Rules are for assholes. Put these clowns in their place.

I'm firmly behind the Newsbot. F0000000K THAAA ROOOLLZZZ!!!!1111!!!!!!!!

We had better win tonight after Rembrat cost us last night's game.

9/10/08--Mislocation, mislocation, mislocation

It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.

1. The Red Sox lost to the Rays last night and blew a chance to take over first place in the AL East because of mislocation. Papelbon said so. It wasn’t Dice K’s control problems, or Tek’s bat or plain old bad luck. It was mislocation plain and not so simple.

Jose thought this excuse was, to be honest, some pretty weak scotch. For starters, he was pretty sure that “mislocate” is not actually a word. But he wanted to cut Papelbon some slack, because, while the man can pitch, he is just not that bright, so Jose tried to think what he could possibly have meant.

At first, Jose thought that perhaps Paps had meant “dislocation.” This got Jose really concerned, because if he were dislocating his pitches, it would suggest that the shoulder strengthening routine had not been a success and his health was in jeopardy. Then Jose thought that maybe Paps meant “misplaced.” Jose could see how misplacing pitches could be a problem.

He can imagine Paps telling his wife “Honey, I misplaced my fastball, do you remember where I left it? I already looked on the night stand.”

This is exactly what happened to Rod Beck… also drugs.

But then Jose decided he would actually look up mislocate, and much to his surprise it appears to be a more or less real word. According to dictionary.com, it means either “misplace,” which Jose has already covered or “to specify a wrong location for.” Example “to mislocate the source of the Nile.”

This sounds a lot to Jose like Paps is blaming the umpires, as in “That ump mislocated that pitch and called it a ball.” This strikes Jose as very foolish and unnecessarily adversarial.

Of course, the problem may have nothing to do with the umps or even Papelbon and everything to do with Dan Johnson mislocating the ball into the rightfield bleachers.


2. Before Jose gets to the top ten evil Rays, Jose needs to point out the glaring omission of Ray Borque from the good list. Adding Ray to the good list at two, should, in theory, bump number ten, Allan Ray, off of the list, and yet it bumps number 7, Ray Babbitt instead. Funny world.

Top Ten Evil Rays

1. Ray Knight—Also, Mookie Wilson will be number one on the list of top ten evil Mookies.
2. Ray Romano—Not everyone loves him.
3. Ray Leonard—Olympic gold medalist, boxing legend, beloved public figure, undeserving winner of a fight against Hagler.
4. Ray Berry—Yes he took the Pats to their first Super Bowl, but he also presided over a team that was basically a drug den, started Tony Eason over Doug Flutie and called fake punts based on dreams. Okay, the last one sounds like something Jose would do, but that makes it even more wrong.
5. Ray, Gamma—Those things messed up Bruce Banner bad.
6. Re (Scrabble Word/Solfeggio note)—This is just a cheap BS Scrabble word
7. Sugar Ray—It’s a band but it sounds like a guy. That is so misleading
8. Ray Burr—He has mislead us all into thinking that our justice system works well
9. Rep. Ray LaHood—He’s a Republican and Jose is feeling very partisan these days.
10. Famous Ray—You know, Jose is starting to think that all of those New York Pizza joints may not be owned by the same guy.

For KEY 3, more on Pabelbon, visit http://keystothegame.blogspot.com/

Let's win this game in memory of Steve Irwin. Steve would have wanted us to get revenge for him against the Rays too!

DO IT FOR STEVE!

My wish list for today:

Drew back in the line up and leading off.

Crisp playing over Ellsbury and hitting 9th.

7 strong from Beckett.

Nude pictures of Amalie Benjamin.

Is that so much to ask?

I not only want a win tonight. It needs to be an excruciatingly demoralizing loss for the Rays in order to balance things out. Perhaps a bit too selfish but I can ask, no?

From EB

Red Sox
1. Jacoby Ellsbury, CF
2. Dustin Pedroia, 2B
3. David Ortiz, DH
4. Kevin Youkilis, 1B
5. Jason Bay, LF
6. Mike Lowell, 3B
7. Mark Kotsay, RF
8. Jed Lowrie, SS
9. Jason Varitek, C
-- Josh Beckett, SP

Rays
1. Akinori Iwamura, 2B
2. Dan Johnson, LF
3. Carlos Pena, 1B
4. Cliff Floyd, DH
5. Willy Aybar, 3B
6. Eric Hinske, RF
7. Dioner Navarro, C
8. Gabe Gross, CF
9. Jason Bartlett, SS
-- Andy Sonnanstine, SP

That Rays lineup is so bad.

Oh, and Varitek only has 21 PA (.350/.381/.550) in the 9 spot this season. He should have like 100 more.

I would love to know what the deal is with Drew.

It would be nice to see him back in the lineup within a week so that he's not struggling with his timing come the ALDS.

I can't believe Jose missed the rare opportunity to make a James Earl Ray joke.

Two out of four ain't bad.

Dioner Navarro is a new addition to my lead-pipe list. He blew the game for Paps in the All-Star Game and then took a game from us. I hope he gets a swift spike right to the nuts tonight.

The guy was major suck last year. Maybe its time for him to pee in a cup.

Don't forget about that annoying food channel whore, Rachael Ray.

EVIL:

I'm not looking forward to seeing Tek and Dreamboat hit back-to-back.

FTR, I would DESTROY Rachel Ray. I'd actually vote for Pat Buchanon if she were his VP pick.

Two signs that point to a win tonight.
Beckett pitching in a playoff atmosphere is good. I know he's not all the way back from his issues but I firmly beleive he'll be fine.
I am currently suffering from rancid gas. The last time this happened the Red Sox destroyed the opposition. Coincidence? I think not.
WIN.

When is JD Drew going to be back?

This is good "news", Corsi staring the thread.
The recent starters, I sense a fix, a good fix.
Keep it moving along...

Oh, and go Sox/Beckett

HAR HAR HAR

Need to make up for last night by kicking the shit out of them.

All jacked up!

I just did a shit ton of angel dust I bought from Sarah Palin, so I'm pretty sure I could run through a brick wall with a torn ACL and MCL right now. Oh yeah, and the games on. So I'm pretty pumped up too.

Nice and easy first.

5 pitches through an inning. See that Daisuke?

Beckett on pace for a 45 pitch perfect game.

I missed those groundouts to 2nd on 2-3 pitches from the leadoff spot.

Don't ever do that again Dustin. DO NOT SLIDE INTO FIRST!!!!!!!!!!

(or just tripping)

Ortiz wishes it was 2005.

How horrendous has he looked at the plate since he's come back? Man.

An MVP makes that play.

Well, fuck. What a terrible start.

Of course the shit luck immediately comes back to bit them.

Fucking crushed.

This game sucks already.

Willy fucking Aybar.

The Red Sox are not playing good ball all of a sudden.

Don't think I"ve ever seen a LFer back up third.

This blows, Sox gotta win this one tonight.

Manny wouldn't have backed that up!!!!!!!

Relax. That will be the only run Beckett will give up. He looks very good.

If he holds em to one this inning, that'll be a nice boost.

Sox are scoring at least 6

I would really like to see some runs this inning. Take the Rays right out of the game, please.

Ok, whatever...Sox are scoring 7 off Sonnanstine.

17 pitches after 2 for Beckett.

OK, could have been worse.

That said, they'd better figure out a way to get Aybar out (both of them).

Runs please.

Huge to strand that guy, and a low pitch count through 2 to boot. Things are looking up.