That picture was hilarious!

No tequila tonight, early day Tuesday. Lester doesn't need superstitions... he beat cancer. Still, sipping it cold is soooooooo freaking more awesome than room temp.

So; a Mullah, a Bishop, and Joel Ostein walk into a bar...

Hopefully Jason Bay can feast on Tampa pitching in honor of Thanksgiving.

Welcome back!

I was convinced that BU had hacked your account.

For anyone interested, here is the post-season stats for the AL.

And the series stats for Rays/Bos

SSS of course, but I agree that Coco will likely start over Jacoby Ellsbury.
I have no info on Cora, other than this rumor. Regardless, its all a part of Cora's master genius plan.

I did lol at the article TheoSchmeo posted.


Cmon Tito, I love ya, but have the heart to tell the guy you never plan on playing him. I hope theres a situation Casey is needed. My bigger worry is he disregards Byrd, and opts for Timlin again.

Hard to believe I am at my first playoff game in Boston since Bernie Carbo Hr'ed,Evans made the catch in right, and Fisk hred off the foul poul, and that game ended well, so lets continue on that track.

I had many chances to go to playoff games in 2003 and 2004 in NYC, but declined way too frigging nervous to actually see the game in person, but now since we won a couple of rings, Im chilled a bit.

Anyone in section 18 for the game?

Ditto.

I have about as much confidence in Mike Timlin as I did in Eric Gagne last year. Basically, I am supremely confident that when he comes in, he is going to suck. Let me tell you all a story. I was in the Cleve last year, so I was on the frontlines of the battle. I was watching game 2 with some friends, and then I went to another friend's house to watch the end. There was some good boozing, but not as much as when Gagne came in. As soon as that Quebecois came in, I proceeded to shotgun multiple barley and hop frumented beverages. I knew the loss was inevitable. You never want to have that feeling about your team, but with Gagne, you just had to feel that way. There was no looking around it.

I feel the same way about Timlin. In fact, as soon as I say Timlin come in, I told my friend, "It's over." What happened? It ended. However, it's interesting to see the symmetry between the years. We lost game 2 in both years when a really shitty pitcher who probably doesn't even belong on the roster came in and gave up the game.

The major difference is that we're headed home now. To the Fens, which becomes one of the best homefield havens especially as it gets later in the season. Last year, heading to Cleveland, things didn't look that great. This year, we can fall back on the fact that we're at home.

Lester has been on a hell of a run. If he keeps this up, he's gonna be up for sainthood.

1. Jacoby Ellsbury, CF
2 .Dustin Pedroia, 2B
3. David Ortiz, DH
4. Kevin Youkilis, 3B
5. J.D. Drew, RF
6. Jason Bay, LF
7. Mark Kotsay, 1B
8. Jason Varitek, C
9. Alex Cora, SS
-- Jon Lester, SP

You're a lucky guy to be asking that question. I'm looking at the blue sky and breathing the Fall air and thinking (from far away) that Fenway will be as close to heaven as you can get this afternoon.

I also think a reasonable person could have the thought that Papi will do something a bit more assertive tonight. It's time for that to happen, it seems.

Not that Tito has a lot of options, but damn that is fucking weak.

Win it for BU/PSK/Foulkey

I just had to turn down a ticket for this game. I hope they win, but by about 20.

I just made a killing on GTEL. I plan on using the profits to repaint my M5. Wonder which supermodel I should call up tonight?

It always feels like the home crowd helps Papi come alive at Fenway at this time of the year, no matter the circumstances or what he's going through. If Garza throws balls though, I don't want him swinging at that trash...a walk isn't exactly a tragedy with the guys following Papi in our lineup. The bigger problem, which we all know, is the collective suck at the bottom of the order. I feel better having Drew in there today. When Tek comes up, I assume it's a strikeout or ground out, and I'm a glass full person about 99.9% of the time. Tek can stuff it if he has a problem being pinch hit for. Does he want to win this thing or not?

Win today.

Not the one I'm bringin' out tonight [/BU]


Edit: Annnyways - Win!

I want to see Garza poop his pants tonight. POOP.

Jacoby Ellsbury's splits versus Garza

Didnt consider that in my previous post.

I bet 1000 bucks we win this game with ease.

WUT? There has to be a story behind this. You're wife is giving birth tonite? You dad is dying? Those are the only things I can think of to turn down a ticket.

Tito really wants to give Lester a challenge. Thus the Tek-Cora-Tacoby trio of suck.

That's the only explanation that makes sense.

Sox are so good they only need 5 real hitters!