Well, I promised no drama yesterday. And I almost delivered on that promise. I just didn't count on Timlin showing up and turning a laugher into a somewhat challenging ending. Daisuke is on a roll and, as long as he doesn't start nibbling again, he'll make this one a comfortable win.

And Padilla? He sucks. He doesn't stand a chance in the jungle.

Edit: Apparently it's Hunter instead of Padilla. Good. As TheoShmeo said, he sucks worse than Padilla.

Especially since he's not pitching tonight.

He's out with a sore uterus and it's Tommy Hunter, who sucks even more, in his place.

Hamilton out due to his wife having a baby last night.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3534118

I believe this was covered...

Hamilton isn't a pitcher named Padilla. He's a CF who hit a lot of homers in the home run derby, maybe you've heard of him.

Apparently I need to come out of a drug induced stupor or something... saw the uterus joke, then baby and jumped over several logical barriers to my post straight to "add reply."

So Padilla isn't Hamilton's wife, then?

[edit - I forgot, that's not legal in Texas]

[quote name='dbn' date='Aug 14 2008, 12:29 PM' post='1767158']
So Padilla isn't Hamilton's wife, then?

This post is especially hilarious after just reading the Tek thread in P&G

"FACT....The Red Sox will sweep the Rangers."

Todays my 50th Birthday and the wife surprised me with tickets to the game, we just arrived from NYC, and PYSCHED! Knowing her I think she made some sort of deal to announce me or some such nonsense on the scoreboard or something for my b day so if you see some bald old fart thats me.

Needless to say for my Big Five Oh, we shall deliver a rousing victory, as August 14th,1945 is also Victory Over Japan day, the day we were declared the victors in WW2, so Dice K, now being on our side, shall represent us with honour and equanimity.

Ok, now no rain, off to the park we go....

You're old.

Everyones favorite SS makes another appearance and Ellsbury's bruised ass presumably keeps him out of the lineup.

Red Sox
1. J.D.Drew RF
2. Dustin Pedroia 2B
3. David Ortiz DH
4. Kevin Youkilis 1B
5. Jason Bay LF
6. Jed Lowrie 3B
7. Jason Varitek
8. Coco Crisp CF
9. Alex Cora SS
SP -- Matsuzaka

Texas Rangers:
1. Ian Kinsler 2B
2. Frank Catalanotto LF
3. Michael Young SS
4. Milton Bradley DH
5. Marlon Byrd CF
6. Brandon Boggs RF
7. Chris Davis 1B
8. Jarrod Saltalamacchia C
9. Ramon Vazquez 3B
SP -- Tommy Hunter

Sean Casey just kicked over a water cooler.

I love having a 6 man line up.

Couldn't they wait till Jacoby was back to play Cora? I mean, really?

Dude..didn't you see Cora turn that wicked sick DP last night? He DEFINITELY deserves a start!

Why the fuck a slappy like Cora even has a job is beyond me.

1. The only reason I can think of for Casey not starting again tonight is that Tito is punishing him for talking to much.
2. Would someone explain what's wrong with Ellsbury? Did he start playing too well? (spoiler: preempt the uterus jokes, preempt sexual orientation jokes, preempt any joke involving frozen hot dogs)
3. Win tonight.

Did you not see my bruised ass diagnosis?

8/14/08--Jose's Routine

It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.

1. Last night, Jose had the privilege of watching, or even listening to a baseball game, for the first time since Jon Lester’s no hitter. Jose has had periods of absence from the game a couple of times in the past (note: actually Jose disappears every six years, he is like the opposite of a Senate candidate.), but he has never had a spell like this before.

Sure, Jose tried to keep up, but it was difficult, so he created a basic routine. It went like this.

6:00 AM Wake up.
6:05 AM Start coffee brewing
6:10 AM Log onto to dial up Internet service. via sketchy Chinese box.
6:15 AM Type “Red Sox” into Google window in Firefox.
6:20 AM Wait five minutes and pray that the score shows up in the Google Web search.
6:25 AM Swear because the score has not shown up in the Google Web search
6:30 AM Enter “Red Sox” in Google news.
6:35 AM Wait five minutes, get coffee.
6:40 AM Swear some more because there was no game the previous night it turns out, so Jose wasted 25 minutes searching for nothing.
6:50 AM Check Google news for Yankees score.
7:00 AM Dial up disconnects.
7:15 AM Get Yankees score
7:20 AM Celebrate over latest Yankees injury
7:30 AM Check Tampa Bay score.
7:35 AM Get no results because Jose googled “Rays”
7:45 AM Get “Rays” results
7:50 AM Go into shock from feeling obliged to check Rays scores
11:45 AM Come out of shock
12 Noon Lunch

So as you can see Jose enjoyed, for the most part pretty full mornings that combined the excitement of waiting with the philosophical depth of contemplating the Tampax Bay Rays.

2.Jose got something nice in the mail the other day. It was an ad for the 24th Annual Three Apples Storytelling Festival in Bedford. At first Jose thought it was in New Bedford, but then he noticed it was not written in Portuguese nor did it smell of kale. (Note: Just kidding New Bedford. Jose loves you and was just there the other day. Also, Jose would have liked it better if the mail had smelled like kale soup.)

Among the performers appearing at this cultural event is Tim Van Egmond, who, as we all know, must be the guy who once pitched for the Red Sox. Jose has mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, good for him for learning a craft, unlike that bum Nate Minchey. On the other hand, perhaps if he had spent more time on his curveball and less name on his dance calling and hammered dulcimer playing, he would have had a better career ERA than 5.96. Of course, to beat on Minchey again, Minchey does not play the hammered dulcimer or even the limberjack, and his ERA was 6.75.

For KEY 3, Jose's salute to the Jimmy Fund, visit http://keystothegame.blogspot.com/

Somebody should have told Bill Cosby that the Jimmy Fund is not the same as the "Jimmy V Foundation"

Leadoff man on for Oakland. Rays up 5-4 in 9th.

Percival just left with an injury...

Its just so weird seeing the Rays with a good pen.

Frank Thomas with an RBI.

Tie game in the 9th

Frank Thomas comes through, ties score with 2 outs in 9th!

Coco Cust strikes out.

A's and Rays going to extras.

Why the hell is Casey out of the line-up against a righty starter?

Makes no sense.

Time for the epic domination that is Bobby Crosby to work his magic.

Not what I wanted to see.

I hate Dice-K.

Hate him.

Oh, for Christ's sake. He walks the first batter of the game.

Joe and Dave saying hamstring injury. Dillweeds on the TB broadcast hadn't said anything about it as of a few minutes ago.

No Dice-K. We are not playing this game tonight. Pretend to be a man.

Thank Jesus for that.

Tek threw that with divorce anger power!

Seriously, that throw was beautiful.

I laughed pretty hard.

If I was clever enough, I'd come up with a joke about Varitek nailing someone other than his wife...

SIT!

Nice bounceback after the walk.

That's our DiceK

Behold the Power of Cheese.

Matsusake to SoSH: FUCK my peripherals. Look at my ERA bitches!!!!!!!!

If Cliff Pennington can just get his first career hit the A's will win...

Breaking news: Oakland with a big squander in the 10th.

Nein.

Oak had 2nd and 3rd but batter K'd. On to the 11th.

I'm actually kind of irritated this guy just dropped his ERA under 10.00 against us.

On a positive note TB only has Miller left in the bullpen.

Well okay. TB now has 1st and 3rd no out. Well done OAK.

And the Rays are about to win it.

Rocco Baldelli leads off for the Rays with a single.

Wasn't he written off for dead?

1st and 3rd no out. Game over.

Fuck you Dice-K.