I'm ok with never taking a solid shit again this season if it means the Bruins go 97-1-0. I'm willing to take that kind of physical and emotional distress for you all. I should probably go to the ER, but I really hate waiting for things. Waiting is a form of suffering, and I'm not sure the suffering of waiting isn't worse than the suffering of constant liquid fire coming out of my ass. At least if I'm shitting I can use my phone. The hospital here doesn't get great cell phone service. To make matters worse, I had my Army physical fitness test today. 2 minutes of pushups. 2 minutes of situps. 2 mile run. 60 push-ups, 69 (nice) sit-ups, and a 14:25 minute run later, I was throwing up. I'm not sure if that was due to the physical exertion and the alcohol I drank last night, or if my butt issue is now a mouth issue too. Still better than being a Calgary fan, though.