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Worst Parent Stories

Discussion in 'Coaches Corner' started by Heinie Wagner, Oct 31, 2014.

  1. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

    Messages:
    649
    I'm posting tryout results later today and expecting some unhappy feedback from parents, 36 kids at tryouts, we picked two teams of 10.
     
    We've posted results for 11 teams already. The worst feedback so far was from a father (who I know well) who told me how much I will regret cutting his kid (I prefer not selecting) when the kid is 6'4" 235lbs in high school and watching from the bleachers as our Varsity team gets pushed around because this kid quit basketball because I quit on him when he was in 6th grade. The usual stuff about team selections being unfair and politically motivated were sprinkled through his email too. 
     
     
     
  2. Rsox4life

    Rsox4life Member SoSH Member

    Messages:
    161
    I had to call the cops on a father when his son was cut in JV baseball. He got in my face and was screaming and yelling like he had lost it. I told him that I threw 10 pitches to his kid and he swung and missed at them all. He later fought another parent at a wrestling match that year and got banned from the school.
     
  3. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

    Messages:
    649
    We have a parent - 8th grade travel basketball - who confronted his kids coach after a game.  They lost the game and unfortunately, that is way to important to both of them. The father waited until there were not more adults in the gym, he says so that it wouldn't seem like a big deal to other parents. The coach hates this guy because he coaches from the sidelines. I've offered to say something to the parent (I'm the President of the club) but the coach says he can handle it. I didn't realize it was that bad as I coached this guys kid last season and saw the coaching from the sidelines but not to the extent that it affected the player or the team, so I didn't do anything about it.
     
    Both the coach and parent said things I'm sure they regret. Two hugely different personalities, one guy would love to be on a reality TV show, the other is a HS math teacher with a pretty introverted personality.
     
    The parent told me if we suspend him from coming to even one game, he will get his attorney involved and fight it tooth and nail. He's also in a custody battle (his ex-wife and coach's wife are friends) and any suspension or the like would hurt him in those proceedings. I initially convinced him that if he missed a game on his own, to show good faith and let things simmer down, we wouldn't pursue anything further. He went with that at first, but now says he might not do it, or at least not this weekend.
     
    How hard is it to suspend a parent from a game and enforce it? If we did it and he showed up, we'd have to call the police to get him to leave, obviously we don't want to do that. We are a small, not for profit club, with insurance, that covers some legal costs, but I don't know the specifics (yet).
     
    We could suspend his kid from a game, which I'm sure he'd fight as well. 
     
  4. robssecondjob

    robssecondjob Well-Known Member Gold Supporter SoSH Member

    Messages:
    594
    We had one group of parents in travel soccer last season that was so bad with coaching from the side and yelling at officials we instituted a parent sideline about 5 yards from the touchline. Parents had to be behind it during the whole game. They continuing to be annoying so every Friday night when I lined the field I moved the line back another 5 yards.

    We ended up at 15 yards before they shut their mouths.
     
  5. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

    Messages:
    649
    Good strategy for controlling mostly reasonable people who got too caught up in it. What if they had ignored the line?
     
  6. mabrowndog

    mabrowndog Ask me about total zone...or paint Lifetime Member SoSH Member

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    39,676
     
    Tremendous. Was this at Trotting Park or somewhere out of town?
     
  7. Rsox4life

    Rsox4life Member SoSH Member

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    161
    I'm not sure how hard it is. He pretty much assaulted me and threatened me so he gladly accepted in lieu of us pressing charges. He later had his kid transferred to another school.
     
  8. Rsox4life

    Rsox4life Member SoSH Member

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    161
    We have a school services police officer who really helped too.
     
  9. robssecondjob

    robssecondjob Well-Known Member Gold Supporter SoSH Member

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    Yep Trotting Park.  The real issue was on the 8 v 8 field, but I added on to the 11 v 11 field as well.  They got to sit closer.
     
    We had the refs move people behind the line.  When the younger refs were afraid to confront parents they usually called in a board member.  This year we are going to have board members there full time.  I am not looking forward to my time...  
     
  10. TrapperAB

    TrapperAB Member SoSH Member

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    1,506
    I used to be a squash coach...

    ... cut a sophomore from JV because he was a racquet chucker...

    ... parents accused me of ruining his chances of getting into college.

    After a year of psychotherapy with a sports psychologist, the kid made varsity. Just needed to get his head on straight. We talked about being cut and how it had been the best thing for him.

    The parents, though, forever thought I was the jerk who tried to destroy their son's future.
     
  11. Dummy Hoy

    Dummy Hoy Angry Pissbum SoSH Member

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    5,410
    The kids often get it more than the parents.
     
  12. leftfieldlegacy

    leftfieldlegacy Member SoSH Member

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    You're in an awkward position with this guy and you need to move to a stronger negotiating position. If he was interfering with the game, a referee could easily toss him out of the gym and he would have no choice but to leave. But, coaching from the stands is more of an annoyance than a violation. His threat of legal action could hurt the league financially and should be taken seriously. I also get the feeling you don't want to get the police involved either. And really, who wants to go down that road of lawyers and police for an 8th grade travel team.
     
    If I was that coach I would just bench the kid for a quarter and see if dad gets the message and shuts up. If not, sit the kid for a half. Keep upping the ante if the guy keeps yapping. Dad will catch on eventually. Playing time is a coaching decision and keeps the father from playing his lawyer card.  
     
    Next season you might consider having all of the parents sign a pledge outlining unacceptable behavior and specifying the consequences of any violation. 
     
  13. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

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    We have the parents sign something, that league requires it, but it's not that specific, we may add something next year but I think even if we had specific language for this incident, this parent would have gotten his lawyer involved. You're right, we really don't want police at our games.
     
    Not too surprisingly, this guy is divorced and we only require one parent to sign, I checked and his ex-wife is the one who signed.
     
    I suggested to the coach that he bench the kid if the dad is misbehaving, the coach doesn't want to do it. The kid is one of his top players and winning is really important to him. 
     
    The parent relented and voluntarily missed a game, we had a sit down with the parent and the coach and they made nice.
     
  14. santadevil

    santadevil Well-Known Member Silver Supporter SoSH Member

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    3,124
    After a frustrating season of coaching hockey, I feel like I've turned into the crazy parent.

    The other guy I'm assisting and I didn't draft a strong team, which was our fault, but we felt we could coach these kids. At for a couple months, it seemed like we were succeeding. We could see improvements, even if we weren't putting them up on the scoreboard.

    Today was the low point. We are both at the point that we don't even want to coach hockey next year. It's mostly one kid on the team that had been a drag, but today seemed like rock bottom.

    After our final league game was finished about 30 minutes ago, we had a quick chat the the kids and then I just grabbed my stuff and left.

    I honestly couldn't think of anything good to say today. Probably didn't help that I was butting heads with my older son prior to the game about school work.

    I'm just really frustrated at this point and can't get my thoughts in order, so I just wanted to vent a bit.

    I'm worried I'm going to start giving these kids hell over every little thing.
     
  15. robssecondjob

    robssecondjob Well-Known Member Gold Supporter SoSH Member

    Messages:
    594
    Whee. Indoor fundraising tournament today for the the club.  We play the tournament as a fun kickoff to the full season and to raise some money for a club family in need.  Short sided games with Div I playing Div II, boys playing girls.  Twenty minute games.  Real lightweight stuff.  Much more for fun than serious soccer (my older sons team played 5 v 10 against a girls team for instance).
     
    Two mother's from two of the younger teams (U9 I think) got into a heated disagreement that turned into a shoving match.
     
    I hate parents.
     
  16. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

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    649
  17. twothousandone

    twothousandone Well-Known Member Lifetime Member SoSH Member

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    I know the feeling. Sometimes it's helpful for coaches to find someone to coach them. I remember the parent who casually mentioned to me that no one gets yelled at like the coach's kid. Hopefully, I've solved that problem.
     
    I just finished a winless season with a fourth grade basketball team. But we competed in the final game. In fact, if the kids had listened to the coach who kept yelling "bounce passes" (that was me and I was told after the game everyone in the stands heard it loud and clear. Just not the kids on the court, it seems.) they might have been in it at the end.
     
    But out of 14 kids -- we ended up with two teams of seven -- probably half had never played anything approaching organized basketball. I fond out AFTER the last game that most other teams played in a league in a neighboring town -- same players, coaches, everything. Grrrr. . . 
     
    But in the final game, our guys knew what to do. They boxed out and fought for rebounds. They set an occasional pick. They drove to the basket. We've had 9 parents, so far, join in on the thank you e-mail.
     
    But the week before, we had to play as one team. 14 kids. (We get great attendance.) Seven kids complained about paying time. Two parents complained. Hell, I didn't even coach -- I took on the duties of dividing up playing time, which or=f course gets messy when someone comes out for an injury. It made me question if I even want to coach again. 
     
    And then in the final game, they put it all together. 'cept for bounce passes. One kid asked me "are you coaching next year?"  Tough to say no to a kid.
     
    Surely, one or more kids or parents are glad you coached, Santa?
     
  18. santadevil

    santadevil Well-Known Member Silver Supporter SoSH Member

    Messages:
    3,124
     
    We just finished up with our "house" season for my above mentioned team. After my last post, we had a final tournament out of town, which was 4 games. We actually cancelled the remainder of our practices, due to work commitments for both of us. We lost the first game of the tournament 7-3. After that game, my son asked if he could play forward. I chatted with my other coach and he said sure. We blew up our lines and made two strong forward lines with 3 weaker players moving back to play defence. And it totally worked. We started scoring. Our inexperienced d - men pinched like crazy and our forwards, who were normally defence back checked like crazy. We ended up winning the next three games and won the B - side. We didn't win two games in a row all year until that point. We also had a mini windup during a night of the tournamemt and both us coaches had kids and parents thanking us for the good job we did.
     
    One of the moms said her son was telling her how much he loves hockey again, after being coached by a different coach for the past two seasons. He was ready to quit this year if that same.coach picked him again.
     
    We also ended up playing two final consolation games with the other bottom team in our league. Lost the first one, won the final game.
     
    Even with the thank you ' s and such from the kids and parents, I still don't know if I have it in me to coach hockey again. I have a new young son, who may be playing in the future. A couple years off to recharge isn't the worst thing right now. Especially with some partner transitions at work coming up in the next couple years.
     
    We really only feel like there was one set of parents who didn't want to be on our team. The mom even said she missed her old coach, who at the draft,  had to contemplate very hard if he wanted this kid or not. The kid was a bottom draft pick. This was the same coach mentioned above who basically made our other pick mentioned above want to quit hockey. The funny thing is, this mom makes her kid play hockey (the kids words, directly to me) and as best we can tell, she liked the other coach, because he never taught her son a thing and never expected him to get better, or even try. Weird thing is, this family didn't say thanks to myself or the other coach, but the kid did on his own. Mom didn't say two words to me at the informal windup tonight at all.
     
    Anyway, this is long winded. At the starlet of next year, if all these kids sign up for hockey again next year, we did our job. Coming into this year, our entire team from last year played again.  None of the other coaches could boast that record.
     
  19. HomeBrew1901

    HomeBrew1901 Has Season 1 of "Manimal" on Blu Ray SoSH Member

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    I love coaching my team I hate the parents, being on the board of the Soccer program for the last 6 years has only highlighted how shitty some parents are.
     
    I now live in a small town in PA and it's only worse.  We had one family end a 12 year friendship with a member of our board because their 8 year old son was not going to be allowed to play up on the 9 year old Premier travel team and took their son to another rec program.
     
    Last season, unbeknownst to me since I was an assistant coach and new to the area, a few moms decided to get together and write a letter against the head coach and tried to get other parents to write one as well to have the coach removed because we weren't winning like they thought the team should.  Kicker, these people were all in the same area have known each other for years and not one of them spoke to the coach to voice their concerns.
     
  20. Cumberland Blues

    Cumberland Blues Dope Dope

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    4,660
    Yep...I can sympathise.  We're a small Little League - but have the good fortune of having a very talented group of 9-10yr olds coming through the system right now.  Most of the kids who will be on our 9-10 all-star team this summer played on a fall ball team together - and the guy who coached them got it in his head that we should keep that group together year round.  When I objected (this would lead to one really stacked team in the 9-10 division) he got a bunch of parents together and they decided to just bump all those kids up to majors (11-12) so he could keep them together - our league prez is moving in a week, so there's a bit of a power vacuum in the org and the loud parents got their way.  These kids are good - but they are not *that* good - a bunch of 10yr olds playing as a team against 11-12yr olds are going to get their ass kicked all season long.  And now our 9-10 teams have very few pitchers and catchers, so we're going to get clobbered too.  We had the highest registration numbers in 5 years this season, but I bet we lose 20+ kids to lacrosse next year after all of our teams go 2-12.   
     
  21. HomeBrew1901

    HomeBrew1901 Has Season 1 of "Manimal" on Blu Ray SoSH Member

    Messages:
    9,140
    HA! Same thing here, we had two of our better players from last season push their way onto the U12 team (we are U11 now).  They were solid players but not THAT much better than the rest of the team, in the process of moving those 2 players that U12 team bumped a bunch of kids and alienated a few families.  Again, small town, these kids have been playing together for 3-4 years to this point and they were just dumped to a rec team with the U11 kids that couldn't make my team and my team isn't great.
     
    After having a decent fall that team is currently 0-3 and have scored 1 goal while getting 18 scored against them after moving to the premier division.  Come the fall they will not have a U13 team because a few of the players have decided to go to a more competitive league, as a board we will not be "feeding" that team with players from my U11 team, and the families that they alienated have refused to let their kids play on that team.  All so they could try and create an all star U12 team with 4 U11 players.
     
    Maybe it's because I know my son's ceiling is JV and MAYBE varsity if he turns a corner but this stuff boggles my mind.  I get that we all want what's best for our kids but ruining friendships because of a team... I just don't get it.
     
  22. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

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    649
    Parents wrote a letter to the board without even talking to the coach? I wonder how these people deal with adversity in the rest of their life? Whoever received that letter should have skipped to the end to see who it was from and told them they had to speak with the coach first.
     
    So many parents get caught up in "playing up" it's ridiculous. Very few kids truly benefit from playing in an older age division. Especially 10 year olds playing baseball vs 12 year olds, that growth spurt for many kids between 10 and 12 is huge.
     
    Our AAU basketball team couldn't field a high school team this year, which they have done for several years running. The returning varsity players wanted to play in a bigger program and they didn't want to play with JV players, the JV players wanted to play with Varsity and not with Freshmen. We are a small suburban town and many of the parents think their kids are going to play basketball in college (yes, even the 6'3" with shoes on post players). In the end, I don't think any of them are playing AAU this spring.
     
  23. gryoung

    gryoung Member SoSH Member

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    343
    My favorite story is about the rec. fast-pitch softball team my daughter played on and the star pitcher who took the pitch calls not from the catcher, or coach ......but from her mother standing behind the screen. The coach was a superb softball coach and did have a confrontation with mom. He also was the high school varsity coach - and this pitcher was outstanding for 4 years at that level. I imagine he was relieved when she graduated.
     
  24. knuck

    knuck Well-Known Member Silver Supporter SoSH Member

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    134
    The email complaints are always gold to me. Here was my favorite from this year:
     
    This years rec basketball season has came to an end, and I have to say the referees have been horrible. My son has taken a beating this year from kids, and does not go to the line like he should. The referees are there for our children's protection. It's almost as if it's been said not to give him any calls, that's how horrible it is. I have recorded the entire season, and it's BLATANT that he does not get to the line like he should. He is a very talented player and it's unfair NOT to give him a call because of his talent.
    About last night, The coach of the burgundy team addressed me personally during the game, (which coaches should never do) I  responded to him, and was then told by your referees to leave or our team would forfeit. Because my son had took such a beating that game and the whole team fort hard to come back for the win, I left. They actually told me to leave at the last 30 secs of the forth quarter, UNBELIEVABLE.
    It was clear the refs did not want us to win, and when we undeniably came back through blood sweet and tears they used me as a target!
    We won lastnigh by one point, and now advance to Saturdays game. I hope u have a talk with your coaching staff about addressing parents when they have no clue what's going on. And the refs on being fair, no matter the kids talent! It is a safety issue, children can get hurt when in those situations.
     
    I coached this mother's older son the previous year on a travel team, so I was not a complete stranger. I officiated her son's next game and she came up to me being all polite asking why I hadn't responded to her email yet.
     
  25. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

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    Rec basketball? She had to leave a game or forfeit in rec basketball?  Wow, what grade? 
     
    It's inappropriate for a coach to address her, but it's ok for parents to yell at refs to the extent they are asked to leave the game?  LOL.
     
    The people who video kids games and then think they're going to use the video to somehow incriminate the officials are a special kind of crazy. 
     
  26. knuck

    knuck Well-Known Member Silver Supporter SoSH Member

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    Her son was nine.
     
  27. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

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    Nine!  Someone should make her referee a nine year old basketball game.
     
  28. Average Reds

    Average Reds Well-Known Member Gold Supporter SoSH Member

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    I was on the board (as Treasurer) of our town soccer league for two years.  After I conducted an audit of the local retailer we used for equipment, I discovered that he was skimming and immediately moved to sever ties with his store.
     
    The wife of one of my close friends came to me and told me (confidentially, of course) that she heard that another board member had an ownership stake in the new store that we aligned ourselves with.  I told her that was not true.  Then I told her the reason we shifted to the new store.  She shook her head and said "well, that's not what I heard.."
     
    I looked at her and said "Michelle, I know you like (name of original store owner) but I'm telling you precisely why we took our business away from him and why we went to the other store.  The decision was mine, and mine alone.  Are you calling me a liar?"  She looked at me and said "I'm not saying you're a liar. I'm just saying that's different than what I heard."
     
    I remained friendly with her husband, but did not speak to her for some time. People are just nuts when it comes to kids sports.
     
  29. EdRalphRomero

    EdRalphRomero wooderson SoSH Member

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    Last night at my daughter's AAA softball game there was only 1 umpire and he was calling the game from behind the plate.  He was not on the ball, but affable and trying to help a group of girls still not all-the-way familiar with the rules.  Both teams were from my home town.  Anyway toward the end there was a bang-bang play at 1st.  He called the girl out and a mother on the other side screamed "That's 3 calls you've given them.  Three!" and started to fold up her chair in disgust.  I completely involuntarily laughed.  I mean some of these girls are 8.  I knew the coach from the other team and walked up afterwards shook his hand and said "thought we were going to have a riot there for a minute."  He said "you have no idea..." 
     
  30. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

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    649
    "People are just nuts when it comes to kids sports."
     
    I'm the President of our town's travel basketball club.  People tell me stuff all the time and then don't believe me when I tell them otherwise.  Most recently, a parent (who wants to coach his son) told me he heard "from several other parents" that I'd already picked the coaches for next season. I'd apparently met with the coaches for next season too, which was total fiction.
     
    The best was when someone I'd just met told me they heard you didn't have to live in town to play on one of our teams as long as you went to school in town. I told them that you did have to live in town and I would know as I was the President of the club. They didn't believe me until they read it on our web site.
     
    I meet with parents at the start of each tryout. One time a parent accused me of favoring travel soccer players when picking teams. I don't even like soccer and for the most part have no idea which kids are on travel soccer teams.
     
    People whose kids were on a team last year say we don't place enough importance on their kid being on a team last year.  People whose kids were not on a team last season say we give the kids who were on teams last season too much preference.
     
  31. robssecondjob

    robssecondjob Well-Known Member Gold Supporter SoSH Member

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    594
    In our club's last weekend (we field 30 travel soccer teams from U8-U18) we witnessed a coach getting ejected, a parent getting ejected for berating the ref, and parent confront a teenage ref after the match and berate said ref for their calls.  In a U8 girls game!!!
     
    The adults are the worst part of the game.
     
  32. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

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    U8 travel soccer, wow!  Our town travel club is adding U9 (third grade) next season - kids try out in the spring for the coming fall season, second graders will be trying out for U9 and you're a year earlier, wow, seems like it would be really difficult to differentiate kids at that age.
     
  33. robssecondjob

    robssecondjob Well-Known Member Gold Supporter SoSH Member

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    Our 8s and 9s don't have to try out.  We make balanced teams.  From U10 on up we have spring tryouts for next seasons teams.  Division one players get a fall and spring season.  Division two players get clinics in the fall (and they can play in the town rec league) and then a spring season.
     
  34. HomeBrew1901

    HomeBrew1901 Has Season 1 of "Manimal" on Blu Ray SoSH Member

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    9,140
    Oh man, try outs are the absolute fucking worst.  I've the VP of the league this year and it's amazing the amount of shit I'm dealing with from both coaches and parents.
     
    Here is how we set it up:
    Since the coaches are with these kids the entire season I found a great spreadsheet evaluation because I've seen far too many cases where a player isn't feeling good or doesn't try out well when in reality they are one of the better players on the team.   Coaches evaluations make up 65% of the players score and tryouts count for 35%.  At each age level there will be at least 3 evaluators, the coach, a "pro coach" (someone through UK soccer), and an assistant coach from another team.  Also, at the end of the day we are going to let common sense prevail and if a player should be on the team, they will be.
     
    Our program isn't big so at most we have 2 teams at a few of the younger age levels, which means that if the kids try out they will likely make the team.  Tryouts are being held next Wednesday and Thursday, one night for each age group, we have also eliminated the ability for players to "Play up" going forward.  Figured this would be easy since the teams practice on these nights.
     
    Here are the issues that have come up the last week:
    A board member tried to go over my head and schedule 2 days of tryouts for each age group.  Why? Because she was worried that her son wouldn't make the U10 "Premier" team. 
    She also had an issue with the coach evaluation because she was afraid that the coach doesn't like her son.
     
    The coach of this team (remember we are talking about 8-9 year olds here) has told me that there are two players he won't allow back on his team because they are out of shape or not at the same level as the other kids.  (WTF they are 8-9 year olds).
     
    Had another parent of a player that will be on the U-9 team threaten to leave the league if their son can't try out for the U10 team.  Good bye.
     
    Another complained that they are busy on Wednesday and Thursday, kids have religious ed and there is a concert for middle school, it's always been on Sunday which never caused a problem.  Had to kindly explain that there will never be a universal day that works for everyone in the league and that Sunday's are just as difficult for families because of church and other obligations.
     
    A bunch of other stuff too, those were the main ones.
     
  35. robssecondjob

    robssecondjob Well-Known Member Gold Supporter SoSH Member

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    594
    Tryouts are a nightmare.  We have large program with 400+ players.  
     
    We do tryouts at the end of June for the upcoming season.  Two days per age group.  The first tryout is skills, the second tryout is small sided games.  The first day is really to break into clear division one and clear division two.  The small sided games are used to deal with the middle players.  Completely independent evaluators are used, made up of coaches.  Coaches are not allowed to evaluate age groups they are going to coach or have a player in.  For instance I coach U10 and U12 boys this season.  For next tryouts I will not be allowed to evaluate U11 and U13 boys teams.  This removes the coaches ability to stack a team.  More experienced coaches are usually used as evaluators for the younger age groups U10 and U11 as they are often harder to sort out.
     
    The current coaches are asked to evaluate their players into three groups, top, middle and bottom.  Those results are used to confirm the tryout results.  More of a sanity check than anything else. 
     
    My current parent issue centers around player that moved into our district after the start of the season.  Based on conversations with his parents about previous experience he was allowed to practice with the Div 1 team to evaluate him.  He clearly had the skill set to make the team (which had an opening due a player that left the team).  A number of parents from Division 2 teams cranked up the rumor mill and started sending emails to the board about how unfair pretty much everything in the world is.  After much conversation it was decided that Division 2 will be given the chance to move up.  Only a couple of players have expressed interest.  Not a single player that complained about how unfair life is...
     
  36. Doug Beerabelli

    Doug Beerabelli Killer Threads Lifetime Member SoSH Member

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    10U baseball game last Sunday, double header.   Our town based travel team (only kids from town play) plays one of those regional ones, with kids from Hartford area, and even Massachusetts, about 6-8 towns.   We beat them first game 10-6, after being down 6-2 after 3.  Second game, we jump ahead, then our pitcher has a tough inning, and a  few errors are made - nothing unusual for this age.  Our coach goes out to calm the guys down and talk to the pitcher, and a parent on the other team starts yelling top of lungs, "Yeah boys - you knocked the pitcher out of the game!" and some similar comments about our players.   I don't think anyone responded in real time, but I asked later and all our parents noticed this guy.  "Guy in orange shirt was an asshole."   Our pitcher actually stayed in the game, pitched the next inning, and we won the second one 10-6.   But the pitcher was really upset when he came onto the bench.  It was nice some of our players comforted him and pumped him up, and I gave the "we don't care what the other guys say" talk.   But it was pretty bogus.   No major issued beyond that one time I could tell, which may have contributed to me not having a more acute memory of the incident.
     
    As we told our guys, beating them is the best way to shut em up.   Not sure what would compel a grown man to speak about 9 and 10 year old players on the other team in such a manner.  We only yell at our guys!  :)
     
  37. SoxJox

    SoxJox Member SoSH Member

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    3,455
    I am not a coach but always enter this thread to find out what's what in youth soccer these days.  It seems that there should almost be a "tryout" for the parents.
     
    More seriously, and not saying this isn't/hasn't been done and don't know if it's been mentioned before, but many of these "lessons learned" from year to year could perhaps be rolled into some form of "contract" - or added as a more informal addendum to whatever form the existing "rules of play" are to which parents and players likely must already agree to.  Just an additional means of communicating to the parents how things are to be run - passed to them beforehand so that they know subsequent decisions by coaches are not whims.  Perhaps set up a pre-tryout Q&A to see if anything needs further clarification or if anything's been left out, but the end product could be used to set expectations.  Granted, there undoubtedly will be some parents who still just won't be able to bring themselves to get with the program.  But I have watched other parents when my kids were playing and, after shaking my head at the ill behavior, wondered how much of it could have been avoided with some additional form(s) of communication before play begins.  Again, not saying you or others haven't done this...just an observation and general thought.
     
  38. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

    Messages:
    649
    This is for basketball, not soccer, but all similar issues: we have a player contract, a parent contract and a coach contract.  We still have issues, you can make someone sign a contract but when it comes to enforcing it, it's pretty tough to make a parent (who doesn't care about being a total d-bag) do something, like miss a game or even be quiet during games. 
     
    There are some places you go where they think coaches and parents screaming at players the whole game is normal. AAU basketball is horrendous for this.
     
    For not for profit, volunteer led organizations, for lessons learned, the difficult thing is that most board members come and go in a fairly short period of time (3-4 years or less), some lessons get passed on, some don't. 
     
    The best point of control is the coaches, playing time is the most powerful tool when it comes to controlling parents - you misbehave, your kid doesn't play, but almost all coaches are volunteers and just don't want to get into that.  A lot of coaches don't even notice, or would rather not notice bad sideline behavior. Nobody gets into coaching kids because they want to deal with problem parents.
     
  39. riboflav

    riboflav Member SoSH Member

    Messages:
    6,980
    I have a developmental 6th grade boys basketball AAU team this season. AAU and developmental usually do not go together but I was feeling generous and decided to take on the project, warning the parents ahead of time that we're very developmental and we're going to have a lot of growing pains as a result (went 0-9 to start the season losing by 25-40 points every game). All the kids I have were cut from all other teams they tried out for. No one would take them. We're now four tourneys into the season and they've improved quite a bit which is not very surprising because they were so bad to begin with. This past weekend we went 3-1 versus some D-2 weaker 6th grade teams (I'm being generous again - they were very weak teams). This seems to have gone to some of the parents' heads. Yesterday, I tried to nail down commitments to sign up for the regional summer league. Of the nine players on our team, only four would commit. The others want to explore other avenues. Good luck with that, I want to say. 
     
    I'll tell you how this will end. None of the nine will end up playing for anyone this summer. Over the fall and winter, I'll start to receive inquiries from many of these parents about how much their son enjoyed playing for me and how hard their son has been practicing all winter and how they can't wait for AAU tryouts. Oh, and by the way, you're still coaching and planning on reconstituting the team, right? Right? My son has nowhere else to go they'll say.
     
    Go to Hell, I'll want to say.
     
  40. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

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    If you are a good coach and know how to teach your players skills, work on the most important things, give your players confidence and get them to play together, then the #1 factor in your W/L record is the quality of your opponents. Few parents will ever understand this, most of them won't even recognize the differences in the quality of opponents from game to game.
     
    I'd rather have my team play to the best of its abilities against a better team and lose than play poorly or play where we don't learn anything and win.
     
    One of our girls travel basketball teams was really weak this past season, 1-15 or something like that, they had an excellent coach (former D-1 player) who focused on man to man D and concepts and skills more than preparing specifically to win games and played everyone fairly equally which no opponents did. Their grade level in our league is unusually strong too (pretty sure at least one team is cheating with out of town players).  Several of the players from that team also played CYO in a 4 team league with 2 very weak teams and one good team, they crushed the two weak teams and got crushed by the good team, but because they won two thirds of their games, some parents thought the CYO team was so much better for their girls that they'd skip travel practices to go to CYO practices. These parents never stayed to see what was going on in the practices, it was just a matter of one team winning games that made them think that coach must be better. Same guy (CYO Coach) coached a boys travel B level team several years before that didn't win a game in a weak league and had multiple parents complaining that practices were worthless.
     
  41. DrewDawg

    DrewDawg Dorito Dink SoSH Member

    Messages:
    28,176
     
    Tryouts can be such a crap shoot. My kid didn't make the A or B team in our local club last season (mostly because at tryouts, the 2 coaches chatted away with each other and pretty much just brought the previous year's roster back--my kid played in a competing, yet smaller, league), but then made the B team in the big, neighboring club that is MILES ahead of our local club. And his B team is better than the local A team. (Yes, our area essentially has THREE travel clubs. They cannibalize each other.)
     
    Our local club keeps losing kids to the bigger, better club one city over and can't figure it out even though there's a lot of overlap in tryouts between the two. Perhaps it's because the Premier teams they put on the field last year went a combined 9-71-3 in all age groups. You hire crap coaches that aren't paying attention and the teams underperform, and you lose more kids.
     
     
    And in regards to kids playing up--the larger kids that sometimes want to play up, that advantage largely disappears once all these kids hit their growth spurt. When those other kids catch up, that advantage goes away and then I've seen parents get upset that their former "superstar" is suddenly average and wants to drop back down.
     
  42. Coachster

    Coachster Member SoSH Member

    Messages:
    4,015
    For whatever this is worth to all of you, it doesn't stop. I'm a D-III college coach. After spring season, we cut four freshmen who didn't stand a chance of ever playing. In fact, we didn't cut them; we just showed them where they stand on the depth chart, and told them there was little chance of making next year's team.
     
    I've had personal threats from one parent, got screamed at by a second, and have been threatened with a law suit by a third.
     
    PARENTS of COLLEGE ATHLETES.
     
    It makes me sick.
     
  43. DrewDawg

    DrewDawg Dorito Dink SoSH Member

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    28,176
    What sport?
     
  44. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

    Messages:
    649
     
    That's depressing.
     
  45. knuck

    knuck Well-Known Member Silver Supporter SoSH Member

    Messages:
    134
    It works in High School, complain enough and you can get a boundary exception and go to a new school.
    Complain enough in AAU and you can get a new coach or find a new team.
     
    I'm sure these parents are well-versed in getting their way. Unfortunately, it doesn't surprise me that the behavior continued into college.
     
  46. Doug Beerabelli

    Doug Beerabelli Killer Threads Lifetime Member SoSH Member

    Messages:
    9,006
    The Helicoptor apparently will travel.   Someday these kids will learn life is not fair.   Hopefully before they have children.
     
  47. Heinie Wagner

    Heinie Wagner Member SoSH Member

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    What kind of damages could you seek from telling a kid he isn't good enough to play on a division III team?
     
    No disrespect to Div III coaches and athletes, just that it seems like at the point you're trying out for a D3 team, you'd think you'd have a pretty good perspective on where you stand athletically.
     
  48. HomeBrew1901

    HomeBrew1901 Has Season 1 of "Manimal" on Blu Ray SoSH Member

    Messages:
    9,140
    Yeah.... They don't. Just had a 27 year old quit because he didn't feel appreciated by the company because of lunches being taken away on call days but instead given the next day if goals were met.

    I'm 41 I cant imagine ever being 56% to goal and then bitching to my boss that I didn't feel appreciated.
     
  49. Coachster

    Coachster Member SoSH Member

    Messages:
    4,015
    i think the dad is going for the 'not allowed to get the complete college experience we paid good money for' lawsuit.
     
    It's been said before, but this crap is the result of giving everybody a medal or a participation trophy in the 2nd grade. These kids and by extension their parents honestly believe they should be given the same chance as my all-conference athletes, because 'everything should be equal'. They don't have a clue where they stand athletically. They've been taught that it's supposed to be fair. Ability counts for nothing.
     
    One other thing: I've been a college coach for 27 years, at all three NCAA Divisions. I remember a time (ancient history now), where decisions that coaches and teachers made meant something. My experience and professionalism allowed me to make decisions about my team that were accepted and respected.
     
    The job isn't fun any more. You guys are all in it because of your kids. I don't have that excuse.
     
  50. riboflav

    riboflav Member SoSH Member

    Messages:
    6,980
     
    Not all of us. Some of us here have coached high school and college without having coached our kids. Keep fighting the good fight or quit and let others replace you.
     

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