The Ashes 13/14 - Swann Song

SydneySox

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Pretty surprising... though of course the word 'retirement' is one of those things where he's being allowed to go out on his own terms. He wasn't getting selected for Melbourne and possibly not even Sydney. The SCG isn't the spinners sanctuary it once was.
 

SydneySox

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I don't doubt this was his last tour.
 
But I also don't doubt he was about to get dropped and had the oppurtunity to step rather than be pushed.
 

SydneySox

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That ship sailed a long time ago.
 
But I also love this. Swanny's a fuckwit. He carries on like the worst on the field and his parting speech... "I hope I'm remembered as a good bloke!" was an appeal to insanity. The only thing he's got going for him is he hates Kevin Pietersen.
 
One day he will join fuckwits like Shane Watson and Jimmy Anderson in ex-player fuckwit hell.
 

Lowrielicious

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Grade A fuckwit no doubt.
 
Retiring mid-tour, mid-ashes is a cop-out in my opinion. "Going out on your own terms" can only be done if you are a) performing at a level that you would still be selected or b) not performing and probably not going to be selected, but you are in between tours/series.
Jumping ship mid-series literally days before the next test is the epitome of selfishness. You are getting knocked around all over the place, the team is getting smashed, but you chose to be available for the tour and if you are to get dropped for the next game you take your lumps and carry the drinks (or watch from the pavilion) and retire after the series. To just throw your hands up and say it's all too difficult I'm going home leaving your team short handed to try and salvage some of the mess that you helped create is a dick move.
 
Making unspecific digs publicly on the way out the door reinforces the fuckwit and selfish attitude too. Particularly if you are going to back away from them immediately (or be more vague about them immediately).
 

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srsly?
 
He's a total cockbag, one in a long line of international cockbag tough talking fast bowlers.
 
He's one of the more disliked players in Test cricket, by other teams.
 

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Lowrielicious said:
Grade A fuckwit no doubt.
 
Retiring mid-tour, mid-ashes is a cop-out in my opinion. "Going out on your own terms" can only be done if you are a) performing at a level that you would still be selected or b) not performing and probably not going to be selected, but you are in between tours/series.
Jumping ship mid-series literally days before the next test is the epitome of selfishness. You are getting knocked around all over the place, the team is getting smashed, but you chose to be available for the tour and if you are to get dropped for the next game you take your lumps and carry the drinks (or watch from the pavilion) and retire after the series. To just throw your hands up and say it's all too difficult I'm going home leaving your team short handed to try and salvage some of the mess that you helped create is a dick move.
 
Making unspecific digs publicly on the way out the door reinforces the fuckwit and selfish attitude too. Particularly if you are going to back away from them immediately (or be more vague about them immediately).
 
Indeed. A former Australian test opening batsman I know mentioned to me via email that it's about KP and the KP gang in the team. The Australian team is a classic example of why it's all roses when you're winning - everyone gushing about each other, no one pointing out Bailey sucks and Rogers struggles to keep his head above water - but when you're losing it's the blurst of times. England's not winning anymore and now all the good vibes are gone and the knives are out. That goes for former players who now exist as commentators.
 
And finally, I agree with you on the classic exit from Swann as a pissy move indicative of his time as a test cricketer.
 
 

Lowrielicious

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Trott and Swann gone, anyone taking bets on the next casualty?
 
My money would be on Prior, but I don't know that they even have another gloveman in their touring squad do they? He has been bad with the bat for an extended period now and his keeping has been horrible.
 

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Prior is in big trouble, absolutely. Given their bowling woes, injury wise, they'll be doing well to even have the regulars. I think it's probably one Prior... they'd never drop KP.
 

cjdmadcow

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SydneySox said:
srsly?
 
He's a total cockbag, one in a long line of international cockbag tough talking fast bowlers.
 
He's one of the more disliked players in Test cricket, by other teams.
 
Seriously?
 
I get the fact that it's time to take advantage of having a winning side for the first time in a while, but I find this very difficult to believe. Jimmy is one of the quietest members of the team, has always let his bowling do the talking and is highly respected worldwide. I'm not aware of him being loathed to the extent you suggest. Maybe that's just an Aussie perspective but whatever it is, I don't think there'd be many agreeing with you.
 
On the Swann issue, I'm not sure what the problem is really. The series is over, he can't add to the 3 Ashes series wins he already has - yes, 3 - and his shoulder is fucked. What's the point in carrying on and potentially taking a place from someone more deserving? If the series was still in the balance he wouldn't have announced anything yet. That doesn't mean he would have been picked.
 
He gets plenty of thanks from me and and I look forward to hearing his forthright views in the future. Strange, isn't it, how an Englishman with an opinion is a whinging Pom yet a similar Aussie is a good bloke. Anyway, congrats on the series win.
 

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cjdmadcow said:
 
Seriously?
 
I get the fact that it's time to take advantage of having a winning side for the first time in a while, but I find this very difficult to believe. Jimmy is one of the quietest members of the team, has always let his bowling do the talking and is highly respected worldwide. I'm not aware of him being loathed to the extent you suggest. Maybe that's just an Aussie perspective but whatever it is, I don't think there'd be many agreeing with you.
 
On the Swann issue, I'm not sure what the problem is really. The series is over, he can't add to the 3 Ashes series wins he already has - yes, 3 - and his shoulder is fucked. What's the point in carrying on and potentially taking a place from someone more deserving? If the series was still in the balance he wouldn't have announced anything yet. That doesn't mean he would have been picked.
 
He gets plenty of thanks from me and and I look forward to hearing his forthright views in the future. Strange, isn't it, how an Englishman with an opinion is a whinging Pom yet a similar Aussie is a good bloke. Anyway, congrats on the series win.
Jimmy Andersen is well known as the biggest sledger in the English team. As sledgers tend to be, he's loathed by other players; Australia and South Africa at the least. Can't speak for the sun continentals. I can't help that you aren't aware of that, but its true.

Its also nice that you have self appointed yourself a whingeing pom, because that's wasn't mentioned here. Alongside my criticism of Warner, Watson and Siddle as prime dickheads was the same criticism of Andersen, Pietersen and Swann - also massive, massive dickheads.

What's not strange is an English fan retreating into biased woe-is-me bullshit when losing.
 

cjdmadcow

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There's no woe-is-me stuff from my side, all I did was question the comments ref Jimmy Anderson. It surprised me and would surprise a lot of cricket followers. Maybe it's because he has more test wickets against Aus & SA than anyone else? Just a thought.
 
As I commented, we have been well-beaten in this series and the Aussies deserve their victory. Their entire approach from both sides of the ball has been markedly superior to England's and there is not a single England fan who thinks otherwise.
 
And finally, my whingeing pom mention was not directed at myself - I have no reason to have done so - it was a comment on the reaction to Swann's retirement from certain sections of the Aussie media. He's not one to hold back his opinion (which I like) it just seems that when an England player does it, it's whingeing, that's all.
 
Again, to the victor the spoils. It was a shame the cricketing calendar had to throw two Ashes series back-to-back but I look forward to the English summer of 2015.
 
As it's Christmas Day with you now I wish you all the best for the season and hope England can finally win a toss on Boxing Day.
 

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 Dude...
 
cjdmadcow said:
 
Strange, isn't it, how an Englishman with an opinion is a whinging Pom yet a similar Aussie is a good bloke.
 
That's the woe-is-me stuff. Even ignoring the fact Swann is getting ripped apart by the British media and the first person to jump down his throat was Michael Vaughn followed quickly by the Beeb, tossing in some nationality thing like 'Brits aren't allowed to have opinions!!1!' is bullshit, and you're the one who self-labelled 'whingeing pom'. And who is the similar Aussie that you say is being called a 'good bloke'? There isn't one. You made that up too. In fact the media here has been bemused. Swann's abortive retirement was misstimed, reactive and pissy and most of the articles here have been just profiles of how the english are reacting. Most also immediately call in mind the horrible last 12 months where you couldn't open a paper without reading about the Australian team ripping itself apart. No mention of good blokes there.
 
Swann knows exactly what he is doing - he's a fucking dickhead. The old 'I"m a straight shooter, I speak my mind!" often goes hand in hand with people who are massive fucking dickheads. See again examples like Shane Watson, David Warner, Kev Pietersen, Jimmy Andersen... who, under your thought, is apparently disliked because he takes wickets which ignores every other person who takes wickets against Australia like Steyn or Sharma or Malinga, Bravo... people that aren't raging fuckwits. You either didn't bother thinking about that for 10 seconds or you were trying to suggest people are disliked for being good and either way that's wrong.
 
I do wonder if you watch cricket with blinkers on, or even how much, given your blindness to character flaws within the English team.
 
I hope Australia wins the next two tests, though it's probably going to rain for three days in Melbourne so that will be test... and it's Christmas where you are I think so same to you. Cricket in 45 minutes!
 

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Another start by Cook and another wasted wicket... it's been his story so far this Ashes series, hannit?
 
A few years ago we couldn't get this bloke out in Australia but now he keeps offering himself up. He's been knocked over by a couple beauties - Harris' first ball last Test and the Mitchell Johnson delivery - but that said, he is offering his bat to some ordinary deliveries.
 

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Another start by Cook and another wasted wicket... it's been his story so far this Ashes series, hannit?

A few years ago we couldn't get this bloke out in Australia but now he keeps offering himself up. He's been knocked over by a couple beauties - Harris' first ball last Test and the Mitchell Johnson delivery - but that said, he is offering his bat to some ordinary deliveries.


That might be the story of England's tour, in summary: Cook's batting is shit, there go the Ashes. Yes, Johnson's been unbelievable, but England has lost a lot of wickets to some uninspiring bowling.
 

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I've not seen any of the action from overnight but going by the scorecard and the media reports, a decent start after being put in was wasted by late wickets.
 
Confidence seems to be shot at the moment throughout the side, probably understandably, and Clarke's decision to put England in appears to have been justified as batting conditions should be relatively easy on days 2 & 3. Another tough day for the tourists. At the moment, just coming out on top in one day's play would be a moral victory!
 

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Ashes coverage is only on pay TV these days over here (Sky), the BBC does the radio commentary, but I saw a tweet from Jonathan Agnew with a picture of Morgan flat on his arse after a Lee delivery.

Brett Lee will never have to buy a drink in the UK again.
 

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So I play every weekend, not saying I'm good, but I do play. We use the SCG nets for training during the week when they're open for the public and about four weeks ago, Doug Bollinger was in there. He is a bit of a larrikin and one of the guys convinced him to send a few down at us, and I was one of the two guys padded up so I faced four of his deliveries. He promised he wouldn't bowl anything short so I had full knowledge I wasn't getting bounced (not wearing a helmet). He kncoked my stumps over twice, got me plumb on the pads for LB and then I succesfully defended one delivery. And he bowls 'slow' fast bowling. I mean, I'm no bat but still... these guys are incredible.
 
I hate Piers Morgan and he was talking himself up massively but he knew he was getting bounced every ball except one and took a 140km brett lee delivery off his ribs on the first ball and kept going... I actually think full credit to him because when he did get knocked over he was trying not to get killed again before trying to prod it away.
 
...
 
If you can't tell I'm trying not to talk too much about the Australian batting we all expected to see this summer where we aren't able to rely on a big score by Warner or Clarke and fall apart resoundingly.
 

cjdmadcow

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This is like a never-ending nightmare. Every night I go to bed hoping that England will produce something good with bat or ball and every morning I wake up to read about another calamitous days play.
 
Even though no team has chased more than 183 since drop-in pitches were introduced 17 years ago, I can see Australia strolling to victory tomorrow morning. I say a win by 7 wickets.
 

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So it's basically a race to 200 today. Pretty exciting stuff.
 
You say Aus by 7? I think that's generous... total crystal ball stuff but I honestly think it'll be very close. I'll go with my heart and say Aus with 3 or 4 left, Smith and Haddin doing a reclamation job after another middle order fail, Mitchell Johnson scoring the winning runs.
 

Lowrielicious

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ConigliarosPotential said:
Bairstow can keep wicket.
Apparently not.

 
SydneySox said:
So it's basically a race to 200 today. Pretty exciting stuff.
 
You say Aus by 7? I think that's generous... total crystal ball stuff but I honestly think it'll be very close. I'll go with my heart and say Aus with 3 or 4 left, Smith and Haddin doing a reclamation job after another middle order fail, Mitchell Johnson scoring the winning runs.
Even easier than 7 in the end. I was guessing more in the 4 or 5 range as well. But as mentioned many times unanimously by the commentary teams Cooks field placements and Englands overall body language and effort pretty much ruled that out pretty early on. They are counting down the days to the flight home by the looks of it. Only weather or the aussies taking the foot off the gas can stop the sweep now I'd say as the English are a broken team.
 

SydneySox

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Yeah that was pretty exciting to watch but again, England look totally out of it in the field. I can't wait for the SCG next week and maybe there'll be more spots for me with some of the english supporters changing their plans. Anyone going? I'll be there every day.
 
Also - in reference to the Lee - Morgan thing, check these not over the top at all comments from New Zealand's greatest cricketer ever... it also has a video.
 
http://wwos.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8777125
 

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Got here at 4.30am this morning, but people were lining up for realz at 3am this year, which is about an hour earlier than 'normal' ... Interest is high!
 

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SydneySox said:
Got here at 4.30am this morning, but people were lining up for realz at 3am this year, which is about an hour earlier than 'normal' ... Interest is high!
Nice! Word is it's the biggest and earliest crowd for an SCG test ever. Should be a great day, enjoy!
 
Flicked on the T-20 last night (which I don't usually watch) for a bit of a warm-up and saw this screamer by Jordan Silk at mid-on.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl37RbSwXOA
 
For reference, a cricket ball is slightly smaller, heavier and harder than a baseball. That's a webgem catch for a shortstop with a glove, for a cricketer with no glove the degree of difficulty is up another couple of notches.
 

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*dances round the room*
England win the toss and decide to bowl.
 
Now back to reality. 3 debutants come into the England side, which wasn't unexpected, but Carberry keeps his place and it's Joe Root that drops out, which is surprising.
 

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This is like a never-ending nightmare. Every night I go to bed hoping that England will produce something good with bat or ball and every morning I wake up to read about another calamitous days play..


And repeat. I stayed up for the first session and nodded off at lunch with Australia 4 wickets down, waking 6 hours later to the news that Smith and Haddin (again) have battered the bowling around the SCG and Carberry was out for a duck in England's reply.

Maybe I should just not go to sleep? It's like Australia have got Freddie Kruger in their side.
 

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Yesterday was one of the best days cricket I've ever been at. To see that collapse turn into yet another stunning Haddin revival was extraordinary... And that period of Johnson's bowling was the most electric I've seen the SCG in years.

In line today from 4.30 again, got an armband barely for first entry... More manageable, but lines still back a loooooong way.

Australia will be batting around tea, I hope.
 

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CSteinhardt said:
That might be the worst session I can remember seeing this English group play.  
 
On this tour, that's saying something.
 
I'm still a cricket neophyte, but as far as England's future goes, do Flower and Cook survive this debacle? I think there'll still be a place for Cook's batting, but his strategy wasn't great in the summer despite the 3-0 win, and he seems to be an easy wicket to take after being so dominant in the last tour in Australia.
 

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Who is Captain then? Not Bell, he was shit here, not a bowler... There's no one else.

Teams aren't winning away from home at all these days. This tour of SA is going to destroy Australia.
 

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Does Clarke enforce the follow-on here?  I don't think I can recall ever having seen him do it, but it seems like this would be a good situation.
 

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I went to bed at lunch with England 5 down for fuck all and it says something that when I heard we'd scored 155 I thought that wasn't too bad!

At least Glen McGrath will get to host his charity day on day 3.
 

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SydneySox said:
Can't believe England couldn't get to 4 days.
 
Can't you?
 
Pulled up a stream for the last couple of wickets, and caught the Australians huddled up with some long chant that ended with "AUSTRALIA, YOU FUCKING BEAUTY!!!!"
 
It's been a long way since Ponting got indignant over Pietersen's not out call in Melbourne.
 

cjdmadcow

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There are no words suitable to describe such an abject performance. I think I'm gonna have to put in my London 2012 DVD to try and cheer myself up.
 
Well done, Aussies, we shall meet again in 2015. I just hope it's stopped raining by then.