Patrick O'Sullivan for the Player's Tribune

Bozo Texino

still hates Dave Kerpen
Lifetime Member
SoSH Member
Jul 18, 2005
11,730
Austin, Texas
I thought O'Sullivan's article about the abuse he suffered at the hands of his father was worth a share.

I didn't play hockey growing up, but I heard loads of stories about awful hockey parents from my friends who did. For whatever reason, they sound like they're in their own league when it comes to this sort of abuse. Maybe I'm wrong.
 

McDrew

Set Adrift on Memory Bliss
SoSH Member
Apr 11, 2006
4,060
Portland, OR
I'm going to get personal, because this issue hits deep for me.

My wife was the product of a home like that. Much of the reason that I've brought her up about 1% as often as I did 5 years ago (when the canoe jokes started), is that after we got married, a lot of repressed abuse and dysfunction began to surface again. The job of a parent is to prepare your kids to be an adult in the real world. My wife's dad prepared her to be his slave, and used verbal and physical abuse to force compliance.

From the article:
I’m not writing this article for my father. I’m writing it for the people in the parking lot.

Yes, if you say something, you may ruin the relationship you have with that person. You may get embarrassed in front of the other hockey parents. You may have to go through the awkwardness of filing a police report.
My wife always got good grades, so people thought she was ok, despite the signs. Her mom always helped out at school, so people thought she was ok, despite the signs.

This is what needs to change the most. If you see someone that thinks they're ok, and they aren't, say something. Worst case, you're wrong and there's a reason for the negative signals you were getting. Best case, you stop abuse. Kids won't always recognize the abuse like O'Sullivan did and get past it. Kids won't always grow up and find people like me willing to be patient through dysfunctional recovery. Kids might never get the resources either O'Sullivan or my wife ever had. They need it.

Edit: removed details. They aren't needed.
 
Last edited:

TomBrunansky23

Member
SoSH Member
May 4, 2006
772
Crapchester, NY
I can personally relate to a lot of that story, my father (though nowhere near as extreme) would just go nuts on me sometimes.

The part I really liked however was O'Sullivan telling all these parents who have their kids going to camps and clinics and hiring private coaches that they are wasting their time. 100% true.
 

DJnVa

Dorito Dawg
SoSH Member
Dec 16, 2010
53,850
Someone more versed in this kind of thing--how does The Players Tribune differ from a newspaper when publishing something like this?
 

wibi

Member
SoSH Member
Jul 15, 2005
11,839
The part I really liked however was O'Sullivan telling all these parents who have their kids going to camps and clinics and hiring private coaches that they are wasting their time. 100% true.
That assumes you have access to enough ice time. Growing up we used to attend camps and clinics because it was a cheaper way to get ice time than we could rent it at the one local rink in the area.
 

TomBrunansky23

Member
SoSH Member
May 4, 2006
772
Crapchester, NY
That assumes you have access to enough ice time. Growing up we used to attend camps and clinics because it was a cheaper way to get ice time than we could rent it at the one local rink in the area.
wibi I am going to assume you are somewhere in my age range (I'm 37). When I was a kid we definitely went to camps, for example, the Sabres offered a week long camp every summer over here in Rochester (I seem to remember a lot of indoor soccer being played on the rink where they put the turf down, but I digress). No one made it out to be that attendance of said camp increased a kid's chances of a D1 scholarship or prep school offers, etc. Now, you read USA Hockey magazine (which my men's league extorted us into joining) and it's advertisement after advertisement for things called "Pro Ambitions" and "Battle Camp" etc. promising pro and college scouts and instruction from former pro players that no one has ever heard of. It's a whole industry and it is disgusting. What's more, O'Sullivan is right - none of this crap does anything for a player in terms of exposure or real skills development. If you can play the game, they come find you...
 

The Napkin

wise ass al kaprielian
Moderator
SoSH Member
Jul 13, 2002
28,535
right here